• 03 Apr 2012 at 2:59 PM

Who Wants To Adopt Anna Gristina’s Pigs?

Back in March, a woman named Anna Gristina was arrested for allegedly running a whorehouse out of an East 78th Street apartment, with plans to go global. In that time, we’ve learned a good bit about Gristina (who goes by Anna Scotland professionally), who currently remains incarcerated on Riker’s Island. For instance, at the time of her arrest, she was meeting with a friend and broker who was supposedly helping her line up financing to expand the venture (which she maintains was an upscale dating site), she paid her hookers well, and she was an animal lover. Emphasis on the past tense because apparently anyone can be an animal lover until push comes to shove and mommy needs money for legal fees. Then it’s good-bye lush accommodations upstate, hello slaughterhouse.

An accused Upper East Side brothel boss is so hard up for cash that she’s had to evict most of the pigs she keeps in her upstate home to save money while she remains locked up in jail on $2 million bond. The family of accused madam Anna Gristina, who’s got a soft spot for porkers, has sent away all but two of the seven rescue pigs she keeps in order to save the hundreds of dollars per month she spends in upkeep for them at her Orange County farm, her husband said yesterday. “My son was really upset,” Gristina’s hubby Kelvin Gorr said of the decision to relocate those hogs to two other farms. “He was crying,” Gorr said of the boy, 9-year-old Nicholas. “Anna, too, was upset,” the real-estate agent Gorr said. “But there’s nothing we can do.” But Gorr assured, “They’re not going to be eaten.”

Oh really? That’s interesting because most people wouldn’t make a claim like “they’re not going to be eaten” without explaining what WILL happen to them instead, unless they are prevaricating in flagrante.

So. Apparently it falls to us. If anyone has an interest in taking in one of these pigs, speak up now. Lest the idea cross your mind that a certain hedge fund manager will be opening his doors, let me stop you right there– there’s no room at that inn.

‘Madam’ has a pig money problem [NYP]

93 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (93)

  1. Posted by derp | April 3, 2012 at 3:04 PM

    Let fly the Pigs of Whore

  2. Posted by guest | April 3, 2012 at 3:05 PM

    You had me at "Who’s got a soft spot for porkers…"

  3. Posted by Wilbur F. | April 3, 2012 at 3:08 PM

    Am I getting a new brother or sister?

  4. Posted by guest | April 3, 2012 at 3:10 PM

    "Lest the idea cross your mind that a certain hedge fund manager will be opening his doors, let me stop you right there– there’s no room at that inn."

  5. Posted by Mexi_Cant | April 3, 2012 at 3:17 PM

    Why do you have to tempt us with bacon Bess on the week of passover?

    -A chosen person, like yourself Bess

  6. Posted by Wilbur F. | April 3, 2012 at 3:23 PM

    Sorry, I'm a pig and can't read so have to rely on Lisa to recount Dealbreaker posts to me, evidently her reading comprehension isn't to great. I tried to have Phil read me a Matt post one but it started talking about something called "returns" and he got all baffled. I'm gonna go grab a drink from the bar in the closet now and leave the commenting to you humans.

  7. Posted by wahoo | April 3, 2012 at 3:23 PM

    A Weinstein and a Martinez. You sir, are a rare breed.

  8. Posted by Mexi_Cant | April 3, 2012 at 3:27 PM

    A Gonzalez anda speedy one at that you racist fuck.

  9. Posted by CT. Art Dealer | April 3, 2012 at 3:27 PM

    Any chances of either getting them stuffed or in a tank of formaldehyde?

  10. Posted by Guest | April 3, 2012 at 3:30 PM

    The headline led me to believe I would be providing a home to some unemployed hookers.

  11. Posted by E. Spitzer | April 3, 2012 at 3:32 PM

    Same. Well, back to folding the socks.

  12. Posted by Alt_EST | April 3, 2012 at 3:33 PM

    Mexi_Cant_Eat_a_Cheeseburger

  13. Posted by guest | April 3, 2012 at 3:35 PM

    If you read the What Do You Think Of This Dealbreaker article, you know that Bess does not adhere to such rules (which have nothing to do with Passover).

    -jexpert

  14. Posted by wahoo | April 3, 2012 at 3:36 PM

    Bad Chalupa for lunch? Calmate cabron

  15. Posted by ShortNaked | April 3, 2012 at 3:36 PM

    PIIGS?!?!? Sign me up!

    -J. Corzine

  16. Posted by Jimmy Dean | April 3, 2012 at 3:36 PM

    I'll take them and wrap them in blankets until they're nice and warm. 350 degrees for about 25 minutes ought to do it.

  17. Posted by Unexamined | April 3, 2012 at 3:37 PM

    Signed,

    -George Zimmerman

  18. Posted by Brick Top | April 3, 2012 at 3:53 PM

    You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm.

  19. Posted by dumb | April 3, 2012 at 4:07 PM

    I love pork and will take them all…

    – US Government

  20. Posted by Fool me once... | April 3, 2012 at 4:30 PM

    Don't believe them kid. Those pigs aren't going to any farm, where there's lots of fresh air and room to run and lots of other pigs to play with. That's what my mom and dad told me about my dog Scruffy, when I was about your age. I bought that BS then because I was young and naive. When I later discovered the truth, …. well, let's just say it still hurts. Yeah, it still hurts alot.

  21. Posted by Guest | April 3, 2012 at 4:35 PM

    Soooo where did the dog go?

    – Guy who never understood where the dog actually goes, but knows it's not a farm

  22. Posted by UBS Canine Quant | April 3, 2012 at 5:14 PM

    If they're lucky the pound, where they are likely to be killed. If they're unlucky, the UBS analyst program.

  23. Posted by Everyone Knows | April 3, 2012 at 7:48 PM

    Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered.

  24. Posted by Charlotte | April 3, 2012 at 10:41 PM

    That's some pig!

  25. Posted by dontshoot_itsme | April 4, 2012 at 7:28 AM

    Ok.

    -J. Porzine

  26. Posted by guestie | April 4, 2012 at 10:33 AM

    Don't be silly, those things are attached to her upper chest.

  27. Posted by Guestus | April 4, 2012 at 3:11 PM

    "…prevaricating in flagrante."

    It moved.

  28. Posted by Cabowabo | April 4, 2012 at 4:34 PM

    +1. Underappreciated by the commentariat.

  29. Posted by Joe Blow | April 11, 2012 at 5:47 PM

    the pigs are safe and sound and will not be killed…why are you so sic and mean>?

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    Any chances of either getting them stuffed or in a tank of formaldehyde?

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