Late last week, as Jon Corzine attempted to sell MF Global, it was reported that that probably wasn’t going to happen on account of the fact that those who’d taken a look at MF’s books weren’t comfortable with the approximately $600 million in customer funds that had gone “missing.” Days later, despite a manhunt for the money and a false alarm at JPMorgan, the cash still has not yet turned up. For his part, Bart Chilton, a commission at the CFTC, is pretty pissed. “We shouldn’t have to go on this magical mystery tour looking for the loot. It shouldn’t have taken this long,” he said at an energy-trading conference in Houston. “For us, job one is always–no excuses–to ensure that customer funds are held sacrosanct. In this case, as the Stones sing, we ‘got no satisfaction.’” Possibly tripping on magic, Chilton, pictured at left, concluded that: “It’s a distinct possibility, some would say probability, that somebody has done something with the money, and that it’s not going to be ‘all of a sudden discovered’ with an innocent explanation.”
So….okay. We’ll play along. Where is the “loot” and what was “done” to it?
a) In the pocket of a cocktail waitress who had the good fortune to serve Corzine the night he walked into her bar to drink away his sorrows and, utterly sloshed, accidentally leaft a huge tip
b) Being held as a deposit for MFG’s holiday party at Del Posto, which is still on
c) Ummmm…ummm…oops.
d) Cut up and waiting to be used to for papier-mâché Christmas tree ornaments
e) Stuffed in Gary “I recuse myself” Gensler’s Manssiere
f) Being put to good use as rolling papers for the Alaskan Thunder Fuck that Chilton smokes before all speaking appearances and press interviews.
g) Wild Card
MF Global Missing Funds May Be ‘Massive’ Ploy, Chilton Says [Bloomberg]
UPDATE: CFTC’s Chilton: ‘No Satisfaction’ In Finding MF Global ‘Loot’ [Dow Jones]
when did julian assange get a job at the CFTC?
It's like his hair isn't really connected to his scalp.
How does a guy who writes auto repair manuals become a CFTC commissioner?
If the whole treasure hunt doesn't work out for Bart Chilton, he could always be the next villian in a Bond movie.
Why did you crop out the keytar he was playing?
Zoran Industries!
Folks I'm just a cave man commissioner of the CFTC, I fell in some ice and later got thawed out by some scientists – all your money movements frighten and confuse me.
C
When did the conductor from The Money Pit start working at CFTC?
Wasn't this guy just coming to the defense of Stevie Williams?
Don't give me that do goody good bullshit…where's the fucking money?
One could try asking Rick Perry. He might remember this one.
Wheres iz ze money lebowski?
this man is sexy as fuck
I just want to point out that this guy is way too good looking to be a CFTC commissioner. He really is quite regal even for a…. gay. Now, can I have my Academy gig back?
First time I've seen Gunther Gebel-Williams wearing a suit.
*Acquired by CSR LN on 09/01/2011
Is that not the German from Die Hard?
I'll say it again, we CANNOT get the warrant or the crook until we get the loot.
-Rockapella
Glad to see Fabio finally gave up modeling/acting for the far less important job of CFTC Commissioner.
No excuses uh ?
Then suck my MF'n banrupt company stock !
It's my money and I want it NOW!
Is that Shadoe Stevens?
“'We shouldn’t have to go on this magical mystery tour looking for the loot' he said at an energy-trading conference in Houston."
Well, since you're down there anyway, have you tried looking at Treasure's? I've lost a lot of money there.
It's like his mouth wants to say "I'm a responsible adult and a regulator" but his hair just keeps yelling "Surf DUDE!"
Watcha gonna do when the hulkster runs wild on YOU?
Holy shit, it's Vigo the Carpathain!
http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/ghostbusters2/…
That's clearly Gunnar Stahl from team Iceland
Terry Bradshaw Time Machine
Forensic Accounting: So easy, a caveman can do it
Hey, that’s what happened to Dauber from Coach!
You are nothing but the buzzing of flies to the Vigo.
You forgot to end that with, "Bruther".
Dick-slappin's my game!
What, me worry?
Alaskan Thunder Fuck, for the win.
Sweedish redneck in a suit said: "Honey bring out my gun cus I´m going money huting with Jon"
If I were Jon corzin I'd be scare of Rick Flair
I was just thinking that in my head, glad to see someone got there ahead of me!
AHHHHHHH! ITS THE GOALIEEEE!!!!!!
who's got the pics of mcdeere and the salsa dancer? wilford?
I'm jealous.
-Trump's Hairpiece
If you're on a treasure hunt now, what we're your kiddies doing during their last two visits to MF? OOPS! Regulator operator error (again). Besides, being Lucius Malthwaite in disguise, you can conjure up the missing beans.
With a picture like that he could be a character in the next Street Fighter game.
The years have been good to Dolf Lundgren.
How's the Alaskan Thunder Fuck treating you?
It's the Nordic man from The Firm! Where is Wilford Brimley when you really need him!?
With hair like that, how can one misquote the Rolling Stones as he did?
Had you pegged as more of a Pink Pussycat/Riviera guy, but your point is well taken. +1