• 24 Aug 2011 at 12:44 PM

Who Wants To Put Their Guarantee On Bank Of America’s Box?

By

The answer to BofA's problems?

Earlier today on CBNC, Jim Cramer pitched an idea that he thinks could end Bank of America’s problems: beg a billionaire to vouch for you. Just like Goldman Sachs got Warren Buffett and Citi has Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, Bank of America needs someone to get out there and say to the markets, “It’s okay, these guys are cool.” Personally, Cramer likes the idea of Carlos Slim, telling his colleagues “You know we forget he’s the world’s richest man…if the guy wants to make a statement that says America is the place to invest, hey, Bank of America…would that not be an interesting match?” Having said that, Slim may not be into the idea and backups should be considered. The following represents a very rough short list of people, whether they be billionaires or individuals who simply inspire confidence either through charm or fear with whom we think Brian Moynihan should consider taking a lunch.

* Bruce Wayne
* John Paulson
* The Formula 1 racing heiress who bought Candy Spelling’s house
* George Soros
* Lynn Tilton
* Oprah
* Warren Buffett (no one said anything to him about not being allowed to have a piece on the side)
* Justin Bieber
* The Karate Kid
* Mark Wahlberg
* Jame Gumb (“It buys BAC or it gets the hose again. Yes, it will, Precious, won’t it?”)
* Ken Lewis

If you’ve got better ideas for the Go To Bat For BAC campaign, please nominate them at this time.

Cramer Chat: Can Billionaire Slim Save BAC [CNBC via BI]

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Comments (132)

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  1. 1
    Posted by Anthony Weiner | August 24, 2011 at 12:52 PM

    I nominate Dominique Strauss – Kahn

    A. Weiner

  2. 2
    Posted by non BAC shareholder | August 24, 2011 at 12:55 PM

    i nominate Angelo Mozilo.

  3. 3
    Posted by PermaGuestII | August 24, 2011 at 12:57 PM

    Carter Pewterschmidt

  4. 4
    Posted by Tommy Callahan | August 24, 2011 at 12:57 PM

    Ray Zalinksy, the auto parts king.

  5. 5
    Posted by The Guy 2 cubes down | August 24, 2011 at 12:57 PM

    I nominate the Taylor Twins…

  6. 6
    Posted by slainwaxwing | August 24, 2011 at 12:59 PM

    Vladimir Putin

  7. 7
    Posted by guest | August 24, 2011 at 1:01 PM

    Libya's rebel leadership

  8. 8
    Posted by Shaken, not stirred | August 24, 2011 at 1:01 PM

    James bond

    or

    UBS equities analyst #39 (the one NOT moving to NYC)

  9. 9
    Posted by Lenny Dykstra | August 24, 2011 at 1:01 PM

    I'll do it Jim!
    Let me go get my checkbook

  10. 10
    Posted by Anthony Weiner | August 24, 2011 at 1:05 PM

    I nominate Dick Fuld .

    Joe Gregory

  11. 11
    Posted by john | August 24, 2011 at 1:05 PM

    I suggest Abe Froman- Sausage King of Chicago.

  12. 12
    Posted by Dr_Rosenrose | August 24, 2011 at 1:07 PM

    Tiger has room for another endorsement. And who better to talk about a once-great player that was crippled in its prime by ego-driven indiscretions.

  13. 13
    Posted by #1BessFan | August 24, 2011 at 1:07 PM

    i nominate Bess Levin!

  14. 14
    Posted by minus 1 | August 24, 2011 at 1:09 PM

    Jacopo Peterman

  15. 15
    Posted by Lazy Fare | August 24, 2011 at 1:09 PM

    Scrooge McDuck

  16. 16
    Posted by irish | August 24, 2011 at 1:10 PM

    They might not be billionaire's as Cramer recommends, but Bove and Whitney already have…

  17. 17
    Posted by minus 1 | August 24, 2011 at 1:12 PM

    or Andrew Dice Clay, but only in cartoon form via entourage

  18. 18
    Posted by Gues | August 24, 2011 at 1:14 PM

    Austin Powers

  19. 19
    Posted by inlovewithpmco | August 24, 2011 at 1:15 PM

    tony stark?

  20. 20
    Posted by B2b MD | August 24, 2011 at 1:18 PM

    Since Berkowitz/Fairholme jumped the shark on BAC, perhaps John Meriwether?

    -Guy who wonders if a three time loser "jumping the shark" would mean things start to actually go better?

  21. 21
    Posted by guest | August 24, 2011 at 1:18 PM

    only if he doesn't wear his shirt and must be on a horse at all times with a shouldered sniper rifle, of course.

  22. 22
    Posted by Chaz | August 24, 2011 at 1:19 PM

    Thornton Mellon?

  23. 23
    Posted by Alf | August 24, 2011 at 1:19 PM

    The penguin from Billy Madison

  24. 24
    Posted by Brake Pads | August 24, 2011 at 1:19 PM

    I can take a shit in a box and label it guaranteed if you want, I have some free time.

  25. 25
    Posted by Billy Zane | August 24, 2011 at 1:20 PM

    Jacobean Mugatu

  26. 26
    Posted by PermaGuestII | August 24, 2011 at 1:24 PM

    "Do you look at a menu and say 'yes'?"

  27. 27
    Posted by Bawney F | August 24, 2011 at 1:24 PM

    Vin Diesel.

    I would follow that man to hell and back.

  28. 28
    Posted by Stupid Daikini | August 24, 2011 at 1:25 PM

    Brian Boitano

  29. 29
    Posted by guest | August 24, 2011 at 1:26 PM

    but john paulso– ohhh i see what you did there

  30. 30
    Posted by 25th Hour Trader | August 24, 2011 at 1:27 PM

    Chuck Norris.

  31. 31
    Posted by God | August 24, 2011 at 1:29 PM

    Merve Thornberry

  32. 32
    Posted by Jesus! | August 24, 2011 at 1:30 PM

    Its Marv

  33. 33
    Posted by Guestard | August 24, 2011 at 1:30 PM

    Miley Cyrus

  34. 34
    Posted by Plaxico | August 24, 2011 at 1:30 PM

    Rex Ryan

  35. 35
    Posted by Guest | August 24, 2011 at 1:31 PM

    I nominate the Goddamn Batman.

  36. 36
    Posted by Dr. FeelGood | August 24, 2011 at 1:32 PM

    They should have 14 year old girls hold hands and form a chain around the BAC HQ and sing "We are the world" with inaudible background humming from R.Kelly (since he is trapped in the closet).

  37. 37
    Posted by guest | August 24, 2011 at 1:32 PM

    They could also have Miley sing her classic " It's a party in the USA"..if that's doesn't do it, nothing will http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M11SvDtPBhA

  38. 38
    Posted by Carlos Gasparino | August 24, 2011 at 1:33 PM

    Bank of America is a friend of mine. Boom. Done.

  39. 39
    Posted by HitlersBanker | August 24, 2011 at 1:34 PM

    Sir Larry Wildman is definitely the frontrunner at this point

  40. 40
    Posted by Harry M | August 24, 2011 at 1:34 PM

    Walter Noel

    Bernie

  41. 41
    Posted by Punani Jackson | August 24, 2011 at 1:34 PM

    RZA, GZA, Method Man, Raekwon, Ghostface Killah, Inspectah Deck, U-God, Masta Killa and the late Ol' Dirty Bastard.

  42. 42
    Posted by TT Boy | August 24, 2011 at 1:35 PM

    Peter North

  43. 43
    Posted by Plaxico | August 24, 2011 at 1:37 PM

    Abe Froman

    the Noel daughters

    Kim Jong Il

  44. 44
    Posted by Guest26 | August 24, 2011 at 1:38 PM

    Gotta be Chuck Norris because if you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

  45. 45
    Posted by Spyro the Agknewt | August 24, 2011 at 1:39 PM

    SO fucking obvious – Justin Timberlake

  46. 46
    Posted by Marcus | August 24, 2011 at 1:42 PM

    Mike Lowery

    - His partner

  47. 47
    Posted by WTF__k | August 24, 2011 at 1:43 PM

    And it's Throneberry

  48. 48
    Posted by Guest. | August 24, 2011 at 1:43 PM

    Tori Black

  49. 49
    Posted by Mr. T | August 24, 2011 at 1:43 PM

    I pity the fool who shorts BAC

  50. 50
    Posted by American Tragedy | August 24, 2011 at 1:45 PM

    No, no, nO and NO.

    Only Mark Elliot Zuckerberg is right for this kind of job.

  51. 51
    Posted by buckettrader | August 24, 2011 at 1:46 PM

    Billy Ray Valentine

  52. 52
    Posted by Guest | August 24, 2011 at 1:46 PM

    Tori Black

  53. 53
    Posted by Stay Thirsty | August 24, 2011 at 1:48 PM

    Clearly it should be Dos Equis' "The Most Interesting Man in the World".

    They call him before they close the Fed window.
    He interviews the interviewers at Goldman Sachs.
    Biff Bassness says nice things to him.
    Donald Trump tells him he's hired.
    The SEC sends him stock tips.
    His Porsches really do fly.
    He does not have sex with hotel maids.
    He is too honorable to call all the unsolicited private phone numbers given to him by CNBC reporters….of both sexes.

  54. 54
    Posted by Guest | August 24, 2011 at 1:48 PM

    Bernie Madoff

  55. 55
    Posted by Socratic Method | August 24, 2011 at 1:53 PM

    Eddard Stark a better choice

  56. 56
    Posted by late night tv guy | August 24, 2011 at 1:54 PM

    The Sham Wow guy.

  57. 57
    Posted by Guest | August 24, 2011 at 1:55 PM

    Fred Wilpon instead

  58. 58
    Posted by Abe Froman | August 24, 2011 at 1:55 PM

    Pass. Most of my wealth is now in LightSquared shares

  59. 59
    Posted by SovietRussiaGuy? | August 24, 2011 at 1:59 PM

    The "Opulence I has it" guy from Direct TV, with the Mini giraffe.

  60. 60
    Posted by Hopeful 2-oil Trader | August 24, 2011 at 2:01 PM

    Liz Claman and Michelle Caruso Cabrera could maybe show 4 reasons to support BAC.

  61. 61
    Posted by VonSloneker | August 24, 2011 at 2:02 PM

    Magwich…but give Mrs. Haversham the credit. He has to keep a low profile…

    -Pip

  62. 62
    Posted by AFPK | August 24, 2011 at 2:02 PM

    Frank Rizzo

  63. 63
    Posted by Alt_EST | August 24, 2011 at 2:03 PM

    The Wall Street Kid

    -Old-School NES Player

  64. 64
    Posted by wannabe | August 24, 2011 at 2:03 PM

    I'll take care of it. I already own lots of deep in the money calls.

    - Lenny Dykstra

  65. 65
    Posted by Guest | August 24, 2011 at 2:04 PM

    How about that guy from the "Corner Furniture" ads they keep showing on CNBC?

    You want
    The best
    Forget about the rest
    Hey hey!
    Let's dance!

    [youtube 2v2_NpJw5vY http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2v2_NpJw5vY youtube]

  66. 66
    Posted by Guest | August 24, 2011 at 2:04 PM

    Hugh Hefner. If he can keep that aging empire of his going, BAC would be easy.

    - Holly

  67. 67
    Posted by Dubyah | August 24, 2011 at 2:05 PM

    cobra commander

  68. 68
    Posted by wahoo | August 24, 2011 at 2:13 PM

    The mini giraffe.

  69. 69
    Posted by Guest | August 24, 2011 at 2:15 PM

    The annoying couple from the Grand Prospect Hall commercial that is always running on CNBC.

    Ve mak your dreeeems come true!

  70. 70
    Posted by Cut Me | August 24, 2011 at 2:16 PM

    Ayman al-Zawahiri since they both seem so bent on destroying America.

  71. 71
    Posted by David Rockefeller Sr. | August 24, 2011 at 2:17 PM

    Jack Donaghy

  72. 72
    Posted by Guest | August 24, 2011 at 2:18 PM

    Hai Ngoc. Even he sleeps less than us. And we don't sleep.

    - Fellow broski, Citi

  73. 73
    Posted by R.J. Reynolds | August 24, 2011 at 2:18 PM

    I don't know too much about this Carlos Slim fella', but I do know a thing or two about his wife, Virginia.

  74. 74
    Posted by Guest | August 24, 2011 at 2:24 PM

    the Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase

  75. 75
    Posted by dbdb | August 24, 2011 at 2:25 PM

    DJ Pauly D…sending out the deadweight in cabs OH YEAH

  76. 76
    Posted by AlphaGekko | August 24, 2011 at 2:26 PM

    Tim Geithner

    - do you see what I did there?

  77. 77
    Posted by Cut Me | August 24, 2011 at 2:29 PM

    Pablo Escobar so their tagline can be "we go to great lenghts to keep our powder dry".

  78. 78
    Posted by JFG | August 24, 2011 at 2:31 PM

    Paul Allen

  79. 79
    Posted by Lazy Fare | August 24, 2011 at 2:38 PM

    Can I come too?

    - J. Epstein

  80. 80
    Posted by old CHTR equity | August 24, 2011 at 2:42 PM

    that would be the kiss of death

  81. 81
    Posted by #1Prez4U2 | August 24, 2011 at 2:49 PM

    I'll help you out

    -Rick Perry

  82. 82
    Posted by old CHTR equity | August 24, 2011 at 2:49 PM

    that would be the kiss of death.

  83. 83
    Posted by Anal_ist | August 24, 2011 at 2:50 PM

    Count Soros out – - he had a enough trouble guaranteeing a mortgage for a 28 y/o Brazilian box which probably quite a bit less hair on it than BofAs.

  84. 84
    Posted by Mad Money sucks | August 24, 2011 at 2:54 PM

    Jim Cramer and his lifeboat.
    Put your money where your mouth is Jim, instead of telling others where to put theirs.

  85. 85
    Posted by Guest | August 24, 2011 at 2:55 PM

    Sorry, I don't do it when they ask me too

    - DSK

  86. 86
    Posted by Boobies | August 24, 2011 at 2:56 PM

    Mike Hunt

    - 5-year old

  87. 87
    Posted by HornDog McGee | August 24, 2011 at 2:57 PM

    The chick in the 'cartoon yourself' ad above that'll be in my fantasy file later?

  88. 88
    Posted by im_new_here | August 24, 2011 at 3:21 PM

    Brian, call me if you need help with the whole song and dance.

    –Wilbur

  89. 89
    Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | August 24, 2011 at 3:24 PM

    I'd prefer Michelle Kwan.

  90. 90
    Posted by greenjacket | August 24, 2011 at 3:31 PM

    Hey Brian,Feel free to call me. At my number. Which you have.-T. Woods

  91. 91
    Posted by nhf | August 24, 2011 at 3:42 PM

    Seriously, no one for the noted hooker fucker yet?

  92. 92
    Posted by desksoda | August 24, 2011 at 3:42 PM

    Terri Schiavo

  93. 93
    Posted by Morgan | August 24, 2011 at 3:49 PM

    Jamie Dimon

  94. 94
    Posted by -Tiger | August 24, 2011 at 3:52 PM

    CHARLIE SHEEN IS THE MAN FOR THIS JOB

  95. 95
    Posted by PermaGuestII | August 24, 2011 at 3:56 PM

    Horrible, yet funny.

  96. 96
    Posted by Goliath_National_B | August 24, 2011 at 3:57 PM

    Barney Stinson! After GNB, BAC is next!

  97. 97
    Posted by SovietRussiaGuy? | August 24, 2011 at 4:01 PM

    Listen 8 secs in for the E-trade Baby reference. http://video.cnbc.com/gallery/?video=3000041050 Couple other good ones, "Are the phones working?" (Talking to his Dad on the phone) "Any other questions for Mandy?"

  98. 98
    Posted by Sleeper | August 24, 2011 at 4:02 PM

    The North Carolina taxpayer

    - Bitter in CT

  99. 99
    Posted by The Dude | August 24, 2011 at 4:03 PM

    The Big Lebowski, he's loaded and his wife's name is bunny, so he must have charm to spare

    -Duderino

  100. 100
    Posted by Gilligan | August 24, 2011 at 4:06 PM

    Thurston Howell III…..duh!

  101. 101
    Posted by Egyptian Magician | August 24, 2011 at 4:07 PM

    You talking to me jerky?

  102. 102
    Posted by ih8edjfkjr | August 24, 2011 at 4:22 PM

    They're successor in interest to the party offered a stake in Goldman Sachs.

  103. 103
    Posted by FKApmco | August 24, 2011 at 4:31 PM

    Me.

  104. 104
    Posted by inlovewithpmco | August 24, 2011 at 4:33 PM

    i was going to suggest that, but it was to easy and obvious

  105. 105
    Posted by Original Beat | August 24, 2011 at 4:34 PM

    That was a rip-off of Sammy Stephens "Montgomery Fle Market Mini-Mall !!
    http://youtu.be/FJ3oHpup-pk

  106. 106
    Posted by Cut Me | August 24, 2011 at 4:39 PM

    Casey Antohny?

  107. 107
    Posted by Guest | August 24, 2011 at 4:59 PM

    Sully

  108. 108
    Posted by whowhawhen | August 24, 2011 at 5:00 PM

    I just need a little help first

    - Nigerian Prince

  109. 109
    Posted by Guest | August 24, 2011 at 5:14 PM

    Julian Assange

  110. 110
    Posted by Guest | August 24, 2011 at 5:26 PM

    Dr. Van Nostrum, wealthy industrialist

  111. 111
    Posted by Guest | August 24, 2011 at 5:33 PM

    Ron Jeremey.

  112. 112
    Posted by Hank | August 24, 2011 at 5:38 PM

    Have you fellas ever heard of a guy by the name of Bill Brasky??

  113. 113
    Posted by George | August 24, 2011 at 5:42 PM

    Art Vandelay

  114. 114
    Posted by I am the Liquor | August 24, 2011 at 5:55 PM

    Jim Lahey

  115. 115
    Posted by beerskis | August 24, 2011 at 6:00 PM

    tom servo

  116. 116
    Posted by Eggplant Parm | August 24, 2011 at 6:02 PM

    If you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, i will — i got spare time…

  117. 117
    Posted by Guest | August 24, 2011 at 7:01 PM

    The Situation

  118. 118
    Posted by Dude | August 24, 2011 at 7:02 PM

    Bill Fucking Murray

  119. 119
    Posted by Ken Lewis | August 24, 2011 at 7:22 PM

    I would recommend Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo

  120. 120
    Posted by Liz Lover | August 24, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    Yeah but smokin' hot Liz Claman's look like they are real. They could do it all on their own

  121. 121
    Posted by Billy Mays | August 24, 2011 at 8:59 PM

    Hi, it’s Billy Mays here for BAClean ball. Just toss the BAClean ball in the wash, and go….toss and go.

  122. 122
    Posted by Christopher | August 24, 2011 at 9:16 PM

    It's done. Mr T was the right answer. Over

  123. 123
    Posted by voip | August 24, 2011 at 9:38 PM

    lisa falcone

  124. 124
    Posted by FinnHopKee | August 24, 2011 at 11:09 PM

    Santa

  125. 125
    Posted by Fabulous Fab | August 25, 2011 at 8:19 AM

    There's only one person fit for this – The Donald.

  126. 126
    Posted by ubs md | August 25, 2011 at 9:11 AM

    And its Warrrrrrennnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!

  127. 127
    Posted by BRK | August 25, 2011 at 9:11 AM

    uncle Warren steps in with 5 yards…

  128. 128
    Posted by Mitch | August 25, 2011 at 9:22 AM

    I guess dreams really do come true.

  129. 129
    Posted by can't_focus | August 25, 2011 at 10:40 AM

    Michelle is distracting today…

  130. 130
    Posted by Dr Livingstone | August 25, 2011 at 11:11 AM

    The Tooth Fairy?? She must be loaded….

  131. 131
    Posted by weesSeft | April 14, 2012 at 4:41 PM

    buy best chanel 2010 , for special offer

  132. 132
    Posted by cheap oem software | May 2, 2012 at 8:38 PM

    XbG991 Thanks for sharing, this is a fantastic blog.Really looking forward to read more. Awesome.

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