If there’s one bank that could not be characterized as a playa-hata, that bank would be JPMorgan Chase. Having said that, the House of Dimon has been forced to deliver the less than stellar news that R. Kelly may soon need to get out of his house, on account of the fact that the R&B singer hasn’t made any mortgage payments on the 11,140-square-foot spread in over a year.
Lest you think the decision not to pay his mortgage wasn’t entirely tactical, rest assured, it was, and everything is going according to plan.
The singer stopped making payments on the mortgage in an attempt to force the bank to negotiate a modification of the loan, according to the source.
To that end, RK may also have decided to withhold payment on the house for the same reason he didn’t compensate his representation for services rendered, which is that the cash has been earmarked as hush money, as Kelly has a reputation to protect.
Last month, Mr. Kelly was hit with a $1-million lawsuit in Los Angeles by his former management firm, Prospect Park LLC. The firm alleges that Mr. Kelly withheld commissions because the money was “needed instead to ‘pay off’ various individuals threatening to expose alleged illicit, embarrassing and unlawful conduct by Kelly, including sexual misconduct,” according to Prospect’s complaint, which was filed in Los Angeles County Court.
Anyway, according to the foreclosure action filed by JPM, Robert owes $2.9 million, plus unpaid interest accruing at $251 a day. Should he not have the scratch, here are the details on what could/should potentially become Dimon’s Chi-town crash pad.
The home was constructed in the south suburb 11 years ago by Mr. Kelly, whose hits have included “I Believe I Can Fly,” “Bump N Grind” and “Ignition.” The two-story house sits behind an imposing gate on a 3.7-acre site. The structure features six full bathrooms, seven half-baths and a four-car garage, according to the Cook County Assessor’s website.
R. Kelly faces foreclosure on south suburban home [CRE]
Bank Files Foreclosure on R. Kelly’s Mansion [Rolling Stone]
Jamie Dimon gunna hate, my fans are gunna love. I don’t even want none of the above. I want to piss on you. Yes I do. I’ll piss on you; I’ll pee on you….
At least he didn’t get an interest-only, payment skipping/minimum-payment-option-enabled,
negatively amortizing, no-money-down,
prepayment-penalizing, 1-month LIBOR 30-year ARM
with a balloon from Wiz Khalifa LP
How the hell do you maintain your cred by living in the suburbs?
It’s pretty hard to foreclose on a homeowner who is trapped in a closet.
The structure features six full bathrooms, seven half-baths and a
four-car garage, according to the Cook County Assessor’s website.
Say what you will about his fiscal sense, R. Kelly has the bladder of a camel god.
Where are the clients’ payments? No, seriously, where are the payments.
-JD
Those videos are the Roots of my generation
R. Kelly needs to merge with Jeff Epstein, a bucket of urine, the incredible-edible egg, a JPM representative, and a video camera in order to survive.
Cue in David Chappelle’s ‘PIss On You’ rendition of R.Kelly. Hilarious.
AF.
40 ounces of malt liquor make me want to tell you something
Listen, the interest-only, payment skipping/minimum-payment-option-enabled,
negatively amortizing, no-money-down,
prepayment-penalizing, 1-month LIBOR 30-year ARM
with a balloon is a fantastic mortgage product that allows anyone to join the ranks of homeowners and truly experience the American Dream. Expanding homeownership is a wonderful thing, and there is virtually zero chance of these debtors defaulting.
-Kerry Killinger (March 2006)
Maybe he fell into his vat of doo doo butter
Of the six full bathrooms, five were fully equipped with toilets and bidet’s; the sixth with an underaged girl tied to the wall
I concur.
- L Blankfein (Dec 2007)
You want beef son?
-fitty
You wanna make it 10 times bro?
Post of the day right there.
C’mon guys! Why ya gotta be talking about me pissin’ on little girls?
-R.Kelly
Every room in my house is a bathroom!
Free-form haiku?
Get at me.
The Lincoln Park school for girls…. or as R Kelly knows it, the Kohler outlet store
“I believe ~ I ~ lost my house…..”
Hey R,
You can come by with the girls, but any pissing in the jacuzzi and you’re out!
“Real estate always goes up in value. Always has; always will. They don’t make it anymore! You’ll always make more money and have a great career! If you have to sleep on it you might not sleep in it! Buy now or be priced out of the market forever! Buy as much as you can in the best neighborhood! You’re not looking at a large mortgage debt; you’re looking at a mountain of gold in the future! With homes going up 20% a year, just pay the interest and flip your way to personal wealth. Take that dead money out of your house equity and buy 10 rent houses with zero down!”
-Last Words of a Real Estate Agent About to be Hanged in Florida for Economic Crimes Against Humanity
“[Jamie Dimon] I wish you WOULD try burn my motherfvckin’ clothes!”
Mine too!!!
-L.D.
Game. Set. Match
Saw a two people fighting in the streets yesterday and a fat white kid recording them. When one of the guys noticed, he charged the kid and said “Yo Ni**a im realz hood what you doin Im HOOD!” and proceeded to steal and break the kids phone.
RKelly could take a lesson from this guy the next time someone records him pissing on minors. He could skip the court battle and maybe keep his street cred, prolly not but maybe.
“You can print money, manufacture diamonds, and people are a dime a dozen, but they’ll always need land. It’s the one thing they’re not making any more of” – Lex Luthor (2006)
“Cosa c’è di sbagliato con le ragazze adolescenti? E ‘meglio se li cazzo che per loro di diventare gay”.
-Silvio Berlusconi
Jamie and I got a table at South Pointe in Southampton this weekend, y’all invited
Alright guys, the notice isn’t working. Switch to Plan B: Give him a JP Morgan Cashiers Check and when he comes to the bank to cash it, book’em.
-J. Dimon
Thats my Robert, always peeing on people
Jamie Dimon hates black people.
Living in Farmington is THE new street cred.
Where my sub-primers at?