Bill Gross Feels Fat

And he wants to talk about it.

The midsection of a 67-year-old is not a pretty sight. No matter how many sit-ups I do during my daily workouts there are no six-pacs there, or anywhere in the vicinity for that matter. I can’t even get a one-pac going. Perhaps that’s because so many Budweiser six-packs made their way downstream over the past half century or so. In any case, not being able to avoid seeing my spare tire, I take my wife Sue’s advice when it comes to weighing herself – do it only first thing in the morning. In this case, there is the additional appeal of lights being dim and if I can creep past the bathroom mirror while turning my head the other way, then all the better.

Sue never mentions the bulge, which is her loving style, but I know she must be looking every once in a while. I try to do the “blousy” thing when I wear tight golf shirts, but there’s only so much material to go around, so to speak. Swimming also presents a problem because in this case the solution is to pull the waistband up above the navel, which is a sight for even sorer eyes. I never let Sue see my backside, however. Having not seen it myself for 20 years, I’m afraid I might tell her to buy a gun and just shoot me before the fat and the cellulite strike again.

That Gross is so ashamed of his body that he’d rather be shot than get a look at his ass is all the more alarming given that he confesses to spend at least 90 minutes working out in the middle of the trading day, every day, no excuses (unless it’s October 19, 1987 and the market is crashing). So he couldn’t possibly be in as bad shape as he thinks he is, meaning either a) he’s got a serious case of body dysmorphia or b) Mohamed El-Erian made a thoughtless joke about there being a little extra BG to grab onto during the lunchtime Conga line. Regardless, he could use your assurances that he looks just fine. And maybe a hug.

Six Pac(k)in’ [PIMCO]

38 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
Show all comments ↓

Comments (38)

  1. Posted by Billy G | October 4, 2011 at 6:02 PM

    Does this moustache make me look fat?

  2. Posted by trojan_ | October 4, 2011 at 6:06 PM
  3. Posted by suckmesideways | October 4, 2011 at 6:09 PM

    what is wrong with this man…?

  4. Posted by guestapo | October 4, 2011 at 6:10 PM

    Things that bill gross has discussed in letters to investors (just off the top of my head):

    -feeling fat
    -what he wears to sleep
    -leaving shitty tips at restaurants
    -hating automatic flushers on toilets

  5. Posted by guest | October 4, 2011 at 6:11 PM

    He should worry less about being fat and more about being pasty as fuck. And for someone who lives ON THE BEACH? For shame.

  6. Posted by Guest | October 4, 2011 at 6:32 PM

    Bill,

    The new PIMCO investor relations strategy is working as planned. Not a single investor managed to overcome the pain of reading about your aging/weight issues, so it looks like this minor section of the letter has been overlooked by all:

    "There are no double-digit investment returns anywhere in sight for owners of financial assets. Bonds, stocks and real estate are in fact overvalued because of near zero percent interest rates and a developed world growth rate closer to 0 than the 3 – 4% historical norms. There is only a New Normal economy at best and a global recession at worst to look forward to in future years."

    We should start talking strategy for the next letter – let me know if you have back hair once you get around to looking in the mirror.

    - PIMCO PR

  7. Posted by Guest | October 4, 2011 at 6:33 PM

    for such a yoga buff, he is so un-zen…

  8. Posted by TOF | October 4, 2011 at 6:35 PM

    "Sue never mentions the bulge"

    Made it move

  9. Posted by early_hominid | October 4, 2011 at 6:44 PM

    Is there a different way to wear swim trunks?

    – Ed Grimley

  10. Posted by Stern bear | October 4, 2011 at 7:08 PM

    Not very maculine yes, but to be faiir he lives in newport beach, not jersey.
    best pussy ive ever seen

  11. Posted by guest | October 4, 2011 at 7:28 PM

    Get your lazy elietist Ass back in front of the screen and hedge those lousy bets you made! As**oles like you are why we are in the position we are in right now.

  12. Posted by guest | October 4, 2011 at 8:14 PM

    "No matter how many sit-ups I do during my daily workouts there are no six-pacs there"

    "Perhaps that’s because so many Budweiser six-packs made their way downstream"

    There's your problem. No matter how muscular your stomach is, if you have any more than a tiny amount of body fat, it won't look like a six pack. The fat covers the muscles.

    While you can target muscle growth by working out a specific body region, you can't do the same for fat. You just draw on fat from all over your body.

    This is why it's stupid to spend time doing sit ups unless you already have a really lean stomach. You should just run on a treadmill or something to burn calories faster.

  13. Posted by Bonderiffic | October 4, 2011 at 8:15 PM

    Why does my portfolio feel so thin?
    -Tony Horton

  14. Posted by Guest | October 4, 2011 at 8:36 PM

    He thinks he has problems? He needs to talk to Roseanne. She's like Ginnie Sack from the Sopranos-they cut a 95 pound mole off of her ass.

  15. Posted by InHiding | October 5, 2011 at 3:46 AM

    bro….. jew jokes are not taken too lightly here.. you will get a negative rating

  16. Posted by Guest | October 5, 2011 at 6:47 AM

    Where's Golden boy?
    I miss his insight.

  17. Posted by Guest | October 5, 2011 at 8:02 AM

    Gross is Presbyterian FYI.

  18. Posted by guest | October 5, 2011 at 8:05 AM

    Yeah, he's always talking his book.

  19. Posted by Guest | October 5, 2011 at 8:41 AM

    Your deep insight on the obvious is a highly valued asset in the commentariat.

  20. Posted by Jeff Hoffman | October 5, 2011 at 9:21 AM

    No more Cheesecake Factory

  21. Posted by FKApmco | October 5, 2011 at 10:12 AM

    I don't see anything wrong with wearing swim trunks that cover your navel
    -George Soros

  22. Posted by Guest | October 5, 2011 at 11:26 AM

    Fuck off and dies GB.

  23. Posted by PTTFUX | October 5, 2011 at 5:26 PM

    Hows that $250 billion dollar fund doing Billy?

  24. Posted by Artie | December 14, 2011 at 8:06 PM

    You can always tell an expert! Thanks for contriubting.

  25. Posted by zpuuwy | December 15, 2011 at 11:55 AM

    q68mDR wjrkmvgacmmt

  26. Posted by lvfihmdf | December 16, 2011 at 1:18 PM

    VW5JHU xxdoivzefcon

  27. Posted by like this | August 31, 2012 at 3:13 AM

    Hey there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it’s very informative. I will appreciate if you continue this in future. Lots of people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

  28. Posted by Kids disco | September 17, 2012 at 8:28 PM

    Hi there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it is very informative. I’ll appreciate if you continue this in future. Many people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

  29. Posted by Reba Duwe | September 19, 2012 at 8:00 PM

    Hi there, I discovered your online site via Google at the same time as looking for your comparable matter, your site came up, it appears to be like fantastic. I’ve bookmarked to my favourites|added to my bookmarks.

  30. Posted by canzoni cartoni animati | September 25, 2012 at 8:49 PM

    I came here searching for something else, but this entertained me regardless. Inspiring stuff!

  31. Posted by removals nottingham | September 26, 2012 at 12:14 AM

    This is interestingly just the thing I’ve been looking for! Wonderful and thanks!

  32. Posted by traducir a ingles a español | September 26, 2012 at 2:43 AM

    Hey there my name is Sally and I’m a writer and this site really aided me. I’m refocused! Thank you!

  33. Posted by Jimdobo66ne5 | October 6, 2012 at 6:47 PM

    It’s a nice post.
    Jimdobo66ne5 http://www.site989.com/

  34. Posted by Raymonde Parrella | October 8, 2012 at 3:55 AM

    Nice post at 302 Found. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed! Very helpful information specifically the last part :) I care for such information much. I was looking for this certain information for a long time. Thank you and good luck.

  35. Posted by calcola percorso stradale | October 9, 2012 at 7:17 PM

    Hello from across the sea! This is just what I was looking for, and you nailed it. Thankyou

  36. Posted by article | October 14, 2012 at 8:52 PM

    Internet is a source of information and knowledge. But there are so many sites in net which are nothing but gibberish. But when I visit your site – I felt that – in net there are lots of sites (like this) from where I can get lot of information too. And if I say truly – your site is fantastic. I’ve bookmarked your site in my browser; I hope in future days I’ll get more valuable information from your site.

  37. Posted by like | October 14, 2012 at 10:26 PM

    Hey there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it’s really informative. I’ll appreciate if you continue this in future. Numerous people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

  38. Posted by 2-meo-ketamine | October 15, 2012 at 1:14 AM

    Excellent info and interestingly written. Keep up the good stuff!