• 19 Sep 2011 at 12:24 PM
  • Banks

UBS Investment Bank Chief Urges Employees To Remember Firm’s Legitimate Months

By Bess Levin

Carsten Kengeter, head of UBS’ investment banking division, sent a rallying message to staff on Sunday night urging them to “move forward forcefully and decisively” following the disclosure of $2.3bn of losses from unauthorised trading…Mr Kengeter e-mailed staff saying the incident should not “undermine our hard won achievements since the crisis.” [FT, related]

Comments (39)

  1. 1
    Posted by Anal_ist | September 19, 2011 at 12:29 PM

    To remember the legitimate months, you have to have legitimate months, dickheads!

    -Bernie

  2. 2
    Posted by guest | September 19, 2011 at 12:32 PM

    oh well

  3. 3
    Posted by 2_Small_2_Bail | September 19, 2011 at 12:37 PM

    Kengeter then sent a follow up translation note:
    "You guys know that by move forward forcefully and decisively, I mean pack your shit, right?"

  4. 4
    Posted by geoffgeoffgeoff | September 19, 2011 at 12:39 PM

    Just remember – finance is 80% mental and 40% physical. In Greek mythology, the Titans were greater even than the gods. They ruled their universe with absolute power. Well those markets out there, that's our universe. Let's rule it like the fucking titans.

    -Consultant, Ctrl-V, Quant of Many, Master of None

  5. 5
    Posted by AIG Quant via LEH | September 19, 2011 at 12:41 PM

    " Move forward forcefully and decisively towards the doors. They've been unlocked. "

    Yes, I'm pretty sure that's what the enigma coded message means.

    - Bletchley Park

  6. 6
    Posted by Spoiler | September 19, 2011 at 12:51 PM

    Months? Days at best…

  7. 7
    Posted by The.Hater | September 19, 2011 at 12:53 PM

    I hate the UBS building in Stamford.
    I hate I95.
    I hate broccoli.

  8. 8
    Posted by NYRebel2003 | September 19, 2011 at 12:54 PM

    …“move forward forcefully and decisively”…; that is my motto!

    - DSK

  9. 9
    Posted by Nailz6 | September 19, 2011 at 1:03 PM

    I've been hitting Ctrl-V for about the last half hour for our top of the line software that doesn't allow mass edits.

    - Chicago Back Office

  10. 10
    Posted by Giddy | September 19, 2011 at 1:03 PM

    the use of "s" instead of "z" in words such as "unauthorised" makes me feel funny

  11. 11
    Posted by Guest | September 19, 2011 at 1:05 PM

    I shudder to think how history would have changed if Napoleon had email at Waterloo to rally the troops.

  12. 12
    Posted by guest | September 19, 2011 at 1:14 PM

    Those poor, un-bonused fuckers. Good luck.

  13. 13
    Posted by The Truth | September 19, 2011 at 1:14 PM

    The great thing is if you adjust the $2.3B loss as appropriate, this email could have been sent in 1998, 2002, 2008, 2011…

  14. 14
    Posted by Jerry Jerry | September 19, 2011 at 1:31 PM

    UBS should just do everyone a favor and still to what they do best – money laundering.

  15. 15
    Posted by Ex-RBSer | September 19, 2011 at 1:36 PM

    Wouldn't Kweku's actions be considered "forceful and decisive"? I mean, he was just following orders.

  16. 16
    Posted by The Wolf | September 19, 2011 at 1:37 PM

    To think that all these years I thought the "UBS Sucks" Guy was just joking around. Holy Shit! He was right! UBS Really Does Suck! And Bad!

  17. 17
    Posted by 25th Hour Trader | September 19, 2011 at 1:38 PM

    "One senior UBS executive likened the trading scandal to “a terrorist attack” that was impossible to prevent."

    Blaming a complete lack of risk management and operational controls (that should have been SOP after the SocGen incident) on a terrorist attack is the NKI.

    -Trader who blames Al Qaeda whenever it rains and he gets wet rather than admit he should have just taken a simple precaution and brought an umbrella.

  18. 18
    Posted by Ex-RBSer | September 19, 2011 at 1:42 PM

    "One soon-to-be-former UBS executive likened the trading scandal to “a terrorist attack” that was impossible to prevent."

    There. Fixed.

  19. 19
    Posted by The European Union | September 19, 2011 at 1:45 PM

    We also encourage people to remember the legitimate years.

  20. 20
    Posted by geoffgeoffgeoff | September 19, 2011 at 1:50 PM

    Try Ctrl-R.

    -HARVARD

  21. 21
    Posted by Fits in here | September 19, 2011 at 1:50 PM

    UBS Sucks

  22. 22
    Posted by PermaGuestII | September 19, 2011 at 2:02 PM

    UBS Zucks

  23. 23
    Posted by deal_mkr | September 19, 2011 at 2:10 PM

    Bernie Madoff, we know how you feel

    - UBS Trader

  24. 24
    Posted by Cut Me | September 19, 2011 at 2:24 PM

    No, no, no. It's Ctrl+S
    -MIT

  25. 25
    Posted by CurrencyTrader | September 19, 2011 at 2:26 PM

    Making $65k while your $150k bonus is lost to some British Steve Urkel who pops collars, is absolutely, definitely, positively the new killin' it.

  26. 26
    Posted by Cut Me | September 19, 2011 at 2:26 PM

    "One senior UBS executive likened the trading scandal to “a normal day at the office” that was within normal loss variances."

  27. 27
    Posted by Cal Var nsen | September 19, 2011 at 2:29 PM

    geez you still dont get it. The UBS Sucks guy was kuwefe umfume !! As karsten implies there, weve met the enemy and he is us.

  28. 28
    Posted by Kweku M. Adoboli | September 19, 2011 at 2:39 PM

    Did I do that?

  29. 29
    Posted by Not Me | September 19, 2011 at 3:10 PM

    UBS should try to actually suck, instead of just metaphorically. I'm sure with a vacuum with the elongated attachment; they could get some change out of the couches at JPM and GS.

  30. 30
    Posted by CurrencyTrader | September 19, 2011 at 3:14 PM

    Yes Steve, You did THAT!

    -Carl Winslow
    UBS MD

  31. 31
    Posted by Lord Humongous | September 19, 2011 at 3:49 PM

    I hate black pepper

  32. 32
    Posted by Not Me Either | September 19, 2011 at 5:44 PM

    Overcome all this negativity by doing something positive. I am, by buying American. Trading my 2007 Accord for a 2005 Sebring.

    -UBS MD with maxxed Chase debit card

  33. 33
    Posted by BOA trader | September 19, 2011 at 5:47 PM

    What Legitimate Months? Hell BOA is in the same boat too…….

  34. 34
    Posted by The Abuser | September 19, 2011 at 6:16 PM

    How do you max a debit card ?

  35. 35
    Posted by CurrencyTrader | September 19, 2011 at 6:51 PM

    Review your Dealbreaker meme spreadsheet.

    -Your Boss

  36. 36
    Posted by UBS GIG SUCKS | September 19, 2011 at 11:01 PM

    UBS SUCKS. I used to work in the IBD within the GIG group and I 've never seen a more incompetent group of people. Idiots like Rodskog are actually allowed to be responsibel for teams of people? LOL, what a joke.

  37. 37
    Posted by Guest | September 20, 2011 at 2:41 AM

    Try Alt + F4

  38. 38
    Posted by ex-UBS Technologist | September 20, 2011 at 4:21 PM

    If you think you are doing Good @ UBS . you will definitely get fired coz your . Good for nothing boss will think you are threat to his JOB…

  39. 39
    Posted by insider | September 21, 2011 at 8:40 AM

    get rid of all those ceremonial titles at ubs

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