Late last week, as Jon Corzine attempted to sell MF Global, it was reported that that probably wasn’t going to happen on account of the fact that those who’d taken a look at MF’s books weren’t comfortable with the approximately $600 million in customer funds that had gone “missing.” Days later, despite a manhunt for the money and a false alarm at JPMorgan, the cash still has not yet turned up. For his part, Bart Chilton, a commission at the CFTC, is pretty pissed. “We shouldn’t have to go on this magical mystery tour looking for the loot. It shouldn’t have taken this long,” he said at an energy-trading conference in Houston. “For us, job one is always–no excuses–to ensure that customer funds are held sacrosanct. In this case, as the Stones sing, we ‘got no satisfaction.’” Possibly tripping on magic, Chilton, pictured at left, concluded that: “It’s a distinct possibility, some would say probability, that somebody has done something with the money, and that it’s not going to be ‘all of a sudden discovered’ with an innocent explanation.”

So….okay. We’ll play along. Where is the “loot” and what was “done” to it?

a) In the pocket of a cocktail waitress who had the good fortune to serve Corzine the night he walked into her bar to drink away his sorrows and, utterly sloshed, accidentally leaft a huge tip
b) Being held as a deposit for MFG’s holiday party at Del Posto, which is still on
c) Ummmm…ummm…oops.
d) Cut up and waiting to be used to for papier-mâché Christmas tree ornaments
e) Stuffed in Gary “I recuse myself” Gensler’s Manssiere
f) Being put to good use as rolling papers for the Alaskan Thunder Fuck that Chilton smokes before all speaking appearances and press interviews.
g) Wild Card

MF Global Missing Funds May Be ‘Massive’ Ploy, Chilton Says [Bloomberg]
UPDATE: CFTC’s Chilton: ‘No Satisfaction’ In Finding MF Global ‘Loot’ [Dow Jones]

84 comments (hidden for your protection)
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Comments (84)

  1. Posted by leveriched finance | November 10, 2011 at 4:40 PM

    when did julian assange get a job at the CFTC?

  2. Posted by Guesty | November 10, 2011 at 4:42 PM

    It's like his hair isn't really connected to his scalp.

  3. Posted by AIG Quant | November 10, 2011 at 4:46 PM

    How does a guy who writes auto repair manuals become a CFTC commissioner?

  4. Posted by Sq. Jaw & Plat Locks | November 10, 2011 at 4:46 PM

    If the whole treasure hunt doesn't work out for Bart Chilton, he could always be the next villian in a Bond movie.

  5. Posted by partyoutback | November 10, 2011 at 4:47 PM

    Why did you crop out the keytar he was playing?

  6. Posted by oddjob | November 10, 2011 at 4:49 PM

    Zoran Industries!

  7. Posted by CurrencyTrader | November 10, 2011 at 4:50 PM

    Folks I'm just a cave man commissioner of the CFTC, I fell in some ice and later got thawed out by some scientists – all your money movements frighten and confuse me.

  8. Posted by Mexi_Cant | November 10, 2011 at 4:52 PM

    C

  9. Posted by Ultimat Vodka | November 10, 2011 at 4:52 PM

    When did the conductor from The Money Pit start working at CFTC?

  10. Posted by The Shark | November 10, 2011 at 4:53 PM

    Wasn't this guy just coming to the defense of Stevie Williams?

  11. Posted by lex luthor | November 10, 2011 at 4:58 PM

    Don't give me that do goody good bullshit…where's the fucking money?

  12. Posted by TheCheapShot | November 10, 2011 at 4:59 PM

    One could try asking Rick Perry. He might remember this one.

  13. Posted by Nihilist | November 10, 2011 at 5:02 PM

    Wheres iz ze money lebowski?

  14. Posted by The Legitimate Years | November 10, 2011 at 5:06 PM

    this man is sexy as fuck

  15. Posted by Brett Ratner | November 10, 2011 at 5:07 PM

    I just want to point out that this guy is way too good looking to be a CFTC commissioner. He really is quite regal even for a…. gay. Now, can I have my Academy gig back?

  16. Posted by guest | November 10, 2011 at 5:08 PM

    First time I've seen Gunther Gebel-Williams wearing a suit.

  17. Posted by PermaGuestII | November 10, 2011 at 5:09 PM

    *Acquired by CSR LN on 09/01/2011

  18. Posted by TheodoreBallgamePhD | November 10, 2011 at 5:16 PM

    Is that not the German from Die Hard?

  19. Posted by Dr_Rosenrose | November 10, 2011 at 5:16 PM

    I'll say it again, we CANNOT get the warrant or the crook until we get the loot.
    -Rockapella

  20. Posted by Guest CFA | November 10, 2011 at 5:28 PM

    Glad to see Fabio finally gave up modeling/acting for the far less important job of CFTC Commissioner.

  21. Posted by Jon Corzine | November 10, 2011 at 5:39 PM

    No excuses uh ?

    Then suck my MF'n banrupt company stock !

  22. Posted by NowOnePerson | November 10, 2011 at 5:46 PM

    It's my money and I want it NOW!

  23. Posted by Guest | November 10, 2011 at 5:47 PM

    Is that Shadoe Stevens?

  24. Posted by Texashedge | November 10, 2011 at 5:50 PM

    “'We shouldn’t have to go on this magical mystery tour looking for the loot' he said at an energy-trading conference in Houston."

    Well, since you're down there anyway, have you tried looking at Treasure's? I've lost a lot of money there.

  25. Posted by Regulator? Yeesh! | November 10, 2011 at 5:50 PM

    It's like his mouth wants to say "I'm a responsible adult and a regulator" but his hair just keeps yelling "Surf DUDE!"

  26. Posted by Terry Bollea | November 10, 2011 at 6:02 PM

    Watcha gonna do when the hulkster runs wild on YOU?

  27. Posted by General Zod | November 10, 2011 at 6:12 PM

    Holy shit, it's Vigo the Carpathain!
    http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/ghostbusters2/

  28. Posted by Coach Bombay | November 10, 2011 at 6:19 PM

    That's clearly Gunnar Stahl from team Iceland

  29. Posted by Nun In Chucks | November 10, 2011 at 6:50 PM

    Terry Bradshaw Time Machine

  30. Posted by Guest | November 10, 2011 at 7:40 PM

    Forensic Accounting: So easy, a caveman can do it

  31. Posted by Echo | November 10, 2011 at 8:17 PM

    Hey, that’s what happened to Dauber from Coach!

  32. Posted by Janosz Poha | November 10, 2011 at 8:17 PM

    You are nothing but the buzzing of flies to the Vigo.

  33. Posted by TheodoreBallgamePhD | November 10, 2011 at 10:14 PM

    You forgot to end that with, "Bruther".

  34. Posted by TaintRight | November 11, 2011 at 12:22 AM

    Dick-slappin's my game!

  35. Posted by John Corzine | November 11, 2011 at 6:15 AM

    What, me worry?

  36. Posted by WTF__k | November 11, 2011 at 6:37 AM

    Alaskan Thunder Fuck, for the win.

  37. Posted by guest | November 11, 2011 at 7:24 AM

    Sweedish redneck in a suit said: "Honey bring out my gun cus I´m going money huting with Jon"

  38. Posted by Peter Griffin | November 11, 2011 at 9:39 AM

    If I were Jon corzin I'd be scare of Rick Flair

  39. Posted by Dr Livingstone | November 11, 2011 at 9:46 AM

    I was just thinking that in my head, glad to see someone got there ahead of me!

  40. Posted by Iceland's Coach | November 11, 2011 at 10:27 AM

    AHHHHHHH! ITS THE GOALIEEEE!!!!!!

  41. Posted by harry balzer | November 11, 2011 at 11:03 AM

    who's got the pics of mcdeere and the salsa dancer? wilford?

  42. Posted by RichieRich | November 11, 2011 at 11:31 AM

    I'm jealous.

    -Trump's Hairpiece

  43. Posted by MJA | November 11, 2011 at 12:30 PM

    If you're on a treasure hunt now, what we're your kiddies doing during their last two visits to MF? OOPS! Regulator operator error (again). Besides, being Lucius Malthwaite in disguise, you can conjure up the missing beans.

  44. Posted by Guest | November 11, 2011 at 2:10 PM

    With a picture like that he could be a character in the next Street Fighter game.

  45. Posted by wahoo | November 11, 2011 at 2:37 PM

    The years have been good to Dolf Lundgren.

  46. Posted by Guessed | November 11, 2011 at 4:12 PM

    How's the Alaskan Thunder Fuck treating you?

  47. Posted by hoo | November 11, 2011 at 4:18 PM

    It's the Nordic man from The Firm! Where is Wilford Brimley when you really need him!?

  48. Posted by aaa | November 11, 2011 at 5:46 PM

    With hair like that, how can one misquote the Rolling Stones as he did?

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    Had you pegged as more of a Pink Pussycat/Riviera guy, but your point is well taken. +1

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