• 10 Aug 2011 at 2:47 PM

Jamie Dimon Has A Bedtime Story For America

Confidence is like a secret sauce. It is hard to measure…so here’s what I would say to the American people in total. When you go to sleep at night think about the following before you get depressed and you see the market down 500 points: This nation is still the greatest nation on the planet. It was the first democracy on the planet. We have the best military. God bless all our veterans all around the world. Those who have served and those who are serving today. We have the best universities, best military, best rule of law, most innovation, the hardest working ethic of all. Those thing will be here for decades. They aren’t going away. The strength in the system will blow your socks off when it gets out of this malaise we’re in. [CNBC]

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Comments (45)

  1. Posted by derp | August 10, 2011 at 2:58 PM

    Insider tip: There is a fantastic recipe for bearnaise sauce hidden in Jamie's message

  2. Posted by FKApmco | August 10, 2011 at 3:02 PM

    So the American people go to bed tonight, think about the things Jamie suggests, maybe even dream about them, and wake up tomorrow still unemployed or watching their retirement savings massively decrease in value for the second time in 3 years. King Jamie…always a man of the people. Cake anyone?

  3. Posted by Put_Option | August 10, 2011 at 3:02 PM

    I'll show you secret sauce…

    – MK Lallana

  4. Posted by Texashedge | August 10, 2011 at 3:02 PM

    Ok, something must be horribly wrong.

  5. Posted by trojan_ | August 10, 2011 at 3:07 PM

    jamie, you can have nocturnal emissions over America. i'll stick to nocturnal emissions over Olivia Wilde.

  6. Posted by ReligiousWacko | August 10, 2011 at 3:09 PM

    Military: it's better to freeload of US for defense (Europe) and/or have policies that do not antagonize so many (e.g. brazil)
    Rule of Law: are we better than Australia, Canada, Sweden, or Singapore?

  7. Posted by SubtleEchoPenTroll | August 10, 2011 at 3:10 PM

    Aren't we going to get a post on Roubini's tweet making a joke about the helicopter shot down in Afghanistan? Come on BL, bury the guy.

  8. Posted by George Papandreou | August 10, 2011 at 3:12 PM

    daaaawg, I was totally gonna use that first democracy line!

  9. Posted by Nevermind | August 10, 2011 at 3:13 PM

    First democracy …. lol

  10. Posted by Guest | August 10, 2011 at 3:13 PM

    Google Translate:

    "Don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Just remember Dimon 2016."

  11. Posted by Put_Option | August 10, 2011 at 3:13 PM

    Great photo.

    18 yet?


    – G. Quagmire

  12. Posted by lax BRO | August 10, 2011 at 3:13 PM

    That new first global Democracy

  13. Posted by geoffgeoffgeoff | August 10, 2011 at 3:13 PM

    Socks are for studs.

    -Anthony Kiedis

  14. Posted by Guest | August 10, 2011 at 3:14 PM

    Do they have spell check in wacko land?

  15. Posted by FKApmco | August 10, 2011 at 3:27 PM

    Sally is 19 or 20 in this pic but Gidget was only 15-16. That averages to 18, right?

  16. Posted by (-) | August 10, 2011 at 3:28 PM

    I know right, you think he would have learned something at his tier III liberal arts college with a BA in English

  17. Posted by (-) | August 10, 2011 at 3:29 PM

    so best guess on Dimon's running mate for 2016

  18. Posted by NAS Keflavik boi | August 10, 2011 at 3:32 PM

    Well, at least in the US you don't get caned for throwing a gumwrapper in the gutter

  19. Posted by PermaGuestII | August 10, 2011 at 3:39 PM

    Bit ironic for Mr. Dimonides to make that mistake, no?

  20. Posted by PermaGuestII | August 10, 2011 at 3:42 PM

    "have policies that do not antagonize so many (e.g. brazil)"

    We beg to differ.


  21. Posted by Guest | August 10, 2011 at 3:52 PM


  22. Posted by Cosqueesha | August 10, 2011 at 3:57 PM

    and then there's Chris Matthew's chills up his leg and down his pants.

  23. Posted by Put_Option | August 10, 2011 at 4:12 PM

    I'm not here to check IDs, I'll just take your word for it.

    How bout JG Melon tonight at 9? Great bloody bulls and burgers.

  24. Posted by Rahodeb | August 10, 2011 at 4:17 PM

    Wait, did JD call the close?

  25. Posted by Cobra McJingleballs | August 10, 2011 at 4:18 PM

    Yeah, well Chet Haze just signed my penis.

  26. Posted by Buster | August 10, 2011 at 4:25 PM

    Didn't Obama convey a similar message to the American people to ease their fears? Oh that's right he doesn't believe in American Exceptionalism or other basic facts.

  27. Posted by CurrencyTrader | August 10, 2011 at 4:39 PM

    What do Dimons dream of when they take a little Dimon Snooze?
    Does he dream of mauling Pandits? Or Druries in her black spandex?
    Well don't you worry your pretty salt and peppered head
    Were going to get you back to solvency in your cozy satin bed
    And then we are going to find our best friend United States
    And then we are going to give him a best friend hand shake!
    Americcaaa oh Americaaaaaa, America, America, America
    But if Americas been taken over by nutjob teabaggers, well then we're shit out of luck

  28. Posted by ahahah | August 10, 2011 at 4:58 PM

    He didn't really say we have the "hardest [work] ethic" did he? Foxconn workers beg to differ…

  29. Posted by Guest | August 10, 2011 at 5:07 PM

    For a man who was a history major, he should know America isn’t the first democracy.

  30. Posted by Ghost of Reagan | August 10, 2011 at 5:10 PM

    This sounds like a guy who needs to get in the race for 2012, by entering the Democratic Primary.

  31. Posted by GoAwayPlease | August 10, 2011 at 6:31 PM

    Seriously dude. Quit your day job and go off the grid. Make 100% sure there is no access to the interweb wherever you end up.

  32. Posted by Assburgher | August 10, 2011 at 9:29 PM

    I've been telling people for years to look at Japan. Sure, after their speculative real estate bubble burst the resulting deleveraging caused deflation and asset prices being hugely down for two decades (and counting) but it's still a good place to live compared to most of the world. It's not as if they turned into Zimbabwe or something.

    So we have that in our favor. Well, minus the racially homogenous and docile population.

  33. Posted by 734bro | August 10, 2011 at 9:54 PM

    You saw that 60 Minutes segment too? Brazil seems like such a chill 3rd world country to live in, bra.

  34. Posted by guest | August 11, 2011 at 1:53 AM

    Japs have a homogeneous society with few malcontents and few freeloaders. USA has through LBJ's "Great Society" raised a whole class of freeloading malcontents who think they are entitled to my hard earned gains. I'm so happy with the way things are progressing I bought a Sig Sauer 556 today. Now to scope it and get prepared for the coming Black Swan.
    .223 is the NKI!

  35. Posted by HFguy | August 11, 2011 at 4:26 AM

    Wearing a blue shirt while giving a nationalistic speech = good PR skill

  36. Posted by Guest | August 11, 2011 at 4:41 AM

    "Americans have the best work ethic."

    Wait, what?

  37. Posted by Sir Hawkeye | August 11, 2011 at 6:16 AM

    Quit being a negative nancy, nacy.

  38. Posted by Cheif Pimp | August 11, 2011 at 6:21 AM

    Hi Spitzer!!! Would you like like to order the same girl?

  39. Posted by LBJ | August 11, 2011 at 11:38 PM

    Thank you for that comment, David Duke.

  40. Posted by jeff hoffman | August 12, 2011 at 1:50 AM

    " It was the first democracy on the planet "

    Thanks for your contribution to the textbook. —- the Texas Schoolboard

  41. Posted by Dan | August 12, 2011 at 12:23 PM

    The first democracy on the planet? Democracy has its origins in ancient Greece. Leave it to the U.S. to found a principle that has existed for over a thousand years. It's like "discovering" a land that was already inhabited by indigenous people.

  42. Posted by Lars | August 15, 2011 at 12:00 PM

    …"It was the first democracy on the planet." Mr Dimon's error has already been pointed out … Greece founded the first Democracy, but the other error is this country is actually a Republic using a democratic process to elect representatives … proof, just recite the Pledge of Alligence "… and to the Republic for which we stand …"

    You can also check out the definition of a Republic … " a government in which supreme power resides in a body of citizens entitled to vote and is exercised by elected officers and representatives responsible to them and governing according to law "

    So Mr Dimon's is wrong on two accounts.

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