This afternoon, Danielle Chiesi will report to a West Virginia prison for a 30-month stay, for her role in the Galleon insider trading case, wherein she passed valuable tips on to Raj Rajaratnam after the tech execs she worked closely with passed her a few of their own. Chiesi will be bunking at Federal Prison Camp Alderson (former home of Martha Stewart, where “women hide sugar packets and crackers in their socks and conceal larger items like eggs under their shirts”), and while Bloomberg reports that the former beauty queen/Newscastle analyst won’t be living alongside ‘sadistic crack-selling lesbian rapists‘ (“It’s more college campus than Chained Heat, the 1983 exploitation film about women in jail” we’re assured), there may still be a few aspects of prison life about which D-Chi (“they give each other nicknames,” says one former resident) will be less than thrilled. Such as:
The no cleave or red fishnets rule.
Chiesi, a former teenage beauty queen who would show up at technology conferences wearing form-fitting clothes and low-cut tops, will have to make do with a uniform of khaki pants and shirt and steel-toe boots during her stay. The only other clothes allowed — pajamas, sneakers and athletic clothes like sweatshirts, shorts and t-shirts — can be bought in the commissary.
The godawful tan lines.
Prisoners are required to wear bras and underwear except when sleeping or showering. They can sunbathe on the lawn during their leisure time, but must wear mid-thigh length shorts and cannot apply tanning lotion to one another. They can’t roll up sleeves of their t-shirts.
The carbs.
The meals, primarily chicken-based, are heavy on the starch and light on the vegetables.
The fact that she may very likely suffer a beat down on weekend one as a result of striking up an innocent conversation with the wrong gal.
Conjugal visits are prohibited…[and] touching among inmates is not allowed, though Myers and the other former inmate say that sexual relationships do take place. Most of the fights that the unnamed prisoner saw were caused by jealous friends or lovers, including one incident when an inmate threw hot coffee at another woman.
Having said that, there are some pluses to this working vacation, like the aforementioned opportunity for a street name, as well as the chance to try her hand at a new line of work.
Inmates can also apply for limited spots in vocational classes where they can be trained as welders, electricians or cosmetologists — the most sought-after option.
So, not all bad.
Ex-Trader Chiesi Enters ‘Camp Cupcake’ Prison [Bloomberg]
Moose Fister:
Eggs? I thought those were mosquito bites.
Ps, it moved.
Bess, that picture made my bits shrink.
Great prose as always. I laughed.
I thought Al Davis died?
Is it just me, or here she looks like LiLo +10/20 yrs?
I'll take the under on that one
Yup, her womb is barren.
3 years or less
Cunt Muscle
D-Chi & Wollensky
Anybody seen animal sex porn videos?
Anyone seen elephants humping?
Or whales shagging?
Well then imagine Raj Rajaratnam, on top, squashing Chiese as he humps her, with bacteria in his foot, diabetes in his blood and ghee-butter clogging his arteries, while Chiese "pumps him" for information "like a finely tuned piano."
yup , and now she gets to dive into lesbianism as well.
bitch can tune my piano (and dong) anytime…
No Pianos in this jail buddy.
I wanna see her do a three way with the chicks from the mcdonald's beatdown.
D. Chiesi = Lindsay Lohan + 35 years
Danielle, the love of my life.
The fire of my loins.
For whom I screwed my family and kids and my life.
You pumped me for information and I gave it to you.
Now you are gone.
I will miss you dear. Boo-hoo.
-Hector Ruiz,
P.S.: Can I pay conjugal visits to you in prison?
Hector, you can pay conjugal visits to Raj-Raj in his prison
Hey Chiese,
Wanna have a last-ditch fling before you go off to prison. Wanna shag me for confidential McKinsey information?
You see I've already screwed up not only myself but also my family's future.
My son, a bright Stanford graduate got his offers from Apple and Google rescinded because of my scandal.
I fainted and hurt my head when the feds came to get me.
So now let's shag!
I am afraid to see the contestants she beat in the beauty pageant she supposedly won.
Go sit in the park. Wear a Dealbreaker Fleece.
Too saggy, did not read.
nope he just made a deal for another washed up QB
Welding ? I could suck the trailer hitch of a mack truck.
Bring on the chicken based dreck…
The skin on her forearms has more bumps than the BQE
- Observant guest
Lights off, blindfolded, wearing welder's gloves, through the peephole, narrated by Morgan Freeman.
how do we kill it?
You can't kill it. It keeps coming back …
last weekend
Damn dick bove.
If it bleeds, we can kill it.
- Dutch
sadly, i've had wors
Lights off, standard paper bag covering her to the feet, a wall in the middle of the bed separating us except for a hole, Becky Quick sitting on a chair taking notes on a notebook titled "Warren"
Yeah, I'll bet her thighs put the cottage cheez in Chiesi!
someone get some febreeze to to tame the smell of that banker vagina
Her prison stay may be chicken soup for her soul but she looks like an alphabet soup of STDs.
She's already overdrawn on her tanning booth time from that pic. But Im sure shell make a scandalous cabana hag for their sunbathing recess.
At Lindsay's pace, I'll take the under.
Is this a typical manhattan crack whore ?
Chinese Analyst from Sichouan