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People Who “Coined” Operation “Perfect Hedge” Don’t Know What “Coined,” “Hedge” Mean

“We coined this investigation ‘Perfect Hedge’ because if you’re armed with that insider’s information, you can initiate the perfect hedge,” FBI agent David Chaves said in an interview of the largest hedge fund investigation ever. “You’re always protected — the upside and the down side.” [Bloomberg]

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218 Responses to “People Who “Coined” Operation “Perfect Hedge” Don’t Know What “Coined,” “Hedge” Mean”

  1. ralphwiggum says:

    My fail English? That's unpossible!

  2. guest says:

    You knew what I meant.

    -Lt. Chaves

  3. GetDisMoney says:

    I'm sure Hedge Fund employees are "quaking" in their boots. The F.B.I. should rename Perfect Hedge "WCFAHIAW"

    We Couldn't Find A Hooker In A Whorehouse

  4. anonymous says:

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed he wasn't talking about a boundary formed by a row of shrubs or small trees.

    – UBS MD

  5. Guest says:

    "Coined" is used correctly – it refers to the process of stamping an impression onto a metal coin, and by extension has come to mean to "make, invent, or fabricate", typically as of a word or phrase. The organization in question effectively stamped their operation with the label "Perfect Hedge", which is a correct use of the concept underlying the word.

    It is irrelevant whether or not "Hedge" was used correctly, because its use in the financial industry no longer has any correlation with what it was originally intended to connote – given that financial professionals now regularly use "hedge" to mean "to wildly speculate with others' money while charging massive management and so-called 'performance' fees", one can hardly complain if the FBI's use is not quite correct.

    – Government Linguistics Regulation Quant

    • NowOnePerson says:

      You are also an idiot.

    • guest says:

      Not even getting into your notion of what a hedge is, but just want to say that you know "perfect hedge" was a term before the FBI used it, right? Which would mean that they "used" the term, they didn't come up with it.

      go forth and educate yourself: http://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/bri

    • guest says:

      If one has inside info, they don't need to hedge. You get that, right? Or did you not?

      • Guest says:

        Oh, you're absolutely right – if you already have the inside information, what could possibly go wrong that you would need to hedge against, right?

        – Raj R.

    • guest says:

      ""Coined" is used correctly "

      No. It wasn't.

      – person who actually knows what 'coined' means, and knows that the feds didn't come up with, i.e. COIN, the phrase "perfect hedge"

      • guest says:

        The fed didn't say he coined the phrase "perfect hedge", he said he "coined this investigation 'Perfect Hedge'". Attention to detail is critical for critics.

  6. guest says:

    I thought "perfect hedge" was what bess calls her bikini wax.

  7. I'm going to get to the bottom of this, and I don't give a fuck if you're at the top.

    -David Chaves

  8. Guy with A.D.D. says:

    Wait… if you are armed with insider information there is no need to hedge.
    Am i missing something here?

    • guest says:

      The only thing you're missing is the understanding that the guy quoted above is a moron.

    • Guest says:

      Sure. Here's what you're missing:

      – The information you received could be wrong, because the person you got it from was an idiot, in which case a hedge would seem to be an advisable course of action.
      – The information you received could be correct but not timely enough (e.g., there's a merger going through all right, just not in time for the options you just purchased), in which case a hedge would also seem to be an advisable course of action.
      – The information you received is from someone who has just turned state witness, in which case a hedge – e.g., a plane ticket to a country without an extradition treaty with the U.S. – would also seem to be an advisable course of action.

  9. Peter Griffin says:

    "Mr. Chaves, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

    -Jon Corzine

  10. John Paulson says:

    Coins have long been linked to the concept of money, as reflected by the fact that in some other languages the words "coin" and "currency" are synonymous. Fictional currencies may also bear the name coin (as such, an item may be said to be worth 123 coin or 123 coins).

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