Who Wants To Put Their Guarantee On Bank Of America’s Box?

The answer to BofA's problems?

Earlier today on CBNC, Jim Cramer pitched an idea that he thinks could end Bank of America’s problems: beg a billionaire to vouch for you. Just like Goldman Sachs got Warren Buffett and Citi has Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, Bank of America needs someone to get out there and say to the markets, “It’s okay, these guys are cool.” Personally, Cramer likes the idea of Carlos Slim, telling his colleagues “You know we forget he’s the world’s richest man…if the guy wants to make a statement that says America is the place to invest, hey, Bank of America…would that not be an interesting match?” Having said that, Slim may not be into the idea and backups should be considered. The following represents a very rough short list of people, whether they be billionaires or individuals who simply inspire confidence either through charm or fear with whom we think Brian Moynihan should consider taking a lunch.

* Bruce Wayne
* John Paulson
* The Formula 1 racing heiress who bought Candy Spelling’s house
* George Soros
* Lynn Tilton
* Oprah
* Warren Buffett (no one said anything to him about not being allowed to have a piece on the side)
* Justin Bieber
* The Karate Kid
* Mark Wahlberg
* Jame Gumb (“It buys BAC or it gets the hose again. Yes, it will, Precious, won’t it?”)
* Ken Lewis

If you’ve got better ideas for the Go To Bat For BAC campaign, please nominate them at this time.

Cramer Chat: Can Billionaire Slim Save BAC [CNBC via BI]

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135 Responses to “Who Wants To Put Their Guarantee On Bank Of America’s Box?”

  1. Anthony Weiner says:

    I nominate Dominique Strauss – Kahn

    A. Weiner

  2. non BAC shareholder says:

    i nominate Angelo Mozilo.

  3. PermaGuestII says:

    Carter Pewterschmidt

  4. Tommy Callahan says:

    Ray Zalinksy, the auto parts king.

  5. The Guy 2 cubes down says:

    I nominate the Taylor Twins…

  6. slainwaxwing says:

    Vladimir Putin

    • guest says:

      only if he doesn't wear his shirt and must be on a horse at all times with a shouldered sniper rifle, of course.

  7. guest says:

    Libya's rebel leadership

  8. Shaken, not stirred says:

    James bond


    UBS equities analyst #39 (the one NOT moving to NYC)

  9. Lenny Dykstra says:

    I'll do it Jim!
    Let me go get my checkbook

  10. Anthony Weiner says:

    I nominate Dick Fuld .

    Joe Gregory

  11. john says:

    I suggest Abe Froman- Sausage King of Chicago.

  12. Dr_Rosenrose says:

    Tiger has room for another endorsement. And who better to talk about a once-great player that was crippled in its prime by ego-driven indiscretions.

  13. #1BessFan says:

    i nominate Bess Levin!

  14. minus 1 says:

    Jacopo Peterman

  15. Lazy Fare says:

    Scrooge McDuck

  16. irish says:

    They might not be billionaire's as Cramer recommends, but Bove and Whitney already have…

  17. minus 1 says:

    or Andrew Dice Clay, but only in cartoon form via entourage

  18. Gues says:

    Austin Powers

  19. inlovewithpmco says:

    tony stark?

  20. B2b MD says:

    Since Berkowitz/Fairholme jumped the shark on BAC, perhaps John Meriwether?

    -Guy who wonders if a three time loser "jumping the shark" would mean things start to actually go better?

  21. Chaz says:

    Thornton Mellon?

  22. Alf says:

    The penguin from Billy Madison

  23. Billy Zane says:

    Jacobean Mugatu

  24. Bawney F says:

    Vin Diesel.

    I would follow that man to hell and back.

  25. Stupid Daikini says:

    Brian Boitano

  26. guest says:

    but john paulso– ohhh i see what you did there

  27. 25th Hour Trader says:

    Chuck Norris.

  28. God says:

    Merve Thornberry

  29. Jesus! says:

    Its Marv

  30. Guestard says:

    Miley Cyrus

  31. Plaxico says:

    Rex Ryan

  32. Guest says:

    I nominate the Goddamn Batman.

  33. Dr. FeelGood says:

    They should have 14 year old girls hold hands and form a chain around the BAC HQ and sing "We are the world" with inaudible background humming from R.Kelly (since he is trapped in the closet).

  34. Carlos Gasparino says:

    Bank of America is a friend of mine. Boom. Done.

  35. HitlersBanker says:

    Sir Larry Wildman is definitely the frontrunner at this point

  36. Harry M says:

    Walter Noel


  37. Punani Jackson says:

    RZA, GZA, Method Man, Raekwon, Ghostface Killah, Inspectah Deck, U-God, Masta Killa and the late Ol' Dirty Bastard.

  38. TT Boy says:

    Peter North

  39. Plaxico says:

    Abe Froman

    the Noel daughters

    Kim Jong Il

  40. Guest26 says:

    Gotta be Chuck Norris because if you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

  41. Spyro the Agknewt says:

    SO fucking obvious – Justin Timberlake

  42. Marcus says:

    Mike Lowery

    – His partner

  43. Guest. says:

    Tori Black

  44. Mr. T says:

    I pity the fool who shorts BAC

  45. American Tragedy says:

    No, no, nO and NO.

    Only Mark Elliot Zuckerberg is right for this kind of job.

  46. buckettrader says:

    Billy Ray Valentine

  47. Guest says:

    Tori Black

  48. Stay Thirsty says:

    Clearly it should be Dos Equis' "The Most Interesting Man in the World".

    They call him before they close the Fed window.
    He interviews the interviewers at Goldman Sachs.
    Biff Bassness says nice things to him.
    Donald Trump tells him he's hired.
    The SEC sends him stock tips.
    His Porsches really do fly.
    He does not have sex with hotel maids.
    He is too honorable to call all the unsolicited private phone numbers given to him by CNBC reporters….of both sexes.

  49. Guest says:

    Bernie Madoff

  50. late night tv guy says:

    The Sham Wow guy.

  51. SovietRussiaGuy? says:

    The "Opulence I has it" guy from Direct TV, with the Mini giraffe.

  52. Hopeful 2-oil Trader says:

    Liz Claman and Michelle Caruso Cabrera could maybe show 4 reasons to support BAC.

  53. VonSloneker says:

    Magwich…but give Mrs. Haversham the credit. He has to keep a low profile…


  54. AFPK says:

    Frank Rizzo

  55. Alt_EST says:

    The Wall Street Kid

    -Old-School NES Player

  56. wannabe says:

    I'll take care of it. I already own lots of deep in the money calls.

    – Lenny Dykstra

  57. Guest says:

    How about that guy from the "Corner Furniture" ads they keep showing on CNBC?

    You want
    The best
    Forget about the rest
    Hey hey!
    Let's dance!

    [youtube 2v2_NpJw5vY youtube]

  58. Guest says:

    Hugh Hefner. If he can keep that aging empire of his going, BAC would be easy.

    – Holly

  59. Dubyah says:

    cobra commander

  60. wahoo says:

    The mini giraffe.

  61. Guest says:

    The annoying couple from the Grand Prospect Hall commercial that is always running on CNBC.

    Ve mak your dreeeems come true!

  62. Cut Me says:

    Ayman al-Zawahiri since they both seem so bent on destroying America.

  63. David Rockefeller Sr. says:

    Jack Donaghy

  64. Guest says:

    Hai Ngoc. Even he sleeps less than us. And we don't sleep.

    – Fellow broski, Citi

  65. R.J. Reynolds says:

    I don't know too much about this Carlos Slim fella', but I do know a thing or two about his wife, Virginia.

  66. Guest says:

    the Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase

  67. dbdb says:

    DJ Pauly D…sending out the deadweight in cabs OH YEAH

  68. AlphaGekko says:

    Tim Geithner

    – do you see what I did there?

  69. Cut Me says:

    Pablo Escobar so their tagline can be "we go to great lenghts to keep our powder dry".

  70. JFG says:

    Paul Allen

  71. #1Prez4U2 says:

    I'll help you out

    -Rick Perry

  72. Anal_ist says:

    Count Soros out – – he had a enough trouble guaranteeing a mortgage for a 28 y/o Brazilian box which probably quite a bit less hair on it than BofAs.

  73. Mad Money sucks says:

    Jim Cramer and his lifeboat.
    Put your money where your mouth is Jim, instead of telling others where to put theirs.

  74. Boobies says:

    Mike Hunt

    – 5-year old

  75. HornDog McGee says:

    The chick in the 'cartoon yourself' ad above that'll be in my fantasy file later?

  76. im_new_here says:

    Brian, call me if you need help with the whole song and dance.


  77. greenjacket says:

    Hey Brian,Feel free to call me. At my number. Which you have.-T. Woods

  78. nhf says:

    Seriously, no one for the noted hooker fucker yet?

  79. desksoda says:

    Terri Schiavo

  80. Morgan says:

    Jamie Dimon

  81. -Tiger says:


  82. Goliath_National_B says:

    Barney Stinson! After GNB, BAC is next!

  83. SovietRussiaGuy? says:

    Listen 8 secs in for the E-trade Baby reference. Couple other good ones, "Are the phones working?" (Talking to his Dad on the phone) "Any other questions for Mandy?"

  84. Sleeper says:

    The North Carolina taxpayer

    – Bitter in CT

  85. The Dude says:

    The Big Lebowski, he's loaded and his wife's name is bunny, so he must have charm to spare


  86. Gilligan says:

    Thurston Howell III…..duh!

  87. FKApmco says:


  88. Guest says:


  89. whowhawhen says:

    I just need a little help first

    – Nigerian Prince

  90. Guest says:

    Julian Assange

  91. Guest says:

    Dr. Van Nostrum, wealthy industrialist

  92. Guest says:

    Ron Jeremey.

  93. Hank says:

    Have you fellas ever heard of a guy by the name of Bill Brasky??

  94. George says:

    Art Vandelay

  95. I am the Liquor says:

    Jim Lahey

  96. beerskis says:

    tom servo

  97. Eggplant Parm says:

    If you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, i will — i got spare time…

  98. Guest says:

    The Situation

  99. Dude says:

    Bill Fucking Murray

  100. Ken Lewis says:

    I would recommend Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo

  101. Billy Mays says:

    Hi, it’s Billy Mays here for BAClean ball. Just toss the BAClean ball in the wash, and go….toss and go.

  102. Christopher says:

    It's done. Mr T was the right answer. Over

  103. voip says:

    lisa falcone

  104. FinnHopKee says:


  105. Fabulous Fab says:

    There's only one person fit for this – The Donald.

  106. ubs md says:

    And its Warrrrrrennnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!

  107. BRK says:

    uncle Warren steps in with 5 yards…

  108. Mitch says:

    I guess dreams really do come true.

  109. Dr Livingstone says:

    The Tooth Fairy?? She must be loaded….

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