Archive for July 2011

As you may have heard, the debt ceiling debates are not going so well. John Boehner has described dealing with the Democrats as not unlike “dealing with Jell-o” (“Some days it’s firmer than others. Sometimes it’s like they’ve left it out over night…last weekend it was damn near liquid”). Harry Reid has said Eric Cantor is acting “juvenile” and “shouldn’t even be at the table.” A resolution is nowhere in sight and some days it feels like Derek Jeter’s lucky ball is the only one taking this thing seriously. President Obama wants this thing wrapped up by tomorrow and if it doesn’t get done? He’s going to force Congressional leaders to spend the weekend at his vacation house in Maryland. Continue reading »

Yesterday we learned the disturbing news that R. Kelly may soon lose his house, on account of not having paid his mortgage since June 2010. Kelly owes JPMorgan $2.9 million, plus unpaid interest accruing at $251 a day on the suburban Chicago spread and while he probably has a few other places in which to crash, this place is special as it comes with six full bathrooms, seven half-baths, and 12 walk-in closets. What was the R&B singer to do? His options appeared limited. Then, today, while thumbing through the international section…eureka. Continue reading »

Feisty earnings call from JPMorgan after strong earnings, with surprisingly good performance in fixed income trading and underwriting businesses and a lot of confidence from Jamie Dimon and Doug Braunstein around the appropriateness of mortgage/litigation reserves (especially now that they’ve had a chance to go through R. Kelly’s house and are getting their heads around the awesome parties they can throw there). But some mixed messages on Dimon’s campaign for Treasury Secretary:

Get your hands off his bank

Ed Najarian of ISI asks if they would consider going back to the Fed to request approval for additional capital return. Dimon:

The board is responsible for this company, not just the regulators. It’s still America. Capitalism is still alive. If regulators start making all capital decisions then they should be the board.

So … that’s a yes then.
Continue reading »

  • 14 Jul 2011 at 8:05 AM

Opening Bell: 07.14.11

JPMorgan Beats Estimates as Net Rises 13% (Bloomberg)
The bank said net income rose 13 percent, higher than analysts estimated, as more borrowers paid on time and the bank reduced credit-card loan-loss reserves by $1 billion. Second-quarter net income climbed to $5.43 billion, or $1.27 a share, from $4.8 billion, or $1.09, in the same period a year earlier and compared with a record $5.56 billion, or $1.28, in the first quarter, the New York-based company said today in a statement. The average per-share estimate for earnings was $1.21, projected by 28 analysts surveyed by Bloomberg.

President Obama abruptly walks out of talks (Politico)
When Cantor said the two sides were too far apart to get a deal that could pass the House by the Treasury Department’s Aug. 2 deadline — and that he would consider moving a short-term debt-limit increase alongside smaller spending cuts — Obama began to lecture him. “Eric, don’t call my bluff,” the president said, warning Cantor that he would take his case “to the American people.” He told Cantor that no other president — not Ronald Reagan, the president said — would sit through such negotiations. Democratic sources dispute Cantor’s version of Obama’s walk out, but all sides agree that the two had a blow up. The sources described Obama as “impassioned” but said he didn’t exactly storm out of the room. “Cantor’s account of tonight’s meeting is completely overblown. For someone who knows how to walk out of a meeting, you’d think he’d know it when he saw it,” a Democratic aide said. “Cantor rudely interrupted the president three times to advocate for short-term debt ceiling increases while the president was wrapping the meeting…”

Top Republicans clash over debt-limit plan (WaPo)
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (Ky.), who offered a proposal this week that would allow President Obama to raise the federal debt limit without guaranteed spending cuts, warned that the Republican Party could “destroy” its brand with voters if Congress allows the government to default…But House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (Va.) rejected McConnell’s plan for resolving the debt stalemate, instead vowing to press ahead with the campaign to roll back government spending.

Bill Gross’s Warning to Washington: Don’t mess with the debt ceiling (WaPo)
“I say unbiased because my credentials have become very public over the past several months. Pimco owns very few Treasury securities, and its clients would theoretically benefit if yields rose on an under-owned asset class that was technically in default. But default would still be a huge negative for the U.S. and global financial markets, introducing fear and unnecessary volatility into the economy and global trade. The market situation might resemble what happened after Lehman Brothers collapsed in 2008.”

China Urges U.S. to Take Responsible Action on Debt (NYT)
“We hope that the U.S. government adopts responsible policies and measures to guarantee the interests of investors,” Reuters quoted a foreign ministry spokesman, Hong Lei, as saying…China holds more than $1 trillion in U.S. Treasury securities, more than any other country, making it highly sensitive to any developments that could lower the value of those holdings.

Raters Put U.S. on Notice (WSJ)
Moody’s Investors Service said it was reviewing the government’s top Aaa bond rating for a possible downgrade, citing the “rising possibility” that the government’s $14.29 trillion borrowing limit won’t be raised soon enough to prevent the U.S. from running out of money to pay its bills. In addition, ratings agency Standard & Poor’s privately has told lawmakers and top business groups it might cut the U.S. credit rating if the government fails to make any of its expected payments—including Social Security checks—even if it makes all its debt payments, people familiar with the matter said. Continue reading »

  • 13 Jul 2011 at 7:12 PM

Write-Offs: 07.13.11

$$$ Moody’s Places US Aaa Government Bond Rating and Related Ratings on Review for Possible Downgrade (Moody’s)

$$$ QE3 talk pushes gold to nominal record (FT)

$$$ Boehner: No one wants to risk government default, would be a crapshoot (AP via WaPo)

$$$ Fitch downgrades Greece on lack of funding program (Reuters)

$$$ IMF urges private sector to share Greek burden (FT)

$$$ How to Save the Euro: Letting Greece default might be the only way (WSJ)

$$$ Citadel ends plan to be market maker in treasuries (Reuters)

$$$ Guilty pleas hint at next steps in insider cases (Reuters)

$$$ Options Trader, Actor Advance at Poker Series (Bloomberg) Continue reading »

Earlier today, Ben Bernanke had the pleasure of sitting down for a little Q&A with Congress about the economy. Former Real World cast member Sean Duffy inquired as to whether or not raising taxes would hurt job growth. Ron Paul asked if gold is money and had his mind blown when he was told it was not. And Maxine Waters wanted to know why two white bitches got money from TALF when minority-owned banks didn’t see a dime. Continue reading »

So you might think that buying a Banco Santander covered bond backed by debt of Spanish municipalities – presumably the ones that don’t have any people – would be kind of unattractive to most investors. And you’d be right! Since no one bought it. But, of course, if I told you that everyone else was buying it, then that would be a totally different proposition. Except for it being the exact same bond.

But to avoid that confusion, the WSJ reports, the International Capital Market Association, a European pseudo-regulator, is considering issuing new guidelines limiting banks’ abilities to blatantly lie about subscription levels in new debt offerings.
Continue reading »

Until 2007, investment manager Andrew Oberwager and his girlfriend Karolina Stefansi were a happy, highly educated couple in love. Oberwager was a PM at Columbus Circle Partners, who had earned the right to not only put the letters C, F, and A after his signature, but M and D as well, having graduated from Harvard Med school before getting into investing. Stefanski, left, was a former Playboy model from Germany, who had earned her journalism degree from Suffolk University (the $33,000 tuition for which Obes covered). Thing were good. Then MDCFA maybe supposedly started an affair with a chick from Texas he met online, a relationship Stefanski was not cool with even though it probably meant nothing to Oberwags (i.e. he didn’t put her through vet school) and she took it to mean that upon breaking up, she was entitled to write herself a check from his account for $80,000.

Stefanski…contends the blank check was for her personal use. She wrote it out for $80,000 when she decided to return to Germany….Attorney Kurosh Marjani is arguing, however, that Stefanski had no authority to write out a blank check for $80,000. The blank check was meant to pay for household expenses, Oberwager testified Tuesday

Also? He wants the $33,00 back, too. Plus interest. Continue reading »

Apparently the House of Morgan is mulling over what the firm would look like with a few thousand less employees. Continue reading »

Listen up, people. From time to time around these parts we like to offer you How To Guides, to getting your shit done. Most recently we laid out the steps necessary to getting any bonus you want. Those who followed the instructions were more than pleased with their numbers come D-Day. Those who did not were laughed out of the room. Today’s How To is a bit more next level. On the surface it’s about how to run bank/hedge fund/private equity firm/financial institution of your choosing. But as literally anyone can do that, we’re not going to waste our time. Instead, we’ll be showing you how to take a failing bank/hedge fund/private equity firm/financial institution of your choosing and turn that shit around. It’s the difference between not having anyone to answer to when you decide to put a bronze casting of your balls in the lobby and have a giant-sized rendering of said balls replace those of the bull on Wall Street. This is an organic conversation in which you should feel free to toss ideas of your own but to get things started we’re going to offer a bunch of tips we’ve picked up in conversations with seasoned vets. Such as:

1. How to handle the succession plan with the current (and outgoing CEO): As you may or may not even be employed by the firm you’re about to take over, the fact that you’re naming yourself head honcho may come as a shock. Deal with it thusly: walk into his office, inform him you’ve acquired 51% of the company and that as such, “I’m fucking in, and you’re fucking out. Now get the fuck out of my chair.” Continue reading »

Let’s pause for a minute and talk about how Ben Bernanke has now confessed that he’s nothing but a tool of the fractional reserve conspiracy that has inflated the global ponzi scheme and destroyed American prosperity and power with its worthless fiat money. Thank hero Ron Paul for finally getting him to admit the truth:

Ron Paul: Do you think gold is money?
Bernanke: [long pause, stares into space, ponders how pretty the flowers must be in Princeton this time of year] No. It’s a precious metal.
Ron Paul: It’s not money? Even if it has been money for 6,000 years*, somebody reversed that, eliminated that economic law?
Bernanke: Well, it’s, y’know, it’s an asset. It’s the same — would you say Treasury bills are money? I don’t think they’re money either but they’re a financial asset.
Ron Paul: Why do central banks hold it if it’s not money?
Bernanke: Well, it’s a form of reserves.
Ron Paul: Why don’t they hold diamonds?
Bernanke: Well it’s tradition, long-term tradition.
Ron Paul: [laughs derisively] Some people still think it’s money.

Continue reading »