Bonus conversations are said to be going down at Barclays Capital this afternoon, after the close. So, no details yet, but in the meantime, a few things to consider:
1. Expectations from the front lines include “immense disappointment” and “overall bitterness.”
2. The bank said last Thursday that, in addition to holding conversations re: bonuses this week, that it would “eliminate 5 percent of its senior bankers,” so pick door 1 or 2 wisely.
3. The bank also said that those spared can look forward to their overall compensation being down at least 30 percent. Bob Diamond dares you to be a prick about it.
4. BD’s Rolodex of college kids, chomping at the bit.
Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "sh!" Now, I have a whole bag of "sh!" with your name on it.
B Diamond's Outbox
+1
Nice chair.
Are those people yelling, "Its my money and I need it now!" from apartment windows actually bankers referring to their deferred comp?
- guy who thought JG Wentworth commercials were for poor people
Thanks!
Does Bob's roladex include anyone who can complete office tasks with terrifying efficiency? If not, I have a guy…
Barlacys never fires NYU Rockstars
what a chimp
I always consider 4 before 3, too
When you buy a chair like this, I bet you get a free bowl of soup.
Hard to tell, but they definitely look like slip on shoes (the ones with the bows)!
In the late 1980s you could tell the prosperous oil traders by the "gold and stainless" Rolodexes they wore.
Love the seated jazz hands
Always switch doors
Technically, the expression is "champing at the bit," common mistake.
-2012 B.A. Candidate
Only difference between a champ and a chump is U
- Guy who didn't like your post
You and your nuts are in for a real surprise.
-Hungry chimp hiding under your desk
Looks like he just got done slurping down another Phil Mickelson smoothie!
Bob says "when getting a lap dance , never hold your hands out like this…you get in trouble for that"
I always consider a 1 while taking a 2
Never mind the chair…WTF kind of office is that anyways…all angled and sh*t.
Bob Fosse what up!
Caption contest: "and so I said, *nothing*…there's nothing in my hands."
"Just like what will be in my employee's paycheck next month!"
"Thanks for playing, now, can you guess where I hid your watch?"
Yes, I can
-Captain Koons
Just 5%? So you keep some of the losers, then? Interesting strategy.
"Your bonus will be this [holds hands out to show small amount] big"
Something about that photo tells me there's an uncomfortable hunk of metal hidden somewhere…
"Diamond, a Tim Burton fan, with part of his large collection of props from the 1988 movie 'Beetlejuice'"
Shouldn't you leave the 2 after you carry it?
Their floors sure look clean under those bright lights.
"No, it didn't actually matter which hand you chose, you weren't getting a bonus anyway. I just did that to fuck with you."
Is that a mirror or is that the thinnest office I have ever seen? Come on, Big Cheese – corner office at a minimum…
Never work for a dude who can't buy a decent toupee
The place has become simply a douche-factory in the past two years. I 'm there 10. There is not one process that works as planned, or one team with good direction.