Banks

Morgan Stanley Joins Goldman Sachs In FirmScaping

Back in August, it was revealed that Goldman Sachs had added a disturbing element to its cost-cutting efforts: plant murder. The lobby philodendrons? Gone. Boston Ferns by the elevator? To the dumpster. The third floor Geraniums that lined the windows? Left for dead.

The While every bank on Wall Street is bracing for serious reductions in staff, compensation and “extras,” Goldman had been the only one to date that choose to commit genocide to help its bottom line. Employees were, understandably, shocked by the decision, which reportedly “provoked disquiet at the bank,” with some putting their jobs on the line to “block the move, leading to a stand-off between the plant pickers and staff. In some cases, a solution was found only after employees agreed to sign forms guaranteeing to take responsibility for particular plants.”

At the time, other institutions scoffed at the seemingly heartless move to save a few bucks, claiming you’d never catch them following suit. And yet? According to the Times, Goldman is not alone.

James P. Gorman, the chief executive of Morgan Stanley, faced questions about plants at a town hall meeting this summer. An employee told Mr. Gorman that he had noticed decidedly less greenery around the office. “Every dollar we don’t spend is a dollar available for the bottom line,” Mr. Gorman responded.

What could have caused such a drastic decision to remove bush en masse? Are Goldman and Morgan Stanley really the monsters they appear to be vis-a-vis plants, as some in the media would have you believe? Or was the idea born out of a slumber party at Lloyd’s, where a frustrated Gorman confessed that he was fresh out of ideas about how to keep shareholders happy, to which LB responded by pulling a recent issue of Cosmo out of his nightstand, with the article “How To Please A Shareholder,” and the section penned by an anonymous hedge fund manager re: “loving the sleek sexy look of an investment bank sans bush” highlighted, with the words “try this” in the column? Multiple sources within the firm say it’s the latter.

Employees might not like it but you can bet the new look has piqued David Tepper’s interest.

Goldman Sachs Draws Up Deeper Cuts [Dealbook]
Earlier: Layoffs Watch ’11: Goldman Sachs’ Philodendrons In The Line Of Fire

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102 Responses to “Morgan Stanley Joins Goldman Sachs In FirmScaping”

  1. Cut Me says:

    Come at me bro!
    -Philodendron

  2. Gavin Rossdale says:

    Hey, I have feelings too!

  3. A. Tarver says:

    I got a question. You got any excuses for bad earnings, James?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6ckwhJCREY

  4. guest says:

    I think all Ficus plants should be thrown out and substituted with smokeable Hemp. Hemp is the answer to Wall street and the worlds problems. UBS CEO candidate.

  5. Gertrude Gorman says:

    A rose is a rose is a rose.

  6. guest says:

    I thought not having to maintain the bush would help out Phil's bottom line as well, but then I heard about veejazzling.

    ~Lisa Marie

  7. pazzo83 says:

    plants : Goldman :: UBS : UBS

  8. Guest says:

    I once went into one of those zoos for plants and 'seduced' a giant flower into sucking my dick.

    – DSK

  9. Hey Now! says:

    Hey plant, why don't you make like a tree and leave!

  10. J Sisters says:

    So Morgan Stanley only eliminated a few and didn't go the full Brazilian? Pussies.

  11. Mexi_Cant says:

    Nothing sexier than pretending to hear Bess say vis-a-vis in a non-french accent.

  12. kenny_lingus says:

    Is it ironic that the man claiming to be doing the Almighty's work is giving Mother Nature the finger?

  13. bartleby says:

    To they trimmed the lobby, but what about the loading dock out back?

    Seriously, the plants in our office appear to be a diaspora of fruitflies.

  14. Grundlach says:

    2 dollars in a bush is worth a bonus and a hand?

    UBS Horticulture Quant

  15. Mr. Miyagi says:

    Not bonsai, BANZAI!

  16. Guest says:

    Was that the management committees @ GS & MS creating the list for which employees would water which plants? And you wonder why earning will be down Y/Y with another huge round of layoffs at year end.

  17. Guesty says:

    There have been no layoffs in the Tropical Plant Division. We have decided to offshore these roles … back to the tropics.

    – MS PR Flack

  18. Optimus Quant says:

    Jimmy G has NO IDEA what his indoor biodiversity risk profile is. Heed my warning MS is going down the tubes…

    – guy that is a fan of the commentor named The Wolf

    • Jerome Kerviel says:

      It is when Soc Gen eliminated my lucky bamboo that I knew I had to act. Take away my hedge, vos batards, and I'll fake my own! Vive la France!

  19. guest says:

    So, um… is JPM getting to keep their plants?

  20. Mr. Pinchy says:

    I've got a machine head, its better than the rest!

    Gundlach

  21. MJA says:

    It's hard to envision these firms without a lot of bush around.

  22. Touch Base Later says:

    I hated bush before it was cool.

  23. davidrusso says:

    It's all about the extra optical billion. Keep it low.

  24. whoot says:

    Am I wrong here, or is killing plants herbicide, not genocide?

  25. Yakov says:

    In Soviet Russia, plants kill you!

  26. Tomaski says:

    Killing plants is the NKI

  27. Fixed Income says:

    If you diligently look after a plant, does that make you a shrub scout?

  28. Wow says:

    Every rose has its throns.

  29. Roger the Shrubber says:

    Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say Ni at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress in this period in history.

  30. Guest says:

    Nothing to see here. Keep moving. I understand the research dept has been instructed to replace them with their leftover research fashioned this way:
    http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Paper-Tree-for-Kids
    How to Make a Paper Tree

    Efficiency score saving–78%!

  31. Sleeper says:

    Big deal. Give a toy train display that is beloved by spoiled brats everywhere the axe then come talk to me.

    – Vickles

  32. Guesto says:

    Fernscaping is the NKI

  33. Mr. Green says:

    No plants in the "Green Towers" of Deutsche Bank's headquarter either…..

  34. UBS Banker says:

    Geez GS & MS still have plants in the office?

    We lost ours in Q1 2009, they came for them one night at around 10:30… I was hunched in my cubicle immersed in excel. They spread through outour floor and took every living thing that wasn't chained to a desk.

    I guess they have to find some other costs to cut at UBS…

  35. Guest says:

    DEY TOOK OUR PLANTS!

    – MS Analyst

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