February 2012

  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’12: JPMorgan

    Cuts are said to be going down tomorrow.

    / Feb 15, 2012 at 4:28 PM
  • john paulson 15feb12

    Hedge Funds

    John Paulson Ditches Banks, Drums Up Some Business For Them

    I think everyone who’s ever worked at an investment bank saw at least a little something of themselves in the Journal’s fat asshole article this morning. My own feelings are mixed since, for me, investment banking was a lifestyle improvement over a previous job that left me partially paralyzed from overwork (true story! I got better). So in a sense I don’t have that much to complain about, but I did, and do, constantly and loudly and now on the internet.

    Part of what sucks about banking – that I think the Journal article missed – is the frequent pointlessness of your activity: you get on a plane, go see a guy, tell him about this awesome merger or financing or whatever you’ve got planned for him, shake hands, and fly away never to see him again. And by “never” I mean “not until six months later, after he’s printed a deal away from you, when you go and do the same thing, but this time maybe you don’t shave.” You’d probably still be a fat, stressed, overworked cabbie-puncher if most of your ideas actually got executed, but you’d perhaps be less suffused with metaphysical dread. That’s how I’d feel anyway. Then, I blog now.

    Anyway, a thing that I don’t know anything about, and never ever want to know anything about, so don’t tell me, is the proper price-to-book trading multiples of life vs. P&C insurance companies and whether there’s a conglomerate discount for being in both businesses. So with that as a disclaimer I found this pretty damn convincing:

    / Feb 15, 2012 at 4:02 PM
  • News

    Greek President Would Like To Know If German FinMin Kisses His Mother With That Mouth

    Greek President Karolos Papoulias slammed Germany’s finance minister for recent comments about his country as […]

    / Feb 15, 2012 at 3:26 PM
  • LightBoxBideaweeBallHonoringDr.LewisBerman3_LFalconePFalcone_05

    News

    The Yet-To-Be Finished Memoir Of Wilbur P. Falcone

    Wilbur glanced down at her watch. 12:13. Usually, she hated when people were late and, under normal circumstances, this would have gone beyond the point of what she’d tolerate. Hell, make her wait more than 5 or 6 minutes and you were ensuring you’d be receiving a series of irate texts inquiring sharply as to “WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU??????!!???” and threatening “If you’re not here in 30 seconds I’m leaving.” But today she was practically willing Tom to continue making her wait under the bodega awning. Just another minute. Just one more minute.

    / Feb 15, 2012 at 2:56 PM
  • UBS_SECRETS_10808f

    News

    Bonus Watch ’12: Is UBS Trying To Tell Us Something?

    Admittedly it’s just a theory but hear us out– based on the following bonus numbers […]

    / Feb 15, 2012 at 11:54 AM
  • News

    Study Concludes Banking Brings Out Your Inner Fat Asshole

    John Chrin, a former managing director at J.P. Morgan Chase & Co. who left the […]

    / Feb 15, 2012 at 11:49 AM
  • News

    Bonus Watch ’12: UBS Asia

    S&T analysts and associates received “2500 USD equivalent” (yes, analysts and associates got the same amount)

    / Feb 15, 2012 at 10:27 AM
  • Screen shot 2012-02-15 at 9.10.47 AM

    Opening Bell

    Opening Bell: 02.15.12

    LightSquared to Be Blocked by FCC Over GPS (Bloomberg) The U.S. Federal Communications Commission vowed […]

    / Feb 15, 2012 at 9:12 AM
  • Write-Offs

    Write-Offs: 02.14.12

    $$$ Eurogroup Delays Meeting on Greece [WSJ] $$$ EU to punish Spain for deficits, inaction […]

    / Feb 14, 2012 at 6:41 PM
  • News

    Xenophobic S&P Prefers American-Born Racks

    U.S. stocks experience significantly better returns during years when an American model graces the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue than during years when the magazine cover features a foreign model, history shows. The S&P 500 had an average return of 14.3 percent during the 17 years since 1978 that featured an American, with positive returns a whopping 88 percent of the time, according to the Bespoke Investment Group blog. That’s about four percentage points above the average return during the years that featured a model from another country. The difference would be even greater, if not for the failure of the indicator in 2008, when the S&P 500 plunged 37 percent after Sports Illustrated featured American-born Marisa Miller and Lehman Brothers collapsed. Last year, Russia’s Irina Shayk graced the cover and the U.S. benchmark subsequently returned a disappointing 2.1 percent.

    / Feb 14, 2012 at 5:54 PM
  • News

    Housekeeping: Dealbreaker Access

    With the proliferation of smart phones and tablets in the financial community, there are now more ways than ever to access Dealbreaker content beyond your desktop browser. For those of you unable to access Dealbreaker through your work computer, you can easily access Dealbreaker.com through the web browser on any mobile device. Dealbreaker stories are available on the Flipboard, Google Currents, and Pulse readers, and we will be launching on more mobile readers shortly. Dealbreaker is also accessible through Bloomberg using the command NH BLG_DEALBREAKER <go>.

    If you have not yet accessed Dealbreaker through your mobile browser, please give it a try now. We also encourage you to download the readers in the Apple App Store or Android Marketplace to access Dealbreaker through a mobile reader.

    / Feb 14, 2012 at 5:51 PM
  • DanLoeb_4 (1)

    News

    Dan Loeb Has A Valentine’s Day Surprise For Yahoo

    The promise of a proxy battle, unless they comply with every one of his demands […]

    / Feb 14, 2012 at 4:32 PM
  • News

    B-School Problems

    Apart from finding a job that will justify the hefty price tag of the MBA, the greatest challenge of the modern business school student is financing now the lifestyle that we think we deserve post-MBA. With the average MBA student taking on some $120,000+ in loans over two years, the common strategy entails paying less for the b-school basics (lunch, books, and beer) so that we can afford the real reasons we quit our day jobs: wining and dining at Alinea, re-enacting scenes from Aspen Extreme at a ski resort where beer flows like wine, and lazing on the beaches of Fiji, Brazil, and South Africa on school-organized treks designed to help us make friends before classes begin (aww!).

    It’s a hard-knock life, to be sure, but thankfully after surviving a year with no income, we’ve learned a trick or two that we’d like to share, on how to spend more than we’re worth.

    Tip #1: Share everything.

    / Feb 14, 2012 at 3:26 PM
  • Paul-Volcker-002

    Banks, News

    The Volcker Rule Will Come Too Late For Kaufman Bros.

    If you’re a more or less regular consumer of efficient markets hypothesis Kool-Aid then a fun activity is to handicap the probability of various public policy things based on market reaction.* So for instance Obama’s budget is going to reduce the tax deductibility of munis! And the muni market didn’t care! So, no, Obama is not going to reduce the tax deductibility of munis. You heard it here first, or last, or whatever. (Exercise for the reader: is Obama going to raise the tax rate on dividends?)

    Since today seems to be Volcker Day hangover it’s worth pondering this:

    / Feb 14, 2012 at 2:30 PM
  • News

    Hank Greenberg Might Beg To Differ

    Consumers’ “better halves” will shell out the most on their partners, with the average person planning to spend $74.12 on their spouse or significant other, up from $68.98 last year. Additionally, consumers will spend and average of $25.25 on their children, parents or other family members and $6.92 on friends….the average person will spend about $4.52 on their pets.

    / Feb 14, 2012 at 1:26 PM
  • richardbransondog

    News

    Presenting: Executive Bitches

    For Valentine’s Day this year, Fortune put together a slideshow of various executives, analysts, fund managers, and disgraced AIG CEOs posing with their one true loves– their dogs. For the big names who missed the deadline to submit photos, fear not– this feature is clearly going to become an annual thing. For those already mentally directing a photoshoot of yourself and Jamie the Younger, maybe running down Park Ave or shooting hoops at the Garden, you might first consider looking to this year’s pioneering efforts for inspiration.

    / Feb 14, 2012 at 12:46 PM
  • ladygagamikebloomberg

    Opening Bell

    Opening Bell: 02.14.12

    Greek Economy Shrinking Rapidly (WSJ) Greece’s gross domestic product contracted by an annual rate of […]

    / Feb 14, 2012 at 9:30 AM
  • Write-Offs

    Write-Offs: 02.13.12

    $$$ Moody’s Cuts Six Euro-Zone Nations; U.K. Outlook Lowered [WSJ] $$$ Obama seeks to cut […]

    / Feb 13, 2012 at 8:17 PM
  • News

    Moody’s Treads Where No Other Rating Agency Dare

    “Moody’s Investors Service downgraded six European nations and became the first ratings firm to warn […]

    / Feb 13, 2012 at 8:03 PM
  • News

    “My feelings are getting inflamed and I’m going to pop off pretty soon”

    Remember Nevin Shapiro? He’s the guy we named the Greatest Ponzi Schemer of All Time […]

    / Feb 13, 2012 at 7:53 PM
  • News

    Confidential To Denizens Of Wall Street North: This Is Not The Way Take 2012 Compensation Into Your Own Hands

    A Stamford man was robbed early Sunday morning when he told police an unknown suspect […]

    / Feb 13, 2012 at 6:42 PM
  • News

    Happy Volcker Day!

    I guess this is a thing? Today is the last day to submit comments on […]

    / Feb 13, 2012 at 4:07 PM
  • News

    Jamie Dimon Will Not Have His Employees’ Balls Examined Every Time They Want To Make A Trade, No Matter How Bad Paul Volcker Wants It

    I understand the goal to make sure these companies don’t take huge bets with their […]

    / Feb 13, 2012 at 4:02 PM
  • ubszurich2-260x195

    News

    Bonus Watch ’12: UBS

    The good news is that UBS has some money to pay employees. The bad news […]

    / Feb 13, 2012 at 2:11 PM
  • louisbaconmoorecapital

    Hedge Funds

    Louis Bacon Has Better Things To Do Than Explain How Big Of An Idiot You Are

    At the end of each year, when the numbers are in re: which hedge funds […]

    / Feb 13, 2012 at 1:56 PM
  • barclaysbird

    News

    Bonus Watch ’12: Barclays VPs

    The mood: less than enthused.

    / Feb 13, 2012 at 11:25 AM
  • Opening Bell

    Opening Bell: 02.13.12

    Greece Bailout Faces European Finance Chiefs After Parliamentary Approval (Bloomberg) European finance chiefs get the […]

    / Feb 13, 2012 at 9:20 AM