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We’ve Got Your Office Holiday Party Right Here

Are you employed by an organization that jumped on the Holiday Party Ban bandwagon back in ’08 and never got off, or chose to downsize what were once magical affairs where anything could happen to a bunch of people milling around in the lobby? This year, do you want all that to change? Do you want to be able to go hog wild and eat more than the one bag of chips allotted per employee? Do you want to propose paying a senior staffer for a lap dance and not have it be grounds for dismissal this time? You’ve come to the right place.

We’ve just been informed by a person familiar with the matter* that Beamers Cafe, thought by some to be the happiest place on earth, will be holding its Holiday Party this Thursday and you’re all invited. While you should not feel obligated to come in costume, we’re told that actual employees will be wearing “something festive.” Additionally, much to the surprise and delight of the guy who was mislead by a Yelp review proclaiming BC to be a “staple on the Stamford culinary scene,” when in fact, as he discovered, no food is served, tomorrow will involve some kinds of snacks.

*Dealbreaker Friend Gianna.

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19 Responses to “We’ve Got Your Office Holiday Party Right Here”

  1. High flying 3rd year says:

    Strip clubs are for lame dudes who can't get real ass.

    – D Gray

  2. Walt Disney's Ghost says:

    It's thought by some to be WHAT?? Well I'll be a monkey's uncle . . .

  3. Guest says:

    Roast Beef?

    Roast beef.

  4. BrotherLehman says:

    If you really want to get your weiner schnitzeled, come sell for us instead.

    –HR@MunichRe.de

  5. Pauly Walnuts says:

    I hear the lunchtime (fairly) fresh seafood buffet is to die for.

  6. derp says:

    And what happened, then? Well, at Beamers they say – that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day. And then – the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the cash for ten dances, plus two!

  7. Grape Soda says:

    $25 in the backroom during happy hour and they'll get your milk and cookies taken care of

  8. gianna says:

    hey its me Gianna we do have hot food .. Hope to c u all..

  9. guy with the new job says:

    Aaaah.. it feels good to be back in Wall Street for 3 weeks and get invited to the office xmas party

  10. John says:

    I was not the only customer who felt the pcrudoe was over-watered. HE told ME that customers tell him vitamins and minerals are washed away with water.That’s what I’ve said to your employees for years. Some literally water it like a yard in summer, talking to customers and not paying attention.He told me to say something. I said I’ve talked to employees, emailed, left notes til I realized NO ONE WILL DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.Water should never be dripping off greens. I’ve set them in my cart and they are still wet when I check out, nearly an hour later.I wonder if the pcrudoe personnel actually ever eat a salad or use fresh veggies in any capacity?I told him I buy most of my pcrudoe at the farmer’s markets where the pcrudoe is out in the fresh air for HOURS and NEVER SPRAYED with WATER.Farmer’s market pcrudoe lasts for many days longer than the Co-Op’s. I am single, money always tight, and I see no reason why the Co-Op, like other stores, insist on drenching greens!Have you looked at green onions, spinach, beet greens? I won’t buy green onions at the Co-Op cos they should last a week, but usually many of the green part are already wilting.I had to put ALL my greens in various colanders for over an hour at home. I had to wipe my beets with paper towels and set out to dry too. I can’t get as much organic pcrudoe at my local farmer’s market. So once a week I venture to the Co-Op. I make juices and rather use organic. I just don’t know what to do. I want to support the Co-Op, but what about helping those of us who really want fresh organic veggies to last longer, but can’t because your employees insist on over-watering.So sad, but think how many other customers buy at the outdoor farmer’s markets instead of the Co-Op? You are losing money.Do you care? I do . . .

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