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David Einhorn Will Just Put It Out There That A Salad Every Once In A While Won’t Kill You

Directed at no one in particular but if a certain jelly donut-addicted Fed Chair has found even his extra-forgiving sweatpants getting too snug, he might want to take note.

“A Jelly Donut is a yummy mid-afternoon energy boost. Two Jelly Donuts are an indulgent breakfast. Three Jelly Donuts may induce a tummy ache. Six Jelly Donuts — that’s an eating disorder. Twelve Jelly Donuts is fraternity pledge hazing. My point is that you can have too much of a good thing and overdoses are destructive. Chairman Bernanke is presently force-feeding us what seems like the 36th Jelly Donut of easy money and wondering why it isn’t giving us energy or making us feel better. Instead of a robust recovery, the economy continues to be sluggish. Last year, when asked why his measures weren’t working, he suggested it was “bad luck.”…If you haven’t exercised in a while, going for that first run is indeed a painful experience. So, yes, policy makers should pay attention to possible disruption, but this is not reason enough to forgo the needed change in rate policy. After jogging for a few days, exercising becomes easier, and as exercising gets easier, the desire for more exercise goes up and the desire for Jelly Donuts goes down…as an investor my job is to figure out what will happen rather than what should happen. If we didn’t have a Jelly Donut monetary policy, I would sell gold, sell bonds and buy stocks. But, the Fed is filled with academics who thoughtlessly rely on econometric models that reflexively indicate that repeated Jelly Donut orgies are the best way to get a sugar rush into the economy. And, the Fed Chairman seems to have no trouble rationalizing any policy failure on the basis that “monetary policy cannot be a panacea,” or “it’s bad luck,” or as proof that he just hasn’t force fed us enough Jelly Donuts, yet. As long as this is the case, it seems unlikely the Fed will change course. As a result, I will keep a substantial long exposure to gold — which serves as a Jelly Donut antidote for my portfolio.”

Just something to think about!

The Fed’s Jelly Donut Policy [David Einhorn/HuffPo]

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119 Responses to “David Einhorn Will Just Put It Out There That A Salad Every Once In A While Won’t Kill You”

  1. Guest says:

    Whoever got 12 jelly donuts as a hazing activity was in the best fraternity ever.

  2. Homer Simpson says:

    Diminishing marginal utility never really made sense to me…

  3. guest says:

    Why would anyone care about someone dumb enough to invest in the Mets thinks?

  4. Guest says:

    Great, now I'm tungry, oh so tungry.

  5. DD Marketing says:

    We'll need to get together on how to leverage this jelly donut orgy idea…

  6. AndrewLohse says:

    The other version of the "Quick Six" hazing was six jelly donuts in one minute.

  7. The Bernank says:

    That's how we rolled in Phi Beta Kappa, David. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

  8. Backdoor_Bess says:

    F– You.

    Respectively,
    Chris Christie

  9. Big Fan says:

    Homer: “Doughnuts -– is there anything they can’t do?”

    Einhorn: "Give us energy or make us feel better"

    Homer: "You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!"

  10. Alt_EST says:

    Einhorn-inspired Food-Eating Challenge: First to the bottom of a dozen jelly-filled donuts.

    Winner will receive Greenlight swag, salad, and di-a-betes.

    • Im_a_Dude says:

      got to mix up the donuts. put in some boston creme, french crawlers. all jelly will kill you.
      donuts dont look too pretty on the way out.

      -guy who made to 11 and a half

  11. Kegels123 says:

    People like you should be paying more for my 36 jelly donuts.

    -Michael Moore

  12. Guest says:

    After jogging for a few days, exercising becomes easier, and as exercising gets easier, the desire for more exercise goes up and the desire for Jelly Donuts goes down.

    – – – – –

    I workout five days a week but I'm addicted to the new strawberry & creme pies at McDonald's.

  13. Guest says:

    Anyone else get hungry when they watch "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives?

    • Hakuna Matata Guy says:

      I get hungry when I watch Real Housewives of New Jersey. Yes, of course I get hungry watching Diners, Drive-ins and Dives.

    • Guest says:

      No, but the bull dyke that hosts the show sure does make me horny.

      -Biff

  14. Guest says:

    36 Jelly donuts is actually half of Round 48.

    – GS hopeful

  15. Brad says:

    Tell me more about these "Jelly Donut orgies"………..

  16. guest says:

    Interesting that a guy with such a bad hair piece was able to weave such an analogy.

  17. dumb says:

    Are these Tim Hortons donuts? I got my eye on you Canada…

    – Sheriff Bud Boomer

  18. Guest says:

    “A cup of GMCR coffee is a yummy mid-afternoon energy boost. Two cups are an indulgent breakfast. Three cups may induce a tummy ache. Six cups — that’s a sell side estimate. Twelve cups, that's either just fucked up or GMCR double counting in the distribution channel."

    –Guy who thinks DE missed an opportunity to rub it in a bit

  19. VonSloneker says:

    Ich bin ein[horn] Berliner

    – Marge Bouvier-Kennedy

  20. BabyCrane says:

    Big bad Raj could do two dozen with no ill effects, though Dave might claim that's the NKI.

  21. CarriedInterest says:

    Really? You couldn't use coffee as an example for an energy boost?

    -Green Mountain Coffee CEO

  22. Finkle is Einhorn says:

    Ben Bernanke violating Erin Callan with a Caribou K-Cup while reading her the prologue from "Fooling Some of the People…"

  23. Ben Bernanke says:

    This guy doesn't even look old enough to grow a beard.

    Seriously, a Mets fan questioning my judgment?

    Stick to poker and K-cups dude, I'm playing at the big boy table.

    B. Bernanke

  24. baffled says:

    How the hell did HuffPo get Einhorn to contribute *original* content?

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