Layoffs Watch ’11: Goldman Sachs’ Philodendrons In The Line Of Fire

As you may have heard, Wall Street is set to layoff a whole lot of financial services employees before the year is over. Last month the figure was pegged at around 100,000, although it got cranked up a notch on Friday when Bank of America said in September, it plans to tell 10,000 employees to pack up their shit and mosey on out. There’s a lot of fear, there’s a lot of panic, there’s a lot of “what am I going to do” going on. Well maybe what you should do is count your blessings. Count your blessings that you’re only potentially getting laid off, not being thrown in a dumpster and left for dead.

[Goldman Sachs] is thought to spend tens of thousands of pounds a year on the supply and upkeep of plants in its London headquarters but this week ordered that many of them be removed in a bid to cut down on overheads.

Pretty scary thought, isn’t it? That you could be excelling at your job one day, having never received a less than stellar performance review, and murdered the next? Luckily, Goldman apparently has a decent amount of plant rights activists on staff who were not going to let this aggression stand.

Sources say the decision provoked disquiet at the bank and that some employees tried to block the move, leading to a stand-off between the plant pickers and staff. In some cases, a solution is believed to have been found only after employees agreed to sign forms guaranteeing to take responsibility for particular plants. Many of those plants that were removed are believed to have been given to charities.

Among the ones spared? Let’s just say GS should consider itself lucky ’cause if the rhododendron in sales and trading had gotten the boot she would have slapped them with a discrimination suit so fast it’d make their heads spin.

Pot Plants In Firing Line As Goldman Sachs Cuts Costs [Telegraph via BI]

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56 Responses to “Layoffs Watch ’11: Goldman Sachs’ Philodendrons In The Line Of Fire”

  1. Alt_EST says:

    Where are the clients' particular plants?

  2. Wow. What a charitable offering… Typical Goldman BS. What if the charity organizations don't have the means/knowledge to take care of these plants? What if the organizations don't have the proper soil to plant these plants? What if said plants don't produce nutritious fruits and vegetables for harvesting? I get that "Going Green" is a fun initiative, but this PR work on Goldman's behalf seems empty-handed at most. What a joke.

    -LEH Quant

  3. Botanist says:

    They used to shift their costs to the taxpayers, now they are dumping them on charities. Nice.

  4. Chart Watch '11 says:

    Posts this week:
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    Matt – 0

    he must be furiously whipping up a 42 paragraph 16 chart novella for us

  5. VonSloneker says:

    Loading the boat with outs on philodendrons

    -Level3 CFA candidate, Myanmar

  6. Big_Balls says:

    I'll take care of HR's bushes.

  7. Dirty F*ck says:

    We're gonna jump on the bandwagon and sue you too for defrauding us with shit we can't pay for.

    – Charities

  8. Guest says:

    They have people taking care of those things?

    -Shark in Shark Tank at SAC Capital

    • guest says:

      The chick who comes in to water the plants at SAC is constantly accidentally brushing her tits against my back. Not complaining, just saying.

  9. HFguy says:

    Plants are evil. Did you know they are breathing CO2 at you while you are busy humming on that par excellence pitch book at 2 in night.

    I heard someone once grew a cannabis plant in GS and everyone was waterring it.

    Fuck what a slow day . Come on Gaddafi, show us some fight. I got a fiver riding on you that you will be shot in your willy.

    • guest says:

      Comment again but this time be funny.

      • PermaGuestII says:

        Just read the post over again, out loud, in the voice of Groundskeeper Willie. Then it seems funny.

        • UFO says:

          How about everyone here donate a few bucks to reward whoever actually DOES grow pot at GS? Would PayPal have a problem with that? Or do we go cash?

    • Fertilize Me says:

      Plants "inhale" CO2, they don't "exhale" CO2
      -Former AIG FP Quant, current Home Depot Garden Depart Quant

  10. Cut Me says:

    Come at me bro
    -Spathiphyllum FI CO2 Trader

  11. Double entendre says:

    "[Y]ou could be excelling at your job."

  12. guest says:

    God's work is often done in mysterious ways.

    -Guy who eats slim jims

  13. Soviet Russia Guy says:

    In Soviet Russia, plant throw you in dumpster.

    Then hires big shot lawyer.

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