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Vending Machine Challenge Underway


All 41 items must be completed by 4PM, with an official start time of 11:15AM. Said items include: Cheese Puffs, Snyder Low Fat Pretzels, Goldfish, Doritos, White Cheddar Popcorn, Snyder Regular Pretzels, Snyder Low Fat Pretzels, party mix, Fritos, Baked Lays, Baked Doritos, Lays, Sun Chips, Express Oatmeal, canned fruit, Sour Straws, Reeses, Fiber One Bar, M&Ms, Peanut M&Ms, Goobers, Fiber One Snack, Twizzlers, Snickers Crunch, Twix, Milky Way, Pretzels M&Ms, Snickers Crunch, Skittles, Starburst, peanuts, Raisinets, trail mix, strudel, more trail mix, crackers, sandwich crème cookies and Milanos.

The challenger, whose colleagues at an unnamed Connecticut firm note “is in a motorcycle club- enough said” (??), is apparently so confident that rather than eat a light dinner and get some rest last night, he mowed down a tray of tacos and got little sleep. If he finishes everything by the close and keeps it down for two hours he wins nothing, i.e. “respect.” For those who feel the extremely generous time allotment renders this contest not so much a challenge but a snack, channel your feelings of disgust towards stepping up to the plate with something better.

11:21 Guy has finished Cheese Doodles, Snyder Low Fat Pretzels, Goldfish, Doritos, White Cheddar Popcorn, Snyder Thin Pretzels, and second bag of SLFP’s.

11:35 Party mix, Fritos, Baked Lays, Baked Doritos, Lays, Sun Chips. “Slowing down but still feeling strong.”

11:43 “Over the oatmeal hurdle”

11:57 “Slow down on the Sour Straws. Wants to get it all down fast. Could be epic fail here. Confident he could finish by 4, but doesn’t know if it will stay down.”

12:00 “Feeling alright” with 23 items down but “forgot about a meeting he has to go to- will return fresh at 12:30. Everything is staying down so far.”

12:34 “Back at it after a productive meeting. Wind is back in his sails. Could be done within 1 hour.”

12:57 Down to the cheese crackers and trail mix.

1:15 And…scene.

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134 Responses to “Vending Machine Challenge Underway”

  1. guestaronomy says:

    Where I come from, there is a word for this: breakfast.

    -Michael Moore

  2. guest says:

    Pussy.

    -SC

  3. guestapo says:

    At first I thought the can was cat food. Now I'm disappointed.

    -Wachovia 3rd Year VP

  4. Fox News says:

    i see a can of dog food

  5. Backdoor_Bess says:

    Party Mix is like an orgasm – freaking awesome

  6. pazzo83 says:

    Unnamed Connecticut firm… can UBS afford all of this food?

  7. Guesto says:

    Harley-Davidsonofabitch

  8. slainwaxwing says:

    First of all it, isn't a Twix. It's a Fifth Avenue Bar.

  9. pazzo83 says:

    It's a good thing the pretzels are low fat, otherwise there might be some real health concerns here.

  10. guestapo says:

    “forgot about a meeting he has to go to"

    LOL.

  11. Mercury says:

    I smell back office abuse and money changing hands on the trading desk…
    Best one I was ever a part involved a 1 quart (or was it 2 quart?) can of Cheeze Whiz.
    The back office guy stood to make a couple hundred bucks if he downed the thing but the notional amount of bets on the desk was in the tens of thousands…

    • PermaGuestII says:

      Best I saw: 12" x 24" x 4" aluminum buffet serving dish (the sort of thing that comes from a caterer) full of fried chicken. Middle-office guy had 1hr to finish. $1k for him, multiple $10s of k on side bets. Updates were being broadcast firm-wide over the hoot.

  12. slainwaxwing says:

    Also, as a connoisseur of the Poison Ivy series, I would like to add that I, too, often finish with a little Milano.

  13. Candy lineup says:

    They were all Twix! It was a setup!

  14. Texashedge says:

    Milano cookies in a vending machine? You think you're better than me or something?

  15. bill gross says:

    if this guy doesn't have a spare tire or bulge, i may kill myself.

  16. pazzo83 says:

    I cannot believe you EVIL CORPORATE CAPITALIST BANKER PIGS!!!!

    But seriously though, can I get some of this food? Veggie pizza is getting old.

    – OccupyWallStreet protester

  17. Anonymous says:

    you had me, really… UNTIL the canned fruit
    NFW that came from a vending machine in the US of A.

  18. Put_Option says:

    No Famous Amos cookies? This UBS PM, CFA/MBA, Esquire, Accord enthusiast deserves heinous anus.

    – D. Benson

  19. Kreika - La says:

    Was the meeting in the bathroom?

  20. Hank WIlliams Jr says:

    “is in a motorcycle club- enough said”

    I thought gays were weight conscious?

  21. I'm a Dude says:

    Strudel in the vending machine? definitely UBS

  22. Bandersnatch says:

    I assume this is not in lieu of lunch.

  23. NowOnePerson says:

    And now, for the win, Roseanne is going to eat that guy.

  24. Sleeper says:

    The Skittles, M&Ms and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups are kids' stuff. The Fudge Stripes and Elfin Crackers are where you separate the men from the boys.

    – Kobyashi

  25. guest says:

    Stevie Cohen killing time again?

  26. Stank says:

    The variety says RBS. The fact that one has time to eat all of this and blog about it says UBS.

  27. Ian Gallagher says:

    Good thing you Wall St. shitsuckers are busy with your "real" jobs. Suck cock and die.

  28. merkin_capital says:

    ENRON AND LEHMAN USED SLFP'S!

    -occupationless wall street occupier

  29. Full Tilt Reject says:

    Was there an O/U on a 1pm finish? What was the money movement on that?

  30. Janitor says:

    12:00-12:30pm: Bulimics Anonymous meeting

  31. wahoo says:

    Chips, pretzels, canned fruit, m&m's, peanuts, sour straws, and crackers….. and in the end you're left with a king size baby ruth.

  32. Carl Spackler says:

    You don't say?

  33. Bill Gross says:

    Just looking at that table full of food is making me feel flabby

  34. Guest says:

    I didn't know Roseanne worked in CT.

  35. Ping says:

    The red Sharpie on the desk in the "after" shot was no accident.

  36. Not Me says:

    What kind of vending machine doesn't have gum and/or mints in it?

  37. Curious George says:

    When you're done do you want to play freeze tag at recess?

  38. suckmesideways says:

    this motorcycle-guy's mom is going to be pissed tomorrow when she's scrubbing the family toilet…

  39. Guest says:

    no bottle of Listerine?

  40. Go Phils says:

    And he/she is not going to wash it down with one can of Coke, one can of Diet Coke, one can of grape soda, one can of orange soda, one can of root beer and one fruit punch? Wussy!

  41. guest says:

    HONESTLY, this was weak – no wonder people are protesting our sissy industry

  42. Riley H says:

    This challenge seems worse than the other impossible ones like the gallon of milk chug, the sleeve of saltine crackers in a min, and spoonful of cinnamon. Those are at least fun to do and watch, one of the guys at the technical recruiting Agencies I work for has tried all three and it never seems to loose appeal.

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