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You’re Invited: Journey On Our Magical Mystery Tour To Find MF Global’s ‘Missing’ Money

Late last week, as Jon Corzine attempted to sell MF Global, it was reported that that probably wasn’t going to happen on account of the fact that those who’d taken a look at MF’s books weren’t comfortable with the approximately $600 million in customer funds that had gone “missing.” Days later, despite a manhunt for the money and a false alarm at JPMorgan, the cash still has not yet turned up. For his part, Bart Chilton, a commission at the CFTC, is pretty pissed. “We shouldn’t have to go on this magical mystery tour looking for the loot. It shouldn’t have taken this long,” he said at an energy-trading conference in Houston. “For us, job one is always–no excuses–to ensure that customer funds are held sacrosanct. In this case, as the Stones sing, we ‘got no satisfaction.'” Possibly tripping on magic, Chilton, pictured at left, concluded that: “It’s a distinct possibility, some would say probability, that somebody has done something with the money, and that it’s not going to be ‘all of a sudden discovered’ with an innocent explanation.”

So….okay. We’ll play along. Where is the “loot” and what was “done” to it?

a) In the pocket of a cocktail waitress who had the good fortune to serve Corzine the night he walked into her bar to drink away his sorrows and, utterly sloshed, accidentally leaft a huge tip
b) Being held as a deposit for MFG’s holiday party at Del Posto, which is still on
c) Ummmm…ummm…oops.
d) Cut up and waiting to be used to for papier-mâché Christmas tree ornaments
e) Stuffed in Gary “I recuse myself” Gensler’s Manssiere
f) Being put to good use as rolling papers for the Alaskan Thunder Fuck that Chilton smokes before all speaking appearances and press interviews.
g) Wild Card

MF Global Missing Funds May Be ‘Massive’ Ploy, Chilton Says [Bloomberg]
UPDATE: CFTC’s Chilton: ‘No Satisfaction’ In Finding MF Global ‘Loot’ [Dow Jones]

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84 Responses to “You’re Invited: Journey On Our Magical Mystery Tour To Find MF Global’s ‘Missing’ Money”

  1. leveriched finance says:

    when did julian assange get a job at the CFTC?

  2. Guesty says:

    It's like his hair isn't really connected to his scalp.

    • Regulator? Yeesh! says:

      It's like his mouth wants to say "I'm a responsible adult and a regulator" but his hair just keeps yelling "Surf DUDE!"

  3. AIG Quant says:

    How does a guy who writes auto repair manuals become a CFTC commissioner?

  4. Sq. Jaw & Plat Locks says:

    If the whole treasure hunt doesn't work out for Bart Chilton, he could always be the next villian in a Bond movie.

  5. partyoutback says:

    Why did you crop out the keytar he was playing?

  6. Folks I'm just a cave man commissioner of the CFTC, I fell in some ice and later got thawed out by some scientists – all your money movements frighten and confuse me.

  7. Ultimat Vodka says:

    When did the conductor from The Money Pit start working at CFTC?

  8. The Shark says:

    Wasn't this guy just coming to the defense of Stevie Williams?

  9. lex luthor says:

    Don't give me that do goody good bullshit…where's the fucking money?

  10. TheCheapShot says:

    One could try asking Rick Perry. He might remember this one.

  11. Nihilist says:

    Wheres iz ze money lebowski?

  12. The Legitimate Years says:

    this man is sexy as fuck

  13. Brett Ratner says:

    I just want to point out that this guy is way too good looking to be a CFTC commissioner. He really is quite regal even for a…. gay. Now, can I have my Academy gig back?

  14. guest says:

    First time I've seen Gunther Gebel-Williams wearing a suit.

  15. TheodoreBallgamePhD says:

    Is that not the German from Die Hard?

  16. Dr_Rosenrose says:

    I'll say it again, we CANNOT get the warrant or the crook until we get the loot.
    -Rockapella

  17. Guest CFA says:

    Glad to see Fabio finally gave up modeling/acting for the far less important job of CFTC Commissioner.

  18. Jon Corzine says:

    No excuses uh ?

    Then suck my MF'n banrupt company stock !

  19. NowOnePerson says:

    It's my money and I want it NOW!

  20. Guest says:

    Is that Shadoe Stevens?

  21. Texashedge says:

    “'We shouldn’t have to go on this magical mystery tour looking for the loot' he said at an energy-trading conference in Houston."

    Well, since you're down there anyway, have you tried looking at Treasure's? I've lost a lot of money there.

  22. Terry Bollea says:

    Watcha gonna do when the hulkster runs wild on YOU?

  23. General Zod says:

    Holy shit, it's Vigo the Carpathain!
    http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/ghostbusters2/

  24. Nun In Chucks says:

    Terry Bradshaw Time Machine

  25. Guest says:

    Forensic Accounting: So easy, a caveman can do it

  26. Echo says:

    Hey, that’s what happened to Dauber from Coach!

  27. Janosz Poha says:

    You are nothing but the buzzing of flies to the Vigo.

  28. TaintRight says:

    Dick-slappin's my game!

  29. John Corzine says:

    What, me worry?

  30. WTF__k says:

    Alaskan Thunder Fuck, for the win.

  31. guest says:

    Sweedish redneck in a suit said: "Honey bring out my gun cus I´m going money huting with Jon"

  32. Peter Griffin says:

    If I were Jon corzin I'd be scare of Rick Flair

  33. harry balzer says:

    who's got the pics of mcdeere and the salsa dancer? wilford?

  34. RichieRich says:

    I'm jealous.

    -Trump's Hairpiece

  35. MJA says:

    If you're on a treasure hunt now, what we're your kiddies doing during their last two visits to MF? OOPS! Regulator operator error (again). Besides, being Lucius Malthwaite in disguise, you can conjure up the missing beans.

  36. Guest says:

    With a picture like that he could be a character in the next Street Fighter game.

  37. wahoo says:

    The years have been good to Dolf Lundgren.

  38. hoo says:

    It's the Nordic man from The Firm! Where is Wilford Brimley when you really need him!?

  39. aaa says:

    With hair like that, how can one misquote the Rolling Stones as he did?

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