Opening Bell: 09.29.11

Euro Rises as German Lawmakers Vote to Approve Expansion of Bailout Fund (Bloomberg)
The vote in Berlin on changes to the EFSF allows the fund to buy the bonds of distressed member states and offer emergency loans to governments, raising Germany’s guarantees to 211 billion euros from 123 billion euros.

Bernanke says Fed would act if inflation falls (Reuters)
In his first public remarks since the Fed launched a fresh measure aimed at keeping down long-term borrowing costs, Bernanke indicated a willingness to push deeper into the realm of unconventional policy if economic growth remains anemic. … “If inflation falls too low or inflation expectations fall too low, that would be something we have to respond to because we do not want deflation,” Bernanke said.

Greek debt holders object to new deal threat (FT)
A person intimately involved in the deal accuses officials in countries such as Germany and the Netherlands who want to increase the haircuts of engaging in activity that is “pretty close to market manipulation”. He argues that prices have collapsed because politicians have increasingly talked of default and bigger losses.

An Investment Banker’s Fortunes Rise With Brazil’s (NYT)
Yet possibly no one embodies the financial ascent of Brazil better than Mr. Esteves. At 43, he has built BTG Pactual into Brazil’s largest independent investment bank and has amassed a fortune estimated at $3 billion by Forbes magazine. Still, he has driven the same Mercedes pickup for four years and takes only two weeks of vacation a year. … The BTG in BTG Pactual stands for banking and trading group. But Mr. Esteves says it also stands for “back to the game,” because he bought the company back from UBS. When someone suggested that it could mean “better than Goldman,” he just laughed.

Crook busted after robbing same bank for third day in row (NYP)
After the second heist, the suspect’s security-camera photo was put up in police stations and published in yesterday’s Post. Still, he couldn’t resist taking a third shot at the bank yesterday. Just after 9 a.m. he passed a demand note that said, “I have a gun put all the money in the bag.” “It was the same dumbass who hit us yesterday,” said one worker. “He was huge.”

Business attacks transaction tax plan (FT)
The British government said a financial transaction tax could only work if it were implemented globally. The UK CBI employers’ group attacked the tax plan as a “crude instrument” that would divert trading activity to New York and Hong Kong. “The Commission’s decision to press ahead with a financial transaction tax is completely misguided at a time when it’s clear that Europe needs a relentless focus on growth,” said Neil Bentley, the CBI’s deputy director-general.

H-P Hires Banker In Defense Move (WSJ)
Goldman was recently brought on board to help H-P formulate defenses in case it becomes the target of shareholders seeking change, the people added. Typically, companies with such a concern put in “poison pills” – shareholder rights’ plans that make takeovers more difficult for activist investors. … Analysts have said H-P’s seeming lack of direction, the management-related instability, as well as the potential for restructuring its portfolio of hardware and software assets, make the company an attractive target for investor activism.

Pepper-spray videos spark furor as NYPD launches probe of Wall Street protest incidents (NYDN)
NYPD Commissioner Raymond Kelly said Internal Affairs and the Civilian Complaint Review Board will investigate. He was skeptical the video snippets show the whole story. “In my experience, proponents of a certain position would show you just what they want to show you,” Kelly said. “Hopefully, [probers] will look at the totality of the information that they will gather.”

Fund Goes Down Blind Alley (WSJ)
Real-estate developer Stephen Ross and his partners spent more than a year digging into U.S. banks, including more than 100 with loans to local bakeries, gas stations and amusement parks. They hoped to spend about $1.1 billion buying or investing in lenders. But the deeper they went, the worse things looked. As a result, Related Cos., the New York firm in which Mr. Ross is chief executive, gave back the money it raised from roughly 150 investors, including hedge-fund manager David Einhorn.

Interns, Unpaid by a Studio, File Suit (NYT)
One plaintiff, Alex Footman, a 2009 Wesleyan graduate who majored in film studies, said he had worked as a production intern on “Black Swan” in New York from October 2009 to February 2010. He said his responsibilities included preparing coffee for the production office, ensuring that the coffee pot was full, taking and distributing lunch orders for the production staff, taking out the trash and cleaning the office. “The only thing I learned on this internship was to be more picky in choosing employment opportunities,” Mr. Footman, 24, said in an interview. “ ‘Black Swan’ had more than $300 million in revenues. If they paid us, it wouldn’t make a big difference to them, but it would make a huge difference to us.”

Wrong Button Sends ANA Jet Upside Down (WSJ)
All Nippon Airways Co. narrowly escaped a catastrophe earlier this month when its plane almost flipped over after a co-pilot hit the wrong button while trying to open the cockpit door for the plane’s captain, returning from the restroom.

Chris Christie: Is New Jersey Governor Too Overweight to Become President? (ABC)
Political scientists and strategists said they could not recall a truly heavy American politician finding great national success in the television age. “Our candidates tend to be tall, they tend to have great hair,” said Russell Riley, a presidential scholar at the University of Virginia’s Center of Public Affairs. “This doesn’t seem to be a business that, at the presidential level, willingly accepts people who are demonstrably overweight.

69 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (69)

  1. Posted by Guest | September 29, 2011 at 9:08 AM

    Hate to break it to you "Russell Riley" but if Chris Christie runs (or walks), I plan on voting for him.

  2. Posted by AIG Quant via LEH | September 29, 2011 at 9:13 AM

    Does the chic in the stick-up story always do that thing with her mouth? I'd like to meet and mount her.

  3. Posted by Mexi_Cant | September 29, 2011 at 9:14 AM

    If that hoe was ma bank teller with her mouth wide open like dat Id b robbin dat bank every mutha fuckin day.

  4. Posted by GentlemanTrader | September 29, 2011 at 9:20 AM

    Ray & Mike,

    Suck my balls.

    Love,

    Larry & Mark

  5. Posted by Alt_EST | September 29, 2011 at 9:24 AM

    What's your complaint? That the job was unfulfilling (welcome to internships) or that you didn't get paid (you signed up for it and/or welcome to internships)?

    Either way, coffee wallah, I'll take it iced, one splenda and non-fat milk.

  6. Posted by Guest | September 29, 2011 at 9:34 AM

    getting blacklisted before you're actually in an industry is this week's NKI

  7. Posted by Sample_Letter | September 29, 2011 at 9:54 AM

    You like manboobs, don't you?

  8. Posted by PermaGuestII | September 29, 2011 at 10:10 AM

    Mercedes-Benz makes a pickup truck?

  9. Posted by guest | September 29, 2011 at 10:10 AM

    Alright the tropical squid made it to dealbreaker uhuuu..

  10. Posted by Goosed up Mavrick | September 29, 2011 at 10:17 AM

    Pilot: Well, I just happened to see a MiG 28 do a…
    Co-Pilot: We!
    Pilot: Uh, sorry, Co-Pilot. *We* happened to see a MiG 28 do a 4g negative dive.
    Charlie: Where did you see this?
    Pilot: Uh, that's classified.
    Charlie: It's what?
    Pilot: It's classified. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
    Charlie: So, lieutenant, where exactly were you?
    Pilot: Well, we…
    Co-Pilot: Thank you.
    Pilot: Started up on a 6, when he pulled from the clouds, and then I moved in above him.
    Charlie: Well, if you were directly above him, how could you see him?
    Co-Pilot: Because I was inverted.
    BA Pilot: [coughs whilst saying] Bullshit.

  11. Posted by Knocksville | September 29, 2011 at 10:19 AM

    Fucking women. Always crying about something. I pepper-sprayed myself and you didn't see me cry. Hell, I even shot myself in the chest, and not one tear.
    -Johnny K.

  12. Posted by UBS MD | September 29, 2011 at 11:09 AM

    'flip plane upside down' button and 'open cockpit door' button next to each other? makes complete sense – we have the 'drop $2bio' button right next to the 'wipe and then flush' switch.

  13. Posted by PHP | September 29, 2011 at 11:28 AM

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  14. Posted by Touch Base Later | September 29, 2011 at 11:31 AM

    Can we get an article posted please? Did Bess go on another vacation and leave Matty in charge again?

  15. Posted by Wideclops | September 29, 2011 at 11:39 AM

    I still read the Baby Sitters Club.

    Charlie "True Story" Sizzlerino

  16. Posted by Guest | September 29, 2011 at 11:45 AM
  17. Posted by Guest | September 29, 2011 at 11:48 AM

    demonstrably overweight or unfuckable lard ass?

    Next time please bring your A game when talking shit.

    - Silvio

  18. Posted by Guest | September 29, 2011 at 11:52 AM

    Glad to see Emilio Esteves is finding work. Only if more Americans had his tenacity…

  19. Posted by Guest | September 29, 2011 at 11:57 AM

    Wander Sie in die USA ein. Holen Sie sich eine Green Card. Klicken Sie hier.

  20. Posted by whowhawhen | September 29, 2011 at 12:09 PM

    “pretty close to market manipulation”. He argues that prices have collapsed because politicians have increasingly talked of default and bigger losses.

    I wonder what thinks QE 1-3 are, or regulations for that matter. It's all market manipulation

  21. Posted by Nailz6 | September 29, 2011 at 12:11 PM

    Anyone read the article and realize he was a FORTY TWO YEAR OLD accounting intern?

  22. Posted by PermaGuestII | September 29, 2011 at 12:17 PM

    Are you really that oblivious?
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roshashana

  23. Posted by Cut Me | September 29, 2011 at 12:23 PM

    What's wrong with that?
    -Sixty-two year old UBS Analyst Intern

  24. Posted by Guest | September 29, 2011 at 12:30 PM

    - UBS Global Automotive Quant

  25. Posted by Buddy Ackerman | September 29, 2011 at 12:35 PM

    "What I am concerned with is detail. I asked you to go get me a packet of Sweet-N-Low. You bring me back Equal. That isn't what I asked for. That isn't what I needed and that shit isn't going to work around here."

  26. Posted by Breatharian | September 29, 2011 at 12:39 PM

    How's the yogilates and colon cleansing working out for you?

  27. Posted by guest | September 29, 2011 at 12:39 PM

    What bank will be the first to change its name to BTUBS: Better than UBS

  28. Posted by Guest | September 29, 2011 at 12:40 PM

    Some unpaid internships are a great way to get a foot in the door, some are pure exploitation. That being said, I thought it was pretty common knowledge that most entertainment internships consisted of getting people coffee. *shrugs*

  29. Posted by Touch Base Later | September 29, 2011 at 1:03 PM

    Yes and I will ask that question if they don't post articles on Diwali, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa and Thanksgiving as well since my butt will be working in the office on those days too and I need something to do other than work…

  30. Posted by guest | September 29, 2011 at 1:35 PM

    UBS buys for 3.1bio > 3 years > UBS sells for 2.45bio > 2 years > It is worth 10bio

  31. Posted by UBS MD | September 29, 2011 at 2:31 PM

    I am glad Matt is of Italian extraction.

  32. Posted by Angela Merkel | September 29, 2011 at 4:40 PM

    Ihr Deutsche ist schrecklich

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