At Bloomberg today you will find a piece that is a bit hard to stomach if you’re the type of person whose heart goes out to the suffering. A bunch of financial services employees’ bonuses were slashed last year and, as a result, their lives have been turned upside down. Perhaps recalling how well their colleagues came off in Bloomberg’s first piece in what is apparently a series on bankers who are down, out, and willing to talk on the record, these people thought it wise to turn to reporter Max Abelson to tell their tale.
First, there’s Andrew Schiff, director of marketing for Euro Pacific Capital. Schiff has almost too many woes to mention but they include having to scale back his Connecticut summer house rental from four months to one; facing the pressure of paying private school tuition for two kids; living in a “crammed” 1,200-square- foot Brooklyn duplex (Schiff and his wife were planning to buy a $1.5 million brownstone nearby but now, who knows); and traffic (“Schiff was sitting in a traffic jam in California this month after giving a speech at an investment conference about gold. He turned off the satellite radio, got out of the car and screamed a profanity. ‘I’m not Zen at all, and when I’m freaking out about the situation, where I’m stuck like a rat in a trap on a highway with no way to get out, it’s very hard,’ he said”).
Then there’s Cobble Hill resident Daniel Arbeeny, a headhunter whose “income has gone down tremendously” and now must buy discounted salmon at Fairway and “read supermarket circulars to find good prices for his favorite cereal, Wheat Chex,” which is one step from giving out hand jobs under the Brooklyn bridge to make ends meet. Hedge fund manager Richard Scheiner had to sell two motorcycles (though because he actually saved some money, Zelda the labradoodle and Duke the bichon frise still get to live the lifestyle they’ve grown accustomed to at $17,000/year). Michael Sonnenfeldt’s friends are suffering from “malaise and a paralysis that does not allow [them] to believe that generally things are going to get better.” M. Todd Henderson feels sick (“Yes, terminal diseases are worse than getting the flu,” he said. “But you suffer when you get the flu”).
All traumatic experiences to be sure. And yet none come close to that of Hans, whose harrowing story should serve as a cautionary tale to all.
Hans, 27, a trader at Wyckoff, New Jersey-based hedge fund Falcon Management Corp. who said he earns about $150,000 a year, is adjusting his sights, too. After graduating from the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania in 2006, he spent a $10,000 signing bonus from Citigroup Inc. (C) on a six-week trip to South America. He worked on an emerging-markets team at the bank that traded and marketed synthetic collateralized debt obligations. His tastes for travel got “a little bit more lavish,” he said. Hans, a triathlete, went to a bachelor party in Las Vegas in January after renting a four-bedroom ski cabin at Bear Mountain in California as a Christmas gift to his parents. He went to Ibiza for another bachelor party in August, spending $3,000 on a three-day trip, including a 15-minute ride from the airport that cost $100. In May he spent 10 days in India…[in March he] plans to buy a foreclosed two-bedroom house in Charlotte, North Carolina, for $50,000.
Earlier this month, a friend invited him on a trip to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. The friend was going to be a judge in a wet T-shirt contest, Hans said. He turned down the offer. It wouldn’t have been “the most financially prudent thing to do,” he said. “I’m not totally sure about what I’m going to get paid this year, how I’m going to be doing.”
Next time someone tells you that people on Wall Street have no sense of how bad it truly is out there, you tell them about Hans. He knows all too well.
Bonus Withdrawal Puts Bankers in “Malaise” [Bloomberg]
I slept on the A train last night and am going to have lunch today at the Salvation Army, boo f*cking hoo
Handsbridge Capital, please.
It's Handbridge Cap, get it fucking right.
Picture caption FTW
If the people in the article really feel the need to discuss their massive financial stressors I'm sure they'd find a very attentive audience at the Burn Unit of Brooke Army Medical Center.
The first rule of rich club is, you do not talk about rich club.
The second rule of rich club is, YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT RICH CLUB.
The third rule of rich club is, if this is your first time at rich club, you may not whine about not being paid "enough"
Yes, Yes, and Yes
No shit. If you're dumb enough to talk to a reporter (about being upset about your bonus no less), you don't deserve to be in the upper echelons of finance.
-Steve "don't say nothing" Cohen
You can tell those breasts would be really firm.
Hans-Bridge Capital
I wonder how many more times the Wheat Chex tag will be used.
Any word on numbers for first year dictators?
-Kim Jung Un
tears well up in my eyes, thinking of a lonely Hans giving himself a handy in his $50k previously foreclosed upon 2bed in NC, while his buddy is living it up at that all-you-can-eat-wet-rack-fest…
Yep. 20/20 is hindsight and all that jazz but these people should refer themselves to the "idiots who go on the record" tag, go back in time and shut the hell up. You're an idiot if you think being featured in the bberg article will do you any good.
These stories don't even compare. I used to be able to afford Five Guys for dinner every night…now I have to go to 99 cent pizza
I would tell those breasts that I am already firm.
What's a cut in bonus?
-Every UBS worker
a cut in bonus is kind of like a knock out option.
Hans Brix capital?
- Kim Jong Il
in my dream world, that picture came from bess' private collection: spring break 2003
He's not actually living in the 2bd, it's just an investment, but yeah, I feel for him too.
It's Hans Blix, get it fucking right.
You think that's bad, I actually had to get a job!!
- OWS Protester/Liar
Hans Kullberg, der Uber-Douche.
if you invest in 50k properties you'll spent your weekend there painting the walls and mowing the grass, wearing your old wharton tshirt..
Crying about making $350k as a dipshit in marketing at your brothers firm is the NKI
Ahem, "3/50 is hindsight and all that jazz [...]."
-Stefan "Jazz Hands" Cohén
Didn't he get killed falling from the 30th story of the Nakatomi Plaza?
From FB
About HansWhat you see is who I am. I like to have fun, first and foremost and everything else can just happen. I don't like superficial or ignorant people….you gotta be real. Keep your head on straight, keep dreaming, and always keep the good times rolling. Always find your youth even though you may grow old.
^Matt Damon
I think you people are underestimating the multiplier affect of Hans' cancelled trip to mardi gras. I mean one less stripper contracted syphilis, meaning one less office visit fee for her doctor, one less antibiotic script for her pharmacists, the economic ruin seems endless.
"a friend invited him on a trip to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. The friend was going to be a judge in a wet T-shirt contest"
Ahh, the Momus ball
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.76162493…
What kind of a rathole do you get for 50K in Charlotte? What was he planning on doing with it, flipping it?
1) Buy foreclosed rathole
2) ?
3) Massive profit, bankrolling wet T-shirt trip
wait is Hans employed or not? Working in NJ, living in a 50k home in NC? I think bberg should have done a little more fact checking on this guy. sounds a right walter mitty!
you think they have stips?
You mad?
Hans is employed in NJ, making 150k per year. He is buying a 50k house in NC not to live in but as an investment. I know it's difficult, but try and keep up.
Would like to hear Lisa Marie's Riches to Rags story when it's available. Her pet probably has a $1mm expenses budget.
You might be surprised.
Kullberg does all of that on only $150,000 a year? His Chase debit card must be nearly maxed out.
As I told Matt earlier today, Wilbur doesn't do "budgets."
Having met Hans I can assure you he's real – I didn't realise at the time that he was stupid enough to go on the record for a story complaining about how little he gets paid. Even though he doesn't get paid much for a Hedge Fund FX/IRS trader….
also, getting smacked down by Linda "Smackdown" McMahon in a primary is the NKI
Percy's on bleeker has the far and away the best $1 slices in the city
meet me at minetta food dumpster at 10. i'll be the guy with the mardi gras beads.
Wall Streeters whining when things are bad is just as distasteful as our gloating when things are good. Anybody who works in wholesale finance on the US East Coast is a lottery winner, statistically speaking (billions earn less than $1 a day in this world). That wimp who felt entitled to climb out of his car and scream a profanity because he "just couldn't take it" ought to have been run over by an 18 wheeler.
He left a steady job in St. Paul mentoring young hockey players and sharpening skates, for $150K?
-G. Bombay
Get at Me Steve
Being a headhunter and complaining about not making $500K a year, instead of thanking God there are still people who haven't heard of Monster, LinkedIn or the internet in general, is the NKI.
notice how they always do triathlons ?
That's the OKI, the NKI is making $40,000,000K owning a piece of a company that thought 'pokes' would catch on.
shit, that's nothing.
been hit with three paternity tests in the last month
Yes.
It's all about the love of the canabalism.
Agreed.
And if you're going to freak out and jump out of your car in the middle of a California traffic jam, at least do it "Falling Down" style.
Is he really as douchey as he sounds?
Yes.
Bess – would it kill you to get rid of the X "after the jump"? Keep trying to get the angle around it
-Guy always looking for silver lining/pleasant scenery
+1
it would be one thing if everyone interviewed was 22, but did these people take a long nap through 2008/2009??
Fap hand is cramping, fap hand is cramping!
I thought Hans was doing alright with that Men-of-HBS dating site he started?
Getting a job working for your brother is the NKI #europacificcapital
Is Andrew Schiff not following his brothers investment advice? Peter does not seem to be having the same problem
I think it's time for a Stacey Hessler update complete with graphs, tables and charts! Matt, are you with us?
Males who own either a labradoodle or bichon frise should be swiftly lined up and shot.
- German Shepherd kinda guy
I'd use this pic, but I just j/o and c'd to Mandy Drury.
$40,000,000K, that's 40 billion, right?
soup = boobs
Wall St. headhunter is a good temp gig for an out of work banker. When you find the job you want you know exactly what they're looking for and you position yourself accordingly.
Who pissed in your Wheat Chex?
wait, what was the first one again ?
Buying Wheat Chex, sans coupon, is the NKI.
Okay Bess, market is closed. Please be a peach and post the phrase to Google which will bring up this picture without the X…
- Guy who's going 'stranger' tonight
To hell with the 99%
A Wharton MBA, $120,000. Trips to Ibiza, South America, and a run down house in Charlotte, $63,000. Working at a hedge fund and only making $150,000, priceless. There's some budges Ivy League grads can't budget, for everything else, there's American Express.
This Message brought to you by John "See you at the bottom" Paulson.
fuck, that second "budget" should have been "balance". There wen't any potential humor with that comment. Fuck it. Vacation starts this Friday.
Gotta get your hands on some food stamp for the middle class i.e. Groupon
Merry X-less: http://www.tineye.com/search/171da55562d6206d1134…
[NSFW]
Anybody else notice the 27 year old who graduated from 'Wharton' in 2006? That's one young MBA…
Or, like, whatever.
-Redacted UPenn Undergraduate
Alright Lake Victoria, are you ready for some TITTIES!
Hit it, DJ Chocolate Thunder
prrrrrrrr……..
-1
Not because of what you wrote, but to see how negative we can get that score.
Got dayum.
Anyone notice that he graduated from Wharton as an undergrad in 2006 and therefore 27 is completely normal?
I'm both disturbed and impressed by your obsession with getting that photo.
Bragging about 3 shitty trips in the last 5 years. Someone needs to tell kullberg lavish doesnt mean what he thinks it means.
Damn it, I read Minna and not Minetta
-BGI analyst II
Maybe Schiff can get a loan from his old man Irving, who's on a federally subsidized stipend lately.
13 year term for tax crimes.
that's Irwin Schiff
You have done God's work. Goldman by chance?
"…after renting a four-bedroom ski cabin at Bear Mountain in California as a Christmas gift to his parents."
Bear Mountain:Mammoth Mountain::UBS:Goldman Sachs
In other words…Thanks Mom/Dad, but not really…
Or the Bloomberg writer, who likely put it in those terms.
Ibiza is a pretty fucking cool place, if you're a moderately cultured person who, like, knows about the world outside the US and shit.
I thought it was full of drunk Brits who flew there on Ryanair and overweight Germans in speedos.
-Guy who knows about the world outside the US
Those posing without their shirts in facebook profiles should not throw stones.
Think he was kidding. We all know how cultured you are…
Hans seems sharp. Definitely an MBA submatriculation.
BOO FU*KIN WHO
Covering the "sad banker" beat is the NKI, Max Abelson.
You are a gentleman and a scholar.
Oh sweet Jesus
Yep, definitely Bess.
- Spring Break '03 Wet Tshirt judge
That was effing hilarious…made me LOL
MolEtg Really enjoyed this blog.Thanks Again. Cool.
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I love the smell of broiled Bichon Frisee in the morning! Smells like……victory.
whats bonus ?
yet you have access to internet……..
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