Opening Bell: 01.27.12

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Larry Summers: ‘A Lot of Work’ Needed to Fix Economy (CNBC)
“We have all got a lot of work to do,” Summers, who played a key role in the early years of President Barack Obama’s administration, said. He believes that European governments should be “redoubling” their efforts to solve the crisis. The euro zone debt crisis has been top of the agenda in Davos this week. German Chancellor Angela Merkel opened the conference with a downbeat speech emphasizing the need to solve the problems in the euro zone. The European Central Bank injected more liquidity into the European markets through a long term refinancing operation (LTRO) in December, which Summers described as “a very important step.” “That’s lubricating credit and economic activity. The sense that we are near the edge of a precipice has been clawed back,” Summers said.

Greek Debt Wrangle May Pull Default Trigger (Bloomberg)
Any agreement between the Greek government and the Washington-based Institute of International Finance on debt writedowns will only bind 50 percent of investors in the 206 billion euros ($270 billion) of notes being negotiated, Barclays Capital estimates. Hedge funds may resist a deal, seeking to get paid in full or compensated from insurance contracts.

U.S. Economy Grows 2.8%, Less Than Forecast (Bloomberg)
The U.S. economy expanded less than forecast in the fourth quarter as consumers curbed spending and government agencies cut back, validating the Federal Reserve’s decision to keep interest rates low for a longer period. Gross domestic product, the value of all goods and services produced, climbed at a 2.8 percent annual pace following a 1.8 percent gain in the prior quarter, Commerce Department figures showed today in Washington. The median forecast of 79 economists surveyed by Bloomberg News called for a 3 percent increase.

In Punishing Year for Hedge Funds, Biggest One Thrived (Dealbook)
Bridgewater Associates posted returns of 23 percent in 2011 — a year when the average hedge fund portfolio lost 5 percent. Against the backdrop of fear over European debt and stagnant global growth, the hedge fund, led by one of Wall Street’s more enigmatic titans, Ray Dalio, sidestepped the mess. The fund did it with bets on United States Treasuries, German bonds and the Japanese yen, according to people familiar with the firm’s investment strategy, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the information is private.

FSA Unveils More Fines in Greenlight Case (WSJ)
The fallout from alleged insider trading at Greenlight Capital Inc. continued Friday when the U.K. regulator said it had fined Alexander Ten-Holter, a trader and former compliance officer at the firm, £130,000 for insufficient oversight in the sale of Punch Taverns PLC shares ahead of a planned equity raising in 2009. The Financial Services Authority also fined Caspar Agnew, a trading desk director at J.P. Morgan Cazenove £65,000 for failing to identify and act on a suspicious order from Greenlight to sell Punch shares that allowed the firm to be used to facilitate insider dealing or market abuse.

NYSE, Nasdaq battle for Facebook listing (NYP)
Duncan Niederauer’s New York Stock Exchange and Robert Greifeld’s Nasdaq are locked in a heated battle for Facebook’s listing when the privately held social-networking giant attempts to raise an eye-popping $10 billion in stock in the coming weeks, The Post has learned. “It’s a very heated battle,” Larry Tabb, founder of capital markets advisory firm Tabb Group, confirmed, saying the race so far may be too close to call.

Bankers at Davos Humbler as Austerity Hits (Bloomberg)
“Challenging times for the financial-services industry overall, so it’s hard not to be cautious,” Anshu Jain, 49, who takes over as Deutsche Bank’s co-chief executive officer in May, said in an interview with Bloomberg Television. “There’s going to be, and is, powerful consolidation within our industry.”

Please teach me about football!!! – $500 (Craigslist)
“My girlfriend and I were just invited to a Super Bowl party at her ex-boyfriend’s apartment, and to be honest, last time I met him he told me he played football in college and I responded that I did as well –which was a lie. I don’t know why I lied, I guess I just panicked and wanted to impress my girlfriend. Anyway. He asked me what position I played and I told him I played quarterback because that was really the only position I’d heard of. I really don’t know anything about football except for the fact that touchdowns how you score points and sometimes you kick the ball. I’ve been reading articles on ESPN.com and watching clips online but I don’t think it’s going to prepare me for questions about actually playing it, or for making good comments during the game. So I need someone who can *quickly* teach me about all of things I would have learned playing football as well as what to say about it…This is really important to me. I think my girlfriend still really likes her ex and when we first started dating she cheated on me a few times with him, so I really can’t risk looking like an idiot in front of both of them.”

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    Comments (78)

    Older Comments
    1. 1
      Posted by Beaker | January 27, 2012 at 10:11 AM

      The first thing about being a quarterback is, you need to have a rapist wit.

      - B. Roethlisberger

    2. 2
      Posted by Mike_Mayo | January 27, 2012 at 10:13 AM

      Faux football guy: "This one time, at band camp…"

    3. 3
      Posted by Guest | January 27, 2012 at 10:14 AM

      Yeah. No it's definitely the fact that you don't know ANYTHING about football that makes you look like an idiot. Football.

    4. 4
      Posted by guest | January 27, 2012 at 10:22 AM

      We talkin' bout football?

    5. 5
      Posted by Back Crab Moussaka | January 27, 2012 at 10:26 AM

      Telling a lie is like taking on debt; you have to service it, and it will restrict your conversational freedom as you try to talk around it. The only way to avoid this lie is to issue a new tranche of fabrication so dazzling that the initial lie is forgotten. For this purpose I offer the following suggestion;

      "The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation just transferred 100% of its assets into my book. What an amazing account."

    6. 6
      Posted by VonSloneker | January 27, 2012 at 10:30 AM

      "The sense that we are near the edge of a precipice has been clawed back"…Sir I honestly don't think you're in any position to make that call.

      - T. Winklevoss

    7. 7
      Posted by Cray Cray | January 27, 2012 at 10:45 AM

      Hey infinity forehead, take it easy.

    8. 8
      Posted by TheJokeBriefer | January 27, 2012 at 10:59 AM

      I'll call an audible on the Craigslist story above. I think that while plausible the idea represented in the ad may be a prank based on a season 3 episode of The Big Bang Theory called "The Cornhusker Vortex", to wit:

      "Sheldon, who grew up in Texas where it is popular, teaches Leonard how to understand American football so that he can try to fit in with Penny's friends. During the game Leonard attempts to demonstrate what he has learned, but his explanations are too clinical, and he fails to fit in."

      Or…….the ad placer might wish to refer to that episode for additional advice.

      Further reading:

      1. "Hey…You…I Juz Wanna Kiss You…Doan You Wanna KIss A Liddle?" The Story of Life's Fumbles" by Namath, Jetz Press, page 2.

      2. "The Football Genius of Jerry Jones" by Jason Garrett and Wade Phillips, Ego Press, page 2,366.

      3. "He Did What? You're Shitting Me" – The Confessions of a Certain Sports Commissioner, Further Prohibited Press, page 69.

    9. 9
      Posted by Guest Western | January 27, 2012 at 11:03 AM

      Wish I could click the "thumbs up" button more than once for that one!

    10. 10
      Posted by Nailz6 | January 27, 2012 at 11:09 AM

      I can also teach you about banging your girlfriend.

      - The Ex

    11. 11
      Posted by Boston Trader | January 27, 2012 at 11:20 AM

      Worst comment ever. Go back to UVA with that weak sauce.

    12. 12
      Posted by PE Promoter | January 27, 2012 at 11:23 AM

      Might I add that there is a certain discipline added by the debt/lie? It is definitely not a "bad" thing. It helps us to focus our efforts…puts us on our game, as it were.

      -Discipline of Leverage Disciple

    13. 13
      Posted by Guest | January 27, 2012 at 11:23 AM

      Two pieces of advice for Craigslist Hail Mary:

      1. Tell him your quarterback coach was Jerry Sandusky and due to PTSD/legal reasons you can't comment.

      2. Grow a pair of balls and flirt with his girlfriend.

    14. 14
      Posted by TheodoreBallgamePhD | January 27, 2012 at 11:32 AM

      Why isn't "redoubling" just "quadrupling"?

    15. 15
      Posted by Guest | January 27, 2012 at 11:36 AM

      3. When the skinny guy kicks the ball through the middle of the big yellow pitchfork, stand up, twirl two times and yell Swish!

    16. 16
      Posted by Adam | January 27, 2012 at 11:56 AM

      We'll teach you about football for about $500,000 per month.

      -McKinsey & Company.

    17. 17
      Posted by Librarian | January 27, 2012 at 11:59 AM

      I further recmmend:

      4. "Scott Norwood – Lessons From an Unsung American Hero" by W. Buckner, Suicide Watch Publishing, page 50.

    18. 18
      Posted by Guest | January 27, 2012 at 12:04 PM

      Your girlfriend cheated with me too. And when I was too busy to do her myself, sometimes I assigned her to one of my mates for a nominal fee.

    19. 19
      Posted by Guest | January 27, 2012 at 12:17 PM

      Why don't you just show him your Heisman trophy?

    20. 20
      Posted by whowhawhen | January 27, 2012 at 12:24 PM

      There's a Greg Kelly joke in here somewhere…

      - Guy who's just ready to call it a week

    21. 21
      Posted by Cut Me | January 27, 2012 at 12:25 PM

      5. Ryan, R. (2010) I Love the Foot in Football. Journal of the American Podiatric Association, 18, 85-87

    22. 22
      Posted by Guestavo | January 27, 2012 at 12:26 PM

      first let us borrow your computer, tv, car, and credit card

    23. 23
      Posted by NotTheEx | January 27, 2012 at 12:28 PM

      Yeah sure, a "few times"

    24. 24
      Posted by Laxbro | January 27, 2012 at 12:56 PM

      A good liar is good at everything.

    25. 25
      Posted by guest | January 27, 2012 at 12:58 PM

      Not your best work, but +1 for your otherwise flawless slugging %.

    26. 26
      Posted by Laxbro | January 27, 2012 at 1:07 PM

      Nothing says 2nd team All-Conference quarterback in '04 like a skinny-jean wearing hipster from Brooklyn.

    27. 27
      Posted by rex ryan | January 27, 2012 at 1:24 PM

      no no, the key is to repeat the word football roughly every third word.

      e.g.

      "this football team played hard in this football game, we ran the football well, and the defense played tough against some great football players on that side. that's how you control the football."

    28. 28
      Posted by affected | January 27, 2012 at 1:27 PM

      because educated people say trebling not tripiling.

      as in trebled the damages etc.

    29. 29
      Posted by guest | January 27, 2012 at 1:51 PM

      Just respond to every football question with, "It is what it is."

      - 99% of the NBA/NFL

    30. 30
      Posted by WorksEveryTime | January 27, 2012 at 2:29 PM

      Respond to every question asking your opinion on something with "hah, you know me…"

    31. 31
      Posted by Guest | January 27, 2012 at 2:45 PM

      If your British Banker is feeding you those tips, you should be on the survivor list too. What's up with that?

    32. 32
      Posted by VanillAnalyst | January 27, 2012 at 4:07 PM

      Think this guy should put the $500 towards having his balls restapled to his ass. Who let's their gf cheat on them multiple times? Scrub.

    33. 33
      Posted by Priiime Tiiiime | February 1, 2012 at 4:39 PM

      Also key is never saying "the NFL." Always refer to it as the "National Football League"…instant insider status.

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