Wall Street Journal Columnist Can’t Believe He Has To Breathe The Same Air As Worthless Pieces Of Shit That Are Today’s College Grads

Once upon a time, as in two years ago, Wall Street Journal foreign-affairs columnist Bret Stephens hired an intern from West Point who blew him away with her accomplishments and talent. When she wasn’t performing “field exercises in which she kept a bullet proof vest on at all times, even while sleeping” she was writing “brilliantly” and was one of the most “self-effacing” people Stephens had ever met. Currently, the former intern is fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan and to this day, whenever Stephens thinks of her, he is awed and impressed, as most people would be. Unfortunately, he probably won’t have the opportunity to hire another individual of her caliber, because approximately 99% of this woman’s generation is made up of despicable know-nothing low-life scumbags who exist to make Stephens sick.

Take a guy Bret interviewed a couple months back. Kid had an “astonishingly high GPA from an Ivy League university and aspirations to write about Middle East politics.” The two got to chatting about Suez Crisis of ’56 and over the course of the chat it became apparent that this kid “didn’t know who was the president of the United States in 1956. And he didn’t know who succeeded that president.”

Know where that guy is now? In Bret Stephens’s meat locker, as he well should be.

And while Stephens hasn’t had the opportunity to interview each and every member of the Class of 2012, he doesn’t have to in order to know what they’re all about, which is being a bunch of degenerate jerk-offs who suck at their parents’ teat because they can’t get the jobs they don’t deserve that aren’t available because they are Commies who voted for Obama.

Take it away, Bret:

Dear Class of 2012: Allow me to be the first one not to congratulate you. Through exertions that—let’s be honest—were probably less than heroic, most of you have spent the last few years getting inflated grades in useless subjects in order to obtain a debased degree. Now you’re entering a lousy economy, courtesy of the very president whom you, as freshmen, voted for with such enthusiasm. Please spare us the self-pity about how tough it is to look for a job while living with your parents. They’re the ones who spent a fortune on your education only to get you back— return-to-sender, forwarding address unknown…If you’re like [West Point] intern, please feel free to feel sorry for yourself. Just remember she doesn’t. Unfortunately, dear graduates, chances are you’re nothing like her.

And don’t you ever forget it, pieces of garbage. Moving on:

To read through your CVs, dear graduates, is to be assaulted by endless Advertisements for Myself. Here you are, 21 or 22 years old, claiming to have accomplished feats in past summer internships or at your school newspaper that would be hard to credit in a biography of Walter Lippmann or Ernie Pyle…In every generation there’s a strong tendency for everyone to think like everyone else. But your generation has an especially bad case, because your mass conformism is masked by the appearance of mass nonconformism. It’s a point I learned from my West Point intern, when I asked her what it was like to lead such a uniformed existence. Her answer stayed with me: Wearing a uniform, she said, helped her figure out what it was that really distinguished her as an individual. Now she’s a second lieutenant, leading a life of meaning and honor, figuring out how to Think Different for the sake of a cause that counts. Not many of you will be able to follow in her precise footsteps, nor do you need to do so. But if you can just manage to tone down your egos, shape up your minds, and think unfashionable thoughts, you just might be able to do something worthy with your lives. And even get a job. Good luck!

Not that any of you losers are gonna need it!

Stephens: To The Class Of 2012 [WSJ via Heidi Moore]

(hidden for your protection)
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160 Responses to “Wall Street Journal Columnist Can’t Believe He Has To Breathe The Same Air As Worthless Pieces Of Shit That Are Today’s College Grads”

  1. B-Moyn says:

    Mass conformism masked as mass nonconformism, eh?

    We mask our failure with Superpods… Welcome aboard Class of 2012!

  2. Billy Madison says:

    Ok, a simple "wrong" would've done just fine.

  3. 2012 graduate says:

    Ha! I guess he did not interview Permaguest who no way would have got that answer wrong!

  4. unwanted guest says:

    We can't all aspire to courageously sit on our asses and write boot-licking copy for a living.

  5. iPad user says:

    Never mind, iPad interface still sucks.

  6. His Editor says:


  7. UBS MD says:

    these idiots fit perfectly here

  8. Rickybobbyjoe says:

    Because fighting endless, pointless wars that drain the treasury is the best role a country can offer its youth. Why not have all the graduates go and fight?

    Pure idiocy, paid by the word.

  9. Guest says:

    Janitor From the Breakfast Club to the asshole principal:

    "Listen, Vernon, if you were sixteen, what would you think of you?

  10. Guest says:

    Eh, the guy might be a dick, but if you got into an elite school and got great grades at that elite school, you ought to be able to answer: "who was President in 1956?" That is not a difficult question. It's not a big deal if you can't answer that. A bunch of people do very well in life not knowing politics or history. It's just that if you're interested in foreign policy, if you consider yourself one of the best and the brightest, but you can't answer that question…somebody screwed up.

    Saying that isn't so much saying "look at how smart I am compared to you losers!" as "you know that school that's charging you a boatload and keeps telling you about the fantastic education you're getting? They're really screwing up somewhere."

  11. guest says:

    " Now you’re entering a lousy economy, courtesy of the very president whom you, as freshmen, voted for with such enthusiasm. Please spare us the self-pity "

    So which is it, Stephens? The kids can't get jobs because they're the assholes you claim they are or they can't because they don't exist thanks to (what you apparently believe) is a job killing president?

  12. Guest says:

    Am I low life scum as well?

    – Class of 2013 Graduate

  13. guest says:

    "condescending asshole is condescending"


    also, moronic but that's obvious.

  14. Guest says:

    I officially declare war on the Baby Boomers! WE RIDE AT DAWN.

  15. WSJ vs Charmin says:

    I never liked the a-hole. Just feel vindicated.

    The WSJ has become total trash. Can't believe I still subscribe. In my defense, I only have online. Home delivery had become too embarrassing – neighbors might catch you reading it.

  16. SomeGuy says:

    Looks like this piece hit a little close to home for you kids…

  17. Guest says:

    Would you two just fight or bang already and stop arguing. This whole thread was TLDR.

  18. Guest says:

    Speaking of being worthless… WSJ foreign affairs!

  19. Laxbro says:

    Summary: I'm still bitter I never got to bang the West Point chick

  20. Ivy Class of 2012 says:

    Thanks for the shout out, but TL:DR.

    – Class of 2012

  21. Texashedge says:

    That bald asshole was president.

    -Anthony Eden

  22. Guest says:

    I see that he's a Chicago alum. They're always the creepiest.

  23. Nostalgia says:

    Where was Bret's letter to the Class of 2006 after Yale student, Aleksey Vayner, sent an 11 page resume along with a video to UBS:

    "Impossible is nothing — introduces the seven-minute clip, which shows Mr. Vayner performing various feats of physical strength and skill, interspersed with inspirational maxims. Viewers are presented with images of Mr. Vayner bench-pressing weights (a caption suggests it is 495 pounds), playing tennis (firing off what is said to be a 140 mile-per-hour serve) and performing martial arts (he breaks seven bricks with his palm)."

    Stephens would have fucked this kid up.

  24. Sheila Broflovski says:

    My Kyle wouldn't work for you anyway.

  25. Dean Wermer says:

    Sorry Brett, I give your op-ed a zero – point – zero.

    Actually, you do have a point. But where else would young people learn how to make a bong out of an orange if not at our hallowed institutions of higher learning? And would you really deny our youth the oportunity to spend 4 debauched years being force fed liberal pablum while putting themselves (or their parents) $200k in the hole? Sounds like a bargain to me!

  26. Guestest says:

    Dear Class of 2012 – I just want to say one word to you – just one word. Plastics.

  27. Guest says:

    One step closer to Idiocracy

    -President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho

  28. BMW_guy says:

    He should sue West Point. Sounds like he's developed a persistent erection that has lasted since meeting the intern.

  29. PermaGuestII says:

    Well, I would venture to say that a knowledge of history is also helpful in understanding foreign affairs because, you know, the present is a forward projection of the past.

    And I sincerely hope I never have to eat anything you've cooked if your culinary skills depend upon what you learned in 10th grade chemistry.

  30. Guestest says:

    Her answer stayed with me: Wearing a uniform, she said, helped her figure out what it was that really distinguished her as an individual.

    The obvious follow up question – what was it?

  31. Laxbro says:

    Q: How do you remember the last time you had sex with your wife?

    A: If you're obsessing over some West Point slam, start with your wedding night and work backwards.

  32. Smails says:

    Well, the world needs ditch-diggers, too.

  33. Thread Killington says:

    Who here wants to listen to a story about how I merged the New Haven Matchbox and Soap Company with Smithfield and Sons 5 & 10?

    Buzz Killington

  34. Woland5 says:

    Who DA fuck is Bret Stephens? I got to look into his resume.

    –D. Loeb

  35. guest says:

    His first wife wrote a book called "The Starter Marriage".

    Tells you all you need to know . . . . .

  36. Guest says:

    Who are these Kennedy and Eisenhower fellows you speak of?

    -UBS MD

  37. Red Sox fan says:

    "Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth…" You got that from Vickers. "Work in Essex County," Page 98, right? Yeah I read that too. Were you gonna plagiarize the whole thing for us- you have any thoughts of- of your own on this matter?"

  38. Guest says:

    The middle east is like Wyoming?

    -Ivy Grad 12

  39. Guest says:

    Got into Princeton thx to summer trips (luxury) to Viet Nam, India, China, Hong Kong and 3.5 GPA. Useless college essay had to do with " global sensitivity". They loved it. Major at P was Global Race & Ethnicity. Hence NO JOB.
    Job yield 10 friends from P – 3 jobs one doesn't count (Teach for America). Taking just any job is beneath me. Mom Is dinner ready?

  40. Im_a_Dude says:

    no, you should certainly not go on.

  41. Loranjello says:

    Eisenhower not photogenic. Eisenhower not cool. Eisenhower can't sing and dance. No way that guy was president must be a mistake.

  42. Lani Iwasaki says:

    The NAZI has spoken yet again. He will rot in hell.

  43. Guest says:

    It seems like Bess Levin just took the WSJ article, removed all context (with absolutely no mention of the various "facts" that serve as the article's main points), and then used what remained as his target of berating in his own article, complete with putting words in mouth.

    Was the WSJ article harsh? It undoubtedly was, but it was all to push a message of continual self-improvement to new college graduates, especially when coming out of a school system that may have left them unprepared for such hard times. "Tone down your egos, shape up your minds," as the article subtitle says, and honestly, that's some pretty good advice.

  44. unwanted guest says:

    WTF do you know about hard times. I have an MD/PhD from a top 10 medical school and don't have to wonder how much more difficult it would have been for me in this environment. What makes you so GD special? (And don't tell me you're on the staff of some piece of crap rag engineered by Rupert Murdoch). Please tell me you're childless, or I'm calling social services.

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