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Jamie Dimon Has A Bedtime Story For America

Confidence is like a secret sauce. It is hard to measure…so here’s what I would say to the American people in total. When you go to sleep at night think about the following before you get depressed and you see the market down 500 points: This nation is still the greatest nation on the planet. It was the first democracy on the planet. We have the best military. God bless all our veterans all around the world. Those who have served and those who are serving today. We have the best universities, best military, best rule of law, most innovation, the hardest working ethic of all. Those thing will be here for decades. They aren’t going away. The strength in the system will blow your socks off when it gets out of this malaise we’re in. [CNBC]

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45 Responses to “Jamie Dimon Has A Bedtime Story For America”

  1. derp says:

    Insider tip: There is a fantastic recipe for bearnaise sauce hidden in Jamie's message

  2. FKApmco says:

    So the American people go to bed tonight, think about the things Jamie suggests, maybe even dream about them, and wake up tomorrow still unemployed or watching their retirement savings massively decrease in value for the second time in 3 years. King Jamie…always a man of the people. Cake anyone?

  3. Put_Option says:

    I'll show you secret sauce…

    – MK Lallana

  4. Texashedge says:

    Ok, something must be horribly wrong.

  5. trojan_ says:

    jamie, you can have nocturnal emissions over America. i'll stick to nocturnal emissions over Olivia Wilde.

  6. ReligiousWacko says:

    Military: it's better to freeload of US for defense (Europe) and/or have policies that do not antagonize so many (e.g. brazil)
    Rule of Law: are we better than Australia, Canada, Sweden, or Singapore?

    • Guest says:

      Do they have spell check in wacko land?

      • (-) says:

        I know right, you think he would have learned something at his tier III liberal arts college with a BA in English

    • NAS Keflavik boi says:

      Well, at least in the US you don't get caned for throwing a gumwrapper in the gutter

    • PermaGuestII says:

      "have policies that do not antagonize so many (e.g. brazil)"

      We beg to differ.

      Co-signed,
      -Argentina
      -Paraguay
      -Uruguay
      -Bolivia

    • 734bro says:

      You saw that 60 Minutes segment too? Brazil seems like such a chill 3rd world country to live in, bra.

  7. SubtleEchoPenTroll says:

    Aren't we going to get a post on Roubini's tweet making a joke about the helicopter shot down in Afghanistan? Come on BL, bury the guy.

  8. George Papandreou says:

    daaaawg, I was totally gonna use that first democracy line!

  9. Nevermind says:

    First democracy …. lol

  10. Guest says:

    Google Translate:

    "Don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Just remember Dimon 2016."

  11. lax BRO says:

    That new first global Democracy

  12. geoffgeoffgeoff says:

    Socks are for studs.

    -Anthony Kiedis

  13. (-) says:

    so best guess on Dimon's running mate for 2016

  14. Rahodeb says:

    Wait, did JD call the close?

  15. Cobra McJingleballs says:

    Yeah, well Chet Haze just signed my penis.

  16. Buster says:

    Didn't Obama convey a similar message to the American people to ease their fears? Oh that's right he doesn't believe in American Exceptionalism or other basic facts.

  17. What do Dimons dream of when they take a little Dimon Snooze?
    Does he dream of mauling Pandits? Or Druries in her black spandex?
    Well don't you worry your pretty salt and peppered head
    Were going to get you back to solvency in your cozy satin bed
    And then we are going to find our best friend United States
    And then we are going to give him a best friend hand shake!
    Americcaaa oh Americaaaaaa, America, America, America
    But if Americas been taken over by nutjob teabaggers, well then we're shit out of luck

    • GoAwayPlease says:

      Seriously dude. Quit your day job and go off the grid. Make 100% sure there is no access to the interweb wherever you end up.

  18. ahahah says:

    He didn't really say we have the "hardest [work] ethic" did he? Foxconn workers beg to differ…

  19. Guest says:

    For a man who was a history major, he should know America isn’t the first democracy.

  20. Ghost of Reagan says:

    This sounds like a guy who needs to get in the race for 2012, by entering the Democratic Primary.

  21. Assburgher says:

    I've been telling people for years to look at Japan. Sure, after their speculative real estate bubble burst the resulting deleveraging caused deflation and asset prices being hugely down for two decades (and counting) but it's still a good place to live compared to most of the world. It's not as if they turned into Zimbabwe or something.

    So we have that in our favor. Well, minus the racially homogenous and docile population.

    • guest says:

      Japs have a homogeneous society with few malcontents and few freeloaders. USA has through LBJ's "Great Society" raised a whole class of freeloading malcontents who think they are entitled to my hard earned gains. I'm so happy with the way things are progressing I bought a Sig Sauer 556 today. Now to scope it and get prepared for the coming Black Swan.
      .223 is the NKI!

  22. HFguy says:

    Wearing a blue shirt while giving a nationalistic speech = good PR skill

  23. Guest says:

    "Americans have the best work ethic."

    Wait, what?

  24. jeff hoffman says:

    " It was the first democracy on the planet "

    Thanks for your contribution to the textbook. —- the Texas Schoolboard

  25. Dan says:

    The first democracy on the planet? Democracy has its origins in ancient Greece. Leave it to the U.S. to found a principle that has existed for over a thousand years. It's like "discovering" a land that was already inhabited by indigenous people.

  26. Lars says:

    …"It was the first democracy on the planet." Mr Dimon's error has already been pointed out … Greece founded the first Democracy, but the other error is this country is actually a Republic using a democratic process to elect representatives … proof, just recite the Pledge of Alligence "… and to the Republic for which we stand …"

    You can also check out the definition of a Republic … " a government in which supreme power resides in a body of citizens entitled to vote and is exercised by elected officers and representatives responsible to them and governing according to law "

    So Mr Dimon's is wrong on two accounts.

  27. 2hPsdk Appreciate you sharing, great post.Thanks Again. Great.

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