A prettay, prettay, prettay long time.

Comments (137)

  1. Posted by ShortNaked | September 27, 2011 at 2:48 PM

    Sounds like his parents are over educated and under employed.

  2. Posted by Bandersnatch | September 27, 2011 at 2:49 PM

    I think these people seem a little overdramatic.

  3. Posted by Backdoor_Bess | September 27, 2011 at 2:49 PM

    I would also rather go to jail than go home to my two pigs every night……..this guy is a genius!
    ~ Phil

  4. Posted by iLLwiLL | September 27, 2011 at 1:50 PM

    Where to start…if his parents have advanced degrees and are so "highly educated," why did they take on a mortgage that they couldn't afford? They should have done something noble and become an investment banker.

    Second, is sitting in the street screaming at the outside of a building realy a good way to make your point? You do realize that all the Wall Streeters are inside WORKING, don't you?

  5. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 2:52 PM

    Too much student debt means I can't pay for my house. Genius!

  6. Posted by early_hominid | September 27, 2011 at 2:54 PM

    About that second point . . .

    – Hosni Mubarak

  7. Posted by Alt_EST | September 27, 2011 at 2:55 PM

    Hey, Sean Penn called and asked you to dial it down a notch.

    -Sterling Archer

  8. Posted by Blah blah | September 27, 2011 at 2:55 PM

    Sad but idiotic – the guy can still get a job at a very left wing organization (that was his internship application).

  9. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 2:55 PM

    I think George Washington is a community college.

  10. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 2:56 PM

    motives?

  11. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 2:56 PM

    Stephens & Wollensky

  12. Posted by Dr_Rosenrose | September 27, 2011 at 2:58 PM

    I think your cousin Kweku has exacted enough vengeance on the industry. This is a bit much.

  13. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 3:00 PM

    No, motives thoroughly examined, but then I saw the video. This guy is not even qualified to do a 'leave Britney alone' video.

  14. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 3:01 PM

    "Take me" and "I submit" are phrases he'll want to avoid in jail

  15. Posted by Mr. Pinchy | September 27, 2011 at 3:02 PM

    I think we found our new CEO!

    UBS Board of Confectioners

  16. Posted by bcad | September 27, 2011 at 3:03 PM

    Don't make me come out there!

    -J Dimon

  17. Posted by PermaGuestII | September 27, 2011 at 3:06 PM

    I didn't know law schools admitted three-year-olds.

  18. Posted by PermaGuestII | September 27, 2011 at 3:08 PM

    I thought it was a bridge.

  19. Posted by guest | September 27, 2011 at 3:12 PM

    These protestors are right, fuck obama and his wall street taxes

  20. Posted by Policeman | September 27, 2011 at 3:13 PM

    I thought we already arrested Kweku?

  21. Posted by Steven with a "ph" | September 27, 2011 at 3:15 PM

    Any relation, Bess?

  22. Posted by guest | September 27, 2011 at 3:15 PM

    Oy vey.

    -Dad

  23. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 3:20 PM

    Pretty shitty commercial for GWU law school if you ask me

  24. Posted by Mexi_Cant | September 27, 2011 at 3:22 PM

    So it looks like Elie wasn't in the office today Bess?

  25. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 3:22 PM

    I thought he was sometimes a dollar, and other times a quarter.
    -BSC FICC Trader

  26. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 3:22 PM

    Someone tell Elie Mystal to cool it with the theatrics.

  27. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 3:23 PM

    Asking to get arrested in definitely the NKI.

  28. Posted by guest | September 27, 2011 at 3:23 PM

    for the record, i enjoyed that comment.

    - guy who hit the "thumbs down" by accident

  29. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 3:25 PM

    I think hes more saddened by the fact that he went to a garbage law school, is going to graduate with lots of debt, and will have not have a job.

  30. Posted by guestt | September 27, 2011 at 3:26 PM

    He'll also want to avoid the phrase "Thumbs Up!"

  31. Posted by Hey Now! | September 27, 2011 at 3:26 PM

    He looks like Samuel L. Jackson from Die Hard 3.

  32. Posted by Thurston Howell I | September 27, 2011 at 3:30 PM

    Total bullshit!! My pro-shop at Pine Valley told me that Peter Milar didn't make that pullover in off white and now I see that I was completely played. So now I am walking around with powder blue – I will not take this sitting down.

  33. Posted by Just you wait | September 27, 2011 at 3:32 PM

    Small-time Baptist preacher circa 2020 right there.

  34. Posted by Nailz6 | September 27, 2011 at 3:33 PM

    I think this guy has a future with us. We like his moxy.

    - UBS board of directors

  35. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 3:34 PM

    I think we can structure a deal.

    - Raj

  36. Posted by AGM | September 27, 2011 at 3:35 PM

    "And who do we not want to help us?"
    "White people!"

  37. Posted by Put_Option | September 27, 2011 at 3:36 PM

    Rip:You just killed like ten pirates…
    Duchess: Wow, if five year old me knew that, he's get a huge boner

  38. Posted by ARREST THIS! | September 27, 2011 at 3:36 PM

    Gotta be related to Hermon Raju the "well educated" Metro North rider…

  39. Posted by Mexi_Cant | September 27, 2011 at 3:37 PM

    Too slow.

  40. Posted by Al & Jesse | September 27, 2011 at 3:43 PM

    Honestly dude, have you ever even seen a TV? This is not how we do it.

  41. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 3:44 PM

    Rabble!

  42. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 3:50 PM

    I disagree.

    If I thought that you could pay a mortgage with advanced degrees and then was told otherwise, id be fucking pissed off too.

  43. Posted by Not Me | September 27, 2011 at 3:52 PM

    Hey now. There are plenty of positions for one to take. Forward me your CV and include some full-body shots, then we can talk.
    -Peter North, Northstar Associates CEO

  44. Posted by Will Smith | September 27, 2011 at 3:59 PM

    Will – please bail out Carlton

  45. Posted by Mexi_Cant | September 27, 2011 at 4:04 PM

    Ok but in all seriousness, during his diversity seminars, did they not explain to him that you still have to pay your mortgage, EVEN if you have a Ph.D?

  46. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 4:09 PM

    And I can re-structure it!

    -SocGen Credit Trader

  47. Posted by Guest of a Guest | September 27, 2011 at 4:16 PM

    Not cool

  48. Posted by Arthur | September 27, 2011 at 4:16 PM

    Or you can just not pay your student loans.

    – Elie

  49. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 4:18 PM

    Uhhh…or not.

  50. Posted by The Truth | September 27, 2011 at 4:25 PM

    You on the other hand have an advanced degree from No Shit Sherlock University

  51. Posted by Meatbone9 | September 27, 2011 at 4:26 PM

    We're not gonna protest….

  52. Posted by George Takei | September 27, 2011 at 4:31 PM

    Oh, my Goodness Howard and Robin. Has another glorious summer passed us by. It is so hard to believe that Summer Stock has already ended. But I must say, Brad and I do love to see great street theatre and basque in the exhibition of talents from the wonderful class of 2011.

  53. Posted by guest | September 27, 2011 at 4:32 PM

    His parents must be so proud right now.

  54. Posted by guest | September 27, 2011 at 4:36 PM

    Yessss. Telling a bunch of people saddled with MBA/Grad school debt about student debt. That'll help.

  55. Posted by guest | September 27, 2011 at 4:36 PM

    Just fuck off.

  56. Posted by Guesto | September 27, 2011 at 4:38 PM

    So I guess you need a Ph.D and 2 Masters to know that a $800,000 house with 3% down is a killer deal, bro

  57. Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | September 27, 2011 at 4:39 PM

    Oh come on. That was way more than a hundred pounds.

  58. Posted by I'm a Dude | September 27, 2011 at 4:40 PM

    i didn't realize was on wall street today

  59. Posted by Zoroz | September 27, 2011 at 4:44 PM

    I played by the rules. I voted for Obama because he was going to pay my mortgage. I am not moving.

  60. Posted by Anonymous | September 27, 2011 at 4:47 PM

    you know, at least the hippies in the 60′s had a halfway coherent argument…these children are just spoiled

    i read a quote about a college sophomore bitching that she couldn’t get a job that wasn’t waiting tables. that’s what college students are for…shitty jobs and food challenges when they’re my intern…you get your degree and THEN you get a big boy job.

  61. Posted by I'm a Dude | September 27, 2011 at 4:47 PM

    Bob, are you sure thats the bank?

  62. Posted by george | September 27, 2011 at 4:50 PM

    basque?

  63. Posted by curious | September 27, 2011 at 4:53 PM

    this isn't the same guy that was doing naked exercises a few weeks ago is it?

  64. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 4:53 PM

    DEY TOOK OUR HOMES!

  65. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 4:54 PM

    Too soon.

  66. Posted by minus 1 | September 27, 2011 at 4:56 PM

    HEY! some of us haven't checked our DVR's in like 5 days so watch it.

  67. Posted by Montgomery Burns | September 27, 2011 at 4:58 PM

    We need another Vietnam to thin out their ranks…

  68. Posted by minus 1 | September 27, 2011 at 4:58 PM

    how do you think Elie got in to H-law

  69. Posted by merkin_capital | September 27, 2011 at 5:05 PM

    I think he meant George Washington Carver university.

    #peanutisactuallyalegume

  70. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 5:10 PM

    Ya needs more clowns.

    - UBS Marketing Director

  71. Posted by Scrooge McDuck | September 27, 2011 at 5:16 PM

    Or at least super AIDS

  72. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 5:20 PM

    Hippies this is how it ends: you end up selling out only when you finally come around to tying a tie for an interview, it's for a dogshit back office gig with a bunch of other people who have a 20 year head start on you and no kids named "sunshine" or "wildflower". Get a job deadbeats!

  73. Posted by Sgt. Elias Grodin | September 27, 2011 at 5:22 PM

    We have 3 going already and they're being fought by 40yr old MBA fathers and mothers (aka heros) on leave from Wall Street firms and large banks.

  74. Posted by CuriousGeorge | September 27, 2011 at 5:26 PM

    Nice Work MLK Jr

  75. Posted by Yomom | September 27, 2011 at 5:32 PM

    Stephen with a PH – um, with a PH please.

  76. Posted by HAM05 | September 27, 2011 at 5:33 PM

    yep, its official – just got douche chills.

  77. Posted by guest | September 27, 2011 at 5:48 PM

    You keep it going man, you keep those books rolling,
    You pick up those books your going to read
    And not remember and you roll man.
    You get that a sociate degree, okay,
    Then you get your bachelors, then you get your masters
    Then you get your master's masters,
    Then you get your doctron,
    You go man, then when everybody says quit
    You show them those degree man, when
    Everybody says hey, your not working,
    Your not making in money,
    You say look at my degrees and you look at my life,
    Yeah i'm 52, so what, hate all you want,
    But i'm smart, i'm so smart, and i'm in school,
    And these guys are out here making
    Money all these ways, and i'm spended mine to be smart.
    You know why?
    Because when i die, buddy, you know
    What going to keep me warm, that right, those degrees

  78. Posted by guest | September 27, 2011 at 5:48 PM

    @gherkin tsk, tsk.

  79. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 5:53 PM

    Rich White Underachiever University actually.

  80. Posted by The Bankster | September 27, 2011 at 6:26 PM

    Which bank?

  81. Posted by 99Percent | September 27, 2011 at 6:35 PM

    Wall Streeters had planned a counter-protest, but realized they actually had to do their jobs instead of sitting around in a park all week

  82. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 6:47 PM

    Wet Bandits – that's W-E-T…

  83. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 6:49 PM

    … According to his mother, "The nail in this empty protest‘s coffin is a delightful phone conversation I just had with Robert’s mother, Marquita, where she admitted Chase Bank indeed was not “taking” their home from them. Instead, due to a recent “reduction in income,” they’ve decided to hold a “short sale.”

    When I asked Mrs. Stephens if she and her husband planned to stay in their suburban St. Paul, Minn., surroundings after the sale, she told me they weren’t too keen on the idea. The area is “a bit too conservative,” she said."

  84. Posted by 5th Grader | September 27, 2011 at 7:40 PM

    I thought paying your mortgage was one of the rules of having a house? I guess having all those PhD's doesn't make you smarter than a 5th grader?
    - 5th grader P.S. 119

  85. Posted by His Parents | September 27, 2011 at 7:43 PM

    2002 Home Purchase Price – $350,000
    In 2005 refinanced home pulling out equity of $500,000
    Used $500,000 to go on numerous vacations, new 750 BMW for him, new Lexus for her, new Cadillac for their son, pay off son's student loans, gift son $50,000, send son on a few vacations, redo house.
    Now I'm broke and it's the bank's fault I have no self control.

  86. Posted by Guest | September 27, 2011 at 8:02 PM

    This would never happen down here.

    -Jasper, TX City Council

  87. Posted by @lil_barac | September 27, 2011 at 8:22 PM

    i would

  88. Posted by Jamie D | September 27, 2011 at 8:25 PM

    Be glad to take a few more of these homes.

    -Jamie

  89. Posted by George Washington really? | September 27, 2011 at 8:26 PM

    …couldnt swing a better law school? with the urm and stuff he must have really bombed the LSAT…

  90. Posted by Joel | September 27, 2011 at 8:43 PM

    Uh, you mean Jeff Winger? But I applaud you for following two awesome shoes either way.

  91. Posted by DingALing | September 27, 2011 at 10:02 PM

    If they're yelling at a bulge bracket on Wall Street, they'll have to be yell pretty fucking loud because most banks relocated to midtown years ago…

  92. Posted by FinneganKristiansen | September 27, 2011 at 10:18 PM

    I'm thinking his parents are probably pretty embarrassed.

  93. Posted by Guest | September 28, 2011 at 12:26 AM

    I hope this was a class project for his improv troop

  94. Posted by truthskies | September 28, 2011 at 12:45 AM

    except that his parents didn't make any missteps and they're embarrassed by him:

    Phone inquiries into the county property records & taxpayer services office reveal that the Stephens family home is not and never has been in foreclosure, that property taxes had been paid in full this year and the remaining balance on their mortgage for the half-million dollar home is less than one year’s worth of tuition+fees at their son’s law school.
    The nail in this empty protest‘s coffin is a delightful phone conversation I just had with Robert’s mother, Marquita, where she admitted Chase Bank indeed was not “taking” their home from them. Instead, due to a recent “reduction in income,” they’ve decided to hold a “short sale.”

  95. Posted by guestapo | September 28, 2011 at 12:45 AM

    As does Mrs. Stephens:

    Phone inquiries into the county property records & taxpayer services office reveal that the Stephens family home is not and never has been in foreclosure, that property taxes had been paid in full this year and the remaining balance on their mortgage for the half-million dollar home is less than one year’s worth of tuition+fees at their son’s law school.
    The nail in this empty protest‘s coffin is a delightful phone conversation I just had with Robert’s mother, Marquita, where she admitted Chase Bank indeed was not “taking” their home from them. Instead, due to a recent “reduction in income,” they’ve decided to hold a “short sale.”

  96. Posted by Wire | September 28, 2011 at 3:42 AM

    Did the bums lose? I think the bums lost.

  97. Posted by bawlsdeep | September 28, 2011 at 7:28 AM

    @57, that comment is epic on many levels.

  98. Posted by MD. | September 28, 2011 at 7:48 AM

    I feel like you can easily dub "IS THAT MY DAUGHTER IN THERE?!" over this video

  99. Posted by lol wut | September 28, 2011 at 7:53 AM

    We need an #OccupyBrooklyn movement. Lets get all the financiers we can and go camp out over there. I can already see it now: "Thats him! Thats the guy that stole my sister's jeans!"

  100. Posted by Some DC Guy | September 28, 2011 at 7:59 AM

    George Washington gives out four year degrees AND has a law school, now? Who knew.

  101. Posted by Guest | September 28, 2011 at 8:32 AM

    That one right there!

  102. Posted by bartleby | September 28, 2011 at 8:51 AM

    Mom and Dad must have thought obama would cover the mortgage. They should have gone in for pigford.

  103. Posted by Guest | September 28, 2011 at 8:53 AM

    Bates?

  104. Posted by Guest | September 28, 2011 at 9:01 AM

    Meh not our problem

  105. Posted by Twigga | September 28, 2011 at 9:20 AM

    [Man]
    Hey Jimmy where you going?

    [Jimmy]
    I dont know where I'm goin.
    My Dad died, and he left me his degrees.
    My mom would always say "Dad, why dont you work?",
    But he just kept learning.
    All the other kids parents were working and saving up money for school,
    And I was actaully in school all when my dad was in school.
    He was so gready with degrees, he took my degree.
    And now I'm just glad he left me these.
    Because all the regular homeless people have newspaper, and look what I have.
    These are documented.
    My father left them for me.
    And Im going to leave them to my kids.
    I'm going to learn too.
    I'm going to get super smart, so I to can die without money.
    But I'll be the smartest dead guy.
    Who has that.

  106. Posted by guest | September 28, 2011 at 9:39 AM

    Fucking atrocious.

  107. Posted by guest | September 28, 2011 at 9:39 AM

    Take a lap and/or kill yourself.

  108. Posted by guest | September 28, 2011 at 9:40 AM

    Yeah! Fuck learning! Who needs books 'n knowledge and shit when a GED will suffice.

  109. Posted by guestapo | September 28, 2011 at 9:41 AM

    Don't quick your day job.

  110. Posted by to vs too | September 28, 2011 at 9:42 AM

    "so I to can die without money"

    yeah, who needs an education….

  111. Posted by PermaGuestII | September 28, 2011 at 9:50 AM

    Skidmore.

  112. Posted by Guest | September 28, 2011 at 11:08 AM

    Lets keep it real. The biggest irony here is that this silly protest is costing the city and ultimately tax payers, MONEY-heightened security, crowd control, and overtime for New York's finest.

    Lets protest the protesters. Who's with me?!

  113. Posted by lTea | September 28, 2011 at 1:09 PM

    wall street is all candy shops and tiffanys now. Wrong street you jerks

  114. Posted by Guest | September 28, 2011 at 1:17 PM

    Missteps:
    1. Not being able to afford the mortgage on their $500k house
    2. Going into a short sale with 70k left on their mortgage
    3. Not knowing what a short sale is – ie: thinking they're moving away after the short sale
    4. Potentially spending $400k+ on the education of their extremely confused son

  115. Posted by World of Wallcraft | September 28, 2011 at 1:47 PM

    Now if you got arrested for civil disobedience in the 60's you could bullshit your way through life saying it wan't a big deal. You just went to the protest to hang out with the chicks and have some free street food. No one had any hard evidence of your stupidity. This guy on the other hand is going to have his name permanently tagged to that wonderful video for pretty much the remainder of his life. It's like getting a tattoo on your forehead that says "Wild Bitch" except that this tattoo is never coming off Mr. Stephens with a PH.

  116. Posted by Guest | September 28, 2011 at 1:52 PM

    You guys are being generous.

  117. Posted by Guest | September 28, 2011 at 2:03 PM

    It's kept secret and only passed along by word of mouth just so we can get their house

  118. Posted by Randy Watson | September 28, 2011 at 2:21 PM

    I would make his parent's mortgage payment if he'll scream 'Sexual Chocolate…..sexual chocolate" for my voice mail message…

  119. Posted by Guest | September 28, 2011 at 2:54 PM

    The ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER
    This one is a little different.
    Two Different Versions. Two Different Morals.

    OLD VERSION:

    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house, and laying up supplies for the winter.

    The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

    Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

    The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

    MORAL OF THE OLD STORY:

    Be responsible for yourself!
    ———————————————-
    MODERN VERSION:

    The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house, and laying up supplies for the winter.

    The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

    Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

    CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with
    a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

    How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

    Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'

    ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, We Shall Overcome.

    Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper's sake.

    President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight.

    Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

    Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Ant Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

    The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.

    The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.

    The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

    The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize and ramshackle the once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.

    The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.

    MORAL OF THE STORY:

    Be careful how you vote in 2012.

    I've sent this to you because I believe that you are an ant!

    You may wish to pass this on to other ants, but don't bother sending it on to any grasshoppers because they wouldn't understand it, anyway.

  120. Posted by momentus | September 28, 2011 at 3:14 PM

    Man, that was funny.

  121. Posted by Guest CFA | September 28, 2011 at 4:19 PM

    He could have saved a lot of time with the never fail I want to get thrown in jail line to the cops: "You'll never get those cuffs on me, you pussy!"

  122. Posted by Capitalist | September 28, 2011 at 5:09 PM

    LOL!!! You spin great yarn!!

  123. Posted by guest | September 29, 2011 at 1:46 AM

    DAT OON WRITE DER!

  124. Posted by guest | September 29, 2011 at 1:47 AM

    The American dream the American method thank you LBJ!

  125. Posted by guest | September 29, 2011 at 1:51 AM

    One of DB's best posts ever!

  126. Posted by Dr Livingstone | September 29, 2011 at 7:11 AM

    Because all black people are related? Examine your motives…..

  127. Posted by Dustin | December 29, 2011 at 12:20 AM

    Turns out he was lier, his parents home was not taken and they actualy have 70,000ish left to pay on a 500,000 home. There home was never foreclosed or in any danger of being foreclosed on.

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