Remember, back in April, when Bank of America decided it was tired of posting negative profits? And so that people would know they were dead serious about the goal of, rather than losing money, making it, gave their mission a special codename called Project New BAC? And then announced internally that PNBAC, led by 44 executives, would “fan out around the company to ask employees low-and high-level for ideas on how they can do their jobs better and how BofA can tweak its financial-product offerings to make the more appealing,” in addition to “reducing expenses”? Well, they did, and here’s what Team PNBAC came up with: everyone’s getting fired.
Bank of America is cutting 3,500 jobs in the current quarter and working on a broader restructuring that could eliminate thousands of additional positions, people familiar with the situation said. The 3,500 positions are spread across the nation’s largest bank by assets, including investment banking and trading, and the cuts are expected to be completed by the end of September. Some employees already have been notified. Thousands of additional reductions are expected as part of an aggressive overhaul known as “Project New BAC,” after the Charlotte, N.C., bank’s ticker symbol. Executives at the bank still are discussing the possible range of cuts, but one person familiar with the situation said at least 10,000 jobs are likely to be eliminated.
The PNBAC committee would like to thank everyone who put this and other ideas in the suggestion box, including “Ken Lewis revealing 12-month wall calendar” and “Ken Lewis Boone’s of the Month Club- members pay me to sample and review,” both left by “Definitely Not Ken Lewis.”
Bank of America Set To Slice Jobs [WSJ]
Earlier: Bank Of America Needs Help Coming Up With Cost-Cutting, Profit-Generating Ideas
Related: Angelo Mozilo: Bank of America “will reap the benefits of what we have sowed.”
Oof. Brutal.
Bank of America sucks
I still get paid
Wait…. Why is everyone looking at me? I sold you a great company so you can reap the benefits of what I had sowed
Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really, really well.
You're welcome
Um, yeah, I'm going to need you to come in on Saturday, yeah.
Thank buddy ;)
Need the boat again this weekend?
Kill yourself
Good news is they are sticking with thier commitment to supply company issued lapel pins and name tags.
Its brutal for sure, its just another hit in this rocky economy
go search: DailyJobCuts
We have some major problems with the economy we need to address and start to fix.
I am still on as the interior decorator right…?
I understand this situation and can help. In banking, like the NFL, when you are where you are relative to last year, uh, in that where you want to be is a "tweak", uh, and let me be clear, a tweak of the system to "optimize" your prior decisions despite their later determined, uh, flaws, then, being where you are now is better than where you were a while ago, in that the ramifications, uh, so-to-speak, are consistent with the consistency that you had in the past and "will have" going to where you want to be in a changing environment.
Jerry Jones
Dallas, Texas
"Throughout Bank of America's history, we have held one purpose – to help everyone we work with realize their dreams. In fulfilling this purpose, a constant theme in our work has been “opportunity.”
We create opportunities for customers to buy a home, to attend college, or to retire with security. We create opportunities for businesses to grow. We create opportunities for all of us to build stronger communities in which to live and work. And, we also create opportunities for our associates to fulfill their personal and professional potential."
http://careers.bankofamerica.com/overview/overvie...
Mozillo and Lewis are partying together somewhere laughing at Thain still working. These dudes know when to bail
hey why you're at it maybe lay off the fried foods.
I don't get these Jerry Jones posts. Can Joke Briefer or someone else help me out here?
You're new here, aren't you?
"why you're at it"?
Having a tough time digesting this one, too.
LAYOFFS! WERE TALKING ABOUT LAYOFFS?!?!?1?!
-Jim Mora-ynihan
You gotta show you care by sporting the "flair"
epic
Practicing your "just in case I run for President" lines here Mr. Trump?.
Any insiders care to share which departments are bending over the farthest?
This would never happen in Lichtenstein.
No one had the balls to for this innovative idea: get a new CEO
It's been tried.
It's a typo. They meant to write: "Get to work bitches, and bend over while you are at it. If you are good, you will get a raise about half the inflation rate…remember it could be worse!….Now go be happy employees"
"you're"…dude seriously?
Can we still make Merrill Advisor's open checking accounts?
My sweetheart Kenny would never let this happen
Perhaps I can provide somewhat of a "defense" for the alleged Jerry Jones posts of recent days.
Mr. Jones, who earlier made his money in oil and gas exploration, is the owner and alleged "general manager" of the Dallas Cowboys professional football team. He has not had much success over the last 17 years that were capped by last year's SuperBowl hosting efforts¹.
Mr. Jones is well known for his somewhat rambling statements about current and future performance of his team. In fact, the "Fake Jerry" interviews at 1310th ticket.com have achieved cult popularity status in the DFW "metroplex".
I suspect that the original poster was just warming up for a day of commenting and created a "ramble" using Jones and BAC. It i a well known fact, however, that Rev. Billy Graham and Jerry Jones have a similar ability: They can both make 50,000 people in a stadium jump up and shout, "Jesus Christ!"
Hope that helps,
The Joke Briefer
————————————-
1. "Dumbass! The Winning History of the Dallas Cowboys Since the Departure of Coach Jimmy Johnson" by Dallas Cowboy Seat License Holders Everywhere, Chuck 'n Duck Press, page 1005.
Thanks for your input. Please go back to Yahoo! finance.
Dear Jen,
No one cares about your shitty web site.
Regards,
Everyone
How about laying off Brian Moynihan and Anne Finucane?
I heard from a friend that the bank has made wide sweeping reductions to the National Home Builder platform. They will be a shadow of what they once were (a la what happened to CMBS).
At least the sushi is cheap in Charlotte.
Besides the ever appropriate “your mom” statement?
Have arrogant former colleague in rates area who was crowing about his guarantee last year, wondering if he'll be there next year. Yes, I'm 12.
Yes, I always love sushi from landlocked cities!
is this even a real bank?
Better plan, fire all employees and just have bonus grubbing CEO taking all proceeds! One employee one big bonus check the NKI!
I thought I firewalled Dealbreaker
How about going out of business
I assume you failed your TOEFL in addition to your CFA Level 1.
Here's a start-cut half of the 6000 Human Resource and Compensation "associates" !!!
We are adding a little something to this months sales contest, as you all know;
1st prize is a cadillac eldorado,
2nd prize is a set of steak knives,
…3rd prize is you’re fired.
I suggested cutting jobs to save money instead of biscuits. This morning myself along with 3,499 other souls were laid off. Needless to say, my plan backfired. Now I have no job and worse – no biscuits.
-former BAC quant who is seriously looking into selling hot dogs.
you know, the COMMENTS SECTION was funnier when we could rate them! shit like “UBS SUCKS” and “BOFA SUCKS” were 5x funnier when they were complemented by a +33 or +55!!
See ya US Trust!
Is it too late to get a refund on Merrill Lynch?
-BAC Board of Trustees
Hey now we knew this was coming, nobody ever said they be straight maxin' that Bank of America debit card.
Jamie is right, if you take into account quality-of-asses, Chase's 1T balance sheet > BOA's
see what i did there?
Board of Trustees?
Landlocked cities are the NKI…Des Moines where you at?
Because the stuff you got last night at Haru was freshly caught in lower New York bay?
Germans?
what, and get hit with a discrimination suit? eff that!
Coney Island Whitefish roll, mmmmm
at least it is low overhead.
Wish I was a bartender near the BAC building tonight in NYC
this statement applies only to HR folks because someone has to hire consultants to give exit interviews.
Asshole.
Has BAC taken over UBS for the new sucking it?
For the tips or so you could hit on distraught people?
Lev fin is tagged
- recently notified ex baml lev fin banker
God that image does not go well with my hangover…
apple bottom jeans, jeans
boots wit da fur, fur
she had da whole club lookin at her
then the dow hit the flo, hit the flo
her BofA husband got low low low low low low low low
then baggy sweat pants and da reeboks wit the straps
that wall street trader got the chick with the crabs
he hit the flo, hit the flo
the dow industrials got low low low low low low low low
so sexual, she was flexible
hedge fund manager – he was wreckable
columbia MBA, who wouldn’t know, wouldn’t know?
the dow got low low low low low low low low
B.S. in Operations Research to her ass,
boots wit da fur
she had the whole school lookin at her
her quantitative internship hit the flo, hit the flo,
the dow got low low low low low low low low
B.S. in Financial Engineering in her puss,
boots wit da fur,
she had the whole school lookin at her
her quant trading internship hit the flo, hit the flo,
the dow got low low low low low low low low
M.S in Computer Science, double penetration in her holes,
boots wit da fur,
she had the whole quad lookin at her
her quantitative analyst internship hit the flo, hit the flo,
the dow got low low low low low low low low
B.S. in Economics on her tits,
boots wit da fur,
she had the whole city lookin at her
her ibanking internship hit the flo, hit the flo,
the dow got low low low low low low low low
So sexual, she was flexible
Professional, my J.D. told her so,
drinkable and ooooo,
shawty got low low low low low low low low
sincerely,
bored hot law school guy at work as as law clerk in manhattan
Columbia Law School ’12
That wasn't worthy of a New York Law School '10. You are SOOO not getting an offer.
I say, I say, uh son! What are you, what are you, I say, what are you 'a talkin about?
Both.
CBS Follies have really gone downhill….
Seriously? 25th Hour Trader gets a net thumbs down on this?
This was a great tie-in from the opening bell post.
-Guy who appreciates 25th Hour Trader's clever humor.
Na Na Na Na…Na Na Na Na…hey hey GOOD FUCKING BYE! Bank of America is dead!
I can't be the only one originally from Iowa watching Dealbreaker. Taki Japanese Steakhouse on 86th.
Back to BAC stinking….lets say you work in Des Moines, if you are super lucky you work at Principal or Aviva but either way they own you. Full stop. When you are in Des Moines and get cut the unemployment line is loooooong.
if it means their coffe will taste less like ATM's grease im ……………nahhh
still think they should crush and burn.
ps
Is it unamerican to wish ill to bank of america?
i sure hope all these over-drought fees will be used to something constructive.
like, rebuilding your branches after a future unrest.
Yes..I still get paid
Bring back Al D.
the collective unconcious seeks encouragement from now absent authority. the hysterical swings are routine buying opportunity. ‘with us or against us’ evaporated and so did the false confidence of another generation. totally normal. and i know what you’re thinking. did she come six times or only five. in all the excitement i can’t remember myself.
they think if they cut off jobs they will return to profits? Only for a semester , after they will start have losses again. They must start thinking where the problem starts , and this is not to the low position employees but to the people were making the strategies all these years.
kill yourself
Fire everyone in Asia