Golden Retriever Latest Victim Of Insider Trading Crackdown

Back in June, the lawyer for Winifred Jiau, expert network empress and accused insider trader, made a simple plea: “Put an end to this misguided prosecution,” Joanna Hendon said. “Send Ms. Jiau back to California, and to her dog.”

While the request might’ve played well with golden retriever lovers, the presiding judge didn’t care. He dragged things out another month, finding Jiau guilty over the summer and later on denying a request for acquittal or a new trial. Was Winifred the person you wanted to work with if you held an elastic view of securities laws and most certainly guilty of insider trading? Unquestionably: yes. Was she an individual who commanded sympathy, leniency or to whom you’d want to throw a bone? Those who benefited from her tips would be the first to tell you hell no.

In fact, she was bossy, she would cancel meetings at the last second, she would demand $300 gift certificates to the Cheesecake factory in one breath and a dozen Thanksgiving lobsters in the next, she would meet you for a pass off of material non-public information and tell you the shellfish you sent were Maine lobsters and she’d specifically request South African lobsters (even though she hadn’t) and then spit in your face and walk away and yes, sometimes you’d sit at your desk after she’d reamed you out over the phone for not giving her “the sugar” and fantasize about various ways you could kill her and make it look like an accident but having said all that: there’s a dog waiting for this lady and judge? She knows people who can make certain that these will be the first words you hear when you wake up and the last one’s you hear before you go to bed, for the rest of your life:

“I’m truly sorry for being here,” Jiau said today in court. She apologized to her family and friends as well as to her golden retriever, Hunter: “I’m sorry I broke my promise to take care of you and be with you.”

That’s all.

Expert Networker Jiau Gets 4 Years [BW via BI]

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38 Responses to “Golden Retriever Latest Victim Of Insider Trading Crackdown”

  1. ShortNaked says:

    But where are the Dogs Kibbles & Bits?

  2. NowOnePerson says:

    She could lease a guinea pig companion for him – might ease the pain, right?

  3. AIG Quant via LEH says:

    Winifred Jiau ate the Golden Letriever? That bitch!


  4. Guest says:

    Hunter always felt he was a cut above the rest; imported African impala for dinner 2X a week, sequin crusted collars and leashes, the jealous stares at the dog park from the poodle that lived on the other side of town. He couldn't say he didn't enjoy those days, but he would trade them all for no-name dry dog food and a $11 leash form Petsmart to be with Winni now.

    • FKAFinkNottle says:

      Cue photograph of Hunter with a bone in his bathtub reading a book with a HUGE bow tied above his head.

  5. CoveredLong says:

    Jiau: “I’m sorry I broke my promise to take care of you and be with you.”

    Hunter: "bacon bacon bacon bacon BACON! I smell something and it's BACON!"

  6. You Know Who says:

    It moved.

  7. Guesty says:

    You make me sick, Ms. Jiau

    -M. Vick

  8. Guest says:

    Hunter & Wollensky

  9. Guesty says:

    I see where you're going with this……*sigh*

  10. Lazy Fare says:

    I'll watch over your dog for you while you're away. It's no trouble, really.

    – DK

  11. Guest says:

    Since the law holds individuals accountable for the actions of their pets (i.e., if your dog bits someone, you get sued), it really only fair that this rule is reciprocal. Hunter should clearly be sent to the pound. Kibble and water only.

  12. Guest says:

    You pulled the dog card? You went dog on the judge??

  13. guest says:

    "As Ms. Jiau exited the courthouse she was covered in red paint"

  14. Tom Anthony says:

    I will care for Golden he can be playmate for my Golden 3 year old Dagwood Have large back yard

  15. I <3 Dogs says:

    The gold shaggy hair says "I'm lonely", but the eyes say "please don't sent Master Jiau back"

  16. guest says:

    dogs probably thinking, "oh well, [censored phrase]

    – [censored phrase] guy

  17. Gues says:

    Absolutely no doubt Hunter was shagging her

  18. Brian says:

    First of all to understand what happened to Hunter, you gotta understand who Hunter the dog was. Now Hunter was born to a three-legged bitch of a mother. He was always ashamed of this, man. And then right after that he's adopted by this woman, Winifred Jiau she's a small time insider trader and a Golden Retreiver fight promoter. So she puts Hunter into training. They see Hunter's good. He is damn good. But then he had the fight of his life. They pit him against his brother Nibbles. And Hunter said "no man that's my brother, I can't fight Nibbles" but they made him fight anyway, and Hunter, he killed nibbles. Hunter said "that's it!" he called off all his fights, and he started doing crack, and he freaked out. Then in a rage, he collapsed, and his heart no longer beat. wow.

  19. Shawn says:

    What about the lobsters? Won't somebody PLEASE think of the lobsters?

  20. Guest says:

    Ruh – Roh!


  21. Kyle says:

    It's not cheating if you put peanut butter on your balls and have your dog lick it off because it's YOUR DOG! GET IT, IT'S YOUR DOG!

  22. Floyd the barber says:

    At last a golden boy we can all praise

  23. guest says:

    Coming in 2012-

    Air Bud VII: Insider Pup

  24. Michael says:

    If it'll make winnie feel a little better over missing her goldie. You'll be somebody's bitch soon, and so will Zvi!

  25. lynn says:

    i like dog ,especially Golden Retriever ,we should take care of them ,they are our friends.

  26. Chang says:

    Me watch you dog for you, radie.