As you may have heard, early this morning, Jon Corzine resigned from MF Global. According to the former Goldman Sachs CEO/US Senator/Governor of New Jersey, the decision to walk away from the brokerage firm was not easy to make and he remains on call to “continue to assist the company and its board in their efforts to respond to regulatory inquiries and issues related to the disposition of the firm’s assets.” What Corzine is doing right now, at this exact moment, remains a mystery, as does his location, which some people are none too happy about. CNBC, for example, has reporters staked out at all three of Corzine’s residences (Hoboken, Manhattan, Long Island) and are vowing not to leave until he emerges to cough up some answers. While we’re not yet prepared to haul him into our interrogation room and “do this the easy way or the hard way,” we, too, have a few questions. Such as:

- Has he thought about getting a jump start on perfecting his world famous cranberry walnut stuffing?

- Will he reveal his plans to take gold in rhythmic gymnastics next summer in London?

- Is he planning to run for office?

- Will he shave his beard?

- Has given any more thought to Occupying David Tepper’s lot?

- Is he considering suing the photographers who only captured 85% of his wedding last year?

- Has he shot a text to Lloyd to see if he can get his old job back?

- Will he start decoupaging again?

- Has he begun angling to become an outside advisor to Jefferies?

- Will make good on years old promise to  go pheasant hunting in Hank Paulson’s back yard?

- Has he weighed the option of laying low working as a night janitor at MIT?

- Will he put the fat jokes that were never used on Christie to use at the Laugh Factory‘s next open mic night?

- Is he actively scouting for other small, fledgling companies in need of leadership?

We’re waiting.

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Comments (95)

  1. Posted by Anonymous | November 4, 2011 at 3:30 PM

    When is he available for an interview?

    -UBS MD

  2. Posted by Guest | November 4, 2011 at 3:32 PM

    -Is the meeting that we scheduled for next week re. potential acquisition targets for MFG still on?

    -UBS MD

  3. Posted by Guest | November 4, 2011 at 3:37 PM

    Does he want a jello shot to take the edge off?

    L. Tilton

  4. Posted by MCM | November 4, 2011 at 3:38 PM

    We're starting a new fund together

    -Nails

  5. Posted by Anonymous | November 4, 2011 at 3:42 PM

    Will you marry me?

    -Kim

  6. Posted by ShortNaked | November 4, 2011 at 3:46 PM

    Is he going to just sit on his couch, stroke his beard, stare off into the distance and ponder the meaning of life?

  7. Posted by Guest | November 4, 2011 at 3:51 PM

    Joining me at the Booth MBA class reunion.

    - J. Meriwether

  8. Posted by Guest | November 4, 2011 at 3:51 PM

    Does he need a hug?

    -Stacey Hessler

  9. Posted by lex luthor | November 4, 2011 at 3:53 PM

    This headline is spot on. The doors at butner get larger and larger as you progress toward solitary, to facilitate the dragging of shackled prisoners. How the hell would BL know that?

  10. Posted by s cheslock | November 4, 2011 at 3:54 PM

    would he like me to sponsor him for membership in YP (YOUNG PRESIDENT'S CLUB), and would he like to buy a BIG house in GREENWICH ?

  11. Posted by The Truth | November 4, 2011 at 3:54 PM

    I've been through, what three, maybe four, bigger more fucking awesome doors. Just lay low for a while, start spreading some chatter by the water cooler that you're thinking of coming back, and boom you're in the game again. It's NBD.

    - JWM

  12. Posted by Cruise & Travolta | November 4, 2011 at 3:55 PM

    Hey Jon, easy with the lingo there.

  13. Posted by Guest | November 4, 2011 at 3:57 PM

    How about adopting a pig?

  14. Posted by Anonymous | November 4, 2011 at 3:58 PM

    Or a golden shower?

    -Rami

  15. Posted by Guesticle | November 4, 2011 at 3:58 PM

    Swing and Miss

  16. Posted by John Meriwether | November 4, 2011 at 4:04 PM

    Oh I get it. The signature is in sorority monogram form.. the Whitney is in the middle and the Meredith is at the end and we are talking about actual instead of metaphorical doorways.

  17. Posted by sme | November 4, 2011 at 4:09 PM

    we're good…

    - every MF employee

  18. Posted by Jon Corzine | November 4, 2011 at 4:12 PM

    My work at MF Global was done.

  19. Posted by TheodoreBallgamePhD | November 4, 2011 at 4:13 PM

    Or a dry erase marker?

    -Ping

  20. Posted by Kenny Powers | November 4, 2011 at 4:13 PM

    I’m sick and tired of carrying all the weight. The coaches and owners not giving me the sh*t I need to win. MFGlobal – you're f*cking out! Jon Corzine is now a free agent!

  21. Posted by KeyBanc CM | November 4, 2011 at 4:18 PM

    Or a Cleveland Steamer?

    - KeyBanc CM MD

  22. Posted by Eric | November 4, 2011 at 4:21 PM

    What percentage of his time at MF was dedicated to the strategic planning of fly-fishing ventures?

  23. Posted by guest | November 4, 2011 at 4:21 PM

    Bess are you looking for one more ex-goldie??

  24. Posted by Anonymous | November 4, 2011 at 4:28 PM

    Are you into docking?

    -Todd Remis

  25. Posted by Guest | November 4, 2011 at 4:45 PM

    Swing and Miss

  26. Posted by R. Fuld | November 4, 2011 at 4:50 PM

    He's with me at Legend Securities.

  27. Posted by Guest | November 4, 2011 at 4:51 PM

    Wilber is going to need a new home soon.

  28. Posted by Guest | November 4, 2011 at 4:57 PM
  29. Posted by Capt. Bad Ass | November 4, 2011 at 6:00 PM

    A UBS MS? How fucking original. Come up with something new, jackass. The UBS thing is worn out.

  30. Posted by UBS Sucks Donkey | November 4, 2011 at 6:14 PM

    UBS employee having a bad day. fail on all counts.

  31. Posted by Patrick Bateman | November 4, 2011 at 8:30 PM

    Hey Geither, you still want to retire?

  32. Posted by Guest | November 5, 2011 at 9:23 AM

    That dont fly straight ?

  33. Posted by Paul johnson | November 5, 2011 at 9:30 AM

    Sorry, i dont sit in at the md level. I'm
    building a mid sized investment bank.

  34. Posted by ACDC | November 5, 2011 at 12:35 PM

    He should follow Goldie alumni Hank Paulson and "help out " the environment. He can step through the bomb bay doors to save the spotted owl, since he is the "bomb". Financially that is.

  35. Posted by Fixed Income | November 6, 2011 at 8:05 PM

    The press release when he joined MF mentioned that he was a co-sponsor of Sarbanes-Oxley while in the Senate. It would be a tragedy if that came back to bite him in the ass. He has been a failure at every thing he has done in the last 12+ years. If it weren't for his time at Goldman, he would currently be playing bongos in lower Manhattan.

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