Cuts are apparently a’ coming next month.
As previously mentioned, UBS has been considering letting 5,000 employees know their services are no longer necessary at the bank, and with some less than stellar earnings today that have the bank reevaluating everything from its profit target to its meaning in life, the cuts seem even more likely. While some reports have noted that the axings will be mostly contained to back office, we’re told that they’re expected to be “across the board with FICC and Trading taking the biggest hits” and occur “before September,” which is going to ruin the Beamers Back To School party.
more cuts than the last tomato can Pacman destroyed
too many ubs posts recently. we get it. ubs sucks. ok.
go back to the old format
Hey dipshit- can I call you dipshit? Dipshit- UBS gets written about because they’re in the news. Today, in fact, they did something called report earnings, which sucked more dick than your mom did last week, and is why they’re laying off a shitton of people. When they’re not doing stuff that gets them in the news, they won’t be written about.
I’m right on top of that Rose!
Now where will the beta males roam?
they can QB for the Giants
Now, every commenter knows that a little ribbing about the new layout is manageable.u00a0 But if we stay on the current path, the growingu00a0negativeu00a0comments about the new layout could cost us comments and do serious damage to the Dealbreaker comment threads as a whole.u00a0 More of our comment time will go toward reading and dismissing these useless comments. Commenters will be less likely to open up their minds and create new memes. Frustration could climb for everyone who reads these comments u2013 the UBS Analyst that needs a respite, the student intern with the hope to be a well known commenter, the Joke Briefer that wants to expand his knack for briefing us on jokes.u00a0 And we wonu2019t have enough intellectual capital to make “Like”-creating investments in things like Shawshank Quotes and tales of Taco Bell sexual exploits, or “Like” vital memes like UBS Sucks! and Meet me at Minetta’s.nnThank you, Kill Yourself, and God Bless the Dealbreaker Community.
Nobody comes to your work and slaps the dick outcha mouth so can it.
UBS Layoff Day aka Mercy Killing Day
Anyone see the margin call trailer?nnhttp://gawker.com/5824819/margin-call-the-guys-who-ruined-everything
you’re pathetic
Shortly after, Stamford bureaucrats were dumbfounded to find out that repossession rates of Honda vehicles quadrupled.
Furiously trying to make a rose costume out of office products, lost and found items.
Maybe they should start with Carsten
the token ginger mask on the fixed income desk is still safe right?
Easy on the Newb, Ozzie.
you mad bro?n
So short Honda long Robert Half? u00a0
Any takers for a 1998 Prelude?u00a0 I think we all know the impressive specs.u00a0 I’ll throw in a sweet oil can muffler and Poison’s Greatest hits CD.nnn-Guy who’s not worried about cuts (but is in market for an Element)
Don’t feel overwhelmed, just do one thing at a time.
You know just what will happen. They’ll announce this “move”, give boxes only to a select few, and anyone else is Left Behind and misses the slimmed-down UBS Rapture.
they can GM for the Knicks.nn- I. Thomas
UBS doesn’t just suck…..they ROYALLY suck!
furious familiarize yourself with the quote:u00a0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vo_O07US-pw&feature=related
It is the ABCs of UBS…All aBout Carsten….the guy, who has some serious issues with certain types of people, is driving the biz into the ground.u00a0 Grubel should be shot for not shooting him.u00a0u00a0 All of you without contracts, pls stand still as we take aim at your head.u00a0 Good night FICC, and the UBS IB.
You might be quite welcome! Thanks for writing the book!