JPMorgan Analyst Strangely Impervious To Married Ex-Boyfriend / Colleague’s Romantic Gestures

Time was, Daniela Rausnitz and David Gray had something special. Following a summer of flirtation across cubicles- Daniela was an intern at JPMorgan, David a “high-flying” third year analyst- the two got together after Daniela graduated from Duke and their relationship was “cemented” when David consoled her over being “sexually harassed by a senior member of the bank.” Things were said to have gotten so serious that David, a Cornell ’04 graduate, even entertained the idea of leaving his wife. Unfortunately, things hit a rough patch after Daniela transferred to JPMorgan’s London office and Big D began “stifling” her. Consequently, Daniela decided to pump the brakes and end things. Still Married David, however, knew better. These two, Daniela and Dave, were meant to be together. Meant for each other. So he did what any other romantic in his shoes would do, and waged a campaign to get her back. Said campaign included the following moves:

* Sending her 176 text messages and 23 emails over just 16 hours

* Using his old key to get into her apartment

* Claiming “he was critically ill in a desperate effort to attract her attention.”

* Hacking her email

* Planting “a tracking device in her phone”

At this point, there’s a chance Gray stepped back and asked himself, “Is it possible I’m coming on too strong”? A silly question, obviously, as he already knew the answer, which was: “No, no strong enough.” So he doubled down on Operation You’re The One For Me.

Cranking up his efforts involved:

* Blowing up after “discovering she had a new boyfriend” he “caught her with” at her London apartment he came to surprise her at

* Faking collapsing in front of her at Heathrow

* When confronted, telling the police he was “an agent for the Israeli secret service”

* Claiming he had urgent advice to tell her regarding her safety, obtained from “tapes of conversations recorded by a hidden bug under the bed at her home” that were sent to him

* Attempting to gain sympathy by “claiming falsely that his sister had died and that he was seriously ill in a Paris hospital after an accident”

* Attempting to smooth things over with her dad with two bottles of whiskey and a box of Cuban cigars

And yet, after all this, Daniela still has yet to come around. Maybe she will at some point,** but in the meantime, if any of the above sound appealing, for all intents and purposes, ladies, he’s still single (besides his wife but, details). Get in touch.

Stalked all the way across the Atlantic: Terror of ex-lover at hands of Wall Street banker who chased her to London [DM]
David Gray [LinkedIn]

**After dropping the restraining order.

(hidden for your protection)
Show all comments

291 Responses to “JPMorgan Analyst Strangely Impervious To Married Ex-Boyfriend / Colleague’s Romantic Gestures”

  1. MCM says:

    And people think I'm nuts


  2. Dave says:

    I know she does not look like much, but trust me, she has a pussy like a vise grip bolted to a paint shaker.

  3. merkin_capital says:

    the cock wants what the cock wants

  4. Oooh Yeah says:

    Every light on that I own, playing hide the cigar while showing off my naked krav maga skills.

  5. Todd J. Remis says:


    Let me know if you need help suing any photographers or other vendors from the course of your relationship. It'll give you a shot to recreate the magic and win her back!



  6. Guest says:

    If a Wall Street bank's position description for internships is anything other than "to provide romantic diversion for senior members of staff", I am going to have to say that it is a lie.

  7. RMurdoch says:

    Mr. Gray, I'd love to see a copy of your resume. You sound like the kind of go-getter that News Corp. is looking for!

    -Rupert Murdoch

  8. Alt_EST says:

    Lights on, middle of Heathrow main terminal, smoking a MX-2 Maduro and drinking JW Blue, Mossad agents providing security.

  9. guest says:

    Amateur. Should've gone with a jukebox and a little Peter Gabriel.

    – Lloyd Dobler

  10. Roger Moore says:

    pump the breaks?

  11. Arthur says:

    Lights on, doubling fisting whiskey while listing wedding ring on eBay, Mossad agent guarding the door, CORNELL BIG RED sweatshirt guy watching and JO&Cing in the corner

  12. Jay says:

    “high-flying” third year analyst


  13. ChukG says:

    Is this tool still employed by JPM? I can't believe JD and his cronies would be slippin'

    By the way: David Gray is a friend a mine.

  14. Guest says:

    I thought it was an unwritten rule for Duke co-eds that you either make a powerpoint presentation detailing the ordeal or else everyone assumes you're just making it up. Is that not right?

  15. Guest says:

    She molested my ferret!

    -Duke Lax Bro

  16. Cut Me says:

    I usually cement my relationships while sexually harassing them. Multi-tasking is a gift of mine.

  17. PermaGuestII says:

    Classy fellow, that Davy– with a capital "K."

    -Guy who thinks that if you're going to go to state school, you might as well go to Michigan.

  18. Assburgher says:

    How did he have a key to her flat if she moved to London to evade him? Other than that, no concerns.

  19. guest says:

    I went to Cornell- y'ever heard of it?

  20. Guesticulate says:

    Does this mean she will start returning my calls or texts?

    – Senior Banker that stalked her previously

  21. CarriedInterest says:

    I'm calling BS on this one. 176 text messages in 16 hours? That's like…a text message every second!!!

    -UBS Quant

  22. LazyLightning says:

    I could have gotten her back easily with a few buddies, a case of beer, and a lubed lacrosse stick.
    – Duke Lacrosse Player

  23. Eggplant Parm says:

    Play on, playa

    – Herm Cain

  24. BrotherLehman says:

    Time was, you could hang on to a woman forever with just a love of birds and encyclopedic knowledge of horse manure. What's the world coming to? Now you see, Goldman would never stoop to hiring either of these two, so maybe it's all moot.

    Hank P.

  25. BKallDAY says:

    This guy just bringing down the reputation of every guy on wall street who went to cornell. In my experience Its usually the cornell girls going insane, not the other way around. Come on man

  26. agreatdaytothink says:

    Tell me about it.

    – Citi retail banker who looks too good for Wall St

  27. Guest says:

    Michael: Andy Bernard. Pros: he's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him.

  28. Guesto says:

    This is my favorite kind of Dealbreaker

  29. Ec Dub says:

    pics or it didn't happen

  30. Guest says:

    Don't just stare at it, EAT IT!

  31. Gordon Liddy says:

    How bout a hug??? I hate goodbyes..

    L. Christmas

  32. Paddy's says:

    This is all part of step 7 of the D.E.N.N.I.S. approach.

  33. billy hayes says:

    s’il vous plait…midnight express

  34. GS MD says:

    I love interns.

  35. Ronald Trump says:

    I wonder if I would look good wearing her face.

  36. Loyd B. says:

    I'd hit it.

  37. Guest says:

    When women go from hot to cold on you, its usually b/c they caught you doing something like picking your nose and eating it. You never get them back after that.

  38. Comp. Cmte. says:

    As Matt points out, this is the kinda shit that's going to happen when your comp is all in restricted stock.

  39. wahoo says:

    When she said she needed a good, stiff Earl Gray I did what any other high flying 3rd year would do and popped a chubby I would later name "Earl" and laid it out on her desk. Next thing she's half way to Pickadilly with less than a parting glance sent my way and I'm left at 270 Park Ave playing billiards with a piece of rope.

  40. Hadtoseeit says:

    Who knew 'Like Crazy' was based on a true story

  41. Kelley MBA says:

    Found a better pic:

    -You Googled it too

  42. guest says:

    i don't love them hoes


  43. Guest says:

    I hope this doesn't ruin his music career. Babylon is such a classic jam!

  44. Marx NY Capital IR says:

    Honest question – If you're her, do you secretly love the attention and rumors that you have a vise grip/paint shaker v, or have you had better days?

  45. Guest says:

    It's just not love, unless it requires large doses psychotropic drugs.

  46. Curious George says:

    I would have just spent some quality time with her water bottle instead.

    M Lallana

  47. D. Gray says:

    If you want it, come and get it…crying out loud.The love that I was giving you was, never in doubt. Let go your heart, let go your head…and feel it now…Babylon…

    Mr. David Gray
    3rd Yr Analyst

  48. Fan of Memes says:


  49. Guest says:

    A few bullet points in analysis of the comment progression of a good DB post:
    – At first we observe jokes of a sexual nature in addition to the highly obvious and quick-to-mind memes (UBS/NKI/Wilbur/etc)
    – Next we should see an interesting combination of analogies incorporating recent subjects of other DB posts/current events with the current subject matter presented in an often highly ironic style.
    – Usually thereafter come the puns.
    – One Standard deviation either side of the mean and you'll notice both extremely intricate interplay of long lost memes or high-brow cinematic synthesis interpersed with the truly moronic and violent posts.
    – Matt loquaciousness jokes.
    – When we go out a bit things start to come apart and we'll get: political rantings, banal and random movie quotes, commenters begin to turn on each other and sometimes you'll see a single commenter go rogue and just start throwing darts trying to redeem himself/herself/itself. (At this point most of the rest of the good comments can be observes as replies to previous comments.)

  50. DSK says:

    Maybe she can work under me at the IMF. Wait, that no longer is an option, sadly.

  51. David Guetta says:

    Where dem girls at


  52. snoopy says:

    JPM Banker: If I told you my intern girlfriend left me for another man would that make me more likable, less likable, or as likable? Let's start over here this time…

  53. FinneganKristiansen says:

    True love waits

  54. Dumber says:

    So your saying, I still got a chance? YES! I hear ya loud and clear!

    Big "D" and Little "d"

  55. takeII says:

    Seriously, was that wrong?

    -Guy who realizes Bess does not like this sort of question but just wants to know for future reference.

  56. guest says:

    "Ain't no pussy like new pussy, that's how a nigga feel"


  57. Ka_Ching says:

    Is this that Duke University thing again??

  58. Julian Assange says:

    Call me. I got some tips.


  59. UBS Chief Ethicist says:

    Gray crossed the line when he took back his grandma's candles. There are just some things you don't do.

  60. inlovewithpmco says:

    I tried all that with PMCO, didn't work

  61. DingaLing says:

    This is what happens when JP Morgan recruits Drama majors with a 4.0 into their investment banking group. (Seriously, I know several Drama majors that work at JPM…)

  62. Guest says:

    Reminds me of another frolic in the Far East with the Sales and Trading group sex w/the interns

  63. Bitter says:

    Fine, bitch. you don't wanna play sex with me? Just came back from London, found myself a new one. Ever hear of Xenia? Upped the leverage to 10x with her.

  64. He just needs to try harder.

  65. BofA HR says:

    Wonder if he had to give her performance reviews (work related, of course)….

  66. UBS HR says:

    Mr. Gray, we have an MD position open. We hope you can live with the pay cut though, given the circumstances.

  67. Office Space says:

    Cant wait to show her my "Oh" face

    -Oh Oh Oh

  68. Lloyd Christmas says:

    I just heard from his best friend that this is exactly how it all went down:

    David Gray: What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me… ending up together?

    Well, David, that's difficult to say. I mean, we don't really…

    Hit me with it! Just give it to me straight! I came a long way just to see you, Daniela. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?

    Not good.

    You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?

    I'd say more like one out of a million.

    So you're telling me there's a chance… YEAH!

  69. Guest says:

    He would have had her if he had got to 200 texts. Rookie mistake.

  70. big red says:

    Go Big Red!

  71. Glif says:

    The picture of him in his NY Times wedding photo makes him look claymated.

  72. Mr. Dimon says:


    1. Don't shit where you eat.

    2. Stop doing cocaine. Rick James worked for Mossad too.

    3. We shoul have never promoted above Head Teller of our Yonkers branch.

    – Jamie

  73. Rocklobster says:

    This was a poorly written article. Wow.

  74. 500 Days of Rausnitz says:

    He must have watched Catch Me If You Can one too many times…

  75. Guest says:

    i don't know what's worse…a dumb bitch from duke or… a dumb bitch from cornell…

  76. Mark says:

    i am just in awe of the cool people who post comments

  77. says:

    Bess needs to stop talking about girls hotter than her. This website used to be cool, like back when Wall Street bonuses were hot.

  78. have had it almost that bad, can relate.

  79. Brokers Suck! says:

    jesus if the commenters here are an example of wall street type, it explains why america is so fucked. Y'all are a bunch of mouth breathing high schoolers with small dick syndrome. Hence the need to make money, so you can pay for it. Sheesh.

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