Late last week, as Jon Corzine attempted to sell MF Global, it was reported that that probably wasn’t going to happen on account of the fact that those who’d taken a look at MF’s books weren’t comfortable with the approximately $600 million in customer funds that had gone “missing.” Days later, despite a manhunt for the money and a false alarm at JPMorgan, the cash still has not yet turned up. For his part, Bart Chilton, a commission at the CFTC, is pretty pissed. “We shouldn’t have to go on this magical mystery tour looking for the loot. It shouldn’t have taken this long,” he said at an energy-trading conference in Houston. “For us, job one is always–no excuses–to ensure that customer funds are held sacrosanct. In this case, as the Stones sing, we ‘got no satisfaction.’” Possibly tripping on magic, Chilton, pictured at left, concluded that: “It’s a distinct possibility, some would say probability, that somebody has done something with the money, and that it’s not going to be ‘all of a sudden discovered’ with an innocent explanation.”
So….okay. We’ll play along. Where is the “loot” and what was “done” to it?
a) In the pocket of a cocktail waitress who had the good fortune to serve Corzine the night he walked into her bar to drink away his sorrows and, utterly sloshed, accidentally leaft a huge tip
b) Being held as a deposit for MFG’s holiday party at Del Posto, which is still on
d) Cut up and waiting to be used to for papier-mâché Christmas tree ornaments
e) Stuffed in Gary “I recuse myself” Gensler’s Manssiere
f) Being put to good use as rolling papers for the Alaskan Thunder Fuck that Chilton smokes before all speaking appearances and press interviews.
g) Wild Card
MF Global Missing Funds May Be ‘Massive’ Ploy, Chilton Says [Bloomberg]
UPDATE: CFTC’s Chilton: ‘No Satisfaction’ In Finding MF Global ‘Loot’ [Dow Jones]