Opening Bell: 04.16.12

Downgrades Loom For European Banks (WSJ)
Under pressure from banks, Moody’s Investors Service said Friday that it is delaying until early May its highly anticipated decision on whether to downgrade the credit ratings of 114 banks in 16 European countries. Moody’s announced the review in February, saying it was needed in light of the banks’ weak conditions and the tough environment in which they’re operating. It had planned to start unveiling the decisions this week.

Obama Bid to End Too-Big-to Fail Undercut as Banks Grow (Bloomberg)
Two years after President Barack Obama vowed to eliminate the danger of financial institutions becoming “too big to fail,” the nation’s largest banks are bigger than they were before the credit crisis. Five banks– JPMorgan Chase, Bank of America, Citigroup, Wells Fargo, and Goldman Sachs– held $8.5 trillion in assets at the end of 2011, equal to 56 percent of the U.S. economy, according to the Federal Reserve. Five years earlier, before the financial crisis, the largest banks’ assets amounted to 43 percent of U.S. output. The Big Five today are about twice as large as they were a decade ago relative to the economy, sparking concern that trouble at a major bank would rock the financial system and force the government to step in as it did during the 2008 crunch. “Market participants believe that nothing has changed, that too-big-to-fail is fully intact,” said Gary Stern, former president of the Federal Reserve Bank of Minneapolis.

Carlyle Takes Cautious Approach in IPO Price (WSJ)
Carlyle Group plans to sell 30.5 million shares priced between $23 and $25 in its initial public offering, which could come before the end of the month, according to people familiar with the matter. Those shares would represent about 10% of the Washington, D.C., private-equity firm, in a deal that would value Carlyle at more than $7 billion, these people said. That value is toward the lower end of what earlier had been expected…Carlyle is putting less emphasis on pricing shares high at the IPO, instead hoping they rise in value once they are traded, according to people familiar with the matter.

Bond Recipes Use Fresh Ingredients (WSJ)
With risk-taking in vogue again, Wall Street is betting on the revival of a market for bonds made out of everything from “The English Patient” to fried chicken. The amount of so-called esoteric bonds backed by unusual assets has nearly doubled this year compared with the same period a year ago, according to Credit Suisse. Thus far this year, there have been $5.6 billion in deals done, more than twice the $2 billion in the same period last year. Over the past several months investors have bought bonds backed by revenue from Domino’s Pizza DPZ +0.34% franchises, Miramax films, patents for drugs like Clarinex and Flumist and loans to buyers of Wyndham vacation time-shares. The deals show investors are becoming comfortable again with Wall Street’s engineering skills, after many were hammered during the financial crisis by losses on bonds backed by subprime home loans and complex debt pools known as collateralized-debt obligations. The esoteric sales also mark a rare growth area for giant banks that have been hit hard by a slowdown in deal-making and trading.

Four-year-old Heidi Hankins joins Mensa with 159 IQ (BBC)
A four-year-old girl from Hampshire has been accepted into Mensa with an IQ just one point below Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking. Heidi Hankins from Winchester has a 159 IQ. She taught herself to read and was able to count to 40 at two years old. British Mensa chief executive John Stevenage said Heidi’s parents “correctly identified that she shows great potential.” According to Mensa, the average adult IQ score is 100.

Geithner Rebuts Romney on Women and Jobs (WSJ)
As the fight for women voters intensified in recent days, Mr. Romney took a swipe at Mr. Obama by saying women had borne the vast majority of job losses over the past three years. Labor Department data show women do account for 92.3% of the workers who have lost jobs since Mr. Obama took office in January 2009. But men suffered deeper job losses than women in the year before Mr. Obama’s inauguration and men have gained more jobs than women since the recovery began in 2009. “It’s a ridiculous way to look at the problem,” Mr. Geithner said of Mr. Romney’s criticism. Mr. Geithner on Sunday also defended the Obama administration’s efforts to reduce the federal budget deficit, and said there was “no risk” that the U.S. would go through a debt crisis in the next two years like the one Greece is experiencing. But he had a warning for Congress, when asked on NBC’s “Meet the Press” about whether Congress would act to raise the government’s debt ceiling again at the end of this year. “This is Congress’s obligation to do as they have always done in the past,” he said. “It would be good for the country this time if they did it with less drama.”

Barclays’ Tax Deal Faces US Scrutiny (FT)
Barclays’ controversial tax planning business will come under fresh scrutiny in a U.S. court this week over whether a transaction designed by the bank cost the U.S. government more than $1 billion in lost tax receipts. The U.S. Internal Revenue Service claims that complex, cross-border deals Barclays structured for several mid-tier banks in the last decade were an abusive tax shelter that exploited loopholes between U.S. and U.K. tax laws.

Prime Brokerages Consolidate After ‘Big Bang’ (Reuters)
Hedge funds are cutting back on the brokerage accounts they hold as the prime brokerage industry begins to consolidate more than four years after the Lehman Brothers bankruptcy blew the sector wide open.

Goldman Sachs Said to Raise $2.5 Billion in ICBC Sale (Bloomberg)
The Wall Street firm is selling $2.5 billion of shares at HK$5.05 each, according to two people with knowledge of the matter. It sold 3.55 billion shares, or 4 percent of ICBC’s Hong Kong-traded shares, to Temasek, the Singapore state-owned investment group said. Temasek, which is increasing stakes in China’s biggest banks, paid $2.3 billion for the stock, based on the per-share price and stake size.

‘Hug Me’ Coke Machine Asks for Hugs, Delivers Free Coke (MFDC)
Coca-Cola’s global marketing campaign dubbed “Open Happiness” takes on a new twist with a Coke vending machine that asks passers by to give it a hug. The big red and white machine, located at the National University in Singapore, has “Hug Me” written across its front side. And people are actually hugging it…and given free Cokes.

165 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (165)

  1. Posted by Ray Dalio | April 16, 2012 at 8:12 AM

    But did little Heidi start a lawnmowing business?

  2. Posted by Guest | April 16, 2012 at 8:48 AM

    Moody's said in a statement it is "taking an appropriately deliberate approach during this review process and will conclude when it is confident that all relevant information has been received and processed."

    in other words, when the information is no longer quasi relevant.

  3. Posted by Guest | April 16, 2012 at 9:00 AM

    What does the vending machine give you for a French Kiss?

  4. Posted by Guest | April 16, 2012 at 9:09 AM

    Draper closing the office curtains so that insufferable d-bag Pete Campbell could catch a fade compliments of that British fruitcake was — in a word — AWESOME.

  5. Posted by pazzo83 | April 16, 2012 at 9:20 AM

    Hi y'all!

    – Summer

  6. Posted by Top_Gear | April 16, 2012 at 9:36 AM

    No, but last summer Heidi ran a very lucrative earl grey tea stand outside of her Mum's house.

  7. Posted by Stingy with it | April 16, 2012 at 9:41 AM

    What about a dhj?

  8. Posted by Alt_EST | April 16, 2012 at 9:43 AM

    I want to thank all of you for the wonderful summer. Cooking for you nice people has really helped me get over the fact I fought in the Vietnam war. Have a great winter! I'm gonna go hump the fridge….Yes folks, its true. I said I'm gonna go hump a fridge. What you may NOT know is I own a bottle of dick cream, I fondle my sweaters, and I like to smear mud on my ass. You're probably asking yourself, "Isn't he a weirdo, outcast, loose cannon? Maybe, I don't think so…I want to introduce you guys to someone, this is my friend. I don't know who he is, but I do know this: At a time I was trying to hide myself from myself, he was there to show me a new way. 'Cause I couldn't hide from him. And I can be proud of who I am! I put it to you, Camp Firewood as we spend out last dinner together, be proud of who you are! LOOK AT ME , MA! I MADE IT, I'M OK! Now if you don't mind, I have some unfinished business to attend to.

  9. Posted by guest | April 16, 2012 at 9:47 AM

    If Pete was dressed super conservative (Vineyard Vines whale present at all times) he would have taken that high school driver's training slam to pound town.

    – Penn Station lothario

  10. Posted by Shecky Einstein | April 16, 2012 at 9:52 AM

    I missed getting into Mensa by just one point……They said, "Point is, you just ain't smart enough!"

  11. Posted by Fan | April 16, 2012 at 9:54 AM

    Really his best work. Much better than his CSI or OZ work. M. Hargitay? Oh yes I would!

  12. Posted by Pepe Le Peu | April 16, 2012 at 9:54 AM

    Hey!

  13. Posted by Lowly Assistant | April 16, 2012 at 9:54 AM

    Just "hey" from before.

  14. Posted by Bob Barker | April 16, 2012 at 9:55 AM

    Pound town? Please remember to spay and neuter your pets!

  15. Posted by Anonymous | April 16, 2012 at 9:59 AM

    aids

  16. Posted by Uncle Pervy | April 16, 2012 at 10:03 AM

    Oh sure, it's okay when a coke machine asks for hugs and gives sodas. When I go to the park and offer sodas for hugs I get 7-10 with my name on a "he touched me down there" list.

  17. Posted by Guest | April 16, 2012 at 10:04 AM

    She'd crumpets as well, which really accelerated the business.

  18. Posted by A. Genius | April 16, 2012 at 10:06 AM

    Sometimes people think I'm an idiot. That's when I whip out my Mensa card and instantly prove them wrong. Thanks Mensa!

  19. Posted by laxbro | April 16, 2012 at 10:08 AM

    I run triathlons in the summer

  20. Posted by guest | April 16, 2012 at 10:09 AM

    High IQ infrequently seems to really translate into anything practically meaningful. Not bashing, but I can't tell you how many times I've read articles about the latest protege only for him to fade into obscurity – at least relative to the expectations placed on him. You always wonder what could have been, what could be; whether these tests actually mean anything.

  21. Posted by Jerry | April 16, 2012 at 10:10 AM

    What's your chill-to-pull ratio like when offering sodas? I'd bet you'd see better results offering access to state college workout facilities.

  22. Posted by Guest | April 16, 2012 at 10:13 AM

    guest sounds like one of those kids who "doesn't test well" or was totally wasted the night before taking his SAT.

  23. Posted by Rick Santorum | April 16, 2012 at 10:15 AM

    Notice the "men" in "Mensa"? Just sayin…

  24. Posted by NowOnePerson | April 16, 2012 at 10:18 AM

    laxbro's summer triathlon:

    1) sail sunfish around bridgeport harbor (one of these days we'll sail to Greenwich!)
    2) 9 holes (18 is actually, like, athletic) at daddy's golf club (still claiming a jr membership)
    3) doubles tennis with grandma and friends (no overhand serving, please)

  25. Posted by BessLevin | April 16, 2012 at 10:19 AM

    Definitely his best work, with his turn as Freakshow coming a near-ish second.

  26. Posted by Laxbro | April 16, 2012 at 10:23 AM

    Imposter. I play real sports, Ace. Marathons and triathlons are for beta male J.Crew wearing douche bags. I have sex with girls, I don't have the energy or desire to be that good at exercising.

  27. Posted by Lehman HR | April 16, 2012 at 10:25 AM

    Bullshit. In 2006 the investment banking industry shifted to hiring the best and the brightest minds available for rapid growth and development of capital accumulation, leaving average IQ owners to find hopefully meaningful employment in less important industries like energy, medicine and science.

  28. Posted by Laxbro oh no! | April 16, 2012 at 10:28 AM

    And Laxbro eats pieces of shit like you for breakfast! Anyone referring to anyone as "Ace" is truly badass.

  29. Posted by Laxbro | April 16, 2012 at 10:30 AM

    True story. D1 lacrosse stud no longer gets you an auto-offer.

  30. Posted by "sport" | April 16, 2012 at 10:31 AM

    ace gives him blowies

  31. Posted by Hestor | April 16, 2012 at 10:31 AM

    Coke machine hugging > car fucking.

  32. Posted by PermaGuestII | April 16, 2012 at 10:34 AM

    Ahem.

    -Alan C. Greenberg

  33. Posted by PermaGuestII | April 16, 2012 at 10:35 AM

    I beg to differ.

    -Wile E. Coyote, Supergenius

  34. Posted by Guest | April 16, 2012 at 10:43 AM

    Until you see LisaMaria wearing the latest Marni for H&M, this ain't over…
    http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-04-16/falcone-
    He has halted construction on a house near the beach in Sagaponack on the eastern end of Long Island, where he owes his former contractor $1.2 million, according to a lien filed last month in Suffolk County. Falcone said he dismissed the contractor because of delays. Renovations on a 27-room mansion near Central Park once owned by former Penthouse publisher Bob Guccione that he and his wife Lisa bought in 2008 for $49 million should be completed next year, he said.

  35. Posted by Larry Summers | April 16, 2012 at 10:50 AM

    I sure did

  36. Posted by Steele Stanwicked | April 16, 2012 at 10:51 AM

    Lower tier D1 maybe, bro

  37. Posted by Abe_Froman_ | April 16, 2012 at 10:52 AM

    Nice to see you ladies found an appropriate venue to talk about your soap operas, now go finish the dishes.

  38. Posted by Bandersnatch | April 16, 2012 at 11:03 AM

    use of the word protege shows that envy is probably the motivation.

  39. Posted by Laxbro Protege | April 16, 2012 at 11:06 AM

    Still gets you blowies, though, brah.

  40. Posted by Cut Me | April 16, 2012 at 11:12 AM

    Oh hell no we don't.

    -Ace Hardware Employee

  41. Posted by Kenny Powers | April 16, 2012 at 11:13 AM

    I play real sports. I don't try to be the best at exercising.

  42. Posted by Gifted Child | April 16, 2012 at 11:14 AM

    Are we there yet?

  43. Posted by Guest | April 16, 2012 at 11:16 AM

    "Mad Men" audience is the wealthiest and most erudite in all of television.

    source: http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/07/26/hey-mad-men-fan

  44. Posted by Guest | April 16, 2012 at 11:18 AM

    What if it makes sweet love to you down by the fireplace?

  45. Posted by Guest | April 16, 2012 at 11:18 AM

    Another clown who thinks he's a genius because he made a Godly amount off a lucky sub-prime bet. Bla bla…

  46. Posted by phil mickelson | April 16, 2012 at 11:21 AM

    same

  47. Posted by Wilbur | April 16, 2012 at 11:27 AM

    the mans a pig

    trust me

  48. Posted by PermaGuestII | April 16, 2012 at 11:48 AM

    No.

  49. Posted by Bobby Trippe | April 16, 2012 at 11:51 AM

    Squeal like a pig is probably what he's being told do to get the deal done….

  50. Posted by Trends | April 16, 2012 at 1:55 PM

    I dunno I used to work for a guy who was in Mensa. He was worth like a billion. Which I'm pretty sure had a lot to do with the fact that he was a bright guy.

  51. Posted by Trends | April 16, 2012 at 2:02 PM

    Anyone else think there might not even be a real Laxbro? That it's just sort of a random moniker that people use when they want to say something really dumb and fratty? A public platform for Dealbreaker commentative defacation, if you will.

    – Dealbreaker conspiracy guy

  52. Posted by Guest | April 16, 2012 at 2:20 PM

    Your sisters are hot.

  53. Posted by trojan_ | April 16, 2012 at 2:23 PM

    a Zima

  54. Posted by Dope Rapper | April 16, 2012 at 3:09 PM

    What will the Coke machine give me after I give it my 4 inches of pleasure?

    – Guy who's not really into cuddling

  55. Posted by J Sandusky | April 16, 2012 at 3:35 PM

    Most are a tad old for my taste, but that 2 year old will do.

  56. Posted by pressure on smart kids is extreme | April 16, 2012 at 4:46 PM

    re Heidi Hankins, google, but not imagine google, Sufiah Yusof

  57. Posted by Hola | April 16, 2012 at 7:58 PM

    "… in all of television."

    Let's all just consider that statement for a moment.

  58. Posted by waiving custody | April 16, 2012 at 10:00 PM

    Your mother and I are getting a divorce. Yes, because of you.

  59. Posted by coked-up sex addict | April 16, 2012 at 10:03 PM

    Call me.

  60. Posted by Penis Health Facts | April 17, 2012 at 12:11 PM

    Are you interested in exchanging links?

  61. Posted by Estate Evaluation | April 17, 2012 at 1:14 PM

    It's really scary when power is in the hands of the few. then again banks have always made the civilized world go around.

  62. Posted by Habibe | May 8, 2012 at 9:45 PM

    ManjulaWhat I understand is, the chectraar is suffering from depression. What she needs is some help. May be her doctor should be able to help out and let her sort the problems out. Awareness of mental problems in India still seems to be a problem.Why do doctors in India always advise pregnant women to take complete rest?

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