Do you want to write things on Dealbreaker? We are looking for one or more freelancers to write regular columns. Topics could include private equity, hedge funds, b-school, stripping one’s way through b-school, or something that has absolutely nothing to do with any of those things but which you are particularly passionate about. If you’re interested, get in touch and let us know your background and what you’d be interested in writing about. If you are currently gainfully employed on Wall Street (and would like to stay that way) for a firm that would not look favorably on a part-time writing career, anonymous/pseudonymous columns are fine.
We’re also looking for an intern to cook, clean, sew, be paid minimum wage, and do unnatural things with data and charts. Part time (20-ish hours), would be nice if you could come to the office sometimes. Again, if you’re interested, let us know.
Is it a dealbreaker (pun intended) if I'm unable to come in to the office due to mitigating circumstances? For instance, behind bars? Also, I'm willing to be paid in cigarettes (preferably menthol).
Come on, don't give up on Matt so quickly. He means well.
I guess now that Matt passed CFA level 1, or so he imagines, he is on the way to a high flying career in managing other peoples money and whatnot and all his 5000 word documents laced with charts are for paying customers only.
What is your policy on internet pornography? During lunch breaks only?
chart slave ftw!
What's the policy re: hitting on the boss?
I would have thought one or two of the Zachary Kouwe Journalism Scholars would have been beating down your door for that internship.
I'm the dickhead that wrote the post about trolling for cash challenged / trashed LI and NJ girls at the lower level Penn Station Taco Bell on any given Saturday night. I really do that stuff, btw. I mean, why blow coin to party in some "elite" grungy basement on the LES when all the good-to-go low hanging fruit is parked right outside of the LIRR train tunnels?
Anyway, I'm originally from Texas and I work in Midtown. I am sleazy mediocrity personified – bad grades, wild nights, bitter ex-girlfriends, and best of all, I am bucket shop employed. I mean, my firm executes trades as agent for African warlords. KYC / AML? Forget it. If you employ 12 year old child soldiers hopped up on hallucinogens and cocaine . . . just sign on the dotted line. We'll get you best execution on that ADR.
I am a toxic dud. I am commitment phobic and I think that only losers marry their best friends. I am the polar opposite of the stellar and credentialized Matt Levine. Would you like to hear from me on a regular basis?
Pretty sure "Complete Dickhead" isn't the "polar opposite" of Matt Levine.
I can do articles on building on how to build AR10/15 rifles from partially machined forgings in a Bridgeport mill and where the best place is to buy high powered ammo for them for the coming global meltdown. I also know some of the best places to own real estate when TEOFTW comes and it wont be on the Atlantic seaboard.
DPMS Panther and 5000 rounds of NATO 308, the NKI!
I'll take the gun and 4999 rounds if you promise to use one to kill yourself
I want to shoot you with a 50 cal from close rangs.
I wonder if my recent near-constant refreshing has led to a substantial jump in ad revenue to finance these minions…
Twin desert eagles?
I do believe that I'm the actual complete dickhead around here. That said, my connections are simply not to be sneezed at. Whaddaya say, Bess? I can write in pyramid style and I once met W.O. Douglas.
I will submit my resume. I hope you don't mind that it is written in crayon, but my 3rd grade diploma should be as sufficient as a credential as any.
-UBS MD
Zero Hedge not hiring?
Think what this could become if Bess could get G. Raymond to do portraits (a la the WSJ ink dot portraits) alongside your articles. I'm in.
no no no, we want Matt to write more posts, even longer, with more intricate charts.
I know he can do it. I know he can pass the CFA with flying colours, I know he can make his Mom and even GS proud. Let him stay!
-Guy with dick up his ass
Matt is that you?
You, my friend, wrote what I would nominate (were I to have that power or be a vodka purveyor) as the Post of The Year. I laugh every time I pass by the Penn Station Taco Bell. I would welcome your comments / columns on a regular basis.
How can we find that wonderful post? there needs to be a link to it sitting on the side of this page for when you need a little pick-me-up
I dual wield M2s while hitting on skanks at Taco Bell. Also, I have a army of coked-up 11 year olds (12 is too old) who I use to make charts and write rambling, ten page explanations of financial shenanigans.
I am the NKI.
I'll be proud even if my son isn't part of the top 45% of test takers. He still makes wonderful charts.
<3 Mom
Please stand directly behind 53% so someone can mow you both down with a single bullet, I'm not sure what a single NATO 308 costs is but it sounds more valuable than either of you.
Also, please explain this “humor” concept to me, humans.
NO LUNCH BREAKS!
- Bberg
i've never been offered a job before… this could be exciting.
-Fresh Mlk, CFA
If I am able pop in to the local wh$re house for a pop-off, then I will write things for the sake of writing things…
this is literature
Leave the gun. Take the cannolis.
This sounds right up my alley!
Ex-Pitchbook Monkey Bitch
http://dealbreaker.com/2011/09/tiger-woods-hooker...
then search taco (Ctrl + f)
How do you feel about in off masterbation?
I call the pseudonym Tyler Durden, its not taken is it?
DB needs to cover some politics now that the campaign is kicking into gear and the Republican field is so unquestionably solid. There will be hijinks on both sides.