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If He Could Turn Back Time…If He Could Find A Way

In 2003, things were going pretty well for Todd J. Remis. Great, even. The equity research analyst had left Warburg Pincus Asset Management to found Hygrove Partners LLC, he was living the good life in New York City and he’d recently married Latvia native Milena Grzibovska. The wedding was an intimate affair that included less than 40 guests and took place at Castle on the Hudson in Tarrytown. A proud husband, Remis sent a photo of the happy couple to his alma mater for inclusion in its newsletter, for all his former Bowdoin College classmates to see.

Fast forward six years, and things were going less swimmingly for Todd. For starters, the Chicago Booth grad’s marriage had hit the skids, with a separation in 2008 and an official divorce by 2010. Additionally, he was unemployed, having been laid off or fired from his job at Legg Mason’s ClearBridge Advisors. And with that kind of loss and time on his hands, Todd wanted nothing more than to sit around looking at photos of memories past, specifically of the day he married Milena. Only Todd couldn’t do that, could he? At least not in the way he wanted to, which was by going through the photos chronologically, very beginning to very end, from Milena getting dressed to the bouquet toss to the last dance, laughing, crying, wiping his tears with each shot, laying down naked on a pile of them scattered on the bathroom floor and remembering how he felt that day. The reason he couldn’t do that? Because someone FUCKED Todd, good and hard. And the more Todd thought about it, the more he decided that he had to make that person pay.

…a month after the wedding, when Mr. Remis returned to the studio to look over the proofs, he complained that the three-person crew had missed the last 15 minutes — the last dance and the bouquet toss. He noted in a deposition last July that the employees at H & H did not respond in a courtly fashion. Mr. Remis is suing H & H Photographers, a 65-year-old studio known fondly among thousands of former and current Bronx residents because it chronicled their weddings, bar mitzvahs and communions….The couple separated around 2008 and their divorce, which Mr. Remis contends was amicable, was finalized in 2010. Mr. Remis sued in 2009, just before the statute of limitation was about to expire, according to Mr. Fried. Mr. Remis testified that he wanted photographs of the wedding, even if it ended in divorce and even if Mr. Fried contended he already had them. And not only has Mr. Remis demanded to be repaid the $4,100 cost of the photography, he also wants $48,000 to recreate the entire wedding and fly the principals to New York so the celebration can be re-shot by another photographer. “I need to have the wedding recreated exactly as it was so that the remaining 15 percent of the wedding that was not shot can be shot,” he testified.

For those quick to label the suit “absurd” or “bat shit insane,” like the photographers being sued, or question why Todd is demanding a redo: he has his reasons. “[The divorce] unfortunate in its circumstances,” he says, “but we are very much happy with the wedding event and we would like to have it documented for eternity.” As for the matter of how Remis plans to convince his ex-wife to take part in the second wedding, never you mind that. Milena, who is “believed to have moved back to her native Latvia” will be there.

And if all this seems unfair to H & H Photographers, who say the suit is hurting their bottom line, they’re just the first of many to be on the receiving end of Remis’s wrath. Next up: the flower girl, AKA “the snot-nosed brat” who “haphazardly dumped the petals down the aisle,” the bartender who watered down the drinks, the valet who Remis knows got high in his car, the best man whose toast included a line about Milena being a mail order bride, and his mother-in-law, just for being a bitch. All your days of reckoning are coming.

Years Later, Lawsuit Seeks to Recreate a Wedding [NYT]
Todd Remis [LinkedIn]

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149 Responses to “If He Could Turn Back Time…If He Could Find A Way”

  1. MIchael Scott says:

    I thought he went to Cornell.

  2. Guest says:

    Checkered bow tie. Worn by virgins everywhere.

  3. minus 1% says:

    should have converted and maybe this wouldn't have ended so terribly.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pZinXoUyeQ

  4. K Kardashian says:

    Who does fake weddings?!

  5. Guy with A.D.D. says:

    I thought Mail-order brides did it for citizenship? This guy is such a dork (Yes I said DORK) that she decided citizenship wasnt worth it and went back to Lativa.
    He looks like the easter bunny with those teeth
    What a Loser!

  6. Guest says:

    This guy is killing the value of my Booth MBA.

    – J. Corzine

  7. Alt_EST says:

    The last five minutes of that video are the new couple together back at the hotel room, and Todd's spank bank is running dry.

  8. Milena Grzibovska says:

    In mother Russia, photographs take you!

  9. Kegels123 says:

    I think we can create a spot for you.

    -UBS MD

  10. Not Brittney Spears says:

    Who was the first to figure out the other was vapid?

  11. Todd J. Remis says:

    I want another crack at the SATs too, dammit!

  12. -!- says:

    no, yes

  13. largent80 says:

    is it asking too much to have one of Milena's kids from her 2nd marriage to a Eastern European oligarch be the new flower girl?

  14. guest says:

    A+ for BL

  15. Abe_Froman_ says:

    The short version:
    Nerdy kid (bowtie) gets a street job and makes some coin, has no game or friends (<40 guests) so he goes online and finds his Eastern European bride to be. In the beginning they both get what they wanted, for her the lifestyle and money, for him a kinda hot wife to send a pic back to the old college paper (I’ll show them) ….fast-forward to ’08 the job and cash is gone and bride quickly heads back to Latvia with the $10k she put aside when things were still good to live like a queen for life.

    Nerdy and broke he comes up with a plan after a long night of JO&Cing, sue the photographer…worst case get some cash, best case get the girl back to the US and recreate the magic

    • PermaGuestII says:

      According to LinkedIn he graduated Bowdoin in '89, was at Fidelity for 6-7yrs then got his MBA from Chicago. Assuming he was 21 when he graduated he'd have been 35 when he was married. Scenario you outlined sounds more like what would happen to a nerdy 24-year-old, not a guy with an MBA and 10-odd years of industry experience.

      • Abe_Froman_ says:

        Sorry Todd

        • Guest says:

          The photos were a gift Todd. I'm taking them with me.

        • PermaGuestII says:

          My point was, there's got to be something seriously off– i.e. Patrick Bateman-esque off– about this dude given the chronology of all of this.

          -divorced guy who would rather cut off his left thumb with a cold chisel than "reinact" his wedding to his ex-wife

          • im_new_here says:

            Yes, it's the chronology that makes me think he's off, not the demands in his lawsuit.

          • PermaGuestII says:

            Well, that too.

          • Guest says:

            Either I'm missing your sarcasm or your missing the following:

            Partner at dad's firm says find a reason to sue for enough money and they'll probably settle, photog calls his bluff, fuckface ends up in the NYT.

            I just hope daddy's firm bills him $500/hr for this debacle.

      • Dr Livingstone says:

        So you're saying that industry experience precludes him from being a total nerd? Can't say I agree, seen some disfunctional freakshows in my time, and a lot older.

    • Bandersnatch says:

      I think that's about the worst thing I've ever heard. How marvelous.
      – Count Rugen

  16. Mexi_Cant says:

    I don't understand why all you people are laughing at this poor man's suffering. All he wants is to fuck his fake-russian wife one more time, and his method of doing it is by having a wedding. It's costlier than roofies but same concept.

  17. lex luthor says:

    He should sue his parents for birthing such a doooochebague.

  18. lex luthor says:

    He should sue his parents for negligent birthing of a douchebag. Also, really funny stuff, bess.

  19. Mclovin says:

    And you guys thought Shia was the only actor with finance chops

    – Christopher "McLovin" Mintz-Plasse

  20. Bandersnatch says:

    Clearly Todd was tired of working and wanted to make sure no firm that has access to Google will ever hire such a wackadoodle bow tie wearing Bowdoin / Booth stalker.
    – Reaonably happily married guy that has never looked at his wedding album or wedding video

    • PermaGuestII says:

      It's not just the bowtie; its the argyll bowtie-and-matching-vest that's so bad. I'm assuming both are lavender.

    • LolaNo says:

      I'm proud for you that you even know what a wedding album and video are. Most guys don't…

  21. Texashedge says:

    Love, she is a motherfucker, eh?

  22. The Legitimate Years says:

    lights dimmed. Milena's gobal endowmnets covered in borscht. me wearing a cossack hat.

    das vedanya

  23. Pete from the Bush says:

    I think it would be worth it just to see the grown up flower girl recreating her role, coming down the aisle with 9 earrings, smoking a cigarette. This guy is seriously fucked.

  24. Chazy G says:

    Remis?
    Remis?
    Your last name is REMIS?

    Hahahahahahahahahaaa

  25. guest says:

    tag "MILENA- KNOCK TWICE IF YOU'RE LOCKED IN THE BASEMENT AND CAN HEAR US!!!"

    my thoughts exactly.

  26. guest says:

    Ordering a not so hot eastern european bride was the OKI… suing everyone from your past to make a living is NKI…

  27. Socratic Method says:

    did they get any shots of her feet? If not, I'll redo them.

    –Rex Ryan

  28. GuestofTheGuest says:

    Yet another Booth "winner" – as they say "the world is responding to Booth thinking". hahahahahahahahahhahaha

  29. Ron says:

    looks like garth from Wayne's World. minus the coolness.

  30. Yankov says:

    I can see why she married him … ELO HOTTTT STUFFFFF

  31. Touch Base Later says:

    Once she actually learned a little bit of English and realized she was Milena Ream-us, she decided it was time to find another last name.

  32. derp says:

    Nobody remembers the legitimate pics.

  33. Guest says:

    CFA-1 MBA-0

  34. Todd the Barista says:

    She' holding up. I'd still hit it:
    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1000022070

  35. guest says:

    maybe the last 15 minutes was the camera crew tagging milena in the dungeon and can actually be found on youporn.

  36. Guesticles says:

    After taking a good long look at her, can anyone honestly say with 100% certainty that she does not have a penis?

  37. MeVC says:

    Looks to me like the dentist guy from The Hangover…

  38. s cheslock says:

    would she like to marry a formerly rich Polish guy who lives in a 26k sq. foot house in Greenwich ?

  39. E. Spitzer says:

    Sheesh. Hasn't this guy ever heard of the internet? Plenty of pictures on there that will ease his frustrations, surely…

  40. Hit Me On The Box says:

    The dude's story is typical of folk wishing for the "good old days". I heard former Enron traders like to get old copies of Platt's Gas Daily from the year 2001 and sobbingly remember the alleged prices they reported for its first of the month "index" price creation.

  41. Guest-ee-cue-los says:

    "and we would like to have it documented for eternity.”

    Look for severe childhood disturbances associated with violence. Our Remis wasn't born a criminal, Bess. He was made one through years of systematic abuse. Remis hates his own identity, you see, and he thinks that makes him an analyst. But his pathology is a thousand times more savage and more terrifying.

    • LolaNO says:

      Sounds like just plain spoiled and selfish to me.

    • hatetoregister says:

      OMG! @Guest I laughed so hard at your comment once I realized where I heard those words – Silence of the Lambs……LOL! That was REALLY FUNNY!

  42. Guest says:

    Can't you people give Remis a break?

    The poor guy is only trying to remember and reminisce his legitimate years.

    UBS MD who feels his pain.

  43. ACDC says:

    dumbo & fisbo.

  44. Guest says:

    "and we would like to have it documented for eternity.”

    how about having "UBS Sucks" hot branded on his arse? That would definitely be with him for eternity.

  45. Movie Extra says:

    Isn't this a publicity still from The Hangover III? That guy is the dentist, right?

    – Guy who lost his finger and no-one even noticed

  46. Guest says:

    she's not even hot.

  47. Dr Livingstone says:

    Remis & Wollensky

  48. Guest says:

    Now all that's left from his marriage is memories. That's why you never sign a pre-nup.

    – UBS MD

  49. AFS says:

    view on wall street protest and related — http://policyandmore.blogspot.com/2011/11/blog-po

  50. Name says:

    Goodwin Procter is representing – where his daddy, Shepard Remis (http://www.goodwinprocter.com/People/R/Remis-Shepard.aspx), is a partner. Remis’s attorney Frederick McGowen is counsel in the firm’s New York office.

    It looks like its father like son, at least when it comes to litigation, beady little eyes and a beaver smile. But I think this is as far in his daddy's footsteps he'll make it as I doubt if the son gets anywhere in his future after this little stunt – who would ever hire this unemployed joke of a person.

    By the way, according to CNN – the guy they are suing is an old US war vet who escaped persecution in Poland during WWII.

    Don't know if Goodwin or Procter is still around but I wouldn't appreciate someone making a mockery of my law firm, partner or not.

  51. Im Dating A OnePercenter says:

    What about the refund for the mail order bride? That didnt turn out to hotttt either, so why just sue the photo guy? Be a true douche and sue the mail order company for breach of contract! What a jokeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

  52. PRSpokesperson says:

    There are two sides to every story, including the sensationalized half story given to the media recently by a disgruntled litigant, H&H Photographers. But facts are stubborn things, and here are a few more which did not get reported.
    Please judge for yourself by reading Todd's statement and see the backup documents on http://www.toddremis.com

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