Opening Bell: 12.08.11

Jon S. Corzine: ‘I Simply Do Not Know Where The Money Is’ (WSJ)
A contrite Jon S. Corzine will express both sorrow and a firm defense of his actions Thursday in his first public appearance since the collapse of MF Global Holdings Ltd. in late October. “Recognizing the enormous impact on many peoples’ lives resulting from the events surrounding the MF Global bankruptcy, I appear at today’s hearings with great sadness,” Mr. Corzine plans to say in testimony prepared for a hearing by the House Agriculture Committee, which subpoenaed the former MF Global chief executive Friday. The testimony Thursday is sure to be contentious.

Jon Corzine Is Sad (CNBC)
“My sadness, of course, pales in comparison to the losses and hardships that customers, employees and investors have suffered as a result of MF Global’s bankruptcy,” Corzine said in testimony prepared for his appearance before the House Agriculture Committee today. “Their plight weighs on my mind every day — every hour. And, as the chief executive officer of MF Global at the time of its bankruptcy, I apologize to all those affected.”

Corzine: MF Global Board Knew What Was Up (BW)
MF Global’s board of directors was told of the European debt trades and approved limits on the risk in the trades by specific countries, Corzine said. “At the time of the bankruptcy, MF Global was within the risk limits set up by the board of directors,” Corzine said. “MF Global’s board was not a rubber stamp,” he said. None of the foreign debt securities that MF Global used in so-called repurchase-to-maturity transactions has defaulted or been restructured, Corzine said.

Franco-British Alarm of 1989 Comes True (Bloomberg)
Berlin’s dominance has shaken the Franco-German equilibrium at the heart of the post-World War II balance of power. Debt contagion and slumping growth have driven French borrowing costs to a euro-era record against Germany. The result may be a remade political map with even Poland, invaded by Adolf Hitler in 1939, calling for a stronger German role.

Geithner: US Has Interest In Strengthening The Euro Zone (Reuters)
FYI.

Jobless Claims in U.S. at Lowest in Nine Months (Bloomberg)
Jobless claims dropped by 23,000 to 381,000 in the week ended Dec. 3, the fewest since February, Labor Department figures showed today in Washington. The median forecast of 47 economists in a Bloomberg News survey called for a drop to 395,000. The number of people on unemployment benefit rolls and those getting extended payments also decreased.

Police: Package Sent To Deutsche CEO Was A Bomb (Reuters)
No one has so far claimed responsibility for the package, which was intercepted late on Wednesday. “Initial investigations show that this was an operational letter bomb,” the Criminal Investigations Office for the state of Hesse and Frankfurt prosecutors in a statement, adding that no further information was available.

Elementary school teachers ‘caught having sex in stadium restroom at Buffalo Bills game’ (DM)
France’s wife (not the woman he had sex with in the bathroom) confirmed that her husband was stopped while leaving the lavatory…A Bills spokesman says, ‘We do not comment on arrests that are made on game days at the stadium.’ School district superintendent Michael Wendt said his office is doing its own investigation.

Banks’ Ratings Reliance Nears End (WSJ)
Angry about the credit raters’ poor track record on evaluating mortgage debt in the run-up to the 2008 financial crisis, lawmakers mandated that federal regulators remove references to credit ratings from their rules. Bank regulators struggled for a year to find a workable alternative to the credit ratings, which have become entwined in the domestic and international financial-regulatory structure.

Private-Equity Firms’ Yuan Funds Soar (WSJ)
Private-equity firms closed 295 yuan funds in China from January to November, raising a total of 19.8 billion yuan ($3.1 billion), according to a report by Zero2IPO Research, a Beijing-based firm that tracks China’s private-equity industry. The capital raised accounted for 75% of all the private-equity funds completed in the first 11 months of this year, which totaled 26.5 billion yuan—more than double the money raised in all of 2010.

US Growth May Put Fed Purchases On Hold (Bloomberg)
“Recent economic data takes away some of the urgency for the need to engage in a new round of quantitative easing,” said Michael Feroli, a former Fed economist who is now chief U.S. economist at JPMorgan Chase & Co. in New York. The Federal Open Market Committee “can say, ‘Let’s wait and see if this is going to build on itself.’”

Air-rage ranter Alec Baldwin deactivates Twitter account (NYP)
A day after he was booted from an LA-to-JFK flight for freaking out because a crew member told him to turn off his phone, Baldwin last night apologized for delaying his fellow passengers — but resumed his verbal attack on the flight attendant. “I was singled out by this woman in the most unpleasant of tones. I guess the fact that this woman, who had decided to make some example of me, while everyone else was left undisturbed, did get the better of me,” Baldwin said. “The lesson I’ve learned is to keep my phone off when the 1950s gym teacher is on duty. That was my fault there, even though this trip was quite a bit different from so many others.”

Comments (51)

  1. Posted by WCrasher | December 8, 2011 at 9:27 AM

    I'm gonna start a new drinking game, you gotta take a shot every time Corzine says " I don't remember", "I don't recall" .

  2. Posted by guest | December 8, 2011 at 9:32 AM

    Admit what you did Corzine !!!!!!

    Where's our money?

    - Hazzard County Farmers Coop

  3. Posted by Guest | December 8, 2011 at 9:36 AM

    "I don't remember….I never exhaled?"

    -Gutter Corzine

  4. Posted by Deleveraging | December 8, 2011 at 9:39 AM

    Just what we need, a bunch of jackasses in Washington to get to the bottom of this mess.

  5. Posted by Guestavo | December 8, 2011 at 9:44 AM

    "Look, no hands!"

    -Corzine peeing on investors

  6. Posted by Guest | December 8, 2011 at 9:45 AM

    GSElevator? …Cite your sources

  7. Posted by Dr_Rosenrose | December 8, 2011 at 9:54 AM

    "Lawmakers mandated that federal regulators remove references to credit ratings from their rules." They also voted that the US was now AAAA, and that S&P will be put on trial as a suspected communist and/or witch.

  8. Posted by pazzo83 | December 8, 2011 at 9:56 AM

    You are worthless, Arec Bardwin!

  9. Posted by BrotherLehman | December 8, 2011 at 9:56 AM

    Give these teachers a break. Who would go to that football stadium to actually watch the Bills play?

  10. Posted by Cut Me | December 8, 2011 at 9:58 AM

    Meet me at Ralph Wilson Stadium, recite your ABC's so I know it's you.

  11. Posted by Billy Baldwin | December 8, 2011 at 9:59 AM

    Clearly, I'm the most stable of the three brothers…

  12. Posted by C. Gasparino | December 8, 2011 at 10:01 AM

    Alex Baldwin is a friend of mine.

  13. Posted by Joe | December 8, 2011 at 10:04 AM

    Isn't Corzine worth about the amount of money that is missing? Where do line to sign up for a lawsuit?

  14. Posted by Guest | December 8, 2011 at 10:05 AM

    I used to know where your money was then I took an arrow to the knee.

    -The Corzine Scrolls

  15. Posted by Guest | December 8, 2011 at 10:12 AM

    Frank Pentangeli

  16. Posted by Patrick Bateman | December 8, 2011 at 10:13 AM

    Jon Corzine has mistaken me for this dickhead Marcus Halberstram. It seems logical because Marcus also works at P&P and in fact does the same exact thing I do and he also has a penchant for Valentino suits and Oliver Peoples glasses. Marcus and I even go to the same barber, although I have a slightly better haircut.

  17. Posted by PermaGuestII | December 8, 2011 at 10:13 AM

    Remember, nobody mention the war.

  18. Posted by David Gray - JPM | December 8, 2011 at 10:15 AM

    If only Mad Max was on the Ag committee

  19. Posted by Guest Q. Guest | December 8, 2011 at 10:15 AM

    Hey Alec, you douchebag, what part of "The flight doors are now closed, please power off ALL electronic devices at this time" did you not understand? Or did you think you were somehow exempt?

    And don't think I don't remember you – you were the fat obnoxious one who couldn't climb the rope.

    -Alec's real 1950's Gym Teacher.

  20. Posted by Dr_Zaius | December 8, 2011 at 10:16 AM

    nothing says "turn on" like public restrooms, beef on weck and losing.

  21. Posted by Jeff | December 8, 2011 at 10:17 AM

    The Dude abides

  22. Posted by Guest | December 8, 2011 at 10:18 AM

    I've seen this story before…trust me giving Germany more power does not end well.

    -The rest of Europe 1910-1945

  23. Posted by C. Gasparino | December 8, 2011 at 10:18 AM

    nope. If you look in my enormous body of excelent work you'll find I annualized dis for you a few days back.

    But he's a friend a mine.

    C. Gasparino

  24. Posted by C. Gasparino | December 8, 2011 at 10:19 AM

    Impostor

  25. Posted by C. Gasparino | December 8, 2011 at 10:21 AM

    Can you make jokes about bombs exploding in DB offices? I mean it's not like mentioning the war or anything.

  26. Posted by Reindeer #6 | December 8, 2011 at 10:22 AM

    glad he's back but does he really have enough time to pack on the weight anyways?

  27. Posted by guest | December 8, 2011 at 10:24 AM

    Did you horse around with him in the shower room?

    J. Sandusky

  28. Posted by Greek Banker | December 8, 2011 at 10:31 AM

    I know where the money is.

  29. Posted by Offsite Meetings | December 8, 2011 at 10:31 AM

    Sir, you sloshed some of your bloody mary on me during that rant while in seat 6A.

    -Ryan Bingham
    Omaha Shitcanners

  30. Posted by Lord Humongous | December 8, 2011 at 10:36 AM

    Toe Cutter!

  31. Posted by Come Louda | December 8, 2011 at 10:40 AM

    I was checking my Blackberry in the hallway of the stadium during a Bills game while in line for the men's room. I was expecting a report from a UBS analyst on the correlation between Florida real estate values and the price of copper in US minted pennies. While thumbscrolling I looked up and there she was. My heart stopped. She had long black hair covering most of her face and cute little A-cups under a Bills jersey that wasn't tucked in. Our eyes locked like my MD's door when his secretary took dictation. She was a "healthy girl", probably blue collar: a bartender or a factory worker came to mind. because I am so good at noting details, I figure that out because of her large hands (for a woman) and somewhat broad shoulders. "You're in the wrong line", I joked. She smiled and said in a deep voice for a woman, "Maybe it'll be OK if I go in with you to protect me!" She stroked my cheek with rough hewn hands and ……..hey……wait a minute…..

  32. Posted by The Dyslexic Analyst | December 8, 2011 at 10:42 AM

    Wait, Ralph Wilson was caught having sex in the bathroom with a guy named Bill at an elementary school?

  33. Posted by Barney F. | December 8, 2011 at 10:43 AM

    It moved.

  34. Posted by Guest | December 8, 2011 at 10:45 AM

    Silly teachers, you can only have sex in the Penn State bathrooms.

    - Jerry Sandusky

  35. Posted by trojan_ | December 8, 2011 at 10:47 AM

    at least somebody from Buffalo actually scored at that stadium

  36. Posted by trojan_ | December 8, 2011 at 10:50 AM

    Ralph Wiggum

  37. Posted by Cheesecake | December 8, 2011 at 10:52 AM

    Is this a true story? Did this really happen to you?

    -Curious Penthouse Forum Reader

  38. Posted by FKApmco | December 8, 2011 at 11:01 AM

    I can help with the S&P trial, good Doctor. If S&P weighs the same as a duck, then they are made of wood and it logically follows they are a witch and deserve to be burned. It's a fair cop.

    - Arthur, King of the Britons

  39. Posted by Guest | December 8, 2011 at 11:09 AM

    To be fair, what else is there to do to entertain yourself at a Bills game?

  40. Posted by maxine | December 8, 2011 at 11:23 AM

    Who is your CEO?

  41. Posted by Guest | December 8, 2011 at 11:42 AM

    That's because you lost the 1.2 yards, Jon-o. And I'm not talking misplaced.

  42. Posted by Guest | December 8, 2011 at 11:43 AM

    Is that supposed to be funny?

  43. Posted by Sleeper | December 8, 2011 at 11:56 AM

    I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.

    - UBS 80's Rap Quant

  44. Posted by Guest | December 8, 2011 at 12:05 PM

    Stop crying, Corzine. You don't know what it's like to be sad

    - Sad Cardinals fan

  45. Posted by Peasant | December 8, 2011 at 12:28 PM

    King of the Who?

  46. Posted by vp-md | December 8, 2011 at 12:36 PM

    it's down there somewhere, let me take another look

  47. Posted by Jon | December 8, 2011 at 12:47 PM

    "Um, we took your money to live on a farm with a nice family and lots of room…."

  48. Posted by Deleveraging | December 8, 2011 at 12:53 PM

    Actually, there are 4 of you!

  49. Posted by FKApmco | December 8, 2011 at 1:02 PM

    Thanks, Peasant. I just read the whole scene and am wondering if OWS got their governing notion from Dennis….an anarcho-syndicalist commune where people take turns to act as CEO for a week.

    -Moistened Bint who likes lobbing scimitars.

  50. Posted by Walter | December 8, 2011 at 1:56 PM

    Shut the f*** up Jonny!!! You're out of your element!!!!

  51. Posted by Dick Fuld | December 8, 2011 at 6:11 PM

    Where is my money Bitch?

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