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How To Get Yourself To A Place Where Taking Down Your Fund With One Trade Will Be NBD

Spend any amount of time working on Wall Street and you will soon learn that opportunities for stress abound, whether you’re a first -year analyst getting reamed out for an extra space in a pitchbook or a hedge fund manager who just lost $1.2 billion in a matter of minutes. Those who are unable to manage the stress either 1) flame out or 2) become fat, irritable pricks whose change of having a heart attack on the job are high. Presumably, neither of those options sound appealing. But since the terms of the gig aren’t changing, what’s a ball of nerves like you to do? You might consider risking having the skin burned off your feet, or other such activities.

According to Cornell professor Tony Simons, things like a 10,000 point drop in the Dow or seeing a headline flash across Bloomberg that your firm is being indicted– things that you have no control over- become a lot less scary and cause for flipping out when you’ve been through worse. For instance, at the workshops and corporate training classes he teaches, Simons will have people do exercises like”firewalks” or have them “snap an arrow that sticks out of a wall with the point in the direction of their neck, by stepping forward and pushing into it.” After that, dealing with stuff you previously thought was tough is pretty easy (sayeth one participant: “facing a loved one’s anger and negativity with calm, loving courage and not ducking away from it feels easier after breaking an arrow with the soft part of my throat”). One woman is reportedly planning to “get a firewalk tattoo to remind her of what she’s accomplished.”

For any employers out there thinking putting on their own Simons-esque workshop but desiring even better results, consider gathering up your employees and having them:

* Commit to rollerblading down the Westside Highway to work for a year
* Catch a bullet in their teeth
* Play Spin the Bottle with Rick Santelli’s favorite floor traders
* Go through the browser history of everyone at the SEC (no averting of eyes)
* Get caught on tape letting Hank Paulson’s parakeet out of its cage
* Change the bed sheets of a certain NYU economics professor after a long weekend
* Other

Team Building Exercises: Learning To Walk On Fire [CNBC]

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145 Responses to “How To Get Yourself To A Place Where Taking Down Your Fund With One Trade Will Be NBD”

  1. guest says:

    * spend time alone w ping jiang when he's in heat

  2. Bugs says:

    Watch all the Brady Bunch reruns back to back.

  3. Diuretic Matt Fan says:

    Read every Matt Levine post in one sitting, no bathroom breaks.

  4. Corzine says:

    Blow billions on European Soverign Debt and claim to "misplace" another cool billion..

  5. Guest says:

    My team building exercises are a much better stress reliever. The three hole monty is my favorite.

    -L. Tilton

  6. Guest says:

    Complete a full summer internship at Patriarch Partners.

  7. VandelayCapital says:

    *Sell BAC at the 4Q bottom, and pretend you still matter

  8. Guest says:

    Chug 5 Bacon Shakes from Jack-in-the-Box in under 5 minutes.

  9. ShortNaked says:

    Learn the ropes of some painful, hardcore analysis courtesy of Meredith Whitney

  10. Guest says:

    Clean each of Stevie's bathrooms with a toothbrush.

  11. Alt_EST says:

    Explain basic economic and/or financial theory to Congress.

    -Timmy G

  12. guest says:

    Watch a whole Mets game, with bathroom breaks.

  13. Old School says:

    Eh, relieving stress with scotch and strippers seems like a much simpler plan.

  14. VonSloneker says:

    * Quail hunting with Dick Cheney
    * "Share" a pizza with Michael Moore
    * Complete a proctology rotation in Djibouti

  15. Groucho says:

    new tag: fat, irritable pricks

    Lots of possibilities

  16. mary_jo_kopechne says:

    moonlight car ride with ted kennedy

  17. Guest says:

    Beat Chazzy Gaspasteamroom at a match of Snap Da Towel

  18. New School says:

    You've obviously never tried purple drank and the Pipedream Extreme F*ck Me Silly #1

  19. Guest says:

    Bum fight with Shia LeBeouf

  20. Guest says:

    Getting a Corporate training inspired tramp stamp is the NKI

  21. desksoda says:

    Find my Ceo

    – Tim G

  22. guest says:

    Not have a private office

    ~J. Gundlach

  23. Christopher Guest says:

    Nice Dartmouth sweater there.

  24. PermaGuestII says:

    Cover Rick Santelli's car in Obama '12 bumper stickers.

  25. Henry Paulson says:

    He may have a point, somehow I wasn't overly disquieted when MF Global blew up.

  26. Fiddy McFinnegan says:

    Clear Jimmy Cayne’s 6-foot double-barrel bong without coughing.

  27. pazzo83 says:

    Fractions.

    – GW Bush

  28. Larry Moniker says:

    Have a giant bald man stare through to the back of your skull while engaging in uncomfortably passionate self-abuse.

    -Hank Paulson’s parakeet

  29. guest says:

    Hosing down the sidewalk after an OWS sit-in.

  30. McKinsey says:

    Tell P&G we can help you, we've got the inside scoop.

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