If your employment with the Swiss bank falls in the investment bank, consider getting to keep your job this year’s bonus.
Sergio P. Ermotti, who has been at the helm for less than a month, has ruled out a sale or spinoff of the investment bank but has decided to significantly reduce its scope and size in order to bolster UBS’s focus on its giant wealth management business, according to people familiar with his thinking. The brunt of the proposed changes are expected to be felt in parts of the investment bank’s fixed-income business, the people familiar with the matter said. UBS’s investment bank employed 17,776 people around the world at the end of June, according to regulatory filings. The unit has a large presence in the U.S., where it employs thousands of traders and bankers, largely based in New York and Stamford, Conn., where it boasts one of the world’s largest trading floors.
In the summer, UBS announced plans for 3,500 layoffs, with around half of the job losses coming from the investment bank. It is unclear how many additional jobs would be affected by Mr. Ermotti’s proposed shake-up…Traders and bankers have already been bracing for job losses and much lower bonuses, and the announcement of Mr. Ermotti’s plans is likely to deepen those fears.
[WSJ]
UBS Sucks!
Good time to make a little money for your next employer, give yourself a head start.
BONUS…..you don't have to work at UBS anymore!
-Glass half full Quant
UBS investment bank employs 17,776 people worldwide? And what do they do all they long? I always thought it was just Gruebel, a VP and an analyst.
Opening February 2012 in Stamford, CT: America's largest laser tag arena
Dammit.
Doubling your monthly income by qualifying for unemployment benefits is the NKI.
[Insert generic too big to fail/too fail to get big joke.]
You really think three people could lose all that money?
It takes planning, execution, and perseverance to build what UBS has.
"But, honey, this is actually good for us! You see, now we are more likely to miss a payment on the Civic so our DVA just shot through the roof. We are making a killing, here. Trust me, I'm a finance professional."
-UBS em dee in the near future
SWEET!
Okay…so I think I might have an idea. A suggestion. A brilliant plan. What if we slope the floor, cover it in snow, and rent skis for $50/hour? We could even turn the reception area into a retail store.
-Xanadu Quant
Alternatively, now that Yucca Mountain is closed … Same purpose, less toxic.
Awesome!
- in Soviet Russia car not good.
yes they all long, every worthless debt instrument west of moscow.
Too soon
If you're too lazy to formulate the joke, at least ask for TheJokeBriefer.
Just like the Batman, he's out there. watching over us.
Could we paint some glow-in-the-dark constellations on the ceiling? Because we've been looking into a suburban outpost. The school groups wouldn't mind a handful of traders, as long as they kept quiet when weeping. On second thought, let us know when it's empty, we can wait the few weeks.
Looks like a new marketing program is in order.
Harry O's Marketing Team
(a few steps below Beamer's and damn proud of it)
all of the UBS talent has already left in mass exodus to raymond james
Ask Serg what he is getting paid this year?!?
Firing everyone and converting stamford to a giant hockey rink is the new killing it
Giant Twister board. Get it right.
What do you call a Lada with twin tailpipes?
A wheelbarrow!
I'll be here all week, tip your wait staff……..
UBS fixed income means Grandma answering the phone and opening the door for the janitors at UBS's Park Ave. & Stamford offices while she collects her social security check.
UBS is a joke
Bunch of monkeys tapping at keyboards.
~OWS protestor
When one guy can lose $2.3B, it doesn't take that many employees to really add up.
too late – we already got it.
Costco Real Estate Team
Can we do some of that fancy image blow up enhancement on those computer screens? I'd like to buy the opposite of everything they're buying.
Promptly fuck your own face, then meet me at Tex-Arcana.
-Patrick Bateman
Too late
fail
The lack of a comprehensive comment or a note of intelligence from every single comment here is shocking. Its no wonder you all make such worthless statements which nobody but yourselves care for. I think each of these so called "monkeys tapping at keyboards" as you so delicately stated work more harder in a day than you do in a week. So shut up unless you actually have something constructive to say.
You're no Lucas von Praag, further confirming that UBS does suck. Keep trying "more harder."
"Work more harder"
Other than that, I have no concerns.
I care for all my statements.
Ouch.
There is a difference between Working Hard and Working Smart.
CMBS group looking okay? I know CS's cmbs folks were blown out this week.