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What? It’s Not Like He Hit The Button For Every Floor To Make The Ride As Awkward As Possible

A few months ago, I was standing in a crowded elevator when Jamie Dimon, the chief executive of JPMorgan Chase, stepped in. When he saw me, he said in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear: “Why does The New York Times hate the banks?” It’s not The New York Times, Mr. Dimon. It really isn’t. It’s the country that hates the banks these days. [Joe Nocera/NYT]

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152 Responses to “What? It’s Not Like He Hit The Button For Every Floor To Make The Ride As Awkward As Possible”

  1. Lowly Assistant says:

    Surprised that he didn't follow up with a question regarding organic peanut butter and storage.

  2. Horse Semen Quant says:

    Why don't you ever step into elevators I'm standing in and say things loud enough for everyone to hear?

    -Dejected Rolling Stone Writer

  3. VonSloneker says:

    I simply must figure out a way to brag about Jamie Dimon recognizing me on the elevator a few months ago…EUREKA!! Bloviate in the NYT!

    – J. Nocera

  4. Pedantic says:

    Actually, the NYT has lots to do with the people of this country (de verker off de peeple) hating banks.

    -Boris, Natasha et al.

  5. HAM05 says:

    headphones on, anus relaxed, right leg raised slightly

  6. C. Gasparino says:

    I would have avoided the commentary and just asked Jamie if he could hit "11" for me.

  7. Im_a_Dude says:

    I doubt Jamie Dimon knows or cares who Joe Nocera is, and this elevator incident took place in the depths of the NYT imagination department.

  8. guest says:

    Let me think Jamie, maybe it's because the Fed is sitting on a 3 trillion dollar pile of shit which is causing the price of everything people need to live to skyrocket, or that the 1 Trillion dollars in deposits you sit on giving zero return to savers is subsidizing your earnings power while other industries like my own have fallen into the toilet because we don't have the largesse of our friends on the board of the Fed bailing us out anytime there is a potential hiccup in our risk profile. D-bag.

    -NY Times apologist

  9. fanciful financier says:

    Joe you sir, are a moron

  10. Not Jamie says:

    I bet Jamie wishes it was Bess on that elevator, and not for a story.

    • S. Tyler says:

      You know you drive me up the wall the way you make good on all the nasty tricks you pull.
      Seems like we're makin' up more than we're makin' love.

    • Doug says:

      I bet Bess wishes it was Bess on that elevator.

  11. guest says:

    Sir, its not the New York Times that hates banks, it was/is certain investors that are short the banks and plant stories with "reporters" for the New York Times that hate banks.
    – G. Morgenson

  12. Jim says:

    You don't like banks? Stop borrowing money.

  13. guest says:

    He hates these banks!
    – Navan R. Johnson

    • # 32 says:

      funny part was next day…

      JJD shows up wearing a He Hate Me jersey.

      shuda seen joes shame

  14. Mexi_Cant says:

    I'm Joe Nocera and I'm white trash.

  15. gab says:

    Apparently poor Joe is unaware they are doing God's work…

  16. PermaGuestII says:

    Have to say, I'd pay a lot more attention to the NYT et al. if they demonstrated an actual ability to differentiate between, say, a derivatives trader, the head of healthcare banking at XYZ & Co., a middle-manager in the Sioux Falls credit-card receivables processing department, and the stock loan department. Instead, everyone even tangentially related to the industry is a "banker." It's as if it were ok to characterize every single employee at the Times as a "reporter."

    • I'm a Banker!!!!!! says:

      God sometimes I forget how much I secretly love the New York Times.

      -Piper Jaffray Trade Settlement Analyst

    • J.D. says:

      As if it were ok to characterize any employee at the Times as a "reporter."

      Fixed it.

    • permaship says:

      what no boat metaphors ?

    • Guest says:

      Totally! Only people within the industry who nuance their arguments so as to spare the vast majority of individuals working in the sector from moral approbation are credible. Just like when the N.Y. Times confused the S.A. and the S.S. in 1943, utterly destroying the Grey Lady's reputation.

  17. Guest says:

    I'd eat Jamie up like a succulent piece of sweetbread.

    – Frank Bruni

  18. InfiniteGuest says:

    Points for artfully dodging the question.

  19. Cut Me says:

    Why don't you come ride on a REAL elevator Mr. Nocera.

    -Vickles

  20. J. Nocera says:

    and for my next brilliant idea… @JPMelevator

  21. Y. Smirnoff says:

    In Soviet Russia, bank hates you!

  22. 2Hedged says:

    Joe,

    You have part of my attention – you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of JP Morgan, where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing.

    -JD

  23. Haterade says:

    JD and I were in an elevator and it was a pleasant ride until he farted. Then it was an uncomfortable, smelly ride.

    – JPM Intern

    • Family Guy JPM BSD says:

      The biggest value add an intern can do for a CEO is learn to love his gas. Love the gas JPM Intern! LOVE IT!

      – Peter Griffin, JP Morgan MD

  24. Guest says:

    I was once in an elevator at GS with Dan Loeb and David Einhorn.

    -Jayson Blair

  25. W. Tilson says:

    Bill Ackman and I frequently ride the same elevator, although I get off before he does.

    -triple entendre

  26. dick fuld says:

    you see this is why i used a private elevator.

    place is full of cocksuckers

  27. JHG says:

    Hey permaguest: you proved his point. You may think those bullshit words you used define a "bank". Most of us out here define those words as "robbery", "lying sacks of shit", "I'm sorry, you don't qualify", that'll be 23 percent vigorish to you dedicated monthly payor". Crawl out of your Bentley and shake hands (ok use a glove) with someone who has to breathe air instead of the pure oxygen you inhale.

  28. cobra says:

    i was on the verge of tears as he stepped in, his hair smelling of unbashful success, his suit ironed with the steam of honourable progress, the elevator filled with the dreams of pre-pubescent riches as i was certain he wouldn't recognize me, but then he yelled at me, and relief washed over me in an awesome wave.

    -Joe Nocero

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