• 14 Oct 2011 at 10:47 AM
  • Banks

RBS Cancels Merriment Of Any Kind

As you may have heard, the last several years have not been so hot for RBS. In the last 12 months alone, the bank beat expectation by posting “a bigger-than-estimated first quarter loss” (with a loss of 1.4 billion pounds for the first half), employees have gotten canned, management has already informed staff that 2011 bonuses will be less than 2010’s, you can’t say “ABN Amro” without getting tased, they’re still mopping up the mess from ToiletGate, they just got downgraded by Fitch, and the Queen is riding all their asses. What was left to look forward to? Not much at all but at least there was the annual Christmas party which, since 2008 has amounted to one bag of (fun size) chips per head. It wasn’t a lot but it was something and now? It’s gone.

RBS is canceling Christmas for its investment bankers this year as the government-owned lender tries to reduce costs.

Okay, so, no Christmas party seems a bit harsh but employees can still get into the holiday spirit with non-Christ-based soirées, right? WRONG! There will be no Halloween parties, no pre-Thanksgiving raves, no New Year’s bashes, no Beamer’s Appreciation Day on RBS’s watch.

The bank will stop subsidizing holiday parties and has banned staff entertainment for the rest of the year, Chris Kyle, chief financial officer of RBS’s investment bank, wrote in an e- mail to employees.

If anyone thinks foot stomping, hand-clapping chicken dances around the trading floor in celebration of someone’s birthday don’t fall under the ban, think again. God help anyone who wants to test them on this.

RBS Cancels Christmas For Investment Bankers [Bloomberg]

39 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (39)

  1. Posted by Chunk | October 14, 2011 at 11:27 AM

    RBS sucks

    – UBS Managing Dicktugger

  2. Posted by Chiarb | October 14, 2011 at 11:29 AM

    "RBS is canceling Christmas"? My 8yo son will be pissed.

  3. Posted by Pete from the Bush | October 14, 2011 at 11:31 AM

    They're already saving money by not brushing regularly.

  4. Posted by The Kirk | October 14, 2011 at 11:32 AM

    Christmas was not traditionally celebrated in Scotland after the reformation.

    New years is the big one.

  5. Posted by CoveredLong | October 14, 2011 at 11:32 AM

    What does your son do at RBS?

    -OWS Protestor

  6. Posted by Sean Connery | October 14, 2011 at 11:42 AM

    Bess, you have your wires crossed, you posted a picture of another one of those hard working, well dignified "Occupy Wall Street" protesters with this article.

  7. Posted by Guest | October 14, 2011 at 11:43 AM

    I followed the link to the old chicken dance article, which led to Bess' last words on RBS which included this gem about RBS employees leaving.

    "I believe we’ve also mentioned the rampant ship-jumping of employees to another shop down the road, where every day isn’t a trip to idiot island, and it’s not necessary to fantasize about life that doesn’t so closely resemble Hell."

    I believe that is the exact definition of working at UBS now.

    – Not the UBS Sucks guy, but contributing to his work

  8. Posted by guest | October 14, 2011 at 11:44 AM

    "god f*ck us, everyone!"

    – tiny tim

  9. Posted by Nervous Jew | October 14, 2011 at 11:44 AM

    Merriment makes me nervous anyway.

  10. Posted by Guest | October 14, 2011 at 11:45 AM

    Also to save on the water bill they've instituted a new toilet flushing policy.. "yellow's mellow, brown goes down"

  11. Posted by Bandersnatch | October 14, 2011 at 11:47 AM

    "one bag of (fun size) chips " – I believe you mean crisps.

    – RBS Language Purity Officer

  12. Posted by Alt_EST | October 14, 2011 at 11:53 AM

    Have any of you ever even seen a chicken?

    -M. Bluth

  13. Posted by early_hominid | October 14, 2011 at 11:57 AM

    Ah'm no deid; ah jist dinnae gie a fuck aboot Crissmas.

    – Future Scots Tiny Tim

  14. Posted by Grinch | October 14, 2011 at 12:01 PM

    Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it!
    4:00: Wallow in self-pity.
    4:30: Stare into the abyss.
    5:00: Solve world hunger. Tell no one!
    5:30: Jazzercise.
    6:30: dinner with me. I can't cancel that again!
    7:00: wrestle with my self-loathing… I'm booked! Of course.
    if I bump the loathing to 9:00, I'll probably still have time to lie in my bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?!

  15. Posted by ShortNaked | October 14, 2011 at 12:02 PM

    Are you getting nervous they might also cancel Hanukkah?

  16. Posted by NowOnePerson | October 14, 2011 at 12:10 PM

    I'm sure more than you'd be capable of. Go take a shower.

  17. Posted by Guest | October 14, 2011 at 12:12 PM

    He must be a naked short seller

    -Other OWS Protestor

  18. Posted by B2b MD | October 14, 2011 at 12:13 PM

    Doesn't listening to RBS Sr Mgt count as staff entertainment?

    -Guy who things mgt of RBS, UBS and BAC should be eligible for Oscar in best comedy category.

  19. Posted by trojan_ | October 14, 2011 at 12:13 PM


  20. Posted by HFguy | October 14, 2011 at 12:15 PM


  21. Posted by Guest | October 14, 2011 at 12:30 PM

    Nice attempt. Learn English before posting next time.

  22. Posted by B2b MD | October 14, 2011 at 12:43 PM

    Thanks D-Bag. Congrats, I won't outsource your job to Mumbai for another quarter.

  23. Posted by formerbearguy | October 14, 2011 at 12:44 PM

    no worries about Hanukkha with Bear guys running the show…..

  24. Posted by Anonymous | October 14, 2011 at 12:47 PM

    There will be no Halloween parties, no pre-Thanksgiving raves, no New Year’s bashes, no Beamer’s Appreciation Day on RBS’s watch.

    Bess was sadly mistaken. (Come on Bess, what were you thinking???)
    RBS is endorsing visits to Beamer's to support the local economy. Please come in with your corporate card.

    Beamer's Marketing Manager

  25. Posted by guesticles | October 14, 2011 at 12:51 PM

    Or wiping every other time

  26. Posted by PermaGuestII | October 14, 2011 at 1:04 PM

    Och, aye!

    [youtube _b-nOEQzcxc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_b-nOEQzcxc youtube]

  27. Posted by Sleeper | October 14, 2011 at 1:12 PM

    I think you read that wrong. The shop down the road in question is actually Forever 21.

    – Not UBS Sucks guy but also knows that UBS Sucks

  28. Posted by Brian Moynihan | October 14, 2011 at 1:13 PM

    Can we cancel Groundhog Day? 'Cause it's getting old.

  29. Posted by Max | October 14, 2011 at 1:15 PM


  30. Posted by guest | October 14, 2011 at 1:16 PM

    FYI, she was talking about CRT Capital (to where, y'know, a lot of RBS'ers jumped shipped).

  31. Posted by Guest | October 14, 2011 at 1:22 PM

    We've finally switched to LCD monitors, thank you.

    – AIG IT Quant

  32. Posted by Guest | October 14, 2011 at 2:36 PM

    Wait you aren't already in Mumbai?

    -Guy who came in late on the fight and likes throwing gas on the fire

  33. Posted by asd | October 14, 2011 at 2:36 PM

    RBS is the new UBS

  34. Posted by Former RBSer | October 14, 2011 at 3:01 PM

    Isn't this the same story as last year? And the year before?

  35. Posted by guest | October 14, 2011 at 3:18 PM

    Per Bloomberg, since 2008 RBS has "reduced its spending on holiday parties to 10 pounds ($16) a head, enough to buy two pints of lager and a packet of potato chips," i.e. they still had parties, unlike this year, when they will have none. So, no, it's not the same story as last year, or the year before.

    Any other brain busters?

  36. Posted by Former RBSer | October 14, 2011 at 3:27 PM

    At least someone is making good use of their Bloomberg machine

  37. Posted by Curious George | October 14, 2011 at 3:49 PM

    I have never tried trading in the nude

  38. Posted by guest | October 14, 2011 at 4:07 PM

    Manage risk on legacy ABN positions

  39. Posted by Guest | October 15, 2011 at 9:31 AM

    The groundhog is at least right most of the time. You might want to have a talk with him.