Directed at no one in particular but if a certain jelly donut-addicted Fed Chair has found even his extra-forgiving sweatpants getting too snug, he might want to take note.

“A Jelly Donut is a yummy mid-afternoon energy boost. Two Jelly Donuts are an indulgent breakfast. Three Jelly Donuts may induce a tummy ache. Six Jelly Donuts — that’s an eating disorder. Twelve Jelly Donuts is fraternity pledge hazing. My point is that you can have too much of a good thing and overdoses are destructive. Chairman Bernanke is presently force-feeding us what seems like the 36th Jelly Donut of easy money and wondering why it isn’t giving us energy or making us feel better. Instead of a robust recovery, the economy continues to be sluggish. Last year, when asked why his measures weren’t working, he suggested it was “bad luck.”…If you haven’t exercised in a while, going for that first run is indeed a painful experience. So, yes, policy makers should pay attention to possible disruption, but this is not reason enough to forgo the needed change in rate policy. After jogging for a few days, exercising becomes easier, and as exercising gets easier, the desire for more exercise goes up and the desire for Jelly Donuts goes down…as an investor my job is to figure out what will happen rather than what should happen. If we didn’t have a Jelly Donut monetary policy, I would sell gold, sell bonds and buy stocks. But, the Fed is filled with academics who thoughtlessly rely on econometric models that reflexively indicate that repeated Jelly Donut orgies are the best way to get a sugar rush into the economy. And, the Fed Chairman seems to have no trouble rationalizing any policy failure on the basis that “monetary policy cannot be a panacea,” or “it’s bad luck,” or as proof that he just hasn’t force fed us enough Jelly Donuts, yet. As long as this is the case, it seems unlikely the Fed will change course. As a result, I will keep a substantial long exposure to gold — which serves as a Jelly Donut antidote for my portfolio.”

Just something to think about!

The Fed’s Jelly Donut Policy [David Einhorn/HuffPo]

117 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (117)

  1. Posted by Guest | May 3, 2012 at 12:11 PM

    Whoever got 12 jelly donuts as a hazing activity was in the best fraternity ever.

  2. Posted by VandelayCapital | May 3, 2012 at 12:12 PM

    Kappa Kappa Christie?

  3. Posted by Homer Simpson | May 3, 2012 at 12:15 PM

    Diminishing marginal utility never really made sense to me…

  4. Posted by guest | May 3, 2012 at 12:19 PM

    Why would anyone care about someone dumb enough to invest in the Mets thinks?

  5. Posted by Guest | May 3, 2012 at 12:20 PM

    Great, now I'm tungry, oh so tungry.

  6. Posted by DD Marketing | May 3, 2012 at 12:22 PM

    We'll need to get together on how to leverage this jelly donut orgy idea…

  7. Posted by UBS Greek Ltr MD | May 3, 2012 at 12:23 PM

    Dia Beta Aties?

  8. Posted by Herbalife CEO | May 3, 2012 at 12:24 PM

    I agree!

  9. Posted by AndrewLohse | May 3, 2012 at 12:25 PM

    The other version of the "Quick Six" hazing was six jelly donuts in one minute.

  10. Posted by Detla Xi Omega | May 3, 2012 at 12:26 PM

    Depends on if they were jelly donuts or "jelly" donuts. I can imagine some frightening versions of the latter.

    - Guy who ate some nasty stuff while pledging

  11. Posted by The Bernank | May 3, 2012 at 12:27 PM

    That's how we rolled in Phi Beta Kappa, David. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

  12. Posted by Backdoor_Bess | May 3, 2012 at 12:27 PM

    F– You.

    Respectively,
    Chris Christie

  13. Posted by Allied Capital CEO | May 3, 2012 at 12:29 PM

    dude…don't even get me started.

  14. Posted by Big Fan | May 3, 2012 at 12:30 PM

    Homer: “Doughnuts -– is there anything they can’t do?”

    Einhorn: "Give us energy or make us feel better"

    Homer: "You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!"

  15. Posted by guestapo | May 3, 2012 at 12:32 PM

    +1

  16. Posted by guestapo | May 3, 2012 at 12:36 PM

    Wouldn't those be Boston Creams?

  17. Posted by Alt_EST | May 3, 2012 at 12:40 PM

    Einhorn-inspired Food-Eating Challenge: First to the bottom of a dozen jelly-filled donuts.

    Winner will receive Greenlight swag, salad, and di-a-betes.

  18. Posted by Kegels123 | May 3, 2012 at 12:42 PM

    People like you should be paying more for my 36 jelly donuts.

    -Michael Moore

  19. Posted by Guest | May 3, 2012 at 12:45 PM

    After jogging for a few days, exercising becomes easier, and as exercising gets easier, the desire for more exercise goes up and the desire for Jelly Donuts goes down.

    - – - – -

    I workout five days a week but I'm addicted to the new strawberry & creme pies at McDonald's.

  20. Posted by Guest | May 3, 2012 at 12:52 PM

    You mised the joke. GIS "jelly donut"

  21. Posted by Guest | May 3, 2012 at 12:53 PM

    Anyone else get hungry when they watch "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives?

  22. Posted by D. Strawberry | May 3, 2012 at 1:07 PM

    Unlike your dad he was smart enough to pull out.

  23. Posted by Guest | May 3, 2012 at 1:14 PM

    About is wrong with the Mets?

  24. Posted by Guest | May 3, 2012 at 1:16 PM

    36 Jelly donuts is actually half of Round 48.

    - GS hopeful

  25. Posted by Hakuna Matata Guy | May 3, 2012 at 1:23 PM

    I get hungry when I watch Real Housewives of New Jersey. Yes, of course I get hungry watching Diners, Drive-ins and Dives.

  26. Posted by Brad | May 3, 2012 at 1:24 PM

    Tell me more about these "Jelly Donut orgies"………..

  27. Posted by Guest | May 3, 2012 at 1:28 PM

    No, but the bull dyke that hosts the show sure does make me horny.

    -Biff

  28. Posted by Guest | May 3, 2012 at 1:30 PM

    Respectfully?

  29. Posted by Deleveraging | May 3, 2012 at 1:40 PM

    Copa Grama Hash – we survived on Jelly Donuts

    A dozen donuts, when do the summer interns start?

  30. Posted by guest | May 3, 2012 at 1:51 PM

    Interesting that a guy with such a bad hair piece was able to weave such an analogy.

  31. Posted by Im_a_Dude | May 3, 2012 at 1:51 PM

    got to mix up the donuts. put in some boston creme, french crawlers. all jelly will kill you.
    donuts dont look too pretty on the way out.

    -guy who made to 11 and a half

  32. Posted by ShortNaked | May 3, 2012 at 1:52 PM

    That comment is on a one way train to Flavor Town

  33. Posted by dumb | May 3, 2012 at 2:04 PM

    Are these Tim Hortons donuts? I got my eye on you Canada…

    - Sheriff Bud Boomer

  34. Posted by Guest | May 3, 2012 at 2:14 PM

    “A cup of GMCR coffee is a yummy mid-afternoon energy boost. Two cups are an indulgent breakfast. Three cups may induce a tummy ache. Six cups — that’s a sell side estimate. Twelve cups, that's either just fucked up or GMCR double counting in the distribution channel."

    –Guy who thinks DE missed an opportunity to rub it in a bit

  35. Posted by Guest | May 3, 2012 at 2:25 PM

    Wait, what do you mean?

    - St. Joe's CEO

  36. Posted by Guest | May 3, 2012 at 2:26 PM

    Agreed. Might be onto something we haven't even seen yet.

    - Silvio B

  37. Posted by Freud | May 3, 2012 at 2:30 PM

    Introspectively?

  38. Posted by VonSloneker | May 3, 2012 at 2:52 PM

    Ich bin ein[horn] Berliner

    - Marge Bouvier-Kennedy

  39. Posted by DD Marketing | May 3, 2012 at 3:16 PM

    I think it's crullers…

  40. Posted by guest | May 3, 2012 at 3:39 PM

    no, it's crawlers.

    –indignant escargot

  41. Posted by Jerry | May 3, 2012 at 3:46 PM

    No, I don't think he did.

  42. Posted by BabyCrane | May 3, 2012 at 4:18 PM

    Big bad Raj could do two dozen with no ill effects, though Dave might claim that's the NKI.

  43. Posted by CarriedInterest | May 3, 2012 at 4:33 PM

    Really? You couldn't use coffee as an example for an energy boost?

    -Green Mountain Coffee CEO

  44. Posted by Guest | May 3, 2012 at 5:10 PM

    You're so fucked.

    - R. Dalio

  45. Posted by Guest | May 3, 2012 at 5:14 PM

    One of the finer points of my libertine lifestyle.

    - DSK

  46. Posted by Finkle is Einhorn | May 3, 2012 at 5:36 PM

    Ben Bernanke violating Erin Callan with a Caribou K-Cup while reading her the prologue from "Fooling Some of the People…"

  47. Posted by L. Blanford | May 3, 2012 at 6:17 PM

    Yeah! What an idiot…

    - Lawrence Blanford

  48. Posted by Ben Bernanke | May 3, 2012 at 7:17 PM

    This guy doesn't even look old enough to grow a beard.

    Seriously, a Mets fan questioning my judgment?

    Stick to poker and K-cups dude, I'm playing at the big boy table.

    B. Bernanke

  49. Posted by baffled | May 4, 2012 at 11:24 AM

    How the hell did HuffPo get Einhorn to contribute *original* content?

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    Einhorn, when I ask you : "How do you doggies feel? You say "SIR, tip-top shit-hot, second-to-none, SIR! Now the first one to eat this entire red onion doesn't have to re-up collateral.'

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