Columbia Business School Presents: “Six Sigma Ninjas”

Regular Dealbreaker readers know that we spend a lot of time around these parts having the CFA v. MBA debate. Which is most beneficial? Which is worth your time? Which has the highest NPV? Today brings a point in favor of the b-school track, courtesy of Columbia. While business school may offer more opportunities to get drunk, sleep with your fellow students, and take a break from the working world, it costs considerably more money than CFA books, requires you to go to class if you care about grades, and causes a considerable amount stress vis-à-vis going on interview and impressing potential employers. But what if we told you that there was a way to go to business school and not have to worry about all that? Would that be something you’d be interested? Would it tip the scales toward MBA in your mind? Enter, the Sponsored Student designation, wherein one’s employer pays for their schooling and keeps a job lined up for them at the end. A wildcard, if you will, in the CFA v. MBA debate. According to an informational video put together by a group of Columbia students, as a Sponsored, looking porn in class will be your “smallest transgression” (on the rare occasions you go to class), “drawing a picture of [your] dick” will be an acceptable answer on a leadership final, and “deep-diving” in someone else’s girl will count as your core competency. Let’s learn more.

Nuthin’ but a “J” Thang (I’m Sponsored) [YouTube]
Columbia Business School’s January term program [FW]

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63 Responses to “Columbia Business School Presents: “Six Sigma Ninjas””

  1. Texashedge says:

    I do fondly recall in business school we had a "belted" six sigma guest come in for one of our cases. He couldn't get his power point to work and had to speak extemporaneously. The results were amusing, if contrary to the intended message.

    It's also possible I went to a shitty business school.

  2. InfiniteGuest says:

    They should really do something about security on that campus.

  3. sme says:

    these cbs-stern-sloan videos get better every year…thank you Final Cut Pro

  4. derp says:

    Yao Ming Jersey? Come on bro…

  5. Karma says:

    It would be funny to learn that their sponsorship was revoked after this terrible video.

  6. guest says:

    Agree with the "so bad it's good" tag.

  7. Ski Bum Bro says:

    Clearly they aren't balling that hard if they didn't mention their custom designed skis.

    • Guest says:

      Do people who advertise on DB bother to read the commentary section?

      Moreover, what is the Click Through Rate/Success rate of the ads that are put on here?

    • Cut Me says:

      You're not ballin' hard 'til you've got custom waffles.
      -G. Hoelscher

  8. Sad Lee says:

    Way to get sponsored MBAs killed kids. Or at least make the employers demand "nuttin but Hs' beeatch".
    Also – you kids were like in kindergarten when The Chronic dropped, yes?

  9. Kegels123 says:

    Daniela?! Is that you in the library?!

    -David Gray

  10. bonus denial quant says:

    Today is my 47th birthday, and I could not be hating life any more, but upon viewing this video I can rest assured that younger women will always be easy pickings. I will never go lonely underestimating the lameness of generaton y and those younger.

    • Fixed Income says:

      I've got thongs older than you.

      – L. Tilton

    • guest says:

      dibs on the white chicks.

    • young woman says:

      PLEASE. unless you're rich, good-looking or incredibly charismatic (or the girl is desperate – which may be the case if she is older), most young women will not be interested…or will string you along for the attention/dinner/gifts….

  11. Guest says:

    Goggles lowered, poles planted in snow in front of me, feet strapped to Wagner custom skis with Dealbreaker reader Dura -jet high carbon base upgrade, peering over Corbets.

    Fuck you MBA/CFA Level 1…I'm going for the PSIA.

    -Marc Mezvinsky

  12. Guest says:

    Chill, azn bro.

  13. Guest says:

    Watched on mute, for some reason I REALLY hate the bow tie kid.

    • Stern for life says:

      Yeah kid looks like a dbag. I'd expect nothing less from those rich kids at CBS.

      • Guest says:

        I am one of his classmates, and he is actually a nice, friendly down-to-earth guy. He is a talented kid with a really outgoing personality — and not a d-bag at all!

        • Anonymous says:

          You're fired.

        • shut up says:

          Well that's just great, Billy! Thanks for the update!

        • cbs says:

          Me too, he's great.

        • gust says:

          I am one of his classmates, and he is actually an attention whore. He is a talented dance student with the attention span of a pomeranian puppy – and a huggggge douche.

          • Scholar says:

            I am one of his classmates and I'd actually compare him to a mix between a dolphin, a lion and a British Vole. The very mention of the name is enough to strike terror into the heart. But most people have only a vague idea of the true nature of this secretive and deadly beast. The Dueche in a bowtie Appreciation Society aims to educate the masses about the ever-present threat of Bowtie insurgence and the terror that would await them under a Bowtie regime.

            Many people know of the Bowtie's work in Corfu and on the Greek mainland, but few know about their international expansion plans. The worldwide tunnel systems are now near joining up for a worldwide mass attack – and now they have linked up with the enforcement otter's crime syndicate, success is almost guaranteed.

            For centuries mankind's fate has been intertwined with the vast and mystical powers of the legendary Bowtie race. Voles first came to Earth in 1200 BC aboard space pod 735-B jettisoned from a passing space liner. It was voles who built the mighty pyramids, using their superior engineering prowess to create these massive structures in as little as three hours. Within these mighty shrines they entombed the last of the great cosmic vole space warrior princes who lead the vole army to victory over the hated Mongol hordes in northern Scandinavia in 1066 AD.

            In Ancient Rome, Bowtie advisors were responsible for Caesar's rise to power and his reign of a thousand years. Little did the people know that he was a mere puppet of the secretive 'Dark Vole' and his followers in the Temple of Eternal Vole Supremacy who had taken a vow of world domination. There is some evidence to suggest that Caesar himself was in fact a number of voles in a large suit with an electric head.

          • cbs says:

            hi zach :)

          • terrible says:

            Was that supposed to be witty? Christ, give it a rest. Your video sucked and you've embarassed your school, your classmates, and yourself. Broadcasting your monumental immaturity was a GREAT life decision.

          • guest says:


  14. Value Creator says:

    Step 1) Attend top B-school that doesn't publish grades, rank or GPA
    2) ??????
    3) "Yes, I do believe I finished in the top 1/5/10% of my class, Ms. Recruiter!"

  15. I'm a Dude says:

    dancing in front of a mini weber bbq grill is th NKI

  16. CBS is the best says:

    c'mon people the video is a joke! it's SUPPOSE to be a bad 90s rap video

  17. guest says:

    "Of all exceptions, however, the Japanese were the greatest. The Japanese undermined any analysis of our classroom culture. All six of them sat in the front row and slept. Their heads rocked back and forth and on occasion fell over to one side, so that their cheeks ran parallel to the floor. So it was hard to argue that they were just listening with their eyes shut, as Japanese businessmen are inclined to do. The most charitable explanation for their apathy was that they could not understand English…… The Japanese were a protected species, and I think they knew it. Their homeland, as a result of its trade surpluses, was accumulating an enormous pile of dollars.

    – M. Lewis Salomon Bros class of '85

  18. PE Shop Founder says:

    Only one's who could keep up were those Koreans. Tiny fucks. But they could seriously drink.

    -HBS Class of '87 Section F

  19. youlittlelittle_minx says:

    The only ‘wildcard’ is this article propping-up an unnamed CFA candidate who’s enchanced interrogation technique verbosity is deemed financial blogging!
    -The Dirty Competency Enforcer

  20. theRealTruth says:

    Ads? Click-through rates? What Ads?
    In this day and age, only ignorant losers are NOT using full Ad Blockers. Why deal with annoying ads if you don’t have to?

  21. Guest says:

    The kid in the bow tie is one of the hottest MBAs I have ever seen!

  22. John says:

    Aren't most students sponsored? In my MBA class probably like 70% – 80% of the people there were sponsored. Speaking with people at other b-schools it seems to be case everywhere.

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  27. Lex Steele says:

    This reminds of a "movie" I made called "models behaving badly", which made my career.