investigations

Attention Would-Be Thieves: Bridgewater Associates Take Their Buns Of Steel Tapes Very Seriously

Last Friday afternoon, while many a financial services employee was dealing with the fallout of receiving a bonus they did not believe to be commensurate with the work they put in for 2011, Bridgewater was dealing with a far weightier issue. The hedge fund had a thief in its ranks and said thief’s jig was up.

A Bridgeport woman who worked as a security guard in Westport was arrested Friday on a warrant for allegedly stealing from her workplace, police said. Katlyne Lauture, a former security guard at Bridgewater Associates, was spotted on camera in November taking an iPad out of an employee’s desk and then leaving the building, police said. Lauture, 25, was later found to have taken two additional iPads and an exercise video set, all valued at approximately $2,724, police said. She was charged with third-degree larceny and released after posting a $10,000 bond. She is due in court on Jan. 30.

As you can clearly see, this incident raises many, many questions. Chief among them being that, as a security guard, Lauture of all people would have known of cameras that watched employees’ every moves. Ergo, she couldn’t possibly have thought she’d get away with the thefts and in fact, was perhaps actively attempting to get noticed? But why? Was she hoping to catch Mentor Dalio’s eye, have him think to himself, “Look at the balls on this chick,” and get promoted to PM? Also:

– Three fully-loaded, top of the line iPads would have totaled, at most, $2,487. And yet the exercise DVDs brought Lauture’s haul to $2,724, meaning she stole at least more than $200 worth of videos and possibly as much as $600, assuming at least one of the iPad owners went with the $500 model?

– Who at Bridgewater is keeping workout videos– let alone a fetish-level volume of videos– at work?

– If she stole the tapes from multiple people, do Bridgewater employees do the routines together, after hours?

– Was this P90X?

– Is this woman dead to Ray, who holds truth and honesty above all else and who last year told the New Yorker that he’d embarked on an “intended weight-loss program“?

Ex-Westport Security Guard Charged With Theft [The Westport Daily]

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171 Responses to “Attention Would-Be Thieves: Bridgewater Associates Take Their Buns Of Steel Tapes Very Seriously”

  1. VonSloneker says:

    It wis maust likely the ixtinded cut of my video from the 80s.

    – Olivia Newton John (also not effraid of snikes)

  2. Nailz6 says:

    P90x sucks, use Insanity.

    – Bill Gross, PIMCO Fitness

  3. The Truth says:

    I take Asses of Steel very seriously too

    – J Gundlach

  4. @notdanloeb says:

    The writing on this site is so lame. 'Was it P-90X?' uhhh no it was not p – 90 x

  5. Tony Horton says:

    Push up here if you want to. I choose to do one.

  6. Alt_EST says:

    Be the hyena, lose some weight you wildebeest.

  7. Guest says:

    Who uses exercise tapes when they can just swim to work and catch their lunch in the parking lot?

    – Bridgewater Hydro commuting / sustenance quant

  8. Arnold says:

    Yea, but how much can she bench?

  9. Tight End says:

    Ray always liked his curves tight.

  10. inlovewithpmco says:

    PMCO what video do you use?

  11. the matriculator says:

    Bridgewater hired a security guard that does not even hold up to a 20 second google search. That's why I don't work there. Give me my 100 bucks you cocksuckers!

  12. Concerned LP says:

    Do they mark their positions like they mark their iPads?

  13. Guest says:

    Nice work Bess!

    – guy who loves a good whodunnit

  14. Beeks says:

    Not an ordinary thief like the man Winthorpe had the guts to stand up to yesterday…no, this man is a hundered times lower.

  15. Abe_Froman_ says:

    I was wondering where my shake weight went!

  16. He looks so regal supporting that tree.

  17. Ray says:

    She may be a lousy security guard but I bet she aced her Bridgewater interview. You know, the one where two young, self-righteous assholes force interviewees to debate the ethics of animal testing on cosmetics and the raising of the driving age in order to reduce teenage car crashes; then shit on you because you didn’t defend your position strongly enough and/or defended it too strongly.
    I know that Bridgewater encourages its employees to provide unfiltered criticisms of each other so here’s one for you Ray… you may have a lot of money but you’re still a pompous jerk-off douche bag.

    • You are Pathetic says:

      Really, to a man that promotes charity by giving away his fortune you call him a douche bag? Sounds like you were rejected by them, with you spelling errors, sounds as if your jelous.

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