This is his story.

In October 2010, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit editor MJ Day had invited me to show up to a model’s body painting, even though the issue wouldn’t be out for four months. I couldn’t say anything about who she was and MJ only allowed me to tweet body parts. But I knew this 18-year-old girl was a star. She had the personality – a childish laugh, a great sense of humor – and the non-traditional body that SI loved. Sports Illustrated has made a name by steering away from the skinny model craze and pushing more towards women of more normal proportions. What stood out to me? Confidence. She knew what she wanted and she was going to get it. She told me her dream had always been to be in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue and she came to IMG to represent her because she they had faith that she could crack the issue at 18, young by the issue’s standards. That she did.

Sports Illustrated Had To Put Kate Upton On The Cover [CNBC]
Related: Darren Rovell Gets On One Knee, Asks Kate Upton To Be His Valentine, Is Rejected [Deadspin]

47 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (47)

  1. Posted by ShortNaked | February 14, 2012 at 2:40 PM

    I'd like to shove my equity right in the middle of those synthetic CDO tranches.

  2. Posted by Stevie | February 14, 2012 at 2:51 PM

    I just like to f*ck those titties myself

  3. Posted by AIG Quant via LEH | February 14, 2012 at 2:53 PM

    It's a good thing I'm WFH today.

  4. Posted by arbiter of humor | February 14, 2012 at 2:53 PM

    Never comment again.

  5. Posted by Horny Causation | February 14, 2012 at 2:55 PM

    What is it happens to the Dow and S&P when an American girl makes the SI swimsuit issue cover? (That's the excuse I will have for having the issue on my desk.)

  6. Posted by Ex-HBCP Analyst | February 14, 2012 at 2:56 PM

    No HB needed.

  7. Posted by guestapo | February 14, 2012 at 2:56 PM
  8. Posted by Put_Option | February 14, 2012 at 2:56 PM

    That was a really long-winded way to say 'Yea, I'd do her'

  9. Posted by guestapo | February 14, 2012 at 2:57 PM

    It's more like a long-winded way to say "if she's found chopped up in a trunk somewhere, there's a good chance it was me."

  10. Posted by PermaGuestII | February 14, 2012 at 2:58 PM

    Alternative headline: "CNBC Reporter Darren Rovell Is Not Gay"

  11. Posted by pazzo83 | February 14, 2012 at 2:59 PM


    – J Sandusky

  12. Posted by John Holmes | February 14, 2012 at 2:59 PM

    Long ain't wrong!

  13. Posted by PermaGuestII | February 14, 2012 at 3:00 PM

    If that is a "woman of normal proportions" then I'm the King of Rumania.

  14. Posted by SImon | February 14, 2012 at 3:02 PM

    Aww, but she could be so hot if she wanted to. She's like all these babes, you get their pilot lit, they could suck start a leafblower. And she's got the most incredible body too and a pair of titties that make you wanna stand up and beg for buttermilk. Ass like a ten year old boy!

  15. Posted by FKApmco | February 14, 2012 at 3:07 PM

    Needs tag "happy V Day, love Bess"

  16. Posted by guestguest | February 14, 2012 at 3:07 PM

    LOL @ the "related" link.

  17. Posted by Entendres Doubles | February 14, 2012 at 3:08 PM

    So Rovell beat off the other early guessers for the win?

  18. Posted by Alt_EST | February 14, 2012 at 3:09 PM

    [youtube FcJScBLIEX4 youtube]

    No one knows what it means, but its provactive. It gets…something moving.

  19. Posted by Jed Clampett | February 14, 2012 at 3:11 PM

    Whooooooooo doggies!

  20. Posted by Guest | February 14, 2012 at 3:11 PM

    Bet money they did it.

  21. Posted by guestguest | February 14, 2012 at 3:12 PM

    wrong thread?

  22. Posted by guestapo | February 14, 2012 at 3:13 PM

    Bet money she wouldn't touch him or his hair-plugs w a 100 foot pole.

  23. Posted by guest | February 14, 2012 at 3:13 PM

    or right one…if you know what I mean.

  24. Posted by Lucas v P | February 14, 2012 at 3:13 PM

    Teach me how to Douglas!

  25. Posted by guest | February 14, 2012 at 3:17 PM

    the "childish laughter" did nothing for you? really?

  26. Posted by Stroke Magazine | February 14, 2012 at 3:22 PM

    We tried to get her for the cover of our new golfing periodical but her "handlers" turned us down for some reason.

    -"Putt" Shank

  27. Posted by Guest | February 14, 2012 at 3:23 PM

    I bet you would like to – but instead you will be trying to suck your own d–k while getting f–ked in the a-s.

  28. Posted by Stained Glass Repair | February 14, 2012 at 3:25 PM

    For you Bishops out there, we offer low rates and quick service with money-back guarantees.

  29. Posted by Cox Cable | February 14, 2012 at 3:27 PM

    Are you using Time-Warner? You're breaking up, you're breaking up……

  30. Posted by Nailz6 | February 14, 2012 at 3:38 PM

    Underaged Drinking Or: How I Manage to Ever Get Laid

  31. Posted by FullMetalJousting | February 14, 2012 at 3:42 PM

    You're right – that would be difficult.

  32. Posted by Stevie | February 14, 2012 at 3:53 PM

    Wow, I guy says he wants to have sex with a hot chick and he's accused of being gay!

    No wonder you Wall Street guys screw everything up, you have no idea how things work.

  33. Posted by Guest | February 14, 2012 at 4:02 PM

    Indeed, and I'm sure that we all want to wish Bess a happy Valentine's Day too

  34. Posted by Gart Man | February 14, 2012 at 4:08 PM

    I knew she would be on the cover of SI six years ago.


  35. Posted by Guest | February 14, 2012 at 4:12 PM

    Hey, blue-shirted-eunuchs in the row in front of them. It's a time out! You don't need to watch the game.

    – Every other male resident of the Earth

  36. Posted by desksoda | February 14, 2012 at 4:14 PM

    Examine time, place, setting.

  37. Posted by inlovewithpmco | February 14, 2012 at 4:33 PM

    Sorry, she cannot hold a candle to Marisa Miller

  38. Posted by Laxbro | February 14, 2012 at 5:04 PM

    That YouTube video is the reason she's famous. Virals are pretty chill.

  39. Posted by Guest | February 14, 2012 at 7:30 PM

    There is nothing synthetic about those CDO tranches.

  40. Posted by guestie | February 14, 2012 at 8:27 PM

    Pancake boobs ftw.

  41. Posted by zeitguest | February 15, 2012 at 3:31 AM

    unbelievable true lies ref. not enough love.

  42. Posted by #57 | February 15, 2012 at 5:10 AM

    fuck mark sanchez

  43. Posted by LondonGuest | February 15, 2012 at 9:14 AM

    ROmania or did you mean Rumelia (which would serve the joke better seeing that Rumelia was not a kingdom)
    – not the king of Romania

  44. Posted by Brudda | February 15, 2012 at 1:06 PM

    Hmmm, I personally don't see what the fuss is about. I mean is it the perky, youthful breasts, or that cutesy all american smile, or perhaps the almost certain knowledge that she'd conform to the Madonna/Whore paradigm…..okay, who am I kidding, it moved…..repeatedly.

  45. Posted by WSJevons | February 15, 2012 at 3:14 PM

    The Kingdom of Rumania was in existence until the Kingdom signed an armistice agreeing to end hostilities against the Allies – primarily the U.S.S.R. and join the Allied fight against Germany and Hungary. The catalyst for the armistice was the arrest of the fascist dictator and replaced by a communist provisional government.

    It should be noted that the King (or Queen?) appealed to the fascists to repeal or not enforce many anti-semitic laws and policies; thereby saving many Jews.

    (I hope that I am not stepping on any Joke Briefer toes.)

  46. Posted by 2StopShop | February 16, 2012 at 3:30 PM

    Every time I watch this it makes me angry that I can't make her friend disappear.

  47. Posted by Extitdok | April 14, 2012 at 4:31 PM

    для вечерние платья лето 2011 в моем интернет-магазине