Something you might have picked up on recently is that while UBS may possess many strengths, investment banking is not one of them. The unit’s “continued losses” were to blame for net profit falling 76% in the fourth quarter, there was the matter of their little rogue trader, and not even the higher-ups in Zurich believe in the group anymore, announcing that they’d be “scaling back on investment-banking” considerably. So it probably shouldn’t come as much of a shock that, as predicted, bonuses will be down at least 60 percent from last year, though presumably there will still be some anger and acting out to deal with from those whose compensation will take a hit. But should anyone even so much as entertain the thought of coming at i-bank chief Carsten Kengeter with their own personal shit and claims/threats they have a right mind to take that offer from RBS, know this:
Kengeter offered to give up his bonus for 2011, Mr. Ermotti said, and the bank subsequently agreed. Mr. Kengeter will still receive his base salary. For 2010, Mr. Kengeter received total compensation of 9.3 million francs, including a base salary of 875,000 francs.
That’s right, UBS IBD Chief Bonus Watch ’12: ZERO. If you thought he took a harsh tone last year when dealing with “spoiled banker children” who “messed this place up” and “just don’t get it,” just wait. Any employees preemptively considering airing grievances in his direction are advised to put a sock in it.
UBS Will Slice 60% From Bonuses As Net Sinks 76% [WSJ]
Related: UBS Investment Banking Chief Tries The Tough Love Approach
I prefer to take three for the team.
-L. Tilton
Yeah, but he's being paid in francs!
- Upset UBS FX Quant
The new Bonobos 20% off offer couldn't have come at a better time for the Kengeters.
I pick things up and put them down.
"…while UBS may possess many strong suits."
Can I get a "harrumph."
- Gov. W.J. Le Petomane
Jewish shopkeepers revenge
I pick things up and put them in the basket. AHHH
So, UBS wears socks?
Paid in franks? I think I could find a use for those
-Ping
Put the lotion in the basket
I need to raise my sales forecast.
-Ballpark Brand Sales Quant
Aaaah, good. I was beginning to worry that there would be no UBS thread this morning.
"UBS Sucks"
Now that I've said it can we move on and spare the lame jokes please?
If we spare the "lame" jokes we might lose our appreciation for the exceptional jokes the commentariat is known for from time to time. As for myself, in fashion industry jokes, I look for the gold lame.
so you are calling a bottom on UBS in here ?
pls advs
Do you know if the Swiss have basements? I want to go over and play lambs
Giving back 2011 CEO bonuses after receiving millions in 2010 is the NKI.
- Bitter Analyst
Telling all your employees they also get zero is the NKI
It's not his fault the I-banking division sucks! It's all the analysts and MDs fault.
-Mrs. Tom Brady
what a saint.
how about a clawback for 2010 and 2009 (SFr13mm bonus) for his impressive strategy around fixed income
Now, all this girding of loins isn't necessary from a planned spending perspective- the Civic isn't due for a refresh for another year or two.
Liked it a lot. I am jealous!
Sometimes I take four or five for the team
Just bend me over….I like it that way
For single-handedly taking UBS to the cleaners, a zero bonus is a great outcome.
Anyone that has ever worked with Kengeter knows that he is incredibly stupid and incapable of doing anything let alone running an investment bank. Given his regular drunken racist outbursts, it is amazing that even incompetent UBS has not fired him by now