Except for double-teaming clients, which was huge.

The men weren’t promised “whatever they wanted” for $1,000. That implies that you’re giving up control. There’s an understanding that we’d do basic, normal things. Sometimes the clients wanted a threesome. That’s part of the job. Plus, that would cost them $2,000. I know threesomes make some women blush, but a lot of men want them. I’d talk to the other girl after, but it’s not like we’d talk about our feelings about being hookers. We didn’t grab a coffee together.


74 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (74)

  1. Posted by Guest | March 19, 2012 at 1:34 PM

    Hookers and feelings are two things that should avoid association at any cost.

  2. Posted by Fast Eddy | March 19, 2012 at 1:35 PM

    Do clients still have to pay the full $2,000 if they bust an early nut on just the first hooker?

  3. Posted by Guest | March 19, 2012 at 1:43 PM

    Wo ist deine farbig armband?

  4. Posted by Semen Cavalier | March 19, 2012 at 1:48 PM

    I hate when that happens, sometimes even thinking about Levine charts doesn't help.

  5. Posted by investorcluzo | March 19, 2012 at 1:51 PM

    "But they all wanted to meet you before giving you clients. A girl could provide them with a picture that’s 10 years old when they were 10 pounds lighter."

    sounds like match.com
    -guy who knows

  6. Posted by Guest | March 19, 2012 at 1:52 PM

    What were first year hooker numbers this year?

  7. Posted by Alt_EST | March 19, 2012 at 1:55 PM

    Better than 10th year hooker numbers…

  8. Posted by InfiniteGuest | March 19, 2012 at 2:01 PM

    Respect for the post-mortem.

  9. Posted by Dakota Manning | March 19, 2012 at 2:03 PM

    Worst comment since 2008.

  10. Posted by Not Impressed | March 19, 2012 at 2:06 PM

    Tell me more about these "normal" things.

    – Ping

  11. Posted by PermaGuestII | March 19, 2012 at 2:22 PM

    At $500/hr take-home, taxfree, a lot better than most first years on the Street (or 5th years at BAC/RBS/UBS)

  12. Posted by Drebin | March 19, 2012 at 2:26 PM

    I usually just think about baseball

  13. Posted by Bandersnatch | March 19, 2012 at 2:48 PM

    "Usually, we engaged in small talk for 15 or 20 minutes"
    – Seriously?

  14. Posted by Hot Karl | March 19, 2012 at 2:56 PM

    "Normal" is a relative term.

  15. Posted by in the 1% | March 19, 2012 at 2:57 PM

    ""Anna never wanted to be in the city and seemed more comfortable running things from her house in upstate Monroe. She’s interested in her animals and her pet pigs, her family, her four children.""

    Pet pigs. Always, always a red flag.

  16. Posted by Greg Smith | March 19, 2012 at 2:59 PM

    Double-teaming is when you pair up to win Bronze in table tennis at the Maccabiah Games right?

  17. Posted by Guest | March 19, 2012 at 3:07 PM

    haha, it's funny because you hold that honor.

  18. Posted by Cut Me | March 19, 2012 at 3:12 PM

    Fuck the coffee. Did they grab muffins together?

  19. Posted by Eerily similar | March 19, 2012 at 3:17 PM

    Substitute country names for clients. Substitute derivatives for basic, normal things. Turn thousands to billions for the dollar amounts and substitute the word hookers for bankers and voila! Goldman Sachs!

  20. Posted by Guessed | March 19, 2012 at 3:17 PM

    That's sick. They must be at least 12 years old for me to accept.
    -J. Epstein

  21. Posted by Guessed | March 19, 2012 at 3:19 PM

    How about we just substitute your comment for one that is funny?

  22. Posted by early_hominid | March 19, 2012 at 3:22 PM

    Look, it’s not like there’s feelings involved, OK? There’s not. It's about control. You start to care and you end up like that piano-player whats-her-name Wilbur, who went from playing Liszt and Ellington in Manhattan one day to running feral with rough trade in some upstate shithole the next. So no thanks. And I’m not sayin’ she’s a hooker, OK? She’s a survivor. But she was a dreamer too, you know, the kind with “feelings” and all? And now look at her. And what’s a hooker anyway? There’s no diff between playing the piano and giving head. You can do it for pay or do it for free. You perform for pay you're a whore and that's it. You writin’ this down? Is somebody payin’ ya’? How’s it feel? You wanna grab a coffee? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

  23. Posted by Eerily similar | March 19, 2012 at 3:23 PM

    At least I attempted humor. Was that your J. Epstein comment earlier. Nice pedophilia, sicko.

    Don't worry. You don't have to comment. Please, just offer criticism. You're good at it.

  24. Posted by Ummm, no. | March 19, 2012 at 3:25 PM

    Because child molesting is always funny? Not really.

  25. Posted by J.S., State College | March 19, 2012 at 3:27 PM

    Agreed – it definitely evokes responses other than humorous ones.

  26. Posted by dumb | March 19, 2012 at 3:32 PM

    who needs warm apple pie when you got two hookers…

  27. Posted by PermaGuestII | March 19, 2012 at 3:52 PM

    "Beautiful weather we're having, isn't it?"

    -Small talk : prostie :: Lugers : fish

  28. Posted by guest5 | March 19, 2012 at 3:53 PM

    It's probably not completely tax free or at least it would be risky not to pay any taxes on it and subject yourself to potential felony tax evasion charges.

  29. Posted by Hakuna Matata Guy | March 19, 2012 at 3:56 PM

    You must be new here

  30. Posted by guestapo | March 19, 2012 at 3:58 PM

    if I wanted 15-20 minutes of small talk I'd drop 100 on drinks and take home some "good enough" chick from the bar.

  31. Posted by inlovewithEH | March 19, 2012 at 3:59 PM

    Front runner for comment of the month.

  32. Posted by my pick up line | March 19, 2012 at 4:24 PM

    Please bring a girl you are comfortable making out with. Saves money and time.

  33. Posted by Guesteeculos | March 19, 2012 at 4:36 PM

    I used to command a double-team back in '06. Only the sight of used toothbrush would throw off my game.

    – former CDO Baller

  34. Posted by Guest | March 19, 2012 at 4:48 PM

    They usually also need to tip out the security guy/driver and the booker.

  35. Posted by FKApmco | March 19, 2012 at 5:11 PM

    You sure write pretty, EH. +100 for you.

  36. Posted by E. Texas Gas Trader | March 19, 2012 at 6:31 PM

    "….There’s no diff between playing the piano and giving head…."

    I will try that line tonight at Mo's if the Russian girls aren't home doing laundry.

  37. Posted by Lexus at Treasures | March 19, 2012 at 6:31 PM

    Well, call me Liberace.

  38. Posted by guest | March 19, 2012 at 6:32 PM

    One night. One night, right? Huh! I look up and there’s Marty in my office-he’s got some champagne-he tells me we just hit 30,000 billable hours on U-North and he wants to celebrate. So, an hour later I find myself in a whorehouse in-in Chelsea with two Lithuanian redheads taking turns sucking my dick. And I-I-I’m laying there and I’m trying not to cum and I wanna, you know, I wanna make it last, so I start doing the math. I think 30,000 hours…what is that? That’s uh…24 times 30. That’s 720 hours in a month. 8,760 hours in a year.

  39. Posted by guest | March 19, 2012 at 6:34 PM

    No! Wait, wait, wait. Because it’s years, it’s lives. And the numbers are making me dizzy and, you know, instead of trying not to cum, I’m trying not to think and I can’t stop. I mean, is this-is this me? Am I this freak organism that has been sent here to sleep and eat an-and defend this one horrific chain of carcinogenic moment. Is that my destiny? Is that my fate?

  40. Posted by Famous 2Oil Trader | March 19, 2012 at 6:34 PM

    I have been sitting on my hand here at work for some time today. How long does it take to go "numb" so that I can attempt to perform "The Stranger"?

  41. Posted by guest | March 19, 2012 at 6:35 PM

    Is that…Is that it Michael? Is that my Grail? Two Lithuanian models on my cock? Is that the correct answer to the multiple choice of me?

  42. Posted by the truth | March 19, 2012 at 6:38 PM

    You fucking suck.

  43. Posted by lucas | March 19, 2012 at 6:48 PM

    Two Lithuanian models on my cock is MY correct multiple choice answer.

  44. Posted by Trick Question | March 19, 2012 at 7:04 PM

    Guess who's bra-less today!

    – photocaption

  45. Posted by GTFO | March 19, 2012 at 7:56 PM

    you're done for today.

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    thanks, you must be from grant thornton. bookkeeping is down the hall to the left.

  47. Posted by chucko | March 19, 2012 at 10:59 PM

    God you're sick.

    Tom Jr

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    Cum bubbles

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