RBS Cancels Merriment Of Any Kind

As you may have heard, the last several years have not been so hot for RBS. In the last 12 months alone, the bank beat expectation by posting “a bigger-than-estimated first quarter loss” (with a loss of 1.4 billion pounds for the first half), employees have gotten canned, management has already informed staff that 2011 bonuses will be less than 2010’s, you can’t say “ABN Amro” without getting tased, they’re still mopping up the mess from ToiletGate, they just got downgraded by Fitch, and the Queen is riding all their asses. What was left to look forward to? Not much at all but at least there was the annual Christmas party which, since 2008 has amounted to one bag of (fun size) chips per head. It wasn’t a lot but it was something and now? It’s gone.

RBS is canceling Christmas for its investment bankers this year as the government-owned lender tries to reduce costs.

Okay, so, no Christmas party seems a bit harsh but employees can still get into the holiday spirit with non-Christ-based soirées, right? WRONG! There will be no Halloween parties, no pre-Thanksgiving raves, no New Year’s bashes, no Beamer’s Appreciation Day on RBS’s watch.

The bank will stop subsidizing holiday parties and has banned staff entertainment for the rest of the year, Chris Kyle, chief financial officer of RBS’s investment bank, wrote in an e- mail to employees.

If anyone thinks foot stomping, hand-clapping chicken dances around the trading floor in celebration of someone’s birthday don’t fall under the ban, think again. God help anyone who wants to test them on this.

RBS Cancels Christmas For Investment Bankers [Bloomberg]

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39 Responses to “RBS Cancels Merriment Of Any Kind”

  1. Chunk says:

    RBS sucks

    – UBS Managing Dicktugger

  2. Chiarb says:

    "RBS is canceling Christmas"? My 8yo son will be pissed.

  3. Pete from the Bush says:

    They're already saving money by not brushing regularly.

  4. The Kirk says:

    Christmas was not traditionally celebrated in Scotland after the reformation.

    New years is the big one.

  5. Sean Connery says:

    Bess, you have your wires crossed, you posted a picture of another one of those hard working, well dignified "Occupy Wall Street" protesters with this article.

  6. Guest says:

    I followed the link to the old chicken dance article, which led to Bess' last words on RBS which included this gem about RBS employees leaving.

    "I believe we’ve also mentioned the rampant ship-jumping of employees to another shop down the road, where every day isn’t a trip to idiot island, and it’s not necessary to fantasize about life that doesn’t so closely resemble Hell."

    I believe that is the exact definition of working at UBS now.

    – Not the UBS Sucks guy, but contributing to his work

    • Sleeper says:

      I think you read that wrong. The shop down the road in question is actually Forever 21.

      – Not UBS Sucks guy but also knows that UBS Sucks

    • guest says:

      FYI, she was talking about CRT Capital (to where, y'know, a lot of RBS'ers jumped shipped).

  7. guest says:

    "god f*ck us, everyone!"

    – tiny tim

  8. Nervous Jew says:

    Merriment makes me nervous anyway.

  9. Guest says:

    Also to save on the water bill they've instituted a new toilet flushing policy.. "yellow's mellow, brown goes down"

  10. Bandersnatch says:

    "one bag of (fun size) chips " – I believe you mean crisps.

    – RBS Language Purity Officer

  11. Alt_EST says:

    Have any of you ever even seen a chicken?

    -M. Bluth

  12. Grinch says:

    Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it!
    4:00: Wallow in self-pity.
    4:30: Stare into the abyss.
    5:00: Solve world hunger. Tell no one!
    5:30: Jazzercise.
    6:30: dinner with me. I can't cancel that again!
    7:00: wrestle with my self-loathing… I'm booked! Of course.
    if I bump the loathing to 9:00, I'll probably still have time to lie in my bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?!

  13. B2b MD says:

    Doesn't listening to RBS Sr Mgt count as staff entertainment?

    -Guy who things mgt of RBS, UBS and BAC should be eligible for Oscar in best comedy category.

  14. formerbearguy says:

    no worries about Hanukkha with Bear guys running the show…..

  15. Anonymous says:

    There will be no Halloween parties, no pre-Thanksgiving raves, no New Year’s bashes, no Beamer’s Appreciation Day on RBS’s watch.

    Bess was sadly mistaken. (Come on Bess, what were you thinking???)
    RBS is endorsing visits to Beamer's to support the local economy. Please come in with your corporate card.

    Beamer's Marketing Manager

  16. Brian Moynihan says:

    Can we cancel Groundhog Day? 'Cause it's getting old.

  17. asd says:

    RBS is the new UBS

  18. Former RBSer says:

    Isn't this the same story as last year? And the year before?

    • guest says:

      Per Bloomberg, since 2008 RBS has "reduced its spending on holiday parties to 10 pounds ($16) a head, enough to buy two pints of lager and a packet of potato chips," i.e. they still had parties, unlike this year, when they will have none. So, no, it's not the same story as last year, or the year before.

      Any other brain busters?