• 05 Oct 2011 at 11:32 AM

Vending Machine Challenge Underway


All 41 items must be completed by 4PM, with an official start time of 11:15AM. Said items include: Cheese Puffs, Snyder Low Fat Pretzels, Goldfish, Doritos, White Cheddar Popcorn, Snyder Regular Pretzels, Snyder Low Fat Pretzels, party mix, Fritos, Baked Lays, Baked Doritos, Lays, Sun Chips, Express Oatmeal, canned fruit, Sour Straws, Reeses, Fiber One Bar, M&Ms, Peanut M&Ms, Goobers, Fiber One Snack, Twizzlers, Snickers Crunch, Twix, Milky Way, Pretzels M&Ms, Snickers Crunch, Skittles, Starburst, peanuts, Raisinets, trail mix, strudel, more trail mix, crackers, sandwich crème cookies and Milanos.

The challenger, whose colleagues at an unnamed Connecticut firm note “is in a motorcycle club- enough said” (??), is apparently so confident that rather than eat a light dinner and get some rest last night, he mowed down a tray of tacos and got little sleep. If he finishes everything by the close and keeps it down for two hours he wins nothing, i.e. “respect.” For those who feel the extremely generous time allotment renders this contest not so much a challenge but a snack, channel your feelings of disgust towards stepping up to the plate with something better.

11:21 Guy has finished Cheese Doodles, Snyder Low Fat Pretzels, Goldfish, Doritos, White Cheddar Popcorn, Snyder Thin Pretzels, and second bag of SLFP’s.

11:35 Party mix, Fritos, Baked Lays, Baked Doritos, Lays, Sun Chips. “Slowing down but still feeling strong.”

11:43 “Over the oatmeal hurdle”

11:57 “Slow down on the Sour Straws. Wants to get it all down fast. Could be epic fail here. Confident he could finish by 4, but doesn’t know if it will stay down.”

12:00 “Feeling alright” with 23 items down but “forgot about a meeting he has to go to- will return fresh at 12:30. Everything is staying down so far.”

12:34 “Back at it after a productive meeting. Wind is back in his sails. Could be done within 1 hour.”

12:57 Down to the cheese crackers and trail mix.

1:15 And…scene.

134 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (134)

  1. Posted by guestaronomy | October 5, 2011 at 12:02 PM

    Where I come from, there is a word for this: breakfast.

    -Michael Moore

  2. Posted by guest | October 5, 2011 at 12:03 PM

    Pussy.

    -SC

  3. Posted by guestapo | October 5, 2011 at 12:04 PM

    At first I thought the can was cat food. Now I'm disappointed.

    -Wachovia 3rd Year VP

  4. Posted by Fox News | October 5, 2011 at 12:05 PM

    i see a can of dog food

  5. Posted by real question | October 5, 2011 at 12:07 PM

    Anyone who gives this comment the thumbs down- ARE YOU FUCKING NEW HERE?

  6. Posted by Backdoor_Bess | October 5, 2011 at 12:07 PM

    Party Mix is like an orgasm – freaking awesome

  7. Posted by pazzo83 | October 5, 2011 at 12:07 PM

    Unnamed Connecticut firm… can UBS afford all of this food?

  8. Posted by Guesto | October 5, 2011 at 12:09 PM

    Harley-Davidsonofabitch

  9. Posted by slainwaxwing | October 5, 2011 at 12:10 PM

    First of all it, isn't a Twix. It's a Fifth Avenue Bar.

  10. Posted by pazzo83 | October 5, 2011 at 12:12 PM

    It's a good thing the pretzels are low fat, otherwise there might be some real health concerns here.

  11. Posted by guestapo | October 5, 2011 at 12:13 PM

    “forgot about a meeting he has to go to"

    LOL.

  12. Posted by Mercury | October 5, 2011 at 12:14 PM

    I smell back office abuse and money changing hands on the trading desk…
    Best one I was ever a part involved a 1 quart (or was it 2 quart?) can of Cheeze Whiz.
    The back office guy stood to make a couple hundred bucks if he downed the thing but the notional amount of bets on the desk was in the tens of thousands…

  13. Posted by slainwaxwing | October 5, 2011 at 12:14 PM

    Also, as a connoisseur of the Poison Ivy series, I would like to add that I, too, often finish with a little Milano.

  14. Posted by Candy lineup | October 5, 2011 at 12:16 PM

    They were all Twix! It was a setup!

  15. Posted by Texashedge | October 5, 2011 at 12:22 PM

    Milano cookies in a vending machine? You think you're better than me or something?

  16. Posted by PermaGuestII | October 5, 2011 at 12:24 PM

    Best I saw: 12" x 24" x 4" aluminum buffet serving dish (the sort of thing that comes from a caterer) full of fried chicken. Middle-office guy had 1hr to finish. $1k for him, multiple $10s of k on side bets. Updates were being broadcast firm-wide over the hoot.

  17. Posted by bill gross | October 5, 2011 at 12:25 PM

    if this guy doesn't have a spare tire or bulge, i may kill myself.

  18. Posted by pazzo83 | October 5, 2011 at 12:29 PM

    I cannot believe you EVIL CORPORATE CAPITALIST BANKER PIGS!!!!

    But seriously though, can I get some of this food? Veggie pizza is getting old.

    - OccupyWallStreet protester

  19. Posted by George | October 5, 2011 at 12:30 PM

    They were all twix

  20. Posted by Anonymous | October 5, 2011 at 12:33 PM

    you had me, really… UNTIL the canned fruit
    NFW that came from a vending machine in the US of A.

  21. Posted by Put_Option | October 5, 2011 at 12:35 PM

    No Famous Amos cookies? This UBS PM, CFA/MBA, Esquire, Accord enthusiast deserves heinous anus.

    - D. Benson

  22. Posted by Kreika - La | October 5, 2011 at 12:36 PM

    Was the meeting in the bathroom?

  23. Posted by geoffgeoffgeoff | October 5, 2011 at 12:54 PM

    So good.

  24. Posted by Hank WIlliams Jr | October 5, 2011 at 1:01 PM

    “is in a motorcycle club- enough said”

    I thought gays were weight conscious?

  25. Posted by I'm a Dude | October 5, 2011 at 1:03 PM

    Strudel in the vending machine? definitely UBS

  26. Posted by Bandersnatch | October 5, 2011 at 1:03 PM

    I assume this is not in lieu of lunch.

  27. Posted by richardf@lehman.com | October 5, 2011 at 1:03 PM

    Thats tops, not bottoms.

  28. Posted by Guest | October 5, 2011 at 1:05 PM

    If they own the vending machine, i imagine they'll beat revenue estimates next quarter…

  29. Posted by ok. | October 5, 2011 at 1:15 PM

    bankster*

  30. Posted by NowOnePerson | October 5, 2011 at 1:21 PM

    And now, for the win, Roseanne is going to eat that guy.

  31. Posted by Sleeper | October 5, 2011 at 1:23 PM

    The Skittles, M&Ms and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups are kids' stuff. The Fudge Stripes and Elfin Crackers are where you separate the men from the boys.

    - Kobyashi

  32. Posted by Slid | October 5, 2011 at 1:28 PM

    GS CMBS Desk Analyst Slider Challenge.

  33. Posted by guest | October 5, 2011 at 1:35 PM

    Stevie Cohen killing time again?

  34. Posted by Stank | October 5, 2011 at 1:44 PM

    The variety says RBS. The fact that one has time to eat all of this and blog about it says UBS.

  35. Posted by Guest | October 5, 2011 at 1:47 PM

    Seriously

    -Michelle Obama

  36. Posted by Ian Gallagher | October 5, 2011 at 1:52 PM

    Good thing you Wall St. shitsuckers are busy with your "real" jobs. Suck cock and die.

  37. Posted by I'm a Dude | October 5, 2011 at 1:57 PM

    crackhead, make up your mind, do we suck shit or cock?

  38. Posted by merkin_capital | October 5, 2011 at 1:59 PM

    ENRON AND LEHMAN USED SLFP'S!

    -occupationless wall street occupier

  39. Posted by Can't Stand Ya | October 5, 2011 at 2:06 PM

    We all know Twix is the only candy bar with the cookie crunch

  40. Posted by Full Tilt Reject | October 5, 2011 at 2:16 PM

    Was there an O/U on a 1pm finish? What was the money movement on that?

  41. Posted by The Fattest Cat | October 5, 2011 at 2:17 PM

    You first. Just don't do it in the street where I may have to step over you in my Bruno Maglis.

  42. Posted by anon. | October 5, 2011 at 2:17 PM

    Subtle keebler troll.

  43. Posted by Janitor | October 5, 2011 at 2:18 PM

    12:00-12:30pm: Bulimics Anonymous meeting

  44. Posted by wahoo | October 5, 2011 at 2:20 PM

    Chips, pretzels, canned fruit, m&m's, peanuts, sour straws, and crackers….. and in the end you're left with a king size baby ruth.

  45. Posted by Not Me | October 5, 2011 at 2:25 PM

    You should try the IMF Slider Challenge
    -DSK

  46. Posted by Carl Spackler | October 5, 2011 at 2:48 PM

    You don't say?

  47. Posted by Bill Gross | October 5, 2011 at 2:57 PM

    Just looking at that table full of food is making me feel flabby

  48. Posted by Guest | October 5, 2011 at 2:59 PM

    I didn't know Roseanne worked in CT.

  49. Posted by Ping | October 5, 2011 at 3:00 PM

    The red Sharpie on the desk in the "after" shot was no accident.

  50. Posted by Not Me | October 5, 2011 at 3:37 PM

    What kind of vending machine doesn't have gum and/or mints in it?

  51. Posted by Curious George | October 5, 2011 at 4:42 PM

    When you're done do you want to play freeze tag at recess?

  52. Posted by suckmesideways | October 5, 2011 at 5:42 PM

    this motorcycle-guy's mom is going to be pissed tomorrow when she's scrubbing the family toilet…

  53. Posted by Guest | October 5, 2011 at 6:08 PM

    Using your real name to build street cred in the hipster community is the NKI.

  54. Posted by Guest | October 5, 2011 at 8:07 PM

    no bottle of Listerine?

  55. Posted by slainwaxwing | October 5, 2011 at 9:11 PM

    Wow, who knew the third brother from Oasis was EVEN pissier?

  56. Posted by Go Phils | October 6, 2011 at 2:40 PM

    And he/she is not going to wash it down with one can of Coke, one can of Diet Coke, one can of grape soda, one can of orange soda, one can of root beer and one fruit punch? Wussy!

  57. Posted by guest | October 6, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    HONESTLY, this was weak – no wonder people are protesting our sissy industry

  58. Posted by Riley H | October 24, 2011 at 11:15 AM

    This challenge seems worse than the other impossible ones like the gallon of milk chug, the sleeve of saltine crackers in a min, and spoonful of cinnamon. Those are at least fun to do and watch, one of the guys at the technical recruiting Agencies I work for has tried all three and it never seems to loose appeal.

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