Earlier today, some fairly distressing news came out of Goldman Sachs– according to three different people “familiar with the matter,” the bank “may” hire Richard “Jake” Siewert Jr. for “a role similar to the one held by Lucas van Praag.” While we’d love to plug our ears and pretend this isn’t happening, the reality is that it was clearly leaked from the inside and is happening indeed. Though it’s possible Goldman would allow Lucas to hang around the office a bit longer, our beloved spokesman has got a lot more pride than that. If his unique flavor isn’t appreciated, if telling reporters that their stories are “extraordinarily ill-informed,” “nonsense,” “stupid,” indicative of a failure “to comprehend the subject matter,” and/or reminiscent of “effluent” is all of a sudden not okay, if they want to take a more collaborative (read: limp-wristed) approach with the press, then let them. Van Praag’s got better things to do with his time.
In fact, a short list of opportunities includes:
* Resident withering judge on a variety of elimination-based reality shows, including Dancing With The Stars, America’s Next Top Model, and The Voice
* Bear and Birch spokesman
* Schoolmarm
* Offering his services to a firm that really needs and will appreciate them (he could do wonders for BofA’s image; questions about Countrywide are “extraordinarily ill-informed” and as for people who are accidentally foreclosed on? “Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke”)
* Putting the finishing touches on “If I Did It,” in which he puts forth a hypothetical description of how *he* was the one to come up with the term “vampire squid”
* Dealbreaker columnist
* Replacing everyone on The View and renaming it My View
* Accepting the offer from the Times to co-byline stories with Gretchen Morgenson
Goldman Sachs Said to Consider Hiring Ex-Geithner Aide Siewert [Bloomberg]
"Replacing everyone on The View and renaming it My View"
Pure gold, Bess.
This is as far as we go. No more cockamamie cigar smoke. No more Swedish meatballs there, tootsie. And no more phony Irish whiskey. No more goddamn jerky beef! The party's over.
Piss off, piss off, piss off, you're an alright chap, piss off, good day gentlemen.
-LvP
"Fuck 'em" is prole talk. I do, however, encourage aggrieved parties to voraciously fornicate with their own respective metacarpals.
-LVP
Word to ya mutha
Lucas…two words. Russian….sauna…
Think about it.
- P. Kizenko
Bess, please extend an offer as soon as possible. I think a "point/counterpoint" with Matt would be riveting.
"All the masters of ceremonies who clearly produce a vacuum with their comments refer to me as "Your Highness."
"Please instruct me how to Douglas…."
-LVP
Oh no you didn't just bite my rhymes…
-Run DMC & Jam Master J
who do you think got levine whacked ?
nobody outsmarmys LVP
you know matt quit, right?
other than that I have no concerns
Ya me too.
oh the naivte 3rd yr analyst..
and, yet, you weren't forced to take 2 months of gardening leave, which they can only enforce if you choose to leave…
whdaya working up a biopic on me ?
let's just say mr von praag and i had a serios conflict of interest
ya, UBS was looking at me too.
Breaking Media needs to pony up the cash and have him guest write. Or at least just critique ONE of Matt's posts. Bess, I beg of you to make this happen. You have made miracles happen before. You can do this.
Co-signed
No more shenanigans, no more tomfoolery, no more ballyhoo.
That is very kind of you to write this share for us, thanks a lot
mVojxr I value the article.Really thank you! Want more.
gyZnKu pqaveewoyrdz, [url=http://mzydpttcakdz.com/]mzydpttcakdz[/url], [link=http://ymxuadkjxovu.com/]ymxuadkjxovu[/link], http://acnreigfnaoh.com/