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Wall Street Journal Columnist Can’t Believe He Has To Breathe The Same Air As Worthless Pieces Of Shit That Are Today’s College Grads

Once upon a time, as in two years ago, Wall Street Journal foreign-affairs columnist Bret Stephens hired an intern from West Point who blew him away with her accomplishments and talent. When she wasn’t performing “field exercises in which she kept a bullet proof vest on at all times, even while sleeping” she was writing “brilliantly” and was one of the most “self-effacing” people Stephens had ever met. Currently, the former intern is fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan and to this day, whenever Stephens thinks of her, he is awed and impressed, as most people would be. Unfortunately, he probably won’t have the opportunity to hire another individual of her caliber, because approximately 99% of this woman’s generation is made up of despicable know-nothing low-life scumbags who exist to make Stephens sick.

Take a guy Bret interviewed a couple months back. Kid had an “astonishingly high GPA from an Ivy League university and aspirations to write about Middle East politics.” The two got to chatting about Suez Crisis of ’56 and over the course of the chat it became apparent that this kid “didn’t know who was the president of the United States in 1956. And he didn’t know who succeeded that president.”

Know where that guy is now? In Bret Stephens’s meat locker, as he well should be.

And while Stephens hasn’t had the opportunity to interview each and every member of the Class of 2012, he doesn’t have to in order to know what they’re all about, which is being a bunch of degenerate jerk-offs who suck at their parents’ teat because they can’t get the jobs they don’t deserve that aren’t available because they are Commies who voted for Obama.

Take it away, Bret:

Dear Class of 2012: Allow me to be the first one not to congratulate you. Through exertions that—let’s be honest—were probably less than heroic, most of you have spent the last few years getting inflated grades in useless subjects in order to obtain a debased degree. Now you’re entering a lousy economy, courtesy of the very president whom you, as freshmen, voted for with such enthusiasm. Please spare us the self-pity about how tough it is to look for a job while living with your parents. They’re the ones who spent a fortune on your education only to get you back— return-to-sender, forwarding address unknown…If you’re like [West Point] intern, please feel free to feel sorry for yourself. Just remember she doesn’t. Unfortunately, dear graduates, chances are you’re nothing like her.

And don’t you ever forget it, pieces of garbage. Moving on:

To read through your CVs, dear graduates, is to be assaulted by endless Advertisements for Myself. Here you are, 21 or 22 years old, claiming to have accomplished feats in past summer internships or at your school newspaper that would be hard to credit in a biography of Walter Lippmann or Ernie Pyle…In every generation there’s a strong tendency for everyone to think like everyone else. But your generation has an especially bad case, because your mass conformism is masked by the appearance of mass nonconformism. It’s a point I learned from my West Point intern, when I asked her what it was like to lead such a uniformed existence. Her answer stayed with me: Wearing a uniform, she said, helped her figure out what it was that really distinguished her as an individual. Now she’s a second lieutenant, leading a life of meaning and honor, figuring out how to Think Different for the sake of a cause that counts. Not many of you will be able to follow in her precise footsteps, nor do you need to do so. But if you can just manage to tone down your egos, shape up your minds, and think unfashionable thoughts, you just might be able to do something worthy with your lives. And even get a job. Good luck!

Not that any of you losers are gonna need it!

Stephens: To The Class Of 2012 [WSJ via Heidi Moore]

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160 Responses to “Wall Street Journal Columnist Can’t Believe He Has To Breathe The Same Air As Worthless Pieces Of Shit That Are Today’s College Grads”

  1. B-Moyn says:

    Mass conformism masked as mass nonconformism, eh?

    We mask our failure with Superpods… Welcome aboard Class of 2012!

  2. Billy Madison says:

    Ok, a simple "wrong" would've done just fine.

  3. 2012 graduate says:

    Ha! I guess he did not interview Permaguest who no way would have got that answer wrong!

  4. unwanted guest says:

    We can't all aspire to courageously sit on our asses and write boot-licking copy for a living.

  5. iPad user says:

    Never mind, iPad interface still sucks.

    • Guest says:

      True story. It snaps back to the top of the comments every time you try to scroll down. So annoying.

  6. His Editor says:

    Different-LY

  7. UBS MD says:

    these idiots fit perfectly here

  8. Rickybobbyjoe says:

    Because fighting endless, pointless wars that drain the treasury is the best role a country can offer its youth. Why not have all the graduates go and fight?

    Pure idiocy, paid by the word.

    • guest says:

      Yep. I love that the premise of this column is that no one can ever live up to the West Point intern who Stephens is oddly obsessed with.

    • unwanted guest says:

      Best editorial I've read since my fifth deferment!
      Dick Cheney

      Thanks for not mentioning my job numbers!
      G.W. Bush

      Complete A-hole!
      Pat Tillman

    • Guest says:

      Hey Gandhi wannabe, let me guess- you inherrited a family legacy of dodged Vietnam war drafts and you think our country erred by fighting the terrorists who like to blow us up.

      • HakunamataThis says:

        Actually, several generations of soldiers protesting. Did YOU go and fight?

        • Guest says:

          That begs the question: did YOU ever dodge a draft and carry the guilt into your old age? Soldiers are like the rest of us- they have a diverse range of political beliefs.

    • halfcab72 says:

      couldnt we have way to many cowards these days

  9. Guest says:

    Janitor From the Breakfast Club to the asshole principal:

    "Listen, Vernon, if you were sixteen, what would you think of you?

    • Janitor says:

      The kids haven't changed, sir. You have.

      • Guest says:

        Not true. I knew who was president at 1956. And not just because it was contemporaneous to my schooling days. I also knew who had been president in 1926 and 1916 and 1886 and so on. Today's kids are exceptionally dumb and ignorant with inflated sense of feeling good about themselves. KONY 2012 my arse.

        • Texashedge says:

          Gotta admit, I had to guess on 1886, and I guessed Chester A. Arthur. I probably would have guessed Cleveland if I hadn't seen Die Hard 3 a couple weeks ago.

        • tim says:

          Please name one practical application (besides teaching history and winning bar trivia) for knowing who the president was in 1956…

          • PermaGuestII says:

            Please name one practical application (besides being a chemical engineer) for passing High School chemistry class.

          • Bandersnatch says:

            Not sounding like a retard when talking to adults at work comes to mind.
            – Old judgemental bastard in NYC

  10. Guest says:

    Eh, the guy might be a dick, but if you got into an elite school and got great grades at that elite school, you ought to be able to answer: "who was President in 1956?" That is not a difficult question. It's not a big deal if you can't answer that. A bunch of people do very well in life not knowing politics or history. It's just that if you're interested in foreign policy, if you consider yourself one of the best and the brightest, but you can't answer that question…somebody screwed up.

    Saying that isn't so much saying "look at how smart I am compared to you losers!" as "you know that school that's charging you a boatload and keeps telling you about the fantastic education you're getting? They're really screwing up somewhere."

    • guest says:

      Meh, if that were his one point (which I don’t necessarily agree is the omgfuckinggod thing he says it is but I’ll play along) fine, but this article as a whole was just really bizarre. Sure, there are entitled assholes in this generation (as there are in every?) but the categorization of every member of the class of 2012 as a schmuck whose parents paid their way through college, didn’t get a useful degree and is throwing a “pity party” for him/herself is a pathetically lazy generalization.

      Also, “might be a dick”? This is really in question for you?

    • Guest says:

      Eh, I didn't know offhand who was president in 1956. But in this whole "knowledge-based" economy, that knowledge earns you exactly jack shit. On the other hand, if you know how to program a website or write an app, then things might just work out for you.

      • Guest says:

        Like I said, a bunch of people do very well in life (and I'm sure better than me) not bothering with that. If you're trying to discuss the Suez Canal crisis, you really should know that. If you've received great grades at a top school and, especially, are interested in foreign affairs, you really should know when Eisenhower and Kennedy were President. This kid didn't. That's not arcane trivia. Hell, if he can't answer they were the President in the 50s and early 60s, you can't even be sure he knew who they were. There's no need even to get defensive about this. If you're graduating with great grades at an Ivy League school, but don't know that, you should be p*ssed at the school. We can argue about how much time schools should spend teaching history or politics, but this really isn't too much to ask–especially if the kid is trying to pursue a career in this area.

        • guest says:

          The problem is this is the *one* piece of evidence he uses to make the case that this generation is made up of know-nothing low-lifes who will never live up to the intern he’s oddly infatuated with. Literally, that’s all he’s got. While I agree with you, given the kid’s background, he should have known who the presidents were, it HARDLY supports Stephens’ overall premise. A single incident? That’s all he’s got?

          • Guest says:

            He's going by his experience with kids he's interviewed. The amount of space he has to make his case consists of one column. He gives an anecdote and then some summaries. Unless he's a pollster and has a few blank pages, what do you expect him to offer? (Don't get me wrong. I still think this guy's a dick.)

      • fish and guests says:

        I did happen to know who was president in 1956, and knew who the next president was. I also went to a crap state school (same one as Ernie Pyle, whom Bret Stephens seems to hold up high) and never had the ability to cram enough information in my head to regurgitate on a final exam, much less get a 3.7 from an ivy league.

        Tell you what Bret, you take Ernie Pyle and I'll take the 3.7 ivy leaguer.

  11. guest says:

    " Now you’re entering a lousy economy, courtesy of the very president whom you, as freshmen, voted for with such enthusiasm. Please spare us the self-pity "

    So which is it, Stephens? The kids can't get jobs because they're the assholes you claim they are or they can't because they don't exist thanks to (what you apparently believe) is a job killing president?

    • .Bo says:

      Maybe I'm just one of those POS recent college grads who doesn't know anything about history, but it was my understanding that the economy was going in the tank a bit before Obama got elected.

    • Woland5 says:

      He skipped logic class and went straight to the learning who was a president and when. The man (sell side?) got to know something to impress his clients!

  12. Guest says:

    Am I low life scum as well?

    – Class of 2013 Graduate

  13. guest says:

    "condescending asshole is condescending"

    yes.

    also, moronic but that's obvious.

    • guest says:

      “Now she’s a second lieutenant, leading a life of meaning and honor, figuring out how to Think Different”

      Sorry, but what the fuck? Not to take away from what the intern is doing in Afghanistan, which is commendable, brave, and something I’d never choose to do so I’m happy others will in my place but on what planet is being a lieutenant fighting in a war illustrative of someone doing some serious thinking outside the box? (I mean other than in the fantasy world Stephens has created where the intern = everything that is right in the world/everything her worthless peers are not.)

      Also, re the suggestion that she and she alone is leading a life of “meaning and honor”? A bit embarrassingly over the top (not to mention just plain false), no?

      Intern’s creepy ex-boss is creepy.

  14. Guest says:

    I officially declare war on the Baby Boomers! WE RIDE AT DAWN.

  15. WSJ vs Charmin says:

    I never liked the a-hole. Just feel vindicated.

    The WSJ has become total trash. Can't believe I still subscribe. In my defense, I only have online. Home delivery had become too embarrassing – neighbors might catch you reading it.

  16. SomeGuy says:

    Looks like this piece hit a little close to home for you kids…

  17. Guest says:

    Would you two just fight or bang already and stop arguing. This whole thread was TLDR.

  18. Guest says:

    Speaking of being worthless… WSJ foreign affairs!

  19. Laxbro says:

    Summary: I'm still bitter I never got to bang the West Point chick

    • Kevin says:

      Probably didn't miss much since she refused to take off her bullet proof vest.

    • CDT HINOTE, D C '99 says:

      Lights on, during AMI, shoes polished, belt buckle shined, As for Class on, on top of green girl, while playing "On Brave Old Army Team", and doing a "Rocket" = Grey Wings with Bronze Star

  20. Ivy Class of 2012 says:

    Thanks for the shout out, but TL:DR.

    – Class of 2012

  21. Texashedge says:

    That bald asshole was president.

    -Anthony Eden

  22. Guest says:

    I see that he's a Chicago alum. They're always the creepiest.

  23. Nostalgia says:

    Where was Bret's letter to the Class of 2006 after Yale student, Aleksey Vayner, sent an 11 page resume along with a video to UBS:

    "Impossible is nothing — introduces the seven-minute clip, which shows Mr. Vayner performing various feats of physical strength and skill, interspersed with inspirational maxims. Viewers are presented with images of Mr. Vayner bench-pressing weights (a caption suggests it is 495 pounds), playing tennis (firing off what is said to be a 140 mile-per-hour serve) and performing martial arts (he breaks seven bricks with his palm)."

    Stephens would have fucked this kid up.

  24. Sheila Broflovski says:

    My Kyle wouldn't work for you anyway.

  25. Dean Wermer says:

    Sorry Brett, I give your op-ed a zero – point – zero.

    Actually, you do have a point. But where else would young people learn how to make a bong out of an orange if not at our hallowed institutions of higher learning? And would you really deny our youth the oportunity to spend 4 debauched years being force fed liberal pablum while putting themselves (or their parents) $200k in the hole? Sounds like a bargain to me!

    • Guest says:

      If kids are spending $200k to be "force fed liberal pablum" then Brett's issue should be with the universities, not with the 2012 graduates or the POTUS. Sounds like the universities, even the very elite, are robbing the nation blind.

      • Guest says:

        You get how student loans drive up tuition, right?

        • Guest says:

          Nope. Student loans and pell grants level the playing field and provide opportunities for kids that can't afford college. The real problem is bloated publicly-funded universities operating without much [read: any] oversight.

          • PermaGuestII says:

            So how do you explain private university tuition skyrocketing as well?

            -guy who realizes the tuition for his alma mater has increased >40% since he graduated in 1997

          • Guest says:

            What do I look like, Tom Friedman? I'm no expert — if I had to guess, I'd say competition with free spending public universities mixed with a heavy dash of collusion and price fixing? I personally don't care what private schools are doing, but if a school receives public funding it needs to have some oversight. Currently they do whatever the fuck they want and stamp thousands of diplomas a year for kids whose only marketable skill is doing sick transitions on a PowerPoint.

          • Guest says:

            So competition is driven purely by a premium pricing model. Harvard didn't want Florida State to get a leg up when FSU raised tuition. Got it, thanks.

            To your second, you then admit by default that funding for public college education levels the playing field in that it provides an equality of mediocrity? So it actually doesn't benefit the recipient of the student loan in learning to succeed, just to fit in.

            That leaves me 2 questions: What year did you graduate from Michigan and where besides Jon Stewart do you get your pithy retpartee?

          • Guest says:

            i) '09 ii) Holiday Inn Express

          • Guest says:

            Colleges and universities across the country are in a figurative arms race with each other. Dorms that look like W Hotels, a new rotunda that students will never visit, $100M improvement to the medical wing that will be filled with mostly foreign born students. The focus isn't educating students, it's about vanity and attracting more clueless undergrads to bring in more money to fund campus trophies, and inflated salaries and Cadillac benefits for employees. $100k for an education you could get for free from Kahn Academy.

          • Guesty says:

            What do I look like, Tom Friedman? I'm no expert

            Obviously. If student loans and pell grants level the playing field then Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac and Ginnie Mae are making smart credit decisions that other less savvy lenders just don't have the foresight to see.

            Everyone deserves to go to college = everyone deserves to own their own home = end in tears

          • just saying says:

            Tom Friedman is an asshole.

          • YourMom says:

            …and a fraud

  26. Guestest says:

    Dear Class of 2012 – I just want to say one word to you – just one word. Plastics.

  27. Guest says:

    One step closer to Idiocracy

    -President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho

  28. BMW_guy says:

    He should sue West Point. Sounds like he's developed a persistent erection that has lasted since meeting the intern.

  29. PermaGuestII says:

    Well, I would venture to say that a knowledge of history is also helpful in understanding foreign affairs because, you know, the present is a forward projection of the past.

    And I sincerely hope I never have to eat anything you've cooked if your culinary skills depend upon what you learned in 10th grade chemistry.

  30. Guestest says:

    Her answer stayed with me: Wearing a uniform, she said, helped her figure out what it was that really distinguished her as an individual.

    The obvious follow up question – what was it?

    • Ted Stryker says:

      It was a khaki suitpant with ribbons on it and a hat, but that's not important right now.

  31. Laxbro says:

    Q: How do you remember the last time you had sex with your wife?

    A: If you're obsessing over some West Point slam, start with your wedding night and work backwards.

  32. Smails says:

    Well, the world needs ditch-diggers, too.

    • halfcab72 says:

      true & most times ditch diggers are quality people unlike many so called well educated folks just percentage wise people who actually earn there money there are way to many me me me sorts these days if we fell back to WWII tomorrow we would be screwed

  33. Thread Killington says:

    Who here wants to listen to a story about how I merged the New Haven Matchbox and Soap Company with Smithfield and Sons 5 & 10?

    Buzz Killington

  34. Woland5 says:

    Who DA fuck is Bret Stephens? I got to look into his resume.

    –D. Loeb

  35. guest says:

    His first wife wrote a book called "The Starter Marriage".

    Tells you all you need to know . . . . .

  36. Guest says:

    Who are these Kennedy and Eisenhower fellows you speak of?

    -UBS MD

    • PermaGuestII says:

      Not sure- think they had something to do with highway construction.

      -Chicago grad/resident.

  37. Red Sox fan says:

    "Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth…" You got that from Vickers. "Work in Essex County," Page 98, right? Yeah I read that too. Were you gonna plagiarize the whole thing for us- you have any thoughts of- of your own on this matter?"

  38. Guest says:

    The middle east is like Wyoming?

    -Ivy Grad 12

  39. Guest says:

    Got into Princeton thx to summer trips (luxury) to Viet Nam, India, China, Hong Kong and 3.5 GPA. Useless college essay had to do with " global sensitivity". They loved it. Major at P was Global Race & Ethnicity. Hence NO JOB.
    Job yield 10 friends from P – 3 jobs one doesn't count (Teach for America). Taking just any job is beneath me. Mom Is dinner ready?

  40. Im_a_Dude says:

    no, you should certainly not go on.

  41. Loranjello says:

    Eisenhower not photogenic. Eisenhower not cool. Eisenhower can't sing and dance. No way that guy was president must be a mistake.

  42. Lani Iwasaki says:

    The NAZI has spoken yet again. He will rot in hell.

  43. Guest says:

    It seems like Bess Levin just took the WSJ article, removed all context (with absolutely no mention of the various "facts" that serve as the article's main points), and then used what remained as his target of berating in his own article, complete with putting words in mouth.

    Was the WSJ article harsh? It undoubtedly was, but it was all to push a message of continual self-improvement to new college graduates, especially when coming out of a school system that may have left them unprepared for such hard times. "Tone down your egos, shape up your minds," as the article subtitle says, and honestly, that's some pretty good advice.

    • guest says:

      Hey Bret! Nice of you to show up. I think I hear your wife calling for you to fill her bowl up with Purina. Run along, dbag.

      • Guest says:

        Sounds like an angry first year analyst sticking up for friends from the class of 2012.

  44. unwanted guest says:

    WTF do you know about hard times. I have an MD/PhD from a top 10 medical school and don't have to wonder how much more difficult it would have been for me in this environment. What makes you so GD special? (And don't tell me you're on the staff of some piece of crap rag engineered by Rupert Murdoch). Please tell me you're childless, or I'm calling social services.

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