Area Man Successfully Identifies Bank Of America’s Achilles’ Heel

Are you frustrated with Bank of America? Do you have one simple request, but have found it impossible to get through to anyone? Do you feel like no one’s listening? Maybe you’re an employee who wants to have a frank talk about bonuses, and if you can expect to get one this year. Maybe you’re a homeowner who doesn’t want to get wrongfully foreclosed on and have your beloved parrot stolen, again. Maybe you’re a shareholder who’s been begging for a dividend increase. Maybe you’re an ex-CEO named Ken who just wants a tiny little bit of office space out of which to run the party promoting business you recently started with your friend Ang Moz. Whatever your desire, consider taking a page from Ken Williams’ playabook. He tried going through the normal channels to get what he wanted and then cut the shit and got serious, by appealing to BofA’s serious love of snappy tunes.

For more than 70 days, Williams said he and his wife sat in limbo as Bank of America missed three closing dates on the home they wanted to buy in Decatur. The bank, he said, wouldn’t return calls or emails. Staring at a potential fourth missed closing date on Friday and the prospect of being charged daily fees by the seller, Williams vented his frustration in song. Last weekend Williams wrote and recorded a music video he posted Sunday afternoon on YouTube. He also has a blog. “Bank of America, you’re making me so mad. I want to buy this house, really bad,” Williams sings in “Close This Loan,” a song modeled after “You’ve Got It Going On,” a tune from the HBO series “Flight of the Conchords.” “My credit score is 798. Don’t worry ’cause my payments will never be late,” Williams sings. He also tells the bank he wants a place for his cats and a garden gnome…Bank of America said Thursday evening the loan will close this time. “We apologize for the delay in closing Mr. Williams’ loan,” the bank said in a statement. “We are on target to close his loan [Friday]. For the inconvenience, we have provided him a credit at closing.”

Here’s what finally got them to come around:

Just something to think about.

Frustrated homebuyers on YouTube: ‘Close this loan’ Bank of America [AJC via BI]

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25 Responses to “Area Man Successfully Identifies Bank Of America’s Achilles’ Heel”

  1. dumb says:

    He needs to make an RBS song

  2. Guest says:

    In related news, Emma Lasry has announced the launch of her new residential mortgage consultancy.

  3. guest says:

    He wouldn't have gotten that treatment with us.

    – Towergate

  4. Guest says:

    Was this from the same record label that brought us the musical artist "UBS-EmDee" with the popular teen hit: "All I wanted was some cash to buy a new Stamford Home (but all I got for a bonus was a cat and a garden gnome) feat. Timbaland"?

    …just asking

  5. Your Associate says:

    UBS-EmCee would have been funnier.

  6. Guest says:

    Did you stay up all night thinking of that one?

  7. The Truth says:

    He's got Columbia B School J-Term potential

  8. guest says:

    What he doesn't understand is that we live in optimized world economy.

  9. I'm a Dude says:

    packing up your house in Post Office Express Mail boxes is the NKI

  10. A&R Quant says:

    [youtube aZrks-BPeLQ youtube]

    Taken together with: "Quiznos, struggling amid slumping sales and a recent violation of debt terms, reached a deal to hand ownership to Avenue Capital Group, the hedge fund controlled by billionaire Marc Lasry, the people said."

    Anyone else seeing the duet of the decade?

  11. That shit cray.

    -Kanye West, Throne Watching Quant

  12. Car Jumping Quant says:

    Sorry, but for those interested in flying cars crashing through roofs…

  13. Cut Me says:

    Next time you should deal with JPM.
    -Ikenna Njoku

  14. Mexi_Cant says:

    My model is 65.4824% confident that the BaML mortgage broker is allergic to cats.

    -RBS Mortgage Quant

  15. 400 points says:

    my credit is 400 and I have a $500,000 loan.

  16. Bugs says:

    The garden gnome bears a striking resemblance to Ken – do you think he's grown a beard in his retirement?

  17. early_hominid says:

    Waiting in limbo with my bimbo
    gimme my loan my arms akimbo
    waggin' my finger up in yo face
    I'll blow yo flabby ass out to space.
    Why y'all stall don't return my call
    Make me wait out in the hall.
    So bring this loan in, stop yo' moanin'
    Make me happy so I can go bonin'
    with my bimbo, garden gnome watching
    in the window. Like I give a shit
    your employees quit.
    just hire two more you dumb fuckwit.

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