Jon Corzine’s Weekend Just Got A Bump

The last several months have not been the best of times for Jon Stephen Corzine. His fund went down for the dirt nap. He was forced to shelve his dreams of becoming a count. He made the tearful decision to put his Hoboken hideaway on the market, probably to free up some cash should it become necessary to pay legal fees. And while some pissant MF Global clients have in fact served him with papers, today brings the joyous news that any sleepless nights spent worrying over doing time were all for naught.

“Sources tell the FOX Business Network the criminal case right now looks highly unlikely. The investigators are having a very difficult time proving criminal intent in the disclosure of the details leading up to the implosion of MF Global. They see a lot of sloppy bookwork. Sources say Jon Corzine’s firm wasn’t managed very well, but in terms of proving they intentionally misused that money, they are having a very tough time. They doubt a criminal case will result from this.”

The comeback continues, now ahead of schedule. Congratulatory flowers and candy can be sent here.

(hidden for your protection)
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112 Responses to “Jon Corzine’s Weekend Just Got A Bump”

  1. Nipu Saki says:

    heard rumors that he's up for Robert Wolf's job

  2. Hakuna Matata Guy says:

    I hope everyone has a nice weekend.

    Deepest Regards,

    Long lost friend

  3. Here's Johnny says:

    Those donations to the Obama Campaign do have a way of paying off

    GFY JC

  4. farmers w/o seeds says:

    We will be the swift boat veterans of this election cycle.

  5. Long-term funding says:

    Given where peripheral EU debt is now trading, it seems Jonny-boy was just a few months too early… oh well, I guess George Soros will be able to buy more homes to dangle in front of and then not give to his various girlfriends now

  6. smooth criminal says:

    i guess it is not a crime to be dumb. i was dumb to think otherwise.

  7. VonSloneker says:

    Not to ruin your weekend or anything John…but under SARBOX:

    c) Criminal Penalties.— Whoever— (1) certifies any statement as set forth in subsections (a) and (b) of this section knowing that the periodic report accompanying the statement does not comport with all the requirements set forth in this section shall be fined not more than $1,000,000 or imprisoned not more than 10 years, or both

  8. Bangin Futes says:

    What, "fund" ?

    He blew up a public compnay that had once been worth 3 bil, and had over 2500 employees in 4 continents.

    All the while leaving thousands of clients on the hook for a billion plus.

  9. theShizznitt says:

    Pictured above: an empty, no-longer-useful item destined for the rubbish bin; and an empty Starbucks cup.

  10. nigerian guest says:

    Ex-KBR CEO Gets 30 Months For Halliburton’s Nigerian Bribe Scheme-SweetCrude

  11. Guest says:

    "terms of proving they intentionally misused that money, they are having a very tough time"

    $1.2B missing and they are having a tough time ?!?!?!?!

    He must have pictures of Obama blowing Jeremiah Wright!

  12. AIG Quant via LEH says:

    It was the best of times, it was the worst of times …

  13. David says:

    Lately it seems like everyone getting caught for doing shady shit is walking away unscathed. What the hell is wrong with this country.

  14. Reidier says:

    EARTH TO POWERS THAT BE: What is wrong with you people? Even out here in Trailer Park Land we recognize theft when we see it. Don't tell us Corzine isn't a criminal, you just seem more corrupt and incompetent.

  15. Mark P says:

    Enough of this nonsense that the trades would have been good had they not been forcibly liquidated which implies that Corzine was indeed a smart trader just a little off with his timing.I could max out my marginable cash with a swing at the oil market on Monday morning lose everythingand be closed out by margin clerks very quickly if the market moved against me….would I be vindicated even slightly if the market moved back in my favor a short while later.

  16. Joe Johnson says:

    The Honorable Jon Stephen Corzine Demokrat NJ / on second thought make that Jon Stephen Corzine Demokrat NJ common thief / scam artiest / Obama fund raiser and hopefully cellmate of the most aids infested huge homosexual in the penitentiary. .

  17. John Ehrlichman says:

    Another Obama cronie geting away with a crime. When will people wake up and see whats going on

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