Quick story or not so much a story but a pet peeve I’ve never gotten off my chest: I hate when people use the nickname “Stevie” when referring to hedge fund manager Steve Cohen. It’s like nails on a chalkboard when anyone says it but particularly when deployed by total strangers creating false intimacy with the guy, as though they’re boys and/or they just finished sucking Cohen off. For her part, Mrs. Cohen is also said to be irked by the moniker, as she finds it childish. Having said all that, I’ve never taken someone to task for the offense* and, presumably, the Missus hasn’t either or at least not in the spectacular form demonstrated by Cohen’s lawyer. Earlier this year, the SAC Capital manger sat for two days of deposition, which was recently unsealed, as part of a lawsuit filed in 2006 by Canadian insurer Fairfax Financial against a group of hedge funds that included SAC. At one point, Fairfax’s lawyer Michael Bowe addresses Cohen as “Stevie,” and in response, Martin Klotz, the attorney representing Steve and SAC, goes absolutely ape shit.

BOWE: Okay. So the compliance manual — you have authority, Stevey Cohen, to ignore the compliance manual?

KLOTZ: Object to the form. And I particularly object to the obnoxious, deliberate use of “Stevey” in addressing Mr. Cohen.

BOWE: It wasn’t deliberate. It was a mistake.

KLOTZ: No, it was intentional.

BOWE: Knock it off. How do you know?

KLOTZ: Because I know.

BOWE: I know you’re trying to be a tough guy in front of your client, but why don’t you knock it off? I know you’re trying to be tough — defend your big client. I understand that. This was a mistake.

BOWE: I’m sorry I used the word “Stevey” if I offended you.

COHEN: I’m not a big client.

So…yeah. That happened. Clearly there’s a bias here given my previously stated hatred of the nickname “Stevie” and applications thereof, and also due to the fact that I’m a big fan of what some would characterize as disproportionate reactions and white shoe lawyers talking like they’re in Goodfellas, but I don’t think I’m going out on much of a limb here to say this is one of the greatest pieces of dialogue I’ve read, ever. Like, you wouldn’t be shocked if instead of Bowe saying “I’m sorry I used the word “Stevey” if I offended you,” the line went “I’m sorry if the word ‘Stevey’ offe– [gun shot ].” Martin– call me.

Stevie Cohen Unplugged [Reuters]
Exclusive: Steve Cohen calls insider trading rules “vague” [Reuters]
Related: “Talking to Mr. Cohen is like talking to the president,” says lawyer

*Choosing instead to simply burn up inside.

Comments (36)

  1. Posted by Chevy_Chased | December 13, 2011 at 5:48 PM

    Why can't Mikey Bowe and Marty Klotz just get along?

  2. Posted by Sundusky's Basement | December 13, 2011 at 5:53 PM

    KLOTZ: I’m sorry I used the word “Stevey” if I offended you.

    Huh? This has to be Bowe in order to make any sense.

  3. Posted by isthisright | December 13, 2011 at 5:57 PM

    if Klotz is Cohen's attorney why is he saying "I’m sorry I used the word “Stevey” if I offended you."

  4. Posted by BessLevin | December 13, 2011 at 5:58 PM

    Reuters is fixing it now.

  5. Posted by Dr_Zaius | December 13, 2011 at 6:04 PM

    your punishment is to sit in a freezing van and eat ketchup and relish packets.

  6. Posted by Details | December 13, 2011 at 6:05 PM

    Reuters had it screwed up in the original. You know that, right?

  7. Posted by guest | December 13, 2011 at 6:10 PM

    Talk to me like that you big brute. Seriously, it gets me off.

    -Pingie

  8. Posted by Please? | December 13, 2011 at 6:11 PM

    Martin Klotz, next Dealbreaker interviewee?

  9. Posted by Texashedge | December 13, 2011 at 6:12 PM

    You know what pisses me off? People who spell their name Stephen with a "ph". Also "Geoffrey"…that pisses me off as well. And people who keep sending me linkedin invitations. They're the worst.

  10. Posted by Lebowsski | December 13, 2011 at 6:19 PM

    Preferred form of address: "I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing. "

  11. Posted by guest | December 13, 2011 at 6:51 PM

    re the tag " this dialogue will be included verbatim in my off-Broadway show entitled simply "Steve""

    oh please, please be serious about this?

  12. Posted by guest | December 13, 2011 at 6:51 PM

    It's my Christmas wish.

  13. Posted by Confused Commenter | December 13, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    I am furiously fixing my faucet.

  14. Posted by y'know, from "Doug" | December 13, 2011 at 8:36 PM

    Go get 'em, dad!

    -Roger Klotz??

  15. Posted by davidrusso | December 14, 2011 at 12:10 AM

    Calling horseshit on this lawyer and the honorable Ms. Levin for their shared indignation at a fucking nickname this assdouche loved and promulgated. Bowe should have followed up with:

    Bowe: Actually, I did call him Stevie. Cause everyone calls him Stevie. Cause he calls himself Stevie, fucknut. I intend to refer to also refer to him as: Aforementioned Insider Trader, Douchebag Attorney's Client. And you'll deal with it.

  16. Posted by BessLevin | December 14, 2011 at 12:19 AM

    I don't care if he loves it, which has no bearing on whether or not I do, and, as previously state, I hate it. Carry on with the calling of horseshit.

  17. Posted by hamtech01 | December 14, 2011 at 5:49 AM

    Shouldn't you have either a) spelled your name right, or b) posted under your chosen moniker?

    [begins fixing the Cable]

  18. Posted by guest | December 14, 2011 at 9:03 AM

    You Steve?

    -Dexter Rutecki

  19. Posted by Guest | December 14, 2011 at 9:18 AM

    Lovely.

  20. Posted by dumb | December 14, 2011 at 9:22 AM

    Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie………………….

  21. Posted by Fixed Income | December 14, 2011 at 9:43 AM

    It's not like he called him Edge.

  22. Posted by que sera | December 14, 2011 at 10:42 AM

    alexandra garcia's mom calls him esteban and he really likes it.

  23. Posted by Guest | December 14, 2011 at 11:04 AM

    You know the firm was originially going to be named Geoffries but that spelling pissed some of those guys off too. True story.

  24. Posted by Guest | December 14, 2011 at 11:11 AM

    This is a pretty awesome post but you need to relax Bess. No one who calls him 'Stevie' is trying to be his boy. Think anyone who says 'RajRaj' is standing in line to fist bump that fat fuck through the glass?

  25. Posted by BessLevin | December 14, 2011 at 11:21 AM

    Calmer than you.

  26. Posted by guest | December 14, 2011 at 11:32 AM

    The point isn't that someone is "trying" to be his boy, it's that it's- excuse the pejorative- gay when boiler room employees, idiot CNBC guests and tool box first year analysts refer to someone they for all intents and purposes don't know by it. And yes, those people do think it make them sound "in the know."

  27. Posted by guest | December 14, 2011 at 11:32 AM

    Er, the above was obviously written humorously ie there's no need for her to 'relax'?

  28. Posted by davidrusso | December 14, 2011 at 1:13 PM

    Then write an article about you hate his name, not how you hate people who use…wait for it..his name.

  29. Posted by guest | December 14, 2011 at 1:18 PM

    WTF are you talking about? She stated in the article she hated the USE of his name and she replied to you saying the same thing (telling you that she doesn't care if HE doesn't mind the usage, SHE does). Is something not clear here? Did you eat a lot of paint chips as a kid?

  30. Posted by MydadsaBOAmd | December 14, 2011 at 3:17 PM

    [youtube 6RmO6fc-FdE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RmO6fc-FdE youtube]

    Oh you said STEVIE…. whoops.

    -BoA Intern

  31. Posted by James G | December 14, 2011 at 4:08 PM

    I agree with Mr. Cohen's attorney

    – James (don't you dare call me Jimmy) Gorman

  32. Posted by TheodoreBallgamePhD | December 14, 2011 at 6:44 PM

    She kidnapped herself.

  33. Posted by 007 | December 14, 2011 at 9:23 PM

    the biggest asshole in all this is the stenographer. Stevey? seriously?? -ey. Come on.

  34. Posted by davidrusso | December 14, 2011 at 10:14 PM

    You seriously are sucking her dick enough to defend her silliness anonymously? Dude – checj yourself.

  35. Posted by dude | December 15, 2011 at 10:26 AM

    fumiest post/tags since penn station

  36. Posted by Raj and Bernie | December 15, 2011 at 1:42 PM

    You can call us Bernie and Fat Ass

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