October 2011

  • Banks

    Layoffs Watch ’11: Deutsche Bank

    Well, okay, it wasn’t exactly a layoff in the strictness sense of the word, more like an entirely voluntary resignation by Rick Perry’s son from his job at Deutsche Bank so he could go campaign with dad, but Momma Perry interpreted that as Griffin Perry ‘losing’ his job thanks to that damn Obama guy [shakes fist] […]

    / Oct 14, 2011 at 5:56 PM
  • News

    McKinsey Says Companies Should Stop Overthinking Stuff And Just Go With The Flow

    Markets got you down? Can’t seem to keep up with your benchmark this year? Not sure you’ll ever figure out this whole buy-low, sell-high thing that you keep hearing rumors about? Cheer up, you’ve got good company. Company anyway. Specifically, corporate America, whose overall market timing ability is much worse than that of a chimp […]

    / Oct 14, 2011 at 5:11 PM
  • News

    Jim Cramer Wants To See Occupy Wall Street Claw Back Bonuses

    Cramer says their goals should include holding accountable those responsible for the housing crisis — “Let’s indict them. We all know that they committed, to me, they committed crimes.” — and the repayment of bonuses that were given out at banks that received TARP money. “It’s outrageous!” he said. “It is outrageous what they paid […]

    / Oct 14, 2011 at 3:35 PM
  • News

    Bonus Watch ’11: Paul Volcker’s Rule Can’t Touch This Cash Cow Unless He Pays

    Maybe you think you’ll be one of the 100,000 financial services employees projected to be laid off this year. Maybe you’re bracing for a bonus that will need to be supplemented with outside revenue streams. Maybe everything’s going great for you career-wise, you’re at the top of your game but you’ve decided a traditional get […]

    / Oct 14, 2011 at 3:10 PM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’11: Goldman Sachs

    Apparently the previously suggested cuts have begun.

    / Oct 14, 2011 at 1:44 PM
  • News

    Italian Protestors Occupy Goldman Sachs’s Lobby, Leave Message For Silvio Berlusconi

    A group of students stormed Goldman Sachs’s central Milan offices on Friday ahead of worldwide protests against financial inequality planned for the weekend…Students managed to break into the hall of the Goldman Sachs building in the heart of Milan’s financial district, a few steps away from La Scala opera house, police said. The protests were […]

    / Oct 14, 2011 at 1:27 PM
  • Communiqués

    Bill Gross Would Have Beaten His Benchmark Had He Not Eaten Those 500 Basis Points

    Several weeks back, bond manager Bill Gross wrote a very personal letter to investors about feeling fat. In it, he spoke of hating his “spare tire,” feeling self-conscious about wearing a bathing suit, and preferring to be shot dead than getting a glimpse of what his ass has become. Today, Bill sent out another letter, […]

    / Oct 14, 2011 at 12:48 PM
  • Banks

    Goldman Won’t Let A Few Pesky Shareholders Stand In The Way Of Its Bonuses*

    In things that are not a surprise, a Delaware court this week threw out a lawsuit against Goldman Sachs directors and officers for paying bankers and traders The Wrong Way. Specifically: The Plaintiffs contend that Goldman’s compensation structure created a divergence of interest between Goldman’s management and its stockholders. The Plaintiffs allege that because Goldman’s […]

    / Oct 14, 2011 at 12:38 PM
  • Banks

    RBS Cancels Merriment Of Any Kind

    As you may have heard, the last several years have not been so hot for RBS. In the last 12 months alone, the bank beat expectation by posting “a bigger-than-estimated first quarter loss” (with a loss of 1.4 billion pounds for the first half), employees have gotten canned, management has already informed staff that 2011 […]

    / Oct 14, 2011 at 10:47 AM
  • Opening Bell

    Opening Bell: 10.14.11

    Occupy Wall Street Stays In Park (WSJ) “Late last night, we received notice from the owners of Zuccotti Park — Brookfield Properties — that they are postponing their scheduled cleaning of the park, and for the time being withdrawing their request from earlier in the week for police assistance during their cleaning operation,” Deputy Mayor […]

    / Oct 14, 2011 at 9:03 AM
  • Write-Offs

    Write-Offs: 10.13.11

    $$$ Fitch: More Than a Dozen Banks May Get Rate Cut [Bloomberg] $$$ KKR, Blackstone Said to Weigh Yahoo Takeover [Bloomberg] $$$ Occupy Wall St. Flush With Cash—But Not From Soros [NetNet] $$$ Woman accused of calling ex 1,001 times in 3 months [Chronicle]

    / Oct 13, 2011 at 7:00 PM
  • News

    You’ll Have To Pry Those Free Blizzards From Warren Buffett’s Cold, Dead Hands

    Howard Buffett said his father, billionaire Warren Buffett, plans to work until death leading Berkshire Hathaway Inc. and isn’t considering retirement. “That word is not in his vocabulary,” Howard Buffett said in an interview yesterday in Des Moines, Iowa. “He says when he goes to the grave he will communicate with us via Ouija board.” […]

    / Oct 13, 2011 at 6:19 PM
  • News

    Erasing Your Hard Disk And Dumping It In A Canal Turns Out Not To Be As Wise A Move As It Sounds

    Today’s sad news for Raj Rajaratnam and his constellation of illnesses is a solemn reminder to all of us that, however nice it is to generate outsize returns, nobody really wants to go to jail for it. Obviously the best way to do that is not to do anything illegal, but life being what it […]

    / Oct 13, 2011 at 5:17 PM
  • Balls

    Collateral Damage From Occupation Of Wall Street: No Love For Bull’s Balls

    Perhaps you’re a tourist who traveled hundreds of miles to visit the famed Wall Street bull and get your photo taken next to his sack. Perhaps you’re a hedge fund manager who’s down like 47 percent through September, and was told your luck could change by rubbing those balls. Perhaps you work downtown and simply […]

    / Oct 13, 2011 at 5:12 PM
  • News

    Wall Street Protestors Hoping The “I’ll Be Good, I’ll Be Good, I’ll Be Good” Move Works On Bloomberg, Zuccotti Park Owners

    Yesterday afternoon, after previously stating that the Wall Street protestors staying Zuccotti Park could remain there as long as they pleased, Mayor Bloomberg announced that the occupiers would 1) have to temporarily relocate while the area is cleaned and 2) leave their tents, tarps, and other accoutrement home when they come back. Some have told […]

    / Oct 13, 2011 at 4:33 PM
  • News

    “Unique Constellation Of Ailments Ravaging” Raj Rajaratnam’s Body Revealed

    In sentencing Raj Rajaratnam to 11 years in prison for insider-trading charges, U.S. District Judge Richard Holwell said Rajaratnam’s ill health justified some leniency in sentencing…Former BOP official, Phillip Wise, says Rajaratnam in 2007 suffered a “severe cryptogenic stroke,” or a stroke with no obvious cause. According to the document released by the court, Rajaratnam […]

    / Oct 13, 2011 at 3:42 PM
  • Banks

    Jamie Dimon Wants Everyone On The JPMorgan Earnings Call To Join Him In Striking A Blow For America

    On today’s enjoyable-as-always earnings call, Jamie Dimon was not ashamed to confess that the Volcker Rule has not yet made its way to his pile of bedside reading material. Understandable! Also, he thinks it’s anti-American. Unsurprising! Dimon may not be sweating the Volcker details because he thinks that everyone will eventually wake up and figure […]

    / Oct 13, 2011 at 2:15 PM
  • News

    Chicago Board Of Trade Would Prefer Wall Street Protestors Not Reach Out And Touch Rick Santelli

    To: ALL CBOT BUILDING TENANTS From: Assoc. Director/General Manager, CBOT Building Subject: ALERT…ALERT…ALERT ! Importance: High We have been notified that there will be protesters attempting to perform a sit-in inside our building today at approximately 12:00 noon today, (CDT). Below is the security/safety plan that is being put in place at 11:00 a.m.:

    / Oct 13, 2011 at 12:12 PM
  • insider-trading

    Raj Rajaratnam Gets 11 Years, Needs A Kidney

    The defense had asked for 6.5 to 8 years on account of 1) the fact that, they say, Raj only made $7.4 million off his trades and 2) the “unique constellation of ailments ravaging his body” that would result in him dying behind bars if given a sentence “anywhere near” the prosecution’s request for 19.5 […]

    / Oct 13, 2011 at 11:18 AM
  • News

    Zuccotti Park Occupiers Take Issue With Suggestion Things Need To Be Tidied Up A Bit

    Some protesters objected to city and the landlord’s depiction of the park and said some would try to remain, no matter what the city or Brookfield do. “Unsanitary? We have a cleaning department here,” said Junior Martinez, 23 years old, who lives on the Lower East Side when not camping out. He added: “Tents or […]

    / Oct 13, 2011 at 10:56 AM
  • Opening Bell

    Opening Bell: 10.13.11

    JPMorgan Earnings Fall Less Than Expected on Accounting Change (Bloomberg, release) Third-quarter net income fell to $4.26 billion, or $1.02 a share, from $4.42 billion, or $1.01, in the same period a year earlier and $5.43 billion, or $1.27, in the second quarter, the New York-based company said today in a statement. The average per-share […]

    / Oct 13, 2011 at 8:18 AM
  • News, Write-Offs

    Write-Offs: 10.12.11

    $$$ Protestors plan to occupy London Stock Exchange [Bloomberg] $$$ Breaking: Most Americans aware of Wall Street protests [Reuters] $$$ Goldman Sachs to Employees: Avoid Occupy Wall Street [NetNet]

    / Oct 12, 2011 at 6:40 PM
  • News

    Today In Data Mining? Maybe?

    Finance professor Jialan Wang won the Internet today with a beautiful note on Benford’s law in US accounting data (for completeness of her victory see here, here, here, here, and here). Here’s the argument. Benford’s Law is a statistical regularity that applies to many collections of numbers of differing orders of magnitude. As Wang writes: […]

    / Oct 12, 2011 at 6:27 PM
  • Hedge Funds

    John Paulson: Mistakes Were Made

    Mr. Paulson, the money manager who made billions during the financial downturn betting against the subprime mortgage market, admitted in his quarterly conference call that he had made a bad bet on a recovery in the domestic economy, the linchpin of the firm’s investment thesis this year. Now, Mr. Paulson is moving to cut leverage […]

    / Oct 12, 2011 at 5:45 PM
  • taxes

    Warren Buffett Opens His Kimono Ever So Slightly…

    …and gives Congress a glimpse of the silver tuna. Want to see the full enchilada? The golden goose? The cast-iron baby arm? El Chorizo? Then you’re gonna have to get some other deep pocketed guys and gals to show what kind of heat they’re packing. You do that and WB promises he’ll give you the […]

    / Oct 12, 2011 at 3:42 PM
  • Banks, News

    Masterminds At Goldman Sachs May Have Found A Way To Avoid Parsing Through 19 Slide Flowchart

    You could, if you wanted to, divide the world into people who find parsing through the Volcker Rule draft creepily fascinating, and people who would rather not, thanks for offering. The first category, as far as I can tell, consists of (1) me, in small doses, and (2) a PowerPoint-enabled band of lawyers at Davis […]

    / Oct 12, 2011 at 2:26 PM
  • interesting choice of words

    Eliot Spitzer Is Having ‘Loads’ Of Fun Telling Other People How To Do Their Jobs

    “You know what I would like to see?” Spitzer asked the crowd. “I’d like to see a petition with a hundred million signatures, submitted to the White House tomorrow morning, saying, ‘Give us a treasury secretary who understands reform.’ Bring Paul Volcker in. Bring in Joe Stiglitz. Bring in Paul Krugman. Bring in Robert Reich…Spitzer, […]

    / Oct 12, 2011 at 2:16 PM

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