It would probably be safe to say that many of you came back to work today with one thought on your mind: this year’s bonus for last year’s work and, to that end, the hope that it would include at least 6 zeros. Here’s the rub: your firm may or may not have made any money last year. What’s a financial services employee expecting zilch to do? If you’ve ruled out resigning yourself to taking up the tailpipe or missed your chance to rob a Wells Fargo practically begging for it, the question you need ask yourself is, which is more important to you– money in the bank, or Mr. Fluffernuterbojangles Jr, who you’ve had since college?
If you’re on the fence about whether or not you’d kill your favorite pet for a buck,** or feel some level of shame for wanting to say yes, take solace– according to a recent poll, more than 10 percent of Americans would gladly murder their furry friend or parakeet for $1 million (granted, $1 million is nowhere near life changing money but it’s preferable to earning nada). Now, if you answered no, then 1) how much would it take and 2) if there’s no price at which you’d put a bullet in Flipper’s head then what sort of things would you do for the money? Surely you have a list.
The February 2012 60 Minutes/Vanity Fair Poll [Vanity Fair]
**For the purposes of this exercise, let’s assume everyone here works for a firm that would make you such an offer, which may or may not be so far off-base.
F/M/K samediff nodiff
More than you can possibly understand…
For a million bucks I wouldn't kill Wilbur but I would take all of my friends' pets, lock them up in my house, refuse to give them back, and then sell them to pay taxes.
- P. Falcone
My daddy always told me that man should never use the word "annals" in mixed company.
You better not try that with those stray cats we gave you.
I bet that 11% is all former Falcon and current Eagles fans
My cats would kill most people for sport, they have no concept of money.
i'm offended you didn't include plants. do you have any idea what that was like for us?!
the guys below are probably amongst the most useless & depressing f**** on the planet to be conducting such polls! Whats next – "would you rape your own mom for a $1 million bucks or more?"
LOSERS!
Photographs © Life on White (cat), © Kevin Wheal (phrase book), both from Alamy; © Bettman/Corbis (draft card); by George Marks/Hulton Archive (graduates), Ethan Miller (Romney), Filippo Monteforte/AFP (pope), Craig van der Lende (vaccine), all from Getty Images; by Tony Barson/WireImage (Lagarde).
I would definitely punch a clown for $1.
For a million? Meh, I suppose I'd get out of bed. Assuming there's opportunities for aggressive expansion.
Definitely would do it. I could finally get that seed capital I've been looking for to expand my puppy mill. It's the gift that keeps on giving.