Who Wants To Adopt Anna Gristina’s Pigs?

Back in March, a woman named Anna Gristina was arrested for allegedly running a whorehouse out of an East 78th Street apartment, with plans to go global. In that time, we’ve learned a good bit about Gristina (who goes by Anna Scotland professionally), who currently remains incarcerated on Riker’s Island. For instance, at the time of her arrest, she was meeting with a friend and broker who was supposedly helping her line up financing to expand the venture (which she maintains was an upscale dating site), she paid her hookers well, and she was an animal lover. Emphasis on the past tense because apparently anyone can be an animal lover until push comes to shove and mommy needs money for legal fees. Then it’s good-bye lush accommodations upstate, hello slaughterhouse.

An accused Upper East Side brothel boss is so hard up for cash that she’s had to evict most of the pigs she keeps in her upstate home to save money while she remains locked up in jail on $2 million bond. The family of accused madam Anna Gristina, who’s got a soft spot for porkers, has sent away all but two of the seven rescue pigs she keeps in order to save the hundreds of dollars per month she spends in upkeep for them at her Orange County farm, her husband said yesterday. “My son was really upset,” Gristina’s hubby Kelvin Gorr said of the decision to relocate those hogs to two other farms. “He was crying,” Gorr said of the boy, 9-year-old Nicholas. “Anna, too, was upset,” the real-estate agent Gorr said. “But there’s nothing we can do.” But Gorr assured, “They’re not going to be eaten.”

Oh really? That’s interesting because most people wouldn’t make a claim like “they’re not going to be eaten” without explaining what WILL happen to them instead, unless they are prevaricating in flagrante.

So. Apparently it falls to us. If anyone has an interest in taking in one of these pigs, speak up now. Lest the idea cross your mind that a certain hedge fund manager will be opening his doors, let me stop you right there– there’s no room at that inn.

‘Madam’ has a pig money problem [NYP]

(hidden for your protection)
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93 Responses to “Who Wants To Adopt Anna Gristina’s Pigs?”

  1. derp says:

    Let fly the Pigs of Whore

  2. guest says:

    You had me at "Who’s got a soft spot for porkers…"

  3. Wilbur F. says:

    Am I getting a new brother or sister?

    • guest says:

      "Lest the idea cross your mind that a certain hedge fund manager will be opening his doors, let me stop you right there– there’s no room at that inn."

      • Wilbur F. says:

        Sorry, I'm a pig and can't read so have to rely on Lisa to recount Dealbreaker posts to me, evidently her reading comprehension isn't to great. I tried to have Phil read me a Matt post one but it started talking about something called "returns" and he got all baffled. I'm gonna go grab a drink from the bar in the closet now and leave the commenting to you humans.

  4. Mexi_Cant says:

    Why do you have to tempt us with bacon Bess on the week of passover?

    -A chosen person, like yourself Bess

  5. CT. Art Dealer says:

    Any chances of either getting them stuffed or in a tank of formaldehyde?

  6. Guest says:

    The headline led me to believe I would be providing a home to some unemployed hookers.

  7. ShortNaked says:

    PIIGS?!?!? Sign me up!

    -J. Corzine

  8. Jimmy Dean says:

    I'll take them and wrap them in blankets until they're nice and warm. 350 degrees for about 25 minutes ought to do it.

  9. Brick Top says:

    You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm.

  10. dumb says:

    I love pork and will take them all…

    – US Government

  11. Fool me once... says:

    Don't believe them kid. Those pigs aren't going to any farm, where there's lots of fresh air and room to run and lots of other pigs to play with. That's what my mom and dad told me about my dog Scruffy, when I was about your age. I bought that BS then because I was young and naive. When I later discovered the truth, …. well, let's just say it still hurts. Yeah, it still hurts alot.

    • Guest says:

      Soooo where did the dog go?

      – Guy who never understood where the dog actually goes, but knows it's not a farm

      • UBS Canine Quant says:

        If they're lucky the pound, where they are likely to be killed. If they're unlucky, the UBS analyst program.

  12. Everyone Knows says:

    Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered.

  13. Charlotte says:

    That's some pig!

  14. guestie says:

    Don't be silly, those things are attached to her upper chest.

  15. Guestus says:

    "…prevaricating in flagrante."

    It moved.

  16. Joe Blow says:

    the pigs are safe and sound and will not be killed…why are you so sic and mean>?

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