Time was, Daniela Rausnitz and David Gray had something special. Following a summer of flirtation across cubicles- Daniela was an intern at JPMorgan, David a “high-flying” third year analyst- the two got together after Daniela graduated from Duke and their relationship was “cemented” when David consoled her over being “sexually harassed by a senior member of the bank.” Things were said to have gotten so serious that David, a Cornell ’04 graduate, even entertained the idea of leaving his wife. Unfortunately, things hit a rough patch after Daniela transferred to JPMorgan’s London office and Big D began “stifling” her. Consequently, Daniela decided to pump the brakes and end things. Still Married David, however, knew better. These two, Daniela and Dave, were meant to be together. Meant for each other. So he did what any other romantic in his shoes would do, and waged a campaign to get her back. Said campaign included the following moves:
* Sending her 176 text messages and 23 emails over just 16 hours
* Using his old key to get into her apartment
* Claiming “he was critically ill in a desperate effort to attract her attention.”
* Hacking her email
* Planting “a tracking device in her phone”
At this point, there’s a chance Gray stepped back and asked himself, “Is it possible I’m coming on too strong”? A silly question, obviously, as he already knew the answer, which was: “No, no strong enough.” So he doubled down on Operation You’re The One For Me.
Cranking up his efforts involved:
* Blowing up after “discovering she had a new boyfriend” he “caught her with” at her London apartment he came to surprise her at
* Faking collapsing in front of her at Heathrow
* When confronted, telling the police he was “an agent for the Israeli secret service”
* Claiming he had urgent advice to tell her regarding her safety, obtained from “tapes of conversations recorded by a hidden bug under the bed at her home” that were sent to him
* Attempting to gain sympathy by “claiming falsely that his sister had died and that he was seriously ill in a Paris hospital after an accident”
* Attempting to smooth things over with her dad with two bottles of whiskey and a box of Cuban cigars
And yet, after all this, Daniela still has yet to come around. Maybe she will at some point,** but in the meantime, if any of the above sound appealing, for all intents and purposes, ladies, he’s still single (besides his wife but, details). Get in touch.
Stalked all the way across the Atlantic: Terror of ex-lover at hands of Wall Street banker who chased her to London [DM]
David Gray [LinkedIn]
**After dropping the restraining order.
And people think I'm nuts
-Nails
I know she does not look like much, but trust me, she has a pussy like a vise grip bolted to a paint shaker.
the cock wants what the cock wants
Every light on that I own, playing hide the cigar while showing off my naked krav maga skills.
David,
Let me know if you need help suing any photographers or other vendors from the course of your relationship. It'll give you a shot to recreate the magic and win her back!
Regards,
Todd
If a Wall Street bank's position description for internships is anything other than "to provide romantic diversion for senior members of staff", I am going to have to say that it is a lie.
Mr. Gray, I'd love to see a copy of your resume. You sound like the kind of go-getter that News Corp. is looking for!
-Rupert Murdoch
Lights on, middle of Heathrow main terminal, smoking a MX-2 Maduro and drinking JW Blue, Mossad agents providing security.
Amateur. Should've gone with a jukebox and a little Peter Gabriel.
- Lloyd Dobler
pump the breaks?
Lights on, doubling fisting whiskey while listing wedding ring on eBay, Mossad agent guarding the door, CORNELL BIG RED sweatshirt guy watching and JO&Cing in the corner
“high-flying” third year analyst
LOL
Is this tool still employed by JPM? I can't believe JD and his cronies would be slippin'
By the way: David Gray is a friend a mine.
I thought it was an unwritten rule for Duke co-eds that you either make a powerpoint presentation detailing the ordeal or else everyone assumes you're just making it up. Is that not right?
Never thought of this before, but wouldn't Lloyd have made a perfect investment banker? "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career."
She molested my ferret!
-Duke Lax Bro
I usually cement my relationships while sexually harassing them. Multi-tasking is a gift of mine.
-DSK
Kids these days, they're just not willing to put in the work.
Classy fellow, that Davy– with a capital "K."
-Guy who thinks that if you're going to go to state school, you might as well go to Michigan.
Cornell is a state school?
How did he have a key to her flat if she moved to London to evade him? Other than that, no concerns.
Nice marmot, bro.
I went to Cornell- y'ever heard of it?
And that's a good thing? Sounds like she could break it off!
Does this mean she will start returning my calls or texts?
- Senior Banker that stalked her previously
I'm calling BS on this one. 176 text messages in 16 hours? That's like…a text message every second!!!
-UBS Quant
I assume what happened was she moved to London, hadn't yet broken up with him, things when on a little longer (during which time he got the key), then she ended it (and he kept the key just for, you know, safe keeping).
I could have gotten her back easily with a few buddies, a case of beer, and a lubed lacrosse stick.
- Duke Lacrosse Player
What are you saying?
- NYPD
Dude, she can solve a Rubik's Cube with that thing.
(applause)
Play on, playa
- Herm Cain
Time was, you could hang on to a woman forever with just a love of birds and encyclopedic knowledge of horse manure. What's the world coming to? Now you see, Goldman would never stoop to hiring either of these two, so maybe it's all moot.
Hank P.
Visual of the week award to Dave. Every time I read this comment I laugh *and* it blows my mind trying to imagine what that vag would look like in action.
Hey, I resent that….
~UC Merced Grad
I don't get it
-5th year undergrad
This guy just bringing down the reputation of every guy on wall street who went to cornell. In my experience Its usually the cornell girls going insane, not the other way around. Come on man
Ride slow homey…
Half Ivy League, half land grant… best of both worlds!
dave, your about to feel what it's like to have your nuts in a vise grip. never divorce a woman who works for shulte, roth & zabel. seen it happen. nasty business, really.
easy now, she's no Xenia T
Tell me about it.
- Citi retail banker who looks too good for Wall St
And whose father (Dave's soon to be ex father in law) is a partner at Wachtel.
Tell us more.
Michael: Andy Bernard. Pros: he's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him.
This is my favorite kind of Dealbreaker
pics or it didn't happen
Don't just stare at it, EAT IT!
Hey!
- AIG Jurisdictional Quant
How bout a hug??? I hate goodbyes..
L. Christmas
This is all part of step 7 of the D.E.N.N.I.S. approach.
married = high flying
- UBS Swag Quant
s’il vous plait…midnight express
I love interns.
She should have changed my stupid lock. She should have made him leave his key.
-Gloria Gaynor
I wonder if I would look good wearing her face.
I'd hit it.
I'm still laughing about " high flying third year analyst"
and the paint shaker, which I will be using euphemistically on a regular basis for the forseeable future.
When women go from hot to cold on you, its usually b/c they caught you doing something like picking your nose and eating it. You never get them back after that.
As Matt points out, this is the kinda shit that's going to happen when your comp is all in restricted stock.
When she said she needed a good, stiff Earl Gray I did what any other high flying 3rd year would do and popped a chubby I would later name "Earl" and laid it out on her desk. Next thing she's half way to Pickadilly with less than a parting glance sent my way and I'm left at 270 Park Ave playing billiards with a piece of rope.
Who knew 'Like Crazy' was based on a true story
Found a better pic:
http://cgi.duke.edu/web/bow/execboard.html#presid…
-You Googled it too
i don't love them hoes
-snoop
I'm getting a 404 error message from my sarcasm detector. Pls advise if this is a serious comment or not.
No, we saw it in the original Daily Mail article.
I hope this doesn't ruin his music career. Babylon is such a classic jam!
When I read the article I was under the impression that he had a key to her NY apartment and then she moved and he showed up to her London flat. Chronology is off a bit.
Yes.
No more than having gone to Cornell does.
Losing this toolbag notwithstanding, in all seriousness JPM is losing talent left and right. Realistically, they have nowhere to go but down.
Might I suggest the Duke Association for Business Oriented Women develop a short course, say 23 minutes duration, that uses their co-founder Daniela as the case study.
I like the title "176 reasons why fucking your colleagues might constitute a CLM" but am sure the DB Commentariat can do better than that.
CLM = career limiting move
Honest question – If you're her, do you secretly love the attention and rumors that you have a vise grip/paint shaker v, or have you had better days?
It's just not love, unless it requires large doses psychotropic drugs.
You sent it twice?
- UBS MD
Good call. I've been having trouble getting anyone to take meetings with me lately.
I would have just spent some quality time with her water bottle instead.
M Lallana
oh man, i know EXACTLY who you are talking about…….
Daniella,
If you want it, come and get it…crying out loud.The love that I was giving you was, never in doubt. Let go your heart, let go your head…and feel it now…Babylon…
Mr. David Gray
3rd Yr Analyst
First!
Left to right on the Board and Chairs pic
No, No, Maybe, Yes, Yes, No, Hellz Yes, No, Maybe, Ok
A few bullet points in analysis of the comment progression of a good DB post:
- At first we observe jokes of a sexual nature in addition to the highly obvious and quick-to-mind memes (UBS/NKI/Wilbur/etc)
- Next we should see an interesting combination of analogies incorporating recent subjects of other DB posts/current events with the current subject matter presented in an often highly ironic style.
- Usually thereafter come the puns.
- One Standard deviation either side of the mean and you'll notice both extremely intricate interplay of long lost memes or high-brow cinematic synthesis interpersed with the truly moronic and violent posts.
- Matt loquaciousness jokes.
- When we go out a bit things start to come apart and we'll get: political rantings, banal and random movie quotes, commenters begin to turn on each other and sometimes you'll see a single commenter go rogue and just start throwing darts trying to redeem himself/herself/itself. (At this point most of the rest of the good comments can be observes as replies to previous comments.)
Sorry I forgot to sign that:
- Matt Levine
Can't say I have.
- Harvard
Thought it was a Seinfeld quote.
You also forgot the fucking chart, ass douche.
Formulaic humor is still funny if the formula is complex enough…for me to poop on.
- Triumph
also forgot to be funny
Funny if sarcastic. HYSTERICAL if serious. I'll take that trade.
Maybe she can work under me at the IMF. Wait, that no longer is an option, sadly.
-DSK
And your point is???
Women
Owners
Of
Financial
Firms
OR
Business
Oriented
Women
Working
On
Whiteboards
You wouldn't do the asian babes but you would do the preppy girls. Dude, you do not know what you're missing. Get the Yellow Fever man!
You'd probably bang the horseface Noel sisters
Who needs a key when you can just remove the door.
Lets not forget:
Responses from "UBS quant", "UBS MD", "latest-in-the-news B-school MBA", et al.
And yet we lap it up.
Say it isn't so!
Topics of recent D-BOW meeting:
"Having It All" – Creating a work-life balance
Discussing characteristics of companies on the "Top 100 Companies to Work for: Women"
Viewing clips from popular literature and discussing the appropriateness of different work situations
Differences between the communication styles of men and women
Internship application preparation
Think she skipped two or three?
That or their discussion materials totally suck
ass douche
Where dem girls at
JP MORGAN BABY
JPM Banker: If I told you my intern girlfriend left me for another man would that make me more likable, less likable, or as likable? Let's start over here this time…
True love waits
So your saying, I still got a chance? YES! I hear ya loud and clear!
Big "D" and Little "d"
"swag quant"
hilar
Seriously, was that wrong?
-Guy who realizes Bess does not like this sort of question but just wants to know for future reference.
"Ain't no pussy like new pussy, that's how a nigga feel"
–DMX
Is this that Duke University thing again??
Call me. I got some tips.
Julian
Gray crossed the line when he took back his grandma's candles. There are just some things you don't do.
I tried all that with PMCO, didn't work
This is what happens when JP Morgan recruits Drama majors with a 4.0 into their investment banking group. (Seriously, I know several Drama majors that work at JPM…)
Pretty sure the Cornell econ major comes off as the worse recruit in this scenario.
In that case that makes you a tool too. I can't believe Darwin would be slippin'
Reminds me of another frolic in the Far East with the Sales and Trading group sex w/the interns
Fine, bitch. you don't wanna play sex with me? Just came back from London, found myself a new one. Ever hear of Xenia? Upped the leverage to 10x with her.
He just needs to try harder.
In hindsight, I should have gone with drama.
Er, both of them were Econ majors at their respective colleges…
Wonder if he had to give her performance reviews (work related, of course)….
unimp
-UBS Abbrevs Quant
Mossad agents are crafty
Already have some, thanks for asking. Just more selective of what I call an Asian babe.
Will pass on the horses.
Mr. Gray, we have an MD position open. We hope you can live with the pay cut though, given the circumstances.
Cant wait to show her my "Oh" face
-Oh Oh Oh
I just heard from his best friend that this is exactly how it all went down:
David Gray: What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me… ending up together?
Well, David, that's difficult to say. I mean, we don't really…
Hit me with it! Just give it to me straight! I came a long way just to see you, Daniela. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?
Not good.
You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?
I'd say more like one out of a million.
So you're telling me there's a chance… YEAH!
He would have had her if he had got to 200 texts. Rookie mistake.
So he was actually a UBS quant?
Go Big Red!
Paint Shaker & Wollensky?
prob awesome
Obviously David's cock wants to be untouched for the rest of eternity after any woman who might be remotely interested in him Googles him.
David's parents don't come from much. He's basically trashed his career and reputation. Had he stayed true to Lindsay Einhorn, he might have just had the best life ever and unlimited awesome career opportunities.
What an idiot.
The picture of him in his NY Times wedding photo makes him look claymated.
David,
1. Don't shit where you eat.
2. Stop doing cocaine. Rick James worked for Mossad too.
3. We shoul have never promoted above Head Teller of our Yonkers branch.
- Jamie
This was a poorly written article. Wow.
Maybe he first told her he desparately wanted to make love to a school boy.
He must have watched Catch Me If You Can one too many times…
i don't know what's worse…a dumb bitch from duke or… a dumb bitch from cornell…
i am just in awe of the cool people who post comments
looked him up on the intranet..they both come back as employed
Bess needs to stop talking about girls hotter than her. This website used to be cool, like back when Wall Street bonuses were hot.
have had it almost that bad, can relate.
jesus if the commenters here are an example of wall street type, it explains why america is so fucked. Y'all are a bunch of mouth breathing high schoolers with small dick syndrome. Hence the need to make money, so you can pay for it. Sheesh.
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