Balls

Collateral Damage From Occupation Of Wall Street: No Love For Bull’s Balls

Perhaps you’re a tourist who traveled hundreds of miles to visit the famed Wall Street bull and get your photo taken next to his sack. Perhaps you’re a hedge fund manager who’s down like 47 percent through September, and was told your luck could change by rubbing those balls. Perhaps you work downtown and simply enjoy teabagging the biggest pair in the area every night on the way home. If you are any or all of those things, brace yourself for a crushing wave of disappointment and loss because you’re not getting anywhere near those guys.

Someone claiming to be with the Zuccotti Park activists yesterday tweeted out a threat to vandalize the iconic Wall Street bull sculpture. “Some guy said he was going to throw paint on the bull’s b—s,” a police source confided. That, of course, prompted cops to tighten security around the bull as protestors carried a golden calf named “Greed.” A Downtown Alliance guard was seen locking up the barricade that has corralled the 7,100-pound bronze statue at Bowling Green since the protest began five blocks to the north.

A pair of New York City police officers were having no pity for the huddled masses of tourists who’d come from all over the world just to touch the bull – or his private parts – for luck. They begged futilely, then had to satisfy themselves with a pose at the gates. With flared nostrils and aggressive stance, the monument to capitalism, officially named “The Charging Bull,” retained his fierce attitude, but the tourists looked like folks visiting a relative in jail. “I wanted to get under it,” said Laura Hay, 22, from, well, Down Under. “That would have been cool.” “Someone told me touching him is like touching Buddha’s belly,” said Stephanie Hirscher, 27, from Austria. “I mean, I wouldn’t climb up and sit on him or anything, but we thought we’d be able to touch it.” “I wish I could touch it, then you get more money,” said M.B.A. student Kevin Li, 25, who first heard the superstition in his native China.

Occupy Wall St. protesters’ threats spur city to up security on lucky ‘Charging Bull’ statue [NYDN]

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25 Responses to “Collateral Damage From Occupation Of Wall Street: No Love For Bull’s Balls”

  1. CoveredLong says:

    "Look at it! It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, man! Let me go out there and let me get one touch of the sack, just one touch before you take me in. I mean, come on man, where I am I gonna go? Buildings on both sides! I'm not gonna paddle my way to New Zealand! Come on, compadre. Come on!"

    -Bodhi

  2. HAM05 says:

    no worries, you're welcome to come over and rub on mine

    -DTeps

  3. Guest_of_Honor says:

    I used to be another symbol of capitalism and I love Australian and Austrian 20 somethings who want to "get under it" and/or rub Buddhas (or Oracles perhaps?).

    Send them my way.

    — WB

  4. Sean Connery says:

    “I wish I could touch it, then you get more money,” said M.B.A. student Kevin Li

    No Kevin, this is NYC I goes more like this… "First you give them money, then you give them more money, THEN you can touch it"

    these are things they dont teach you in school kid

  5. Spanishmoon says:

    Let the poor Bull get his last feel before the hippies smelt him and put up a statue of Elizabeth Warren in Zucotti Park.

  6. guest says:

    pretty sure Laura Hay knows how to party.

  7. Guest says:

    Getting Under It is then NKI

  8. trojan_ says:

    literally blue balls are the NKI

  9. Crime Fighter says:

    Didn't know Raj had such big balls.

  10. Guest says:

    If "touching him is like touching Buddha’s belly" then getting fucked by a bull is like what?

  11. Guest says:

    Reminds me of a saying.. grab a bull by his balls end up with horns in your ass

  12. L Ron Hubbard says:

    Get lost

  13. Go Phils says:

    Hoping my picture with the following tag does not end up on DB the next time I try to hit on Bess and her posse:

    "I wouldn’t climb up and sit on him or anything"

  14. Moneta Guy says:

    To Occupy Wall Street:

    Suck my big swinging dick !

    Hey, Main Street Guy, Fuck Off…

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